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| 2:01
| Steve doesn't think the word "close" is a good one to start his show off with. How about "WCKG keeps rolling on" Plus Steve has never heard Stan and Terry's show open so how could it close? |
| 2:02
| That's just a joke, some tough love. Steve's got some big plans for the start of his show and they involve Buzz being in the studio, if he's around. |
| 2:03
| And speaking of that, why does Steve have to go it alone with Stan and Terry? |
| 2:04
| Stan's very sensitive after Steve's comment. It was just a joke, Steve's sure it was fine. Stan is like Carlos Zambrano only without the $91.5 million contract. |
| 2:05
| This is where Steve really needs Buzz but he's not here. That all needs to change though. 2:00 is the start of the show. Buzz usually comes in late because he knows the crosstalk and the show open will give him some extra time. |
| 2:10
| Steve has canceled the tapes at the beginning of the show and Pete's OK with it. He'll need Buzz down here at the start of the show though. |
| 2:11
| Steve's also keeping the crosstalk with those two knuckleheads Stan and Terry short too. Stan's just sitting there waiting for Steve to bounce something off of him. |
| 2:12
| Pete does a good job with the tapes but Steve never listens to them and then he spends 10 minutes trying to figure out how the show started. Now Pete can play those tapes throughout the show. |
| 2:13
| Buzz always enjoyed the tapes but that's because he gets to sit in back eating a sandwich. |
| 2:14
| Plus how great is it to start the show off with Stan at the Jerry Lewis telethon yesterday? Steve's all jacked up just hearing that. |
| 2:15
| If people would just come to Steve when they have an idea like that he'd tell them that going on a telethon is not a good idea. |
| 2:16
| Steve didn't watch any of the telethon yesterday although he did see the clip of Jerry Lewis using the gay f-word. It wasn't directed at a person though, he was referring to a camera. But in this climate it could lose him his gig. |
| 2:17
| Steve used to like watching the telethon when Jerry was on all night, stoned out of his gourd. Buzz thought about that when he was watching it, remembering how much Steve looked forward to the telethon. |
| 2:18
| The muscular dystrophy people stepped in also and now Jerry is on way less than he used to be. Some how though, Jerry managed to still get on and use the gay f-word. No wonder the French love him, he's a genius! |
| 2:19
| Jerry was introducing the cameras to each other as if they were people and then he called one of the cameras the gay f-word. On TMZ they called it the f-bomb but that's not the right word for it. |
| 2:20
| Steve can't watch the telethon because he needs a running tally on the tote board. There's no tote board because they don't want the corporate donations to discourage the viewers. |
| 2:21
| Still they were $3 million over on donations but over what? That's the thing they don't really tell you. Last year donations were done and they were blaming it on donations to hurricane Katrina relief. |
| 2:22
| Plus the corporate donors really milk their time on the telethon. The 7/11 guys kept coming out. A bunch of stammering, stumbling corporate executives on TV don't make Steve want to go get a Slurpee. |
| 2:23
| Buzz should go into 7/11, he'd really enjoy the rolling nature of their hot dogs. Buzz actually had a movie theater hot dog over the weekend while he saw Death Sentence. |
| 2:24
| Caller Ed didn't see much of the telethon except Gary Lewis & The Playboys. That must be the only gig Jerry's son can get these days. |
| 2:25
| Then Jerry went over and hugged his son. They both talk the same way too. LADY! They don't really talk alike but that would be pretty funny. |
| 2:26
| When Steve was growing up the band had a house near where he lived. Even they managed to pull some tail, although Steve was 10 at the time so it could have seemed like a lot more than it was. It could have just been the cleaning lady for all he knew. |
| 2:27
| Steve also took guitar lessons from Ray Dickson Jr. at his parent's house, which was sort of creepy. His parents taught piano lessons in one room and then Ray taught guitar in his bedroom. |
| 2:28
| Song: This Diamond Ring, Gary Lewis & The Playboys |
| 2:29
| If for some reason you'd like to check out their website it's GaryLewisandthePlayboys.com. According to Gary's greeting when you go to the site, it's the official website of the band. Is there an unofficial one Steve isn't aware of? |
| 2:30
| They had a few more hits than Steve realized, which is probably more than enough to live on. At some point they had to get tired of playing This Diamond Ring though. |
| 2:31
| Gary Lewis was mercilessly overshadowed by his father for his entire life, just like Frank Sinatra Jr. There was no kidnapping though and Gary and Jerry seem to be on speaking terms. |
| 2:32
| If Jerry Lewis was Steve's dad they probably wouldn't be on speaking terms. Look what he called a camera! |
| 2:39
| It probably won't matter that Jerry Lewis was referring to a camera when he said the gay f-word. People are out for blood now after taking down Senator Larry Craig. |
| 2:40
| Jerry Lewis is an icon. This is a short week but Steve thinks it can get done. It seems like you should be allowed to make a mistake from time to time. |
| 2:41
| Jerry's going to use the defense that he was tired but then people will just say that his true feelings came out. |
| 2:42
| Look what happened to Ozzie after he used the same word. He didn't lose his job but he hasn't been the same since then. |
| 2:43
| If they send Jerry Lewis to sensitivity training someone should film it. That will be his masterpiece. Jerry's whole routine is built on insensitivity. |
| 2:44
| It didn't seem like anyone was laughing when Jerry used the word, including Jerry. Again, he was talking to a camera, if that matters to anyone. |
| 2:45
| To a certain extent Jerry is cloaked in the charity so he's got that going for him. |
| 2:46
| In other news, Steve Fossett's plane is missing and he was in it. Rescue teams were searching for the famed adventurer, or idiot as Steve likes to call him. |
| 2:47
| How about that hot air balloon that set on fire? Steve has no desire to go up in a hot air balloon unless he's escaping prison, or a mysterious island or Oz. 2 more balloons collided over the weekend too. |
| 2:48
| This sort of stuff probably happens a lot but when there's video of one catching on fire and then ladies crying we see more and more of it on the news. The balloon collision wasn't that spectacular and it was overshadowed by two planes crashing at a Polish air show. Insert your own joke here. |
| 2:49
| So Buzz's money is on Jerry losing his job? Steve doesn't want to see that happen although the subsequent meltdown if he does lose his job could really be something. |
| 2:50
| Caller Pete is from New Zealand. Does he watch Flight of the Conchords? Is there accent funny to a New Zealander or just how they talk? |
| 2:51
| The two guys on the show are from Wellington and there is a slight variation. What's funnier is the experiences they have when people think they're from Australia. |
| 2:52
| Pete's accent doesn't sound as funny as the guys on Flight of the Conchords if Steve could say so. They must really dial it up on the show. |
| 2:53
| Pete actually called in about the telethon. He didn't see it but he's wondering if Jerry could get into any trouble with the FCC. |
| 2:54
| He probably won't get into any trouble with the FCC, it's just more about being PC. Most of his characters aren't PC though, like the Asian guy. |
| 2:55
| Pete plays some drops from Flight of the Conchords. They're funny but Steve's looking for that money drop where they sound mumbly. |
| 2:56
| Pete the caller points Steve to a YouTube video of Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords doing a soft drink ad. |
| 2:57
| It sounds like Jemaine is the one who does most of the mumbling. Pete thinks Murray's accent sounds like someone from the Southern Island of New Zealand. |
| 2:58
| Caller Lauren has a question for caller Pete. She's wondering if he's seen the movie Eagle vs. Shark with Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords. |
| 2:59
| Lauren selects number 7 on the prize wheel for her favorite Cub of all-time, Jody Davis. Jody Davis? Well she landed on 4, who's a famous #4 in Cubs history? |
| 3:00
| Lauren doesn't know of any players who wore #4. What about Pete? He can't remember any either. |
| 3:01
| Steve called down to Drew's office on accident. That's more than enough Drew for the day right? Steve meant to call the news room. |
| 3:02
| Jim can't think of any famous players with #4 in Cubs history. What a couple of posers. Pete and Jim are just a couple of Lincoln Park trixies with their ponytails through the back of their hats. |
| 3:09
| That's the hardcore New Zealand accent right there from Flight of the Conchords. |
| 3:10
| Eagle vs. Shark isn't out on DVD yet but Steve was watching the trailer during the break and it looks pretty funny. |
| 3:11
| Steve's going to play the trailer. He assumes there's no profanity in it. There can't be right? It seems like it's going to be a mostly visual trailer but there are a lot of New Zealand accents to look forward to. |
| 3:12
| A lot of people are calling in with guys who wore #4 for the Cubs. The fact that Pete and Jim didn't know anyone means they shouldn't be allowed to flaunt their Cubs fandom with hats and t-shirts. |
| 3:13
| Pete and Jim should be embarrassed that they didn't know although it doesn't seem like they were. Buzz feels that's the nature of Cubs fans. |
| 3:14
| Pete says he was embarrassed. Jim feels embarrassed as well but objects to Buzz's statement about the nature of Cubs fans. Jim did get a very nice list from Drew of guys who wore #4 for the Cubs. |
| 3:15
| Jim and Pete are always walking around here in their quirky red or blue retro hats or t-shirts. Speaking of that, Jim actually has a hip White Sox shirt of Steve. He does? Well he wasn't talking about him. Jim hasn't worn a Cubs hat in a while. Is that because of the hairplugs? |
| 3:16
| Steve feels that the Zambrano thing might be bad for the team. He just signed a $91.5 million contract and he hasn't won a game in a month. That has a Moises Alou/Bartman feel to it. |
| 3:17
| Jim has a hipster Sox t-shirt for Steve. What does Pete have? If Stephanie went to get him a 6 pack of beer could Steve get a massage? |
| 3:18
| Pete doesn't drink during the week, he's so rigid. Meanwhile on the weekends he's in a bucket. He might want to spread that out over 7 days. Monday-Friday he's eating peaches and yogurt and on Saturday he's date raping Steve. |
| 3:19
| Steve's shirt is an EL stop shirt that says Sox/35th on it. It's very subtle which is how you do it if you're hip. You won't even know Steve has it on. Buzz won't be telling him to take it off because the team is in last place since he won't even know he has it on. |
| 3:20
| Mary's in here getting a song ready which Steve was all excited for but it's The Nadas. Steve's sick of those guys. Maybe The Nadas wrote Life in a Bucket for Pete though. |
| 3:21
| Buzz has to go to the emergency room. He has a kidney stone. He's had them before and he knows when it's coming. He doesn't want to pass it on the air? We're here until 7:00, we can get him some water. Maybe Steve could get a hammer and try to break it up for him. Or a nice kidney rub from Pete. |
| 3:22
| Buzz should probably just go. Does he want someone to take him? He can't go himself. |
| 3:23
| Buzz felt something on the way in that he felt was reminiscent of his last kidney stone. He's had to leave the air before for this same thing. The subsequent phone call with Buzz on narcotics will be very funny. |
| 3:24
| Song: LIfe in a Bucket, The Nadas |
| 3:25
| That was The Nadas of course. Steve has another show coming up with them but he's not sure if he can say when it is. He doesn't understand why there's so much secrecy around the shows. |
| 3:26
| Steve's going to call down to Jill's office because he wants to know when he can announce the date of the next show. And just in case you're just tuning in Buzz announced mere moments ago on the air that he had a kidney stone and he had to leave. |
| 3:27
| Jill's not there but now Steve knows how to say her name. He's just going to say the next show is September 29th although even he doesn't know where it is. |
| 3:28
| Caller Joel has had kidney stones and it's very painful but once it passes the pain is gone. They also break them up with an ultra-sound machine. |
| 3:29
| We should get one of those in the studio to see if people are really pregnant. Just the other day Jim was trying to get pregnancy leave when he clearly wasn't pregnant. And how do you get kidney stones? It's a build-up of calcium in your body. Those movie theater hot dogs probably don't help either. |
| 3:34
| Buzz refused a ride to the emergency room from our own Drew Hayes. He said he was in enough pain already which has to hurt. |
| 3:35
| Maybe Drew went in a chase vehicle like when the president goes down. No one seems to be in their offices today though. |
| 3:36
| Only Buzz could have a three-day weekend and not pass a kidney stone. Steve's never had one although he does get pain down there and doesn't know what it is. He does have a high tolerance for pain though. |
| 3:37
| Steve reads about kidney stones or Renal calculi, which sounds like a delicious Greek dish. |
| 3:38
| Steve doesn't think he's ever had a kidney stone but if he did it would probably make a nice ring. |
| 3:39
| If Steve did have kidney stones he'd want one on both sides. If he didn't have one he'd ask for one to be surgically inserted. |
| 3:40
| Steve will do the headlines that Buzz had ready to go. They're just as they were from Metrosource. There are even check marks next to the ones he was going to do. |
| 3:47
| On the phone is Mark Schanowski from Comcast Sportsnet. Mark is amazed at how much Steve sounds like Buzz. |
| 3:48
| Mark probably knows this already but Carlos Zambrano is going to hold a press conference to apologize for what he said yesterday about the fans. |
| 3:49
| The press conference is going on right now and Comcast has it live. This is what they call damage control in management. |
| 3:50
| Jim Hendry and John McDonough have that ballpark filled everyday so they had to send Zambrano out there to apologize. |
| 3:51
| Steve doesn't have the beginning of the press conference, can Pete grab that? |
| 3:52
| It seems like Cubs fan have the right to boo him since he hasn't won a game in 5 weeks. |
| 3:53
| Carlos is a grown man though and he can do whatever he want. And Cubs fans can do whatever they want but it's hard to get rid of them. |
| 3:54
| It doesn't seem like a good idea for the Cubs to send their ace pitcher out there to apologize and kowtow to everyone. |
| 3:55
| It seems like once Carlos said all that stuff yesterday they should just let it go. You can't undo what he said. |
| 3:56
| Pete feels that Carlos started pitching bad once he got those highlights in his hair and now they're gone. |
| 3:57
| Whatever it is though you don't want the ace of your staff out there apologizing with hat in hand. |
| 4:04
| Steve doesn't see what has been accomplished by forcing Carlos Zambrano to go out there and apologize. |
| 4:05
| Steve doesn't get booing the home team. They probably don't want a nightmare situation the next time Zambrano goes out there to pitch. |
| 4:06
| Cubs fans are very forgiving, Steve has a 100 year history on his side with this one. |
| 4:07
| Carlos Zambrano is a knucklehead and most Cubs fans know that. Most of them will probably forgive him. |
| 4:08
| Last weekend was the big NCAA football kickoff weekend. That Michigan loss was pretty exciting to see. Lloyd Carr probably won't be Michigan's coach next year after that. Even if they win the rest of their games they probably won't be ranked #1 after a loss like that. |
| 4:09
| Notre Dame also got blown out by Georgia Tech on Saturday. Now they'll be putting their freshman quarterback on the field. |
| 4:10
| Illinois almost beat Mizzou on Saturday which was a pretty exciting game. Northwestern did win but they beat a I-AA school. |
| 4:11
| Last night was the Bowden Bowl, FSU against Clemson. It's sort of sad to see what's happened to FSU but Bowden is very set in his ways and it's just not the same program it used to be. |
| 4:12
| The son probably doesn't like beating up on his dad like that. Mark was surprised to learn that it was the 9th time they've faced each other. |
| 4:13
| It's a good storyline for whoever's covering the game though. Steve's favorite storyline of recent history was AJ Hawk nailing Brady Quinn's sister. |
| 4:14
| The Bears have been pretty secretive about what's going on with Greg Olsen. It's going to be a game-time decision but based on how he's been limping around the practice field he probably won't play Sunday. |
| 4:15
| The other thing going on up at Halas Hall is that the defense is genuinely hacked off over this LaDanian Tomlinson commercial. He's featured running through and over the Bears defense, which never happened of course. |
| 4:16
| Tommy Harris was involved in the filming of the commercial but the rest of the player are just guys in Bears jerseys. |
| 4:17
| Usually in those commercials they can't even use the NFL jerseys and have generic ones up there. |
| 4:21
| Lovie Smith said he didn't have to give any George Halas speeches to the players this week, because they know what's at stake. It would be funny to hear him give a George Halas speech though. |
| 4:22
| Did Halas give a lot of speeches? It seems like he didn't need to do much to motivate the players. |
| 4:23
| If you're just joining us, as Hawk would say, Buzz had to leave because he felt he was passing a kidney stone. Leave it to Buzz to wait until the Tuesday after a three-day weekend to pass the stone. |
| 4:24
| Drew offered to drive Buzz over to the emergency room but he said he was in enough pain already and didn't want to have to drive with him. He's still keeping his sense of humor through this which is important. |
| 4:25
| Steve's not sure what hospital Buzz went to. Maybe he's at Stroger Hospital where he'll do some investigative reporting into the whereabouts of John Stroger. He has to be somewhere in that building, wrapped up like a mummy. |
| 4:26
| Steve has some headlines that were left by Buzz but they might not be the most recent. Steve has Headlines 16, is there a Headlines 17? Steve calls down to the newsroom. |
| 4:27
| Jim doesn't seen Headlines 17 but he's still looking. Headlines 16 is from right after noon so there has to be something more recent. Jim has Headlines 18 which he's printing up right now. Is Steve talking to Jim keeping him from bringing the headlines up? |
| 4:28
| In the meantime, Steve has some more information about Jerry Lewis and his comment during his muscular dystrophy telethon. |
| 4:29
| Steve doesn't think Jerry was referring to a cameraman when he said the f-word. Although sometimes the host just gets mad at his support staff and he doesn't need a reason. Right Pete? |
| 4:30
| Does Pete have that audio of Stan on the telethon with The Deaner because that's pretty funny to hear. |
| 4:31
| Pete tried to call the telethon all day to talk to Stan but he kept hanging up. Was Stan wearing a cocktail dress? Deena Baird wears the dress, as does Dean Richards but Stan was in some sort of motorcycle get-up. |
| 4:32
| Pete saw Stan yesterday on his way to the telethon and he seemed very proud that he was going over there. |
| 4:33
| The local portion was hosted by Bart Conner and Nadia Comaneci which Steve still doesn't get. Bart Conner is from here but he's a gymnast. Do we take male gymnasts seriously? This is why Steve doesn't donate. |
| 4:34
| Steve used to drunk dial the telethon and demand to talk to Tommy Skilling. Then he'd tell Tommy that he'd donate money if he pulled his pants down on live TV. |
| 4:35
| Steve's going to take a break and then he's got Headlines 18 to read. Very exciting. |
| 4:40
| Before the headlines Steve is going to take a couple of phone calls. |
| 4:41
| Caller Greg's wife had the telethon on yesterday and he looked up briefly and there was Stan. Greg's wife couldn't tell it was Stan because she's blind. She wouldn't have know what Stan looked like anyway because she doesn't listen to them. |
| 4:42
| She does listen to Steve's show though. Greg actually called in once with a remedy for brain freeze that his wife gave him. Does he have any remedies for kidney stones? |
| 4:43
| Stan was sitting right next to Steve from the Jerry Springer Show. He now has his own show. Steve ran into him at a Bears game last year, he seemed like a pretty nice guy. |
| 4:44
| Caller Scott wanted to let Steve know that Jackie Bange was also hosting the telethon. She looks pretty stacked in a cocktail dress. |
| 4:45
| Scott only watched a little bit of the telethon. Steve can't watch any more because he doesn't want to see kids who are going to die in a year. He also doesn't want to see people clapping and answering phones. He might tune in for Wayne Newton though. |
| 4:46
| Buzz always remembers the callers name when he reads their prize. That's something Steve never does even though their name is right in front of him. |
| 4:47
| Caller Toni is wishing Buzz her very best. He's passing a kidney stone as we speak. |
| 4:48
| Toni wanted to let Steve know that Bart Conner is a graduate of Niles West High School. Does he still live around here with Nadia Comaneci? Because Steve wouldn't mind running into her. |
| 4:49
| Do you think she can still do the splits? It seems like once you're able to do the splits you can do them for the rest of your life. |
| 4:50
| Steve hears sirens in the background, is Toni being robbed? It's actually a cop car trying to get through a busy intersection. |
| 4:51
| They have a new law they're enforcing where you have to put a full lane between you and an emergency vehicle or a cop car that's pulled over. |
| 4:52
| The other day Steve saw a cop who had a car pulled over. In front of the car was another cop car waiting for people to be in that first lane so he could pull them over. |
| 4:53
| Caller Brendan (not our own Brendan) has some info about that law. It would be funny if our own Brendan was calling in though. |
| 4:54
| The law is called Scott's Law after a fireman who was killed by a car too close to where he was stopped. Do we have to name laws after people like they're hurricanes? |
| 4:55
| Yesterday Blago just signed a law called Billy's Law for construction workers killed in school zones. But the guy it's named after wasn't even killed in a school zone. Blago loves to shield himself with the kids. |
| 5:01
| Caller Betsy doesn't think Steve will be running into Nadia Comaneci in the Chicago area. Her and Bart Conner live in Norman, Oklahoma. Why did they move there? |
| 5:02
| Bart went to the University of Oklahoma, he's a Boomer Sooner. He now runs a gymnastics school for kids in Oklahoma. Does Nadia teach older gentlemen anything? |
| 5:03
| It's time for the Five O'Clock Taco Bell. Today Steve is having, while they last, a delicious Grande Quesadilla. It's on it's farewell tour, the last day is Thursday. |
| 5:04
| Steve's not sure it'll be completely gone because you can still get that Extreme Cheese and Beef Quesadilla. The Grande Quesadilla uses a special kind of bread though so Steve can't guarantee it'll be there on Friday. |
| 5:05
| Song: Dear Doctor, The Rolling Stones |
| 5:08
| Sending that one out to our own Buzz Kilman who had to leave and pass a kidney stone. Steve's not sure if you just go home and do that. Maybe if it's a bigger one they break it up for you. |
| 5:09
| Steve should have played Shattered. It's still not too late to do it. In the meantime, Steve has some headlines. |
| 5:10
| These headlines start off with a very professional summary of the upcoming headlines. Does Steve really have to read that? |
| 5:11
| Headlines with Steve Buzz |
| 5:12
| A Navy helicopter has joined the Civil Air Patrol in the search for missing aviation record-holder Steve Fossett. Civil Air Patrol, that's just a bunch of nerds with airplanes. Look at Steve, he's interrupting himself doing the news. |
| 5:13
| It would be ironic if Steve Fossett died on a routine flight. If Steve had that much money you'd never hear from him again. |
| 5:14
| A new report shows that the President's troop surge is showing little progress. The report also shows that Iraq has failed to meet 11 of 18 goals set by Congress including reducing sectarian violence. They have very violent secretaries over there. |
| 5:15
| Steve Buzz is very annoyed at Steve's constant interruptions. As well he should be! |
| 5:16
| You know it's bad when Bush won't even go to Iraq. He's just heading off to Australia. |
| 5:17
| Two are dead from heat in California. An elderly couple died in their non-air conditioned apartment as temperatures reached 110º. Authorities are advising people not to leave children and pets unattended in vehicles. Is that something you really have to say? |
| 5:18
| Who writes this crap? Sadly it's an actual respected news source. |
| 5:19
| Whoopi Goldberg says that Michael Vick's involvement in dogfighting is the result of his upbringing. Hopefully Steve Buzz gets to say Falcons in this. |
| 5:20
| There are two more stories that weren't touted in the rundown. Today marks the one-year anniversary of the death of Steve Irwin. |
| 5:24
| What Steve really misses about Buzz not being here is when he waves the live read in his face. Although Steve does like commenting about the drop right after it plays. |
| 5:25
| Steve hasn't heard this show yet but he understands there's a show on the weekends called Best of Crosstalk. If Steve's audio is being used he should be compensated. |
| 5:26
| Live read: Gierczyk Properties |
| 5:27
| Time for some sports. Steve's working himself like one of Michael Vick's dogs today. |
| 5:28
| Carlos Zambrano held a press conference today to apologize for post-game comments he made yesterday. Steve feels this whole thing is a mistake. |
| 5:29
| Brendan was at the game yesterday with Ed Silha and neither of them booed. Ed did get up at one point and leave because he was worried he'd be too tempted to boo. Coincidentally Ed and Carlos get their highlights done at the same place. |
| 5:30
| It's kind of like being with a chick when you're out with Ed because of those highlights. He's like an Eastern European cleaning lady or something. Maybe that's what Zambrano was so mad about, he saw Ed's highlights. |
| 5:31
| Steve Trachsel makes his first start for the Cubs tonight since 1999. Was Dan talking about that on Garry's show today? Does anyone know? |
| 5:32
| You might recall there was a trip to Mexico where Steve Trachsel showed up and Dan freaked out. That wasn't the trip where Pete nailed a listener though. Or if he did nail a listener she kept her mouth shut. That other one couldn't stop talking about it. |
| 5:33
| Dan dropped everything when Trax showed up. Later that night Pete and Ed were out to dinner with Jim Peterik and Dan was at a separate table with Trax and his new bride. Was Mrs. Dan there too? |
| 5:34
| You have to think Dan's pretty excited about Trax coming back to the Cubs so that's good for him. |
| 5:35
| Steve got an email over the course of the weekend which is somewhat disturbing. The guy's on the show happened to be talking about public bathrooms and one of them said they use a secret private bathroom somewhere on this floor. |
| 5:36
| That has to be Dan right? That's proof right there that he uses Steve's bathroom. Who else would it be? It's not Randy Salerno or Jim Turano. |
| 5:37
| What does Steve have to do to stop Dan from using the bathroom? It seems like in the past Drew didn't believe Steve that someone was using the bathroom. He said he can't change the locks though because we can't afford it. How much are new locks? |
| 5:38
| Steve calls down to Drew's office. He heard what Steve was talking about but he can't believe Dan would use his bathroom. Does Drew hear himself? Steve has to go anyway because Buzz is on the line. |
| 5:39
| Buzz is going up to have a CAT scan right now and he's a mess. He's on some drugs right now but didn't save any for Steve. He actually had to demand an upgrade. |
| 5:40
| Buzz will be wheeled up to have the CAT scan on a gurney. So he doesn't have to do anything and he's pain free. |
| 5:41
| Does Steve need to call Drew back? He started waffling at the end there which is now what you want to hear from management. You want crisp, clear, decision-making. |
| 5:42
| The availability of Bears rookie tight end Greg Olsen is up in the air. Steve's pretty sure he's single and based on that rap song he can get the job done. |
| 5:43
| LaDanian Tomlinson knows the Nike commercial featuring him against the Bears defense will become bulletin board material. It already has. |
| 5:49
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 5:50
| Do we need to use the crude language in these live reads? David's like a shock lender. |
| 5:51
| Steve's really having a hard time following this live read. Are his kids writing this copy while he gives them a bath? Doesn't he have a nanny to give the kids a bath anyway? He's going to blow out his knees doing that. |
| 5:52
| The sad thing is that someone here at the station approved this copy for Steve to read. |
| 5:53
| Caller Tom thinks Buzz sounded a lot like Joe Walsh when he called in from the hospital. He was very stoned as it turns out. Joe is not stoned any more but he still sounds like he is. |
| 5:54
| Steve's going to play a Joe Walsh song. He was thinking Life's Been Good. That's what Tom was going to suggest. |
| 5:55
| It figures that the one song Steve wanted to play isn't on iTunes. He probably has that in the other room. |
| 5:56
| Caller Brad heard Garry's show when Dan Falato said he used a private bathroom on this floor. Mike the engineer said there's a bathroom with a shower and a toilet in the general manager's office but Steve's never seen that. |
| 5:57
| Steve can't put it all on Dan since Matt Dahl is one of the prime offenders when it comes to using the Green Room. Steve knows the look and smell of a Matt Dahl defiling. |
| 5:58
| Caller Stef is a dude. It's short for Stefan. He has a great kidney stone story for Steve. He's the Kidney Stone King as his wife can attest. |
| 5:59
| Steve can hear Stef's wife but she's not on the line. This is almost like a three-way though but not the kind Steve was looking for. |
| 6:00
| Stef was getting into some specifics that we don't need to hear like the name of the hospital. The gist of it was that he puked from the drugs he was on when he passed his kidney stone. |
| 6:06
| If you're just joining us, Buzz had to leave the show earlier today because he believed he was passing a kidney stone. He just called in from the hospital before heading up to get a CAT scan which is great for him because he loves cats. |
| 6:07
| Live read: Balance for Life |
| 6:08
| Song: Life's Been Good, Joe Walsh |
| 6:15
| Steve read somewhere that Eagles just finished up a studio album. He also read somewhere that Joe's coming to town for some solo shows. |
| 6:16
| Joe called Steve and left him a message when he was in Hawaii. They have a showbiz relationship so sometimes it's OK to just leave messages. Steve should have left another one back for him though. |
| 6:17
| That song holds up pretty well today. Steve sent that one out to Buzz who sounded like Joe Walsh when he called from the hospital. |
| 6:21
| Mark Czerniec is on the phone. Mark is of course our Director of Information here at the Steve Dahl Show. |
| 6:22
| Buzz left earlier today, apparently with a kidney stone issue. He doesn't know yet but he was heading up for a CAT scan. That's good news because Buzz loves cats. |
| 6:23
| Mark heard recently that Garry Meier gets CAT scans on a regular basis. Are they still searching for a brain? Just a joke. |
| 6:24
| Buzz drove himself to John Stroger Hospital, checking himself in and now he's walking around in a gown with his lillywhite ass showing, probably pushing an IV stand alongside, just like on M*A*S*H. |
| 6:25
| Steve's not sure what the CAT scan will do. It'll probably help them determine how big it is so they know if they have to break it up. |
| 6:26
| Mark was once up at Great America where he ran their radio station with Larry Shriner. They broadcast not just in the park but to the surrounding communities. |
| 6:27
| They actually started to get decent ratings which Mark took credit for because he signed on every morning playing the National Anthem. |
| 6:28
| The radio station was tied in with WGN and one day all the big guns were up there like Uncle Bobby. They were sitting in a conference room eating fried chicken and other food that people don't normally enjoy at Great America. |
| 6:29
| Then suddenly it looked like Larry Shriner was having the big one. So Uncle Bobby sprung into action, started directing people around and got the emergency crews in there. Turned out it was just a kidney stone but it looked as painful as all get out. |
| 6:30
| News with Mark Czerniec |
| 6:31
| President Bush is now in Australia after making an unannounced stop in Iraq on Labor Day. You know things are bad over there when he can't even announce he's stopping in Iraq. |
| 6:32
| Hurricane Felix walloped Central America's Miskito coastline while Henriette hit resorts on the tip of Baja. Felix's rains posed a danger to inland villages and urban shantytowns. Shantytowns does not sound good. |
| 6:33
| Steve Fossett is missing. Air crews are still searching for the millionaire adventurer. He was scouting locations for a planned land-speed record breaking from the air. |
| 6:34
| Mark expects to see Fossett surfacing in Japan somehow. What upsets Steve about this is you can have that much money and not be happy. |
| 6:35
| Plus he's breaking records that don't matter to people except maybe Jules Verne. He's the only one who would care about balooning. |
| 6:36
| Steve would have gone in a different direction with all that money. It seems like you're going to find happiness in debauchery. |
| 6:37
| Mark has enjoyed all the photos of Steve Fossett over the years. His favorite one features Fossett in the fake space suit with the Ben Franklin glasses. |
| 6:41
| And now back to Mark Czerniec in the newsroom. He's filling in for Buzz who had to leave because he thought he was passing a kidney stone. It just so happens that the kidney stone is Steve's birthstone. Buzz is going to have it mounted for him. |
| 6:42
| Comedian Jerry Lewis apologized today for his use of an anti-gay slur during the broadcast of his Labor Day Telethon. The incident came in the 18th hour of the telethon as a visibly tired Lewis was joking on stage, pretending to introduce members of a fictional family as he mugged for the camera. |
| 6:43
| Steve knows from seeing the video that the comment was directed at a camera and not a person. |
| 6:44
| The clip surfaced on several websites including TMZ and is drawing condemnation (pun intended) from GLAAD. |
| 6:45
| Jerry referred to the camera as an illiterate f-word Steve's illiterate and he's offended, who's speaking up for him?! |
| 6:46
| Chicago police are seeking charges against a member of a skinhead group in the drowning death of a Vietnamese man over the weekend. |
| 6:46
| Police do say however that it was not a hate crime as the suspect belongs to a skinhead group that is against race crimes. So what's the point of being in the group, just the shaved head? |
| 6:47
| The child pornography case against R. Kelly has been delayed once again. That guy has been skating on this thing for 5 years. The girl has already had her first grandchild. |
| 6:48
| The franchisee for Krispy Kreme in the Chicago area has filed for bankruptcy and will probably close half of it's area stores. |
| 6:49
| Official's at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab the Hindu sky god. That's Steve's god too! |
| 6:50
| The goats were sacrificed following technical difficulties with one of the airline's Boeing 757s. Every time Steve's flight is delayed at O'Hare he tells someone to sacrifice a goat and then they're on their way. |
| 6:54
| Just to recap, earlier in the show Buzz said he had to leave and go to the emergency room because he thought he was passing a kidney stone. |
| 6:55
| Buzz then called in from the hospital where he was on a gurney getting ready to go up for a CAT scan. Steve will be checking him for tan lines tomorrow just to make sure he didn't try to extend his 3-day weekend. |
| 6:56
| Matt and Brendan are down in their studio undergoing some intense show prep. It sounds like Steve caught them playing pup tent or something. |
| 6:57
| Matt was actually just looking at a photo of Jessica Alba's ass. Actually, it's Eva Longoria. |
| 6:58
| It's Tuesday which means the college girl stops by. That's where the college girl hits up on Brendan and Matt gets mad even though he's the one playing the college girl. It's very fascinating to listen to. |
| 6:59
| Then Matt has to try to steal the college girl back for himself even though he's the one playing the college girl. |
| 7:00
| Brendan was at Saturday's Iowa/NIU game at Soldier Field. If that field is messed up when the Chiefs come in Steve's going to be very mad. It's an unnecessary game. |
| 7:01
| Matt was in New Buffalo today, boating with some friends. Yesterday Matt and Steve did some boating by themselves, crusing the public beaches for stray Mexican chicks that might need rescuing. |
| 7:02
| Steve knows from listening on Friday that Matt Dahl was disappointed with his Fry Daddy Friday segment. He tried to fry a M & M and it didn't work out. What was he expecting? |
| 7:03
| Matt just got a new deep fryer for the segment. Did he save the receipt? That's a write-off because it's for show purposes. Actually it was a gift from Jim kid. He's a real giver. |
| 7:04
| It's a used deep fryer but Jim only used it once to fry some beignets. He's got the black girlfriend so they were probably frying up some catfish nuggets and tater tots. |
