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| 2:00
| Steve thought Stan and Terry were having a chat about porn but they're talking about jockstraps and cups. |
| 2:01
| Terry suggested that Stan should write a pamphlet about how to put a cup on for single moms. Steve thought the coaches took care of all that. |
| 2:02
| How does Terry know what goes on in Little League, he does have any kids. It seems like the only kid who should wear a cup is the catcher. |
| 2:03
| Sure it gets hurt if you're hit when not wearing a cup but that'll only teach you to catch better. That's why we don't have any good baseball players in this country any more! |
| 2:04
| Why does a shortstop need a cup? Steve's been hit there a million times and he turned out fine. His voice is a little higher than it used to be though. |
| 2:05
| There's a woman in New York who's suing her son's baseball league because he was injured while sliding into a base. She claims the league didn't teach her son how to slide properly. |
| 2:06
| Terry read in Steve's blog that he went to the dentist today. Steve's dentist actually asked him about Terry today. He was wondering if Steve ever sold his tickets to some black guy with a white wife. |
| 2:07
| Steve and Stan both frown on the interracial marriage. They don't care about interracial dating or porn though. The interracial porn is how Terry got hooked on the white women. |
| 2:08
| Steve had a cleaning today and they found a cavity but wouldn't fill it. Steve was mad they won't fill it because it took him such a long time to get back there for a cleaning. |
| 2:09
| There's controversy in the Lawrence household right now because Jeffrey's dentist says he needs braces. Stan doesn't think his teeth look that bad but Cynthia wants him to get them. They got a second opinion and that dentist said the same thing. |
| 2:10
| Stan should just get him braces, he doesn't want Jeffrey growing up and looking all goofy with messed-up teefus. Is he hoping to get an orthodontist to call in and sponsor the braces? |
| 2:11
| Stan didn't hear on Steve's show Monday if he grilled out on Sunday. He ended up not grilling so the grill still looks nice and new. |
| 2:12
| Steve had meat, if you'll pardon the expression, but he didn't thaw any out. Stan thought Hans was going to bring meat to him last week. |
| 2:13
| Steve will say anything to Hans to get him out of the studio. If Hans brought meat over he'd bring an entire cow and slaughter it on the spot. Steve's neighbor also sent him some meat yesterday which was a nice thought but he has too much now. |
| 2:14
| If Stan had a new grill he wouldn't be able to wait to try it out. He would have probably grilled 5 times already. |
| 2:15
| Steve's grill will be used eventually, it's not even June yet. Stan has been grilling all Spring. |
| 2:16
| Steve's the best at grilling in his house but he's not the only one who does it. Everyone in Stan's household knows that certain things are his. It's not shocking that Stan has rules like that. |
| 2:17
| Ever since Steve stopped drinking he doesn't have as much interest in grilling or lighting off fireworks. |
| 2:18
| So far Jeffrey hasn't shown any interest in grilling. That's probably because Stan is a psycho. |
| 2:19
| Over the weekend Stan took Jeffrey to the batting cages and his performance was unacceptable so he took him home and made him practice more. OK Great Stantini. |
| 2:20
| Jeffrey has a game tonight. Steve's willing to be $100 he strikes out 3 times just because of Stan pushing him. Unless he sees Stan's face on the ball as it's coming towards him and whacks it. |
| 2:21
| Stan had Jeffrey take 122 pitches at the batting cages with his aluminum bat. Stan might switch him to wood because he's not building up any upper-body strength. |
| 2:22
| How old is Jeffrey? He's 20 right? Getting ready to go off to the minor leagues? |
| 2:23
| When Steve was a Little League coach he did buy a pitching machine but that was because it was too hard to pitch batting practice when you're drunk. It also allowed him to hit a few balls himself. |
| 2:24
| The machine was for the whole team though and everyone in the league ended up using it. |
| 2:25
| Stan's just working all the angles so that Jeffrey gets a full-ride through college. Can't he work the black angle a little bit? |
| 2:34
| Song: Everyday I Write the Book, Elvis Costello & the Attractions |
| 2:38
| Oprah's dad Vernon is writing a tell-all book. Turns out he was the one who sort of helped her get it together. You'd think of all the people in her life he'd be the one she'd let write a book about her. |
| 2:39
| Instead she's shocked by it but not devastated. Maybe she knows something he's going to right that no one else knows about. |
| 2:40
| Steve was reading about Oprah yesterday and there were a lot of family members listed that molested her but her dad was not one of them. |
| 2:41
| When Steve was listening to the show open, hearing Oprah talking about her boyfriend forcing her to do blow, he got the impression she did it more than once. He'd always thought she only did it once before that though. |
| 2:42
| Buzz has a hard time picturing Oprah honking blow. She probably did it off a spoon, not hunkered down over a mirror. She probably had a dainty spoon and her pinky was sticking out when she held it. That sounds like how Ed Silha would do blow. |
| 2:43
| Pete plays the tape of Oprah admitting she did blow. Thank God she could make a conversation with crack whores all about her. Her doing blow in the 70s is not the same as being a crack whore. |
| 2:44
| Oprah said that was her one big secret but you have to wonder if Vernon has a few other secrets for his book. Or maybe it's just about good parenting. |
| 2:45
| You have to figure if someone gave her father a book deal he's got something to say. Steve doesn't really care if he does though. |
| 2:46
| Doing some blow on a date in the 70's isn't the same as being a crack whore, it just makes you a more fun date. Coke was a lot more socially acceptable in the 70's anyway, before the war on drugs. |
| 2:47
| That war on drugs took the fun out of everything and it hasn't really slowed anyone down. Now there are 12-year olds doing smack on their way to school. |
| 2:48
| We didn't win the war on drugs because it's still going on. We're not winning though. Buzz is wondering who's financing this war. At this point he can only afford to help finance one war so someone needs to make a choice. |
| 2:53
| Live read: Cheeseburger in Paradise |
| 2:54
| Cheeseburger in Paradise keeps talking about bringing food down. They can bring it in everyday if they want. |
| 2:55
| Steve still wants to arrange a group outing to Cheeseburger in Paradise. That won't be a hard sell. |
| 2:56
| Steve was there with a bunch of managers and advertising people so it was a business meeting but it was still a good time. |
| 2:57
| Steve even had a mushroom Swiss burger with some sort of Asian mayo and he didn't even care. He didn't want to be a baby and say "no mayo" |
| 2:58
| Buzz wants to book this outing soon. Steve will just talk to someone at Cheeseburger in Paradise directly. |
| 2:59
| A lot of times the sales people on these things are very involved at the beginning but then trail off towards the end. This would be the time where the sales people should be around because it's going really well. |
| 3:00
| Steve thinks Buzz will really like Cheeseburger in Paradise. He sees it as one of those places he goes to on a regular basis. |
| 3:01
| Steve meant to ask Buzz today, and he still can because they day's not over, if he saw the new Shrek movie with Piper. Buzz didn't even know it opened. |
| 3:02
| Piper wasn't available over the weekend because tee-ball season has started up. Did Buzz hear Steve talking to Stan about Little League? The Great Stantini is causing Jeffrey to tank. |
| 3:03
| The only two things Buzz requires Piper to do are school and karate. She does other things but if she sours on them that's fine and she can move on. |
| 3:04
| Steve has been trying to help Stan tap into his inner-crazy lately. This week he's been actually going into their studio for cross talk. It forces Stan to look Steve in the eyes. It's like therapy. |
| 3:10
| Steve never saw the original Bad News Bears but the remake with Billy Bob Thornton was really good. |
| 3:11
| The funniest thing about Jeffrey and Stan at the batting cages is that Jeffrey went 0-3 and Stan said it was unacceptable. Steve has seen Paul Konerko go 0-3 before. Ozzie probably just lets him work through it. |
| 3:12
| Steve was at the Sox game last night and Jim Thome came back with a home run. Last Friday Steve complained to the guy who managed the Scout Seats that they didn't have free bottled water any more. |
| 3:13
| Last night when Steve got to his seat their was an ice bucket full of bottled water. It was just a joke but now Steve is going to expect it every time. |
| 3:14
| Gary from the Scout Seats though Steve was mad at him the correction he made. It's not a buffet, it's a chef's table. Chef's table sounds much better. |
| 3:15
| Steve wasn't mad, he just had a lot to deal with at the broadcast. He got there at 2:00 and no one was there and there was no tent. They were just sitting up against a brick wall like it was the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. |
| 3:16
| Steve was set-up to broadcast in the back, away from any listeners, by a bunch of boxes of WCKG tchotchkes and sales people. His money is on Dan Falato setting it up like that because he thinks that Steve doesn't want to be near the people. That's why he moved up front. |
| 3:17
| Of course after the game was over there were too many people and Steve had to go to the bathroom in the alley. Then people kept trying to push their way up and there was no way to stop them. Steve yelled at Drew about that and many other things for the entire day. |
| 3:18
| Drew kept talking and talking about the all-day broadcast but it was a poor execution. It was really weird to be walled off by a bunch of boxes and WCKG people who aren't paying attention. |
| 3:19
| Buzz wasn't at the remote at Bob Chinn's, which Steve feels is Dan's crowning achievement. At that one, all the listeners sat at high-top tables and Steve broadcasted in a corner, below them. |
| 3:20
| By the end of the day the sun was out of their faces and it was a little cold but it was still really crowded. It was like a Who concert, Steve thought he was going to be trampled. |
| 3:21
| Steve can't remember why he started talking about last Friday's remote. Are we doing another one? It ended up being fine. |
| 3:22
| Steve did realize on Friday that in addition to getting his pizza well-done he'll also get his wings well-done. |
| 3:23
| The whole purpose of the all-day remote was to breed some camaraderie with other people on the station but Steve didn't feel that. It's not like Garry stopped by and Stan and Terry high-tailed it after their show. He did talk to Matt and Brendan for a while. |
| 3:24
| Steve gets the feeling that Matt doesn't like doing cross talk with him. He's not very talkative but it seems like a good way to warm up for his show. |
| 3:25
| Steve went to the dentist today to get a cleaning. The dentist chatted him up even though he doesn't normally come in. Steve has a cavity and he wanted to get it filled right there but they wouldn't do it. |
| 3:26
| Steve has already missed two appointments so he wanted to get the cavity filled right there. When he's at the dentist and he has a cavity he promises he'll never miss another appointment again and he'll floss everyday. It's sort of like when you're drunk and puking into the toilet and promise yourself you'll never drink again. |
| 3:32
| Steve was asked today if he flosses everyday. He uses a water pick but apparently that's not good enough. |
| 3:33
| Steve has a hard time wedging the floss in between his teeth. Then if you pull it out the little threads get stuck in there. |
| 3:34
| Then the guy takes that little pick and jabs it in the places where you really need to floss. Buzz has one of those picks. Does he have an autoclave to keep it sanitary? |
| 3:35
| Buzz uses a match or the stove to sterilize it. That probably works but Steve would like to see him with an autoclave. |
| 3:36
| After the dentist Steve went to Hamburger Heaven. Buzz needs to make a decision right now. Steve got to him too late to stop him from eating the turkey sandwich but does he want half a burger? |
| 3:37
| Steve bought 4 burgers and he can take two of them and freeze them for Buzz. Steve had one burger at the restaurant but he didn't eat the other one in the car because they're too messy. |
| 3:38
| You know a place is good when the parking lot is bigger than the hamburger stand. York and North is a very busy intersection too. |
| 3:39
| Buzz goes to the same dentist that Steve does. He always stops at Hamburger Heaven on his way back. |
| 3:40
| Steve's dentist was handing out chocolate turtles today. What kind of dentist does that? It's a good way to ensure you'll come back. |
| 3:41
| Steve's going back for his filling in July 11th and he'll get more burgers so Buzz should mark that on his calendar. Steve doesn't want to mess up his turkey sandwich rotation. |
| 3:42
| During the last break Steve saw Stan coming out of the kitchen with his lunch. He's so purposeful. That must be from his years working at Johnson Controls. He really likes that lunch room though. Everyday it's like a union lunch. Then he goes back to his office. |
| 3:43
| Steve was trying to make a phone call but those knuckleheads from Upscale Chicago are conducting an interview. Why are they always on Steve's line? |
| 3:44
| Steve can't even tell if someone is on the line and they're rightfully his phones! Steve interrupts the interview. Get used to it! He's going to take a break and see if he can find an open phone line. |
| 3:49
| Where did Buzz jog off to? Right as the break was ending he ran away. Buzz was told he had 30 seconds left but he didn't. He didn't ask if he had 30 seconds, he was told. |
| 3:50
| Buzz had to run down to the office to give Jim some audio stuff for the headlines. He did get back pretty quick but he had to run. It was like Chariots of Fire. |
| 3:51
| Steve's going to say this now to all the kids out in the hall. If there's less than a minute left just tell Buzz he has no time left. |
| 3:52
| Pat Boyle from Comcast Sportsnet is on the phone. First off, everyone is mad about the NBA draft except Portland who got the first pick. |
| 3:53
| The Bulls ended up with the #9 pick which is exactly what everyone thought they'd get. Pat doesn't think the Bulls will draft anyone, they'll make a trade for an established player. |
| 3:54
| There's some question about the shelf life of Ben Wallace so you want a player who isn't a project that you have to groom. The Bulls signed Wallace to win an NBA championship. |
| 3:55
| Steve was at the White Sox game last night and it seems like the bats came alive. They were facing a kid from the A's who was making his MLB debut. |
| 3:56
| They were facing Colby Lewis which sounds like a soap opera name. Steve was just glad to be at a game where the Sox were way ahead. |
| 3:57
| Even the bullpen did alright except that Cisco kid. Steve will be driving Boone Logan and Mike MacDougal to the airport when they get their walking papers. |
| 3:58
| Steve has given David Aardsma a temporary reprieve though. The rest of them are booked on a Southwest Airlines flight three across with Neal Cotts. |
| 3:59
| Because of the huge lead Pat Dahl didn't do much heckling. Steve did throw down the only heckle and it was a quality, bilingual heckle. The A's have a guy named Bocachica and Steve told him he has a purdy mouth. |
| 4:00
| The Cubs had a little trouble out in San Diego, they got roughed up a little bit. Tonight they're facing former White Sock David Wells. "What's the greatest city in the world Mud?" |
| 4:01
| There has to be at least a 20 year age difference between David Wells and Cubs starter Sean Marshall. It's amazing that a guy like Wells, who isn't exactly the picture of health, is still playing. |
| 4:02
| As Don Drysdale once said "I don't have to run the ball over the plate." Wells really starts to show his age when he has to cover first on a play. He's usually out 2 batters later. |
| 4:03
| Steve is not going to the Sox game tonight, it'll be David and maybe Cherokee Ed from The Little Guys. Hawk and DJ probably won't notice that Ed looks like Ozzy Osbourne. |
| 4:04
| Steve and Pat went up to the broadcast booth to say hi to Ed and Chris Singleton. As he walked by the TV booth Steve felt a little uncomfortable after complaining about Hawk and DJ but someone needs to tell them to stop talking about themselves. |
| 4:12
| A man accused of biting off his wife's bottom lip after she called him short-although not so short that he couldn't bite her lip off-has rejected a plea offer and will stand trial next month. |
| 4:13
| The man is charged with felony domestic violence, mayhem, false imprisonment, battery and being a bad kisser. |
| 4:14
| He was probably short when she met and married him and it's not like you can get shorter. It's not something you can fix either so why even bring it up? |
| 4:15
| This just in-and if Steve is taking Buzz's headlines he should stop him-Rosie O'Donnell and Elizabeth Hasselbeck have waged an angry war of words. |
| 4:16
| Steve stopped watching The View once Rosie announced she was leaving. He doesn't like when people have a good thing and don't realize it. |
| 4:17
| The two were arguing about the war in Iraq and Rosie got mad at Elizabeth because she didn't defend her in the press when media outlets suggested she'd called U.S. troops "terrorists" during a previous debate. |
| 4:18
| That Elizabeth Hasselbeck is really hot and she gets dressed up for the show. |
| 4:19
| Pete grabbed some of The View today but he's not sure if he has everything Steve is talking about. It's never easy with him. Can he turn the TV up in his studio too? |
| 4:20
| Pete has some heated stuff and he's grabbing that right now. He's leaving the mic on which is good. He still needs to clean up his studio though. Is he still doing that over Memorial Day weekend? |
| 4:21
| Pete will box up almost everything in his studio this weekend. Is he boxing himself up too? |
| 4:22
| Pete plays the tape. The argument is very hot. If Steve were Rosie all he'd be thinking about is the sexual tension between her and Elizabeth. |
| 4:23
| Caller Melissa saw The View this morning and it was very intense. The whole thing started with Joy reading a list of things that were bothering her. She wanted to argue with Elizabeth and Rosie stayed abnormally quiet. |
| 4:24
| The argument kept going, even skipping the normal commercial breaks. |
| 4:25
| Steve likes the show when it's Joy, who's a moderate liberal, Rosie, who's a hardcore liberal, Elizabeth, who's a hardcore conservative and Barbara Walters who's a moderate conservative. |
| 4:26
| Normally they have pretty good political discussions but every once-in-a-while things go a little crazy. Rosie's leaving and she's probably just mad she didn't have her way with Elizabeth. |
| 4:27
| Steve's going to watch the argument during the break. Is Buzz interested in joining him? |
| 4:28
| Richard Roeper wrote a recent column about how no self-respecting guy would watch The View. Then Steve emailed him that he watches it. Is Steve going to have to play that tape of Richard after the Sox won the World Series, lisping like a son-of-a-gun at Harry Caray's? |
| 4:29
| How did Elizabeth look today? It's warm out so she's probably got some nice summery clothing on. |
| 4:37
| Steve watched some of The View during the break and Elizabeth was looking hot in a long dress, showing some cleavage. She was working the upper deck today. |
| 4:38
| Headlines with Buzz |
| 4:39
| Buzz is sort of ad-libbing headlines today. Normally he has them carefully crafted but he accidentally deleted them. |
| 4:40
| Normally Buzz rewrites the headlines but the ones for today will be off the wire. |
| 4:41
| President Bush is warning that even almost 6 years after 9/11, Al Qaeda is still a threat to the U.S. |
| 4:42
| A former secretary at Coca-Cola has been sentenced to 8 years in prison for trying to steal the recipe for Coke. |
| 4:43
| Pepsi had nothing to do with it, they didn't want the recipe. It's been long enough where Pepsi knows what they're doing and doesn't want to make Coke. You gotta think that Pepsi knows what's in Coke and vice-versa. |
| 4:44
| Svedka Vodka has announced it will sponsor Lindsay Lohan's 21st birthday party, even though she's in rehab. The rehab doesn't seem to be taking so far plus someone has to pay for the vodka. |
| 4:52
| Steve is pretty sure that drop was David Letterman talking to Lindsay Lohan but it says on his screen LiLo. Is that what we call Lindsay Lohan around here? Is it like J-Lo? |
| 4:53
| Why not just call her Lo? That's what people do though so Steve and Buzz will jump on board. |
| 4:54
| Bob and Ron are here with their compelling stoneocity. Steve heard their show on Saturday and it sounded much better. |
| 4:55
| Steve does like their show, it's oddly compelling. Buzz has also found himself out late on the last few Saturday nights listening to their show. |
| 4:56
| There was a point when Bob and Ron went to a song and it took Buzz 15 minutes to realize he'd been listening to the same thing over and over. That's Phish! Their songs have no structure, they just start singing, then play for 10 minutes, then sing the same things until they figure out how to stop. |
| 4:57
| Bob doesn't want Steve giving away the secret formula. That secret formula probably involves prescription drugs. That formula worked for them for years and it'll probably work again when the band runs out of money. Trey never got busted for possession on tour because he had people looking out for him. |
| 4:58
| This week we celebrate the birthday of Tommy Chong. There are rumors that Cheech and Chong might make another movie. Buzz heard Cheech wants nothing to do with it. It's also the birthday of Bob Dylan, he's a year younger than Chong. Logically it seems like Dylan is older but he's not. |
| 4:59
| Today in 1979 The Kids Are Alright premiered in New York. Steve's not sure if he's seen that one. Bob can't believe Steve hasn't seen it! He needs to go out and see it right now! It's a Who documentary featuring various TV appearances. Steve does remember seeing that one. |
| 5:00
| Song: The Kids Are Alright, The Who |
| 5:03
| Bob and Ron were outraged when they thought Steve hadn't seen The Kids Are Alright and then he realized he had and it was fine. For a second they were worried he was a square. |
| 5:04
| Caller Van wanted to let Steve know that Cheech and Chong were guest stars on what ended up being the final episode of The George Lopez Show. Steve hates that show. He likes George Lopez but the show is like a Mexican According to Jim. It's According to Jaime. |
| 5:05
| Van said goodbye to Steve and Buzz but not Bob and Ron. That only aggravates Buzz because he doesn't like getting involved in all these greetings. It's like he's working in a Hallmark store. |
| 5:06
| Steve has one suggestion for Bob and Ron but he's not sure if any changes can be made to Drew Hayes' Weekend Whorehouse. |
| 5:07
| Bob and Ron would like to see The Record Club go before The Phishing Report. Bob and Ron have been wanting to make their entire five hour show The Record Club and just have one segment for Phish. |
| 5:08
| They've been waiting to make that official and now is as good a time as any. They'll do The Phishing Report at 4:20 which is a perfect time for Phish. |
| 5:15
| Live read: Gierczyk Properties |
| 5:17
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 5:18
| Instead of "It's time for another episode of As the Mortgage Turns" David leaves out "another episode" so he can fit more words in. That's cheating. |
| 5:19
| Tomorrow downtown JP Morgan is having that stupid marathon that blocks off all the streets and makes it impossible to leave. |
| 5:20
| On Monday Steve saw Mike and he was in his workout clothes. He was planning on running from Steve's house to downtown. |
| 5:21
| Pat Dahl called him a loser, even though it doesn't seem like you can call someone who's working out a loser. Mike was acting like he was in a movie though, running in place with his knees going really high. Is Mike Dahl in that race? |
| 5:22
| Mike said he was in his first marathon. Maybe Steve will go down there and watch him. He could run a 5K but he'd be the last person to finish. Steve runs slower than he walks but Buzz thinks there are people who are even slower. |
| 5:23
| Steve wouldn't go too fast although lately he's had to run faster than he wants to keep his heart rate up. Buzz thinks Steve should just ditch the heart rate monitor. Steve likes knowing how many calories he's burned off. |
| 5:24
| On some days Steve's metabolism is slow or he feels sluggish and he can't get his heart rate up. The heat helps though. Mike Dahl is in that race tomorrow. |
| 5:25
| It seems like the only point of the JP Morgan thing is to run and then party with chicks who get super drunk on one beer. Hell Steve might go down himself. Steve can probably finish it in about an hour and by that time the girls will all be drunk and hit on by loser chach guys like Mike. They'll be looking for a cougar and then Steve rolls up barely breaking a sweat. |
| 5:31
| Ben Gay is here with sports and he's fantastico! This weather suits him well, very hot and sweaty. It's a chance for Ben to break out the mesh tank top and high-cut running shorts. |
| 5:32
| The White Sox look to sweet the A's tonight at U.S. Cellular Field. Jermaine Dye is pleased to see the team's bats heating up. And who doesn't like a hot bat? |
| 5:33
| Joe Crede is likely to return to the line-up Friday against the Devil Rays after battling a sore back. He got it about a week back. |
| 5:34
| The Cubs are at San Diego, Sean Marshall gets his first start of the year. He's the son of Penny Marshall. Not really. |
| 5:35
| According to media reports Cubs manager Lou Piniella went to see Don Rickles perform when the team was in New York. Good for him. |
| 5:36
| Carolina Panthers wide receiver Keyshawn Johnson announced his retirement from the NFL today. |
| 5:37
| The Bulls got the #9 pick in the NBA draft. Some believe the Bulls will trade it but others believe they could use it to acquire Florida Gators guard Joakim Noah. |
| 5:38
| Recently executed prisoner Robert Comer's last words were "Go Raiders!" |
| 5:39
| Arizona Cardinals QB Matt Leinart threw himself a 24th birthday party over the weekend at a Scottsdale hotel. |
| 5:40
| The party started off with Leinart posing for photos poolside with Steve Nash and Terrell Owens. What's with the sausage fest? Why wasn't Ben invited? |
| 5:41
| Later on Leinart met up at a club with Nick Lachey. Ben needs to remember to hang around the Cardinals locker room a little more next year. |
| 5:47
| Even Coach was taken with Matt Leinart. It just seems like he was hanging out with a lot of dudes on his birthday. |
| 5:48
| Leinart does have a bastard kid though. He knocked up some female basketball player and her dad's not even mad about it. |
| 5:49
| If Steve had a daughter and some guy knocked her up without marrying her he'd be mad. Even if you're not mad you need to at least keep that front up, it's your job. Maybe the dad was a Trojan fan? And not the condom either. If he'd worn one he wouldn't be a father. |
| 5:50
| Steve's getting a lot of calls about the JP Morgan Corporate Challenge. Steve would also like to say that Jeff Joniak is the MC of the event. |
| 5:51
| The event is open to all full-time employees of Chicago companies and businesses. That's Steve and Buzz! It starts at 7:10, that's perfect! |
| 5:52
| Buzz can't run because he's injured. What if they pour water on themselves and then hop on their Segways to get to the finish line. They'll hide those in the bushes and act like they just finished the race. |
| 5:53
| The event will have a Chicago Bears theme featuring memorabilia giveaways and appearances planned by the team's front office personnel. That's always good to see. "Oh my God, it's Ted Phillips! He's a great negotiator!" |
| 5:54
| Song: Walk Don't Run, The Ventures |
| 5:56
| Get it? Buzz thinks Steve can do it but he wouldn't be able to get down in time to register. They'll have to go after the race that seems more fun anyway. |
| 5:57
| It's impossible to get home while this thing is going on so Steve and Buzz might as well go to dinner or something. They close off all the streets to the stragglers can't get in. |
| 5:58
| Steve and Buzz could chach up there look and head down there though. Last year Buzz drove around in a circle for a half hour trying to get home. |
| 5:59
| Every year Steve forgets about this thing until he's driving home and sees the festivities. |
| 6:00
| Steve is looking at some photos from Matt Leinart's birthday and there are a lot of dudes. Even the women who are there aren't that good looking. Steve could get those girls. |
| 6:07
| Live read: Chicagoland Speedway |
| 6:08
| Buzz has some news but he wasn't planning on covering the Mary Cheney thing. That's good because Steve doesn't want to overlap. |
| 6:09
| Mary gave birth to a boy and Dick Cheney is still missing his turkey baster. He probably doesn't want the old one back at this point. |
| 6:10
| The baby is the Cheney's sixth grandson. It still really has to be killing Cheney though. |
| 6:11
| The baby probably looks just like Dick Cheney at this point. Is it a bastard child? Steve always likes to alert people to that. |
| 6:12
| Headlines with Buzz |
| 6:13
| Steve thought he saw something the other night about how the Bush administration had authorized some government agency to secretly begin destabilizing the Iranian government. |
| 6:14
| It doesn't seem like it's something the media should report either. How is it supposed to be secret if someone reports it? It's like yesterday when that guy called in to explain how dye packs worked. |
| 6:15
| Buzz sort of assumed the U.S. was destabilizing the Iranian government anyway. |
| 6:16
| A memo sent to presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is advising her not to campaign in Iowa. Are they worried she'll be mistaken for a scarecrow? |
| 6:17
| Steve's been to Iowa, their primary shouldn't matter that much. It probably won't this time around because all of the big primaries were moved up. |
| 6:18
| Do you really want The Nadas deciding who the next president is? |
| 6:19
| The judge in the murder trial of Phil Spector believes that the defense's forensic expert removed evidence from the scene of the crime. Why would he do that? Was he a big fan of the Ronettes? |
| 6:20
| Steve saw somewhere on TV last night that Phil Spector worked with The Beatles but he only worked with John Lennon as far as he knows. |
| 6:21
| Spector produced Let it Be for the Beatles. It was later "de-Spectorized" and rereleased as Let it Be...Naked. |
| 6:22
| Jerry Falwell was laid to rest in Lynchburg, Virginia today in a whiskey barrel. |
| 6:23
| The Coca-Cola secretary who tried to steal the soft drink's recipe and sell it to Pepsi has been sentenced to 8 years in prison. |
| 6:24
| Pepsi didn't even want the recipe! They didn't ask her to steal it, they don't care what's in Coke. They probably know what in it, ya bimrod! |
| 6:25
| Steve thinks he just coined a new term, bimrod. |
| 6:26
| Svedka Vodka will be sponsoring Lindsay Lohan's 21st birthday party, even though she's in AA. Buzz! What are we calling Lindsay Lohan now?! It's LiLo! |
| 6:35
| Steve is going to open the mailbag. He'll also turn the theme on so the podcast people can hear it. |
| 6:36
| Steve would like to point out one of his favorite recurring things that happens in the mailbag. PR people send him unsolicited press releases then get mad when they end up on the mailing list for the Thought for the Day. |
| 6:37
| Then the PR person emails Steve demanding to be taken off the mailing list. But when they email him another unsolicited press release and they're back on the mailing list. A few people have sent him things like "final notice" Final notice to who? Steve's not doing anything illegal. |
| 6:38
| A few weeks ago Steve and Buzz were talking about Ginger Zee on the NBC news. On some Saturdays you get a perfect storm with an all-female news team. Steve was wondering if Zee was her real last name. |
| 6:39
| Zee's read last name is Zuidgeest. Steve thought she was Polish but it sounds like she's German. He sort of likes Zuidgeest though, it's hot in a Third Reich kind of way. |
| 6:40
| Zuidgeest is from Rockford but came to Chicago from WOOD-TV in Grand Rapids. Steve and Buzz should aspire to be on The Wood. |
| 6:41
| Mark Czerniec says she's from Rockford, Michigan. Steve's not aware of a Rockford, Michigan though. |
| 6:42
| You'd think they'd change Zuidgeest right at Ellis Island. Just call her Zee. |
| 6:43
| Mark Czerniec is on the phone. There is a Rockford, Michigan near Grand Rapids. |
| 6:50
| Steve is being told that Zuidgeest is a Dutch name. Buzz has a little Dutch in him. Is that the part of him that makes him only want to pay for himself when he's out to dinner? |
| 6:51
| Steve likes to do things in three but he's not sure he'll be able to get all of them in. He's going to count that Zuidgeest as two letters because it was so good. |
| 6:52
| The next emailer heard Garry talking to Stan and Terry about trying to get this place called The Radio Rat Pack. It occurred to Steve that maybe that's why Drew doesn't want to call this place The Package. |
| 6:53
| Drew and Garry might as well just get a gay marriage already. They're with each other all time time, picking stuff off each other's backs. Steve heard Drew ask Garry if he wanted to go shave his pubes with him. You can't say that! |
| 6:54
| The emailer suggested a compromise, WCKG Chicago Rat Package. |
| 6:55
| The last email is from Katie and it's about the deaf woman on ABC. Steve can't watch the ABC news at 11:00 on Thursdays because of that woman. He's sorry she's deaf but it's so jarring when she comes on. |
| 6:56
| The first time Steve mentioned that woman he got an email from her husband who's a listener. He was mad and ashamed. Steve was also ashamed. It didn't help that Craig Gass was here making fun of her for that entire week. |
| 6:57
| Steve doesn't even like hearing Marlee Matlin talk. At least on Earl Joy is making fun of it and Matlin has a good sense of humor. |
| 7:02
| Steve felt really bad for making fun of that deaf woman on ABC. He still can't watch her though, he has to flip it off before she comes on. |
| 7:03
| Steve saw his first cicada yesterday but there aren't a ton out by him. Matt remembers when the cicadas came last time. He actually still has one which Janet had encased in lucite. He shouldn't eat that though. |
| 7:04
| Matt and Brendan should stage some sort of cicada-eating contest at a bar. That would be huge, think of all the press coverage they'd get. |
| 7:05
| They can get Jeff Schwartz to trap all the cicadas. Jeff called Steve today before his plane took off wondering if he'd seen any. Cicadas don't do anything to people but Jeff has been worrying about them for 2 years. |
| 7:06
| The cicada idea is free of charge but Steve has another one that will require 20%. Matt should have that Jimmy John guy on the show. He sent Matt an autographed photo and some other stuff. |
| 7:07
| That guy seems pretty interesting, he started his business in his garage in Chambana. Maybe he could sponsor the cicada-eating contest. |
