Janny Maudlin
August 23, 2005

Steve and I abandoned house and sons and escaped to Michigan after the Sox game on Friday. I have to confess that I feel a little bit like a honeymooner. And I am well aware that I may be inappropriately romantic about this foray, but it is ventilating to be without boys or dogs.

The weekend has provided us with the best sunshine and sunsets of the summer. We have fiddled away our days, Steve with his sports, and me with a backlog of magazines. I am just now getting around to reading about summer fashion and recipes. It is a little depressing that the new fall looks are already both in magazines and in the stores. It is more depressing that I am probably 5 years behind in actual fashion. So my reading time is ill spent. The recipes were never an issue; I gave up trying to cook long before I conceded that I would never look hip.

We have dawdled at Oinks, the local Mecca for ice cream. Ah, the flavors they offer: pineapple upside down cake, Traverse City cherry, yellow cake batter with chocolate icing, and some 30 others. I am not the biggest freak for ice cream, but I could spend a day sampling, clearing my palate with waffle cones. Steve and I have double dips awaiting us as I type.

We also hunkered down for the finale of Six Feet Under last night. Of course, I cried. Of course, we admired its fearless overachieving climax.

I can remember the first episode; I was tormented by the graphic depiction of embalming. My mom had just died, and I was ill prepared to deal with the functional nature of death rituals. I was convulsed that first Sunday night with sadness and misery. Steve held me, comforted and distracted me. He has done it any number of times since then, when my memories sneak up and sadden me. There was a comfort in sharing the last scene. I wish that everyone I know had seen the last 10 minutes of this brave show: it reminded me of the continuum of life, the ultimate destiny for us all. Some bad people will live lives of length and richness; some wonderful people will struggle to an early demise or a tormented life. There is no reason: life just happens in a random way. It is hard to just accept the vagaries of our time here, but it is not hard to be grateful for the simple gifts we get each day.

So today I took time to be grateful for Steve, a red sunset, cool breezes, choppy loud waves, Muddy Sneaker ice cream, and Casey’s Bar and Grill. More broadly, I am happy to be able to mark another summer as a mom, sister, wife and friend. I do not take one of these things lightly. I have done nothing to deserve the richness in my life today, and I cannot guarantee their longevity.

Steve calls the August Janet “Janny Maudlin.” Like all of us, I grieve the end of long days, sun, heat and freedom. I remember a zillion Augusts where school loomed large and menacing. I want to frolic on the beach, but instead I take inventory of my last 12 months. It is hard work, reconciling goals and reality. This year, I have a positive balance on my spreadsheet. I do not take it for granted.