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Friday, May 4, 2007

     
 
2:02 Stan wants Steve to place a bet for him for the Kentucky Derby. Steve is not going to bust his ass for Stan's $15. If he wins, Steve doesn't want to hear about it. Terry would put $1,000 down. That's a little better.
2:07 Terry wants to develop a new movie about a guy working on a plantation. who pretends to be a woman to avoid doing outside jobs. They could just work in the kitchen, instead..
2:10 Stan wants to develop something in his contract to avoid having to ever dress in drag. Steve can do something about that. He'll have a talk with some people to make sure he has to dress in drag.
2:11 Steve will check the legality of placing Stan and Terry's bets. If it's ok. Steve will do it. You might have to place the bet in person. Steve would like to call a listener out there Mr. Blabby pants. There's always some guy who's trouble, and today, it's him. He's strolling around, drinking his Bloody Marys and causing trouble.
2:15 Song: Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses, U2
2:20 Edzila is already trying to pick up ladies with his high-tech camera and his outfit. He looks like a Century 21 realtor. He's got some seams sticking out on the back. There's an X over his butt. That's probably a code in prison.
2:22 A couple of years ago there was a naked girl trying to hit on Steve and Buzz. Mr. Blabby Pants' wife knows exactly what Steve is talking about. She would have at least expected him to shut up before 3, post-time.
2:23 Edzila took care of his coat; the stitches have been removed. Ed has a guy that just retired. Steve went to him once and tried to get him on the air and he got in trouble for it. His boss had to talk on the air and wouldn't let him talk.
2:33 Jimmy the blabber mouth is still talking. He was on a riverboat casino with Steve where he lost a lot of money but then won $10,000 right back.
2:34 Steve got kicked out for touching girls at a bikini strip club right after that casino night. Steve took that winning money and then bought a guitar with it.
2:36 Ed needs to stop pretending like he owns the place. He did it at Smith & Wollensky and now he's doing it here. He wanted the waitress to ask the girl at the bar if he dated her. Steve needs Ed to just sit down.
2:37 Steve bought a stratocaster with hula girls on there with his winning money. It's such a nice guitar that Steve doesn't even want to use it. It's in a case in Steve's office.
2:43 Jimmy may not be the biggest troublemaker there. There's another guy who is asking for autographs a lot. He may be the runner-up troublemaker. He has a devil look to him.
2:44 Pete is taking care of the microphones for the crowd. Pete was staring at the coffee urn instead of trying to find the listener.
2:50 Steve wants to place some bets but he can't help but make fun of Drew right now. He's eating everything like it's his job. He doesn't have to take two sandwich halves at a time. He can take it easy.
2:52 There's a horse named Rusty Money. Do they mean Buzz's money? The announcer hasn't blown his nose since last year. He really needs to do that.
2:54 Stephanie is very nervous about taking Steve's bets. Her mom is there too. Buzz may have tried to hit on her earlier.
2:59 Buzz's horse came in really close. Buzz wants to go up to the the window and demand some money for his horse coming in pretty close.
3:10 Steve's horse came in third. He ended up making $20 on it. Not bad.
3:11 Jim is taking care of business in the studio. Jim is second guessing himself with the cues.
3:14 Drew is all over the shrimp right now. Drew is not backing away either. He's really after those shrimp. He's on his 10th sandwich right now.
3:15 Live Read: Cheeseburger in Paradise
3:17 You know Jim is in Steve's seat right now in the studio. He's going to deny it but he is. Steve hopes Jim and Mark Zarang are happy for messing with Steve. That's why Jim is hiding in Buzz's studio. Buzz is always throwing food at Jim. He'll be throwing food at Jim on Monday for this. Every time Jim makes Steve miserable, Buzz gets mad too.
3:22 Every year, Steve recognizes the parking attendant at Arlington. Steve tries to make friends with him and speaks Spanish to him, but he never remembers who he is. It's a total nightmare. Adam got a sweet parking spot with the FreeFM vehicle, even though we're not FreeFM anymore. Nice work, Drew.
3:25

Brendan is outside of the studio answering phones. Is he practicing answering phones because there are no phones ringing?

3:35 They just changed the results to the last race. Buzz is not so happy about that. Buzz is betting on $100 from Arlington that they gave Steve and Buzz.
3:36 Joe Kristufek is at the Suite. Last year Steve was $100,000 in debt by the third race. He then gave David Hochberg a call for the money.
3:37 Joe and Steve have owned horses together in the past and have one now. Stevebiscuit is dead to Steve even though he is still alive. He gets updates on Stevebiscuit via e-mail all the time about his adventures in Florida.
3:39 Joe informs Steve that Stevebiscuit had won four races. Steve thinks he's living in the past. He's still stuck at the Daily Herald for the past six years.
3:42 Steve needs some bugle music right before every race even though he doesn't want to interview Bonnie the bugler.
3:50 Steve and Buzz are going with Joe's pick for the next race. Subcultural Girl is the name. Steve wants the horses to go around ten times and go with the last one to drop instead of just one time around. It would make it way more interesting.
3:53 There's a photo finish and Buzz believes he may have won. He wants to shoot that horse if he doesn't win. Turns out their horse lost! Steve thinks it's time for Joe to go clean up his desk at the Daily Herald.
4:01 Steve has made $44 so far today. Buzz is devastated over the loss in the last race. Drew and Jill are outside of the suite pretending to conduct business. They are probably just ordering more food. Steve wanted to give Drew his shrimp. Should Buzz lick them? Or put them under their armpits or something?
4:03 Drew was on the phone with Bluestar Jets. What is Jill doing out there? She's giving out t-shirts. Steve would like Drew to have a huge plate of shrimps. Buzz licked them all, though. Drew really believes the shrimp is much better than a donut.
4:05 Drew seems to be talking to a lot of redhead men and questioning them about their hair dyeing. He is also offering them some of his shrimp platter.
4:07 The next race is the FreeFM race, even though we are no longer FreeFM. The winner of the horse naming contest is here and he keeps on taking credit for it.
4:09 Joe is pretty sure about the next race. His horse is going to gallop, meaning she is going to win pretty easily. Steve wants to claim that horse. He'll put in $10,000. Will he have to clean it then?
4:13 Every time Buzz calls Steve's cell phone it reads Aimee Kilman, and Steve gets excited. It's usually Buzz screaming at Steve and asking him who the hell he thinks he is. Steve is thrown off a lot by those phone calls.
4:15 Mark Czerniec has sent a message about their betting. Buzz can't really understand it though. It's actually from a listener. Steve doesn't need any advice from listeners. They want to help him make real money. Don't they know he's making real money in radio?
4:19 It's another photo finish, even though Joe doesn't believe it was a photo finish. Steve's horse didn't even finish. He's partying and drinking beer on the side of the racetrack.
4:26 Live Read: Gierczyk
4:33 Steve is excited about the next race because there are only 7 horses in the race. That sounds manageable. Steve only needs 1, 3, and 6 to win first or second place and he'll get some money. Steve could win up to $350.
4:38 Steve's horse is really nervous and has social problems. Steve needs Joe's to stop calling the horses "she." He's treating them like they are little puppies. He is over-glamorizing it all.
4:40 Steve's old horse is dead to him, even though he's still alive. He was kind of asexual, not unlike our very own Pete. Steve admits that was an unnecessary shot but he was right in front of him. If Steve had seen Ed, he would have called him asexual instead.
4:43 Steve would like to call his trifecta the stupid trifecta or the didn't try harda trifecta.
4:48 Steve just lost $90 on the last race. Shane, a jockey, is at the suite. Has he ridden Steve's horse that has cotton stuck in its ears? Steve has bad luck with horses. Steve's first horse was shot, the second one was claimed and the third is scared of his own shadow. He should have named him Scaredy Cat.
4:50 The horses are not very used to the new surface on the track. The surface is the same in Kaneland, Kentucky though.
4:55 Buzz is ignoring Shane's recommendation. Buzz thinks he knows what he's talking about but he doesn't. He always has big ideas and it usually just ends in losing lots of money and getting a gift certificate for a cheeseburger.
5:02 Every time Drew has to speak to Steve, they have to wait for Drew to finish another bite of his food. If Drew was a condemned man, he would have a never ending meal. Drew heard something about that on the show last week He is violating his 20-minute rule.
5:04 How can Steve sleep at night knowing that Drew is in charge of the station? He says things like - Hey Steve, they want you to sponsor a hotel in Venus. You'd be the first to go. Do you want to do it?
5:06 Shane doesn't speak Spanish, but thinks he should seeing as all the other jockeys are Mexican. Steve thinks he should at least learn the profanities.
5:07 The jockey's get 10% if their horse wins. But the U.S. has the lowest paid jockeys in the whole world.
5:09 Buzz just won $45 and Steve would have won $90 if he had bet.
5:13 David Hochberg is chatting it up with Drew Hayes and Ron Lewis, all three guys who don't like to pay attention to the show. They're probably discussing their love of money.
5:14 Live Read: Townstone Financial
5:19 Steve listened to David's weekend show last week and it sucked because David wasn't there. He should just get back to talking to Ron Lewis. He probably brought some weird depressing documents to sign with him.
5:21 Steve's horse may need to get a goat to calm down her nerves. She's scared of everything and a little nervous.
5:27 Tony is a trainer and is a partner in Steve's horse. She is three years old and Illinois bred and has some work to do. Steve wants to claim a horse today. Tony won't let him because he has to apply for a license and get a background check every year.
5:30 Buzz says no to going in on buying a horse. If you catch him this weekend at a Mexican restaurant and he's a little tipsy, he'll want to buy a couple of horses.
5:33 Tony trains 20 horses that race at Arlington. He needs a couple more stalls. Steve would like to call her cotton ear. She's been galloping pretty well and will probably race later this summer. Steve is all about getting a coat to calm down cotton ear.
5:41 The race is over and Buzz's horse is still running. That's not good.
5:42 Live Read: Atlantis
5:43 Steve's not sure if Tony knows this, but he trains strippers. He doesn't need a goat either but sometimes they bring one in for fun. It's fun to go to the claiming dances too.
5:50 Steve is having major issues putting his headphones on today and is mad at myself about it. Joe was sitting at the table and laughing at Buzz and Steve struggling to put their headphones on.
5:53 Steve really just wants to have a competitive horse. He's sick of having weird horses that need cotton in their ears. The first got shot, the second claimed and now this new one is scared of everything.
5:54 Stevebiscuit did make $60,000. Steve wants to start a new partnership called Winners, Inc. He doesn't want scared, cotton ear-ed sore horses.
5:56 Steve likes Jim but he's buying bad horses. All the horses he gets have weird illnesses - infected hooves, tails catching on fire.
6:04 Steve really wants to claim Kiss It. It just sounds like a really good name.
6:14 John, the listener who won the horse name contest, is at the suite. They may need to change the name to Q Tip. Buzz has seen John before somewhere. He's been to a couple of Buzz's gigs. He's kind of a Steve Dahl look-a-like from a distance.
6:16 Steve is getting kind of freaked out now. He does kind of look like John. It's not fair that Steve works out every day and people still mistake John for him. He's like the before, and Steve is the after.
6:20 Steve was winning until Joe Kristufek showed up today. John the winner will be able to come see the new horse race every time even though she probably won't be racing any time soon. The trainer even told Steve that he'd be lucky if lightning hit the horse's stall.
6:21 News with Buzz
6:24 It's been confirmed that the Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock was drunk, had pot in his car and was on his cell phone when his car rammed into a truck. Steve would like to rewind and ask again why they cancelled the game. If he was Roberto Clemente out in Puerto Rico helping out hurricane victims, fine. No, he was drunk, high and driving without a seatbelt.
6:34 This just in. Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in prison. Big news.
6:35 Steve better win right or he will have some serious problems. Steve had no clue what Joe just recommended he bet on. Steve has 5 horses to root for in this race. Steve is still confused. He needs just 2 of the 5 horses to be in the top 2 and he's in good shape.
6:37 Shane the jockey's wife looked pretty tall. They're getting the good mounds on and off the track. Buzz's horse had some issues starting off. Steve's horses are not doing too well so far.
6:39 Steve lost again. He had 1 of the 2 he needed to win. All the fancy betting. Steve was better off doing the Buzz Kilman betting and just picking one horse with a good name.
6:41 Steve would ask for Joe's advice, but his advice has sucked lately. Steve has lost all interest in the races now that he has lost almost every single race.
6:48 Steve's Japanese friend Shu is at the suite. Buzz has heard so much about him. He really wants to take Steve to Japan. He wants to go this summer but the summers are really hot, crowded and expensive.
6:49 Maybe Steve can broadcast from Japan. Shu's the man there. He can set that up. Shu is a big Lance Briggs fan but may need to get a new jersey. Maybe he should get a Greg Olsen jersey and make up a Japanese dirty rap.
6:50 Buzz definitely won't pay to go to Japan. Steve can maybe set things up with United. Shu goes to Japan at least twice a month on Japanese Airlines. They just posted a $150 million loss. Maybe Steve should just stick with United.
6:51 Steve wants to ride first class and wear some first class slippers. Steve got a massage going to England on Virgin Airlines once. On the way there, the girl ignored him and on the way back, he got a 5-minute massage.
6:52 Shu says hello to Matt Dahl and Brendan. Matt wanted to come out but there would have been a lot of traffic. Steve saw Matt last night when he brought home the scooter that he stole. Steve doesn't want Matt to have it because he'll kill himself in it.
6:54 Steve thinks Brendan and Matt should pencil in 2 years of depression for the next couple of years on the show. Their only moments of happiness will be when they get laid.
6:55 Buzz thinks there was a shake-up at his pizza place. Every since he complained about the pizza on the air, it's been really good.

 

 

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