Exit Strategy
July 12, 2006

I am running away from home for a few days, taking Milly and leaving Mabel to the men who can control her better. Lake Michigan calls, and I am just a distraction during this White Sox summer. One would think that I would multi-task during the telecasts, but I sit there like a stone. I drew the line at the 19-inning debacle, and worked in the yard and advanced my reading of this month’s book club selection. But I must confess that I plopped my butt down for the home run derby and the All Star game. I went to Saturday’s loss, and I believe I have been banned from any further access to the Big Boy seats. I am not sure that I have ever been in my seat for a win. We left early once when they were WAY behind, and they rallied so that we could see the win in the family room. I did not see any playoff or World Series games, and the results speak for them selves.

I received a letter requesting updates on Mildred the Portuguese Water Dog, and I feared a Tom Cruise “where’s Suri?” type scandal. She is alive and well. I am fiddling away summer training and playing with her, and keeping her safe from the gaping mouth of Mabel Dahl. The big dog has squished Milly’s nose so she has a wheeze. I hope she outgrows the sound effect, as it does not fall into the rhythm of Steve’s and Mabel’s snoring. It is disruptive at night. Apparently Milly has used her staple sharp teeth to prick holes in Mabel, a fact that her general sturdiness and black fur did not make apparent. But three times, Mabel has asserted her dominance, not by biting, but by performing a wrestler’s pin on Milly’s snout. I have rescued the baby each time with stern and alpha warnings to Mabel. I believe I picked her up by her collar and threw her to the side: that is no small feat as she weighs in at 80 pounds. It was only after we made up after the second assault that I found the scabby evidence of Milly’s puncture wounds. The sound of Milly’s blood curdling squeals has stayed in my brain for days; however, Milly is undeterred. She remains committed to tormenting her “sister” relentlessly. This morning, Mabel bagged a loaf of banana bread off the counter, and ate it from one end to the other. Millie vacuumed up the crumbs and carried the saran wrap around as if to tattle on Mabel’s crime and her lack of generosity.

She remains the happiest thing in my empty nest. She has learned to swim, and had her first grooming last Friday. I feared that she would be shaved, and begged the groomer to be conservative. When I picked her up, she was a vision! She had been given the spa treatment- no shaving, only scissors cut and blow-drying. When I went to the game Saturday, I begged a visiting Matt to keep her out of the pool so as to validate my $45.00 investment in canine beauty. Imagine my shock and awe when we were greeted on the driveway by a stringy drowned rat. (That is why the empty nest has some advantages. Since then, Matt has taken Mabel for a “sleepover” downtown, during which she lost her $200.00 electric fence collar.) Milly also has a serious misalignment of the upper and lower teeth, but I will resist braces. I love her, but the headgear would get caught in her fur. And I think it is kind of cute that her lower teeth lurch out in front of her uppers…she seems to be smiling!