 |
 |
|
| 5:30
| Once again Steve feels this is a lackluster way to start the show. Steve has no doubt that Pete put something together for the beginning of the show since we talked about it yesterday. |
| 5:31
| Alright Pete, we're ready for it in 3, 2, 1. Pete's not even talking. Is he sleeping in there? |
| 5:32
| Pete's sitting in there silently hating Steve probably. Can't we get that Jack guy to do it? Because of his attitude there's a 2 day lag time. You ask him and he says no and then two days later he gives you something you probably don't want. |
| 5:33
| They should call it Jerk FM because Jack is sort of a jerk. If he says "yapper" one more time in reference to Steve, Jack's neck will be rung. Steve will go after Jack and everyone associated with him, including his wife Jacqueline. |
| 5:34
| Pete and Mary probably asked him about it already but he's tough to deal with. He's not very attractive either. He looks like a fat, pock-marked, Edward James Olmos. |
| 5:35
| Buzz once interviewed Edward James Olmos, several years ago. He had a movie he was promoting called Zoot Suit. He's a very nice guy but that face! Wow! |
| 5:36
| How's everything going in there with Pete? What time is he getting up to get here? Pete's up at 2:00 and out the door by 2:30. |
| 5:37
| Mary gets up at 1:30 to get down here. Steve wakes up around 2:00 everyday and then realizes he has 2 hours left to sleep. But then he wakes up about every 15 minutes and it feels like an hour has passed. |
| 5:38
| Steve feels bad when he wakes up at 2:00 knowing Mary is already up and probably working out. She'll spend 3 hours at the gym and then probably another hour after the show because she had half a bagel. |
| 5:39
| Pete is taking the train in again because the bus doesn't run at that hour. That's not because of Doomsday either. Why don't they just charge another dollar? Pete would pay $5 if it got him to work on time. |
| 5:40
| Maybe Pete should take over the CTA. Pete thinks Ron Huberman is on the right track. Huberman is always in that CTA blazer, maybe they're spending too much money on CTA wares. Frank Kruesi was always in that yellow jacket, probably because he didn't want to get hit by a train. |
| 5:41
| Pete has noticed that the train, this early in the morning, is like a moving homeless shelter. Jim was telling Steve about that yesterday, you're better off taking the bus. |
| 5:42
| Why does the CTA let those people sleep on the trains? Why don't they just kick them off? Or kill them and turn them into fertilizer like Soylent Green. If you go homeless you're not going back. |
| 5:43
| Pete actually took a photo of a homeless dude with his phone, he's just stretched out sleeping. He sort of has Pete's look with the hoody and the backpack. |
| 5:44
| Pete got on one train but there were so many homeless guys in there that he had to get off and wait for the next one. It's like they're running a hotel. Do they even make the calls for the stops or do they whisper them so no one wakes up? |
| 5:45
| That's absolutely insane. They need to turn those people into fertilizer like Soylent Green. Buzz used to have a Charlton Heston drop-in from Soylent Green when he discovered what Soylent Green really was. This homeless stuff is never covered by the media when they talk about the CTA. |
| 5:46
| There are plenty of homeless people down on Lower Wacker which is fine with Steve. They have a little community down there, everyone lives in a cardboard box. Then they have one big refrigerator box that's their community center. If you're down there at 2:00 or 3:00 AM it's like a rave, they're all rolling. No wonder they sleep all day. Pete suggests a Red Bull drop-off for Thanksgiving instead of frozen turkeys, or Wild Turkey as Steve wanted to do last year. |
| 5:48
| Tina was telling Steve some story about falling on the train today. She's a bit too chatty for this time in the morning. Steve would call her but she's out getting coffee and newspapers. |
| 5:49
| Apparently Tina told everyone the story individually. We should have a meeting every morning where Tina tells us her stories, think of all the man hours we'll save. |
| 5:50
| Steve doesn't understand how you fall on a train but apparently a homeless guy caught her. Her and Stephanie are like Lucy and Ethel. |
| 5:51
| Steve doesn't understand why we can't have newspapers delivered to us. Or we could just steal one from the lobby. Fresh FM doesn't need newspapers and Ramblin' Ray can't even read. It's about time he admitted that and got help. |
| 5:55
| Soylent Green is people! Buzz loves that movie. Let's mulch the bums, seriously. That would make a good bumper sticker. What good are they? Unless they're a homeless guy with a kid like in that Will Smith movie we should mulch them. All they do is scare people. Give them a week to straighten up and that's it. |
| 5:56
| Apparently there are no newspapers at Starbuck's yet. What the hell's going on around here? From now on we're stealing papers. The first person who gets in steals newspapers from the lobby. |
| 5:57
| There was a big stack in the lobby but someone might have gotten wind we were going to filch them. Now Ramblin' Ray is overcompensating and taking the whole stack. Does he really need 5 copies of the same paper? |
| 5:58
| We should just send Tina to the Sun-Times and Tribune to get papers, she's a journalism student. Maybe she could trip into a security guard and she could have a story to tell. |
| 5:59
| How do you fall into a homeless guy? Maybe it was a calculated move by Tina. She could turn a homeless guy around, then write a series of articles about it. Next thing we know we're at a Greek Orthodox Church. |
| 6:00
| Steve doesn't know much about the Greek Orthodox Church. Buzz thought they had tapas but that's Spain. The Greek Orthodox Church has a flaming bible, like the flaming cheese. They try to put it out and read from it but it's charred. |
| 6:01
| We should at least check to make sure that the guy running Fresh FM doesn't have our newspapers. Buzz saw the new Fresh FM logos, it looks like something for a feminine hygiene product. It looks like a deodorant or a soap or a douche. Buzz can't bring himself to say or even write the word douche. He can't even say touche, unless he's in a sword fight. |
| 6:02
| Caller Steve wanted to congratulate Steve and Buzz on the new morning slot even though his afternoons are empty now. Caller Steve still has a boat in the water. What does that mean? It sounds like sex code. |
| 6:03
| It's good to know Steve and Buzz can leave a hole in the afternoons though. Fresh FM isn't doing it? Caller Steve thinks we should grease the door man or security guard for the papers. |
| 6:04
| We have a media delivery subscription but those might be part of the stack in the lobby. We're not going after those that aggressively. Maybe they have the newspapers at the Dunkin' Donuts that Steve stops at every morning. |
| 6:05
| Steve's very well on the way to having a Dunkin' Donuts sweetheart. Today she had the medium cup ready when he walked in. And Steve made sure she saw that he put $1.75 in the tip cup. If the place would have been empty Steve would have given her a twenty and told her to keep the change. |
| 6:06
| It's time now for the web poll question of the day. First Steve's going to get the results from yesterday. Buzz won the first poll but he didn't win anything, except the satisfaction of knowing that people want him to be the next spokesman for Stetson. We could get him a bottle of Stetson or something. |
| 6:07
| Yesterday's question was whether or not anyone cared about the scandal at Oprah's school. 127 people voted yes and 1727 or 93% voted no, as Steve said yesterday. |
| 6:08
| Today's question is "what is your preferred method of torture?" The first option is waterboarding. If Steve had known about that when his boys were younger he would have used it to get them to talk. |
| 6:09
| The second option is strappado in which torturers bind the individual's hand behind his back with a rope and then the torturee is hauled up and suspended by his hands, dislocating his shoulders. And the third option is burning the torturee with fresh cookies. |
| 6:10
| Two students at SIU-Edwardsville kidnapped, paddled and burnt a young man with freshly baked cookies after a drug deal went bad. Steve's going to say the drug was pot if they had cookies. Steve solved the AMC theater robbery in minutes so he could probably figure this one out too. |
| 6:11
| Steve believes if he was brought in on the Stebic and Peterson cases he could get those solved too. Put him in a room with someone he could get them to talk. Steve could search for a few days too but he's not mounted. He doesn't have a horse but he could get one. |
| 6:12
| Steve no longer has any horses that he co-owns. Stevebiscuit was sold in a claiming race and still races in Florida. Aloha Friday had to be put down because he broke his foot or something. It doesn't seem right that they just shoot the horse right on the track like that. |
| 6:13
| According to authorities three men went to buy marijuana at a house near SIU-Edwardsville. Two of the men grabbed the pot and ran leaving the third behind. |
| 6:14
| He was then grabbed by the dealers, paddled and burned with cookies immediately after they were taken from the oven. It sounds like they have their own fraternity. They also poured urine on him from a pop bottle. |
| 6:15
| The two suspects were arrested on Saturday morning. There's no evidence they were using drugs during the incident. They were probably waiting for the cookies to be done. |
| 6:22
| If you're going to torture a guy with cookies at least pour milk on him. They were probably saving it for themselves. |
| 6:23
| Alright Tyrone's checking in with some traffic. Buzz did not peg him as an early riser but he's glad to know that he's our eye in the sky. |
| 6:24
| Tyrone could really go for a cookie right now but he doesn't want a hot one put on his nipple. He wouldn't mind being paddled by a lady though, that just gets his circulation going. |
| 6:25
| Every once in a while Tyrone posts something on Craigslist looking for a dominatrix type. Or he'll just post a photo of himself with the headline "Which one of you bitches wants 'dis?" |
| 6:26
| Tyrone has some traffic, he heard a listener aksin' about him earlier. Tyrone's actually taking George Ryan up to prison today. George helped Tyrone get his pilot's license and he's very grateful that he hasn't killed anyone. |
| 6:27
| They've been talking about what George Ryan's going to be doing in prison and based on what Tyrone knows, that's what he does now. He's making soup and cleaning toilets at home and he doesn't have to worry about wardrobe choices. Plus he won't have his wife around nagging him. |
| 6:28
| There's an accident at 290 eastbound, a car flipped over. How does Tyrone sound upside-down? |
| 6:29
| Headlines with Buzz |
| 6:30
| Pakistan's President said he will end martial law in a few weeks. After he kills all the lawyers? People always joke about that but he's actually doing it. |
| 6:31
| The effort to impeach Dick Cheney is picking up some steam, it has no been referred to the House Judiciary Committee. |
| 6:32
| George Ryan will report to a federal prison in Oxford, Wisconsin today. Steve loves how the TV stations are trotting out all the former Illinois politicians who have been in jail. It's like a who's who list. |
| 6:33
| We also found out that George Ryan can't even bring his own watch, he has to buy a special prison-issue Timex. How do we get one of those?! Steve wants one. Is there a gift shop? Buzz wants one for himself and he'd give them out as gifts too. |
| 6:34
| It's probably an Indiglo that is lit 24 hours a day. One thing you don't want to know in prison is what time it is and how much time you have left. Or maybe it's a watch that moves faster so it seems like time is flying. |
| 6:35
| Do you think the watch is engraved with the prisoner's name, or maybe just his prisoner number. Is there an Oxford prison online gift shop? Maybe someone can call in with the info. Steve likes the Timex watches. Buzz has several, including an Indiglo he wears to the movies. |
| 6:36
| Four of an Indian girl's eight limbs have been successfully removed in a surgery. Steve feels that's a mistake, eight limbs is a gold mine. Local villagers say she reminds them of the Hindu God of wealth who also had too many limbs. Why would you mess with that? |
| 6:37
| CNN had video of her with the limbs yesterday. Steve saw her playing poker with herself. She'd make a great waitress too. Imagine the rhythm she could get as a tap dancer. |
| 6:38
| Steve has a question for Buzz. When Aimee picks him up after the work to see a movie does she bring his watch? Aimee actually has her own so she comes strapped. |
| 6:39
| Stella McCartney is denying that she is lashing out at her father's ex-wife by designing a pendant that features one dangling leg. Is Buzz just making this stuff up? |
| 6:40
| Live read: Walter E. Smithe |
| 6:41
| Caller Tony has some info about prison watches. The electronics they have in there are made of clear Plexiglass so you can't hide anything in there. So are the watches clear too? Buzz likes that. |
| 6:42
| Tony did two years in Galesburg, it wasn't too bad. Some of the guys there were in for life so two years is nothing. He did time for heroin possession. |
| 6:43
| Tony's all clean now with a wife and kids. He kept his TV but he didn't keep the watch. The watch does have your name and prisoner number engraved on it. |
| 6:44
| Did Tony get really good at making soup in jail? Tony never ate in the cafeteria, there's enough food at the commissary to make stuff in your cell. And you can watch TV?! That doesn't sound so bad. |
| 6:45
| If you're a heroin addict can you get heroin in prison? Do they have rehab program in prison if you want to kick the habit? |
| 6:46
| So do you have to have sex with your cellmate or does that not happen any more? It doesn't happen as much as it used to but some guys just can't handle it any more. |
| 6:47
| There was a she-male in there who would go from cell to cell and come out with a pack of cigarettes. She did have boobs though so maybe that wouldn't look so bad if you had a 10 year term. |
| 6:55
| There's your Dennis Kucinich right there, he's as mad as a hatter. He sort of looks like the Mad Hatter too. |
| 6:56
| Steve's been seeing something on TV that he wants. Steve calls up to the office, Tina answers the phone. Steve needs to talk to Stephanie. He doesn't want to talk to Tina about her falling incident. |
| 6:57
| Steve thinks Tina made the whole story up. Stephanie knows that Tina is a bit klutzy. Tina's Lucy and Stephanie is Ethel. |
| 6:58
| Steve sent Stephanie a link for some new-fangled thing called Earigate which is supposed to flush your ear out. Steve is still excited to get it because he got the wrong one. |
| 6:59
| Steve got some sort of earwax removal system which has been on the market for 20 years. Steve wants the new one, the Earigate. Stephanie's been hanging out with Tina for too long, she probably just told her to get whatever. |
| 7:00
| Stephanie went to the Walgreens down here and they told her that's the one they have online. Someone needs to come down here and check that Walgreens out, nothing is going right there. How can they only have 5 Welbutrin pills? 5! |
| 7:01
| Steve just got the old bulb system for removing earwax, it's not the same as the one he saw on TV. He can't wait to get this thing either. |
| 7:02
| A lot of the stores in the Loop area have issues. Remember the Baja Fresh that didn't even know how to make a proper fish taco? |
| 7:03
| Stephanie needs to be more up-to-date on the ever-changing world of earwax removal technology. She needs to do less hanging out with Tina and more hanging out with Mary. |
| 7:04
| Steve's got the Earigate website up on his computer, there's a demo if Buzz wants to see it. |
| 7:05
| This thing does exactly what you'd think it would. Steve loves all types of earwax removal. He loves putting peroxide in there. |
| 7:06
| Steve had an issue yesterday with his headphones. He has those Shure noise-canceling earbuds that he wears to work out. Sometimes the plastic part of the bud comes off and it really got stuck in his ear yesterday. It took him a long time to get it out and then he lost it. |
| 7:07
| Caller Tom wanted to recommend a ear candle from a health food store. Steve's not getting anything from a health food store. The only reason he's talking to Tom is because he needs to get his computer hooked up to the board. |
| 7:08
| Steve's not interested in ear candling, everything he seems online says it doesn't work. |
| 7:09
| Alright the computer is hooked up so Steve can play the commercial with the audio. The guy's got a plunger on his head trying to get his earwax out. Wouldn't it be great if that worked? |
| 7:10
| Steve had to plunge his own toilet on Monday and he wasn't responsible for the issue. It's obviously Dan Falato, he's the only one here who claims he doesn't use the bathroom. |
| 7:11
| Steve loves Stephanie but how could she not know that the Earigation is what he wanted. Steve loves new technology! |
| 7:12
| Steve can't prove it but he's blaming Tina, she probably just told Stephanie to get whatever. |
| 7:13
| Caller Tom was also very excited about Earigation but it's terrible. The little tip doesn't go in far enough. The water pretty much shoots straight in your ear and then trickles down your neck. |
| 7:14
| Steve has something else to add to the list of things to do after the show. First he and Buzz need to figure out where to get a prison watch. Then they need to figure out how much those machines cost that doctors use to clean your ears out. |
| 7:15
| As Steve recalls it wasn't much different than a water pik. How great would it be to go up to the office and have that done by Tina or Stephanie. Probably Stephanie, Tina would puncture their eardrums because they don't like her music. |
| 7:16
| Caller Dave is glad to hear Steve on Jack. Steve is jacked! He can finally drink his coffee, it's cooled off enough. |
| 7:17
| Dave used to work for Shure, he helped with the molding of those plastic earbud covers. He has a few cleaning tips for the plastic buds too. |
| 7:18
| Steve lost one of the plastic pieces so now his headphones are useless. Dave has extras, he could send some to Steve. Should guys be exchanging headphone earbuds? |
| 7:19
| Steve knows guys at Shure but they might be mad at him. They gave or loaned WCKG some microphones years ago and now they want them back. Shure claims it was a loan, WCKG claims they were given to them. |
| 7:20
| Maybe Steve should just grab the microphones and send them back to Shure. Because now he has to buy their headphones at retail! He wants to upgrade to the E5's too but he can't right now. |
| 7:21
| Those E3's are pretty sweet though, it's like having a bass drum in your ear. You'd think all this would be enough to erase the microphone debt. |
| 7:22
| Steve expects to get a lot more stuff now that he's doing mornings. Tomorrow he hopes to have the prison watch, the ear cleaning system and new headphones waiting for him. |
| 7:29
| Steve's not sure if anyone can tell on the air but there's a different in the levels of the commercials and the levels of the tapes and the mics. |
| 7:30
| The Jack stuff is all hot and compressed and Pete, Mr. Audiophile purist, is trying to keep his wav form pure. Pete was trying to talk to the engineers about it but Steve told him to jack his stuff up. It's Jack! |
| 7:31
| Jack it up, end of discussion Pete! Mr. Psycho Coffee Pot guy! Pete's got a percolator in his studio, it really is his own prison in there. |
| 7:32
| It's like your mom is making you coffee in the 50's in there! Where do you even find something like that? Did he get it at a garage sale? |
| 7:33
| Pete got the percolator at Linens 'n Things. He shops there? Is he saving up money for a sex-change operation? |
| 7:34
| Steve was in there with Pete arguing about levels with a guy who has a percolator! Just jack it up! It's Jack! |
| 7:35
| Steve would also like to complain about one other thing. He sent Stephanie out to get him a heater and she came back with a ceramic prison heater. It looked like the kind of heater you see on the news when they show a CHA apartment. Steve's getting a new kind of massage and some of it involves being the floor which is very cold. |
| 7:36
| Steve specifically told her he didn't want that kind but then she came back and said that's all they had. Then Steve sees that Mary has a really nice oscillating heater that goes back and forth between her and Brendan. |
| 7:37
| Steve doesn't care if he has a ceramic heater, he just doesn't want to see the ceramic because he feels like he's in prison. |
| 7:38
| Buzz has an electric oil heater. That sounds dangerous. He's had it for 5 years and it keeps the back room very toasty. He's wondering how long that oil lasts though. |
| 7:39
| Steve was so excited last week to take the heater out to his massage place and then he's got this one that could burn down the entire building. |
| 7:40
| It just looks like the kind of heater that would burn down a CHA building. They probably wouldn't even let you have one in prison because you could use it as a weapon. Meanwhile Mary's got a sweet oscillating fan with a remote control. Steve doesn't have his heater, he doesn't have newspapers, he doesn't have his ear cleaning system. If he has to go to prison for that watch he'll do it! |
| 7:41
| Going to prison would be good publicity for the show. We could run Best of and then Buzz could break in with news. Or we could just get a line up there. |
| 7:42
| Steve's got a whole staff of people working for him and they're probably getting stuff for other people. They probably got that percolator for Pete! |
| 7:43
| Caller Michelle wanted to let Steve know that he's doing Thai yoga, which is a form of yoga. You just lay there and they stretch out for you, it's great. |
| 7:44
| Steve did have a little bit of an accident last week that he's embarrassed about. The woman stretched his leg in a certain way and Steve couldn't squelch it. Some guys like to do that in public, like Steve's boys, but he doesn't like it. |
| 7:45
| Steve might be too embarrassed to go back there this week. He just couldn't help himself. She stretched his leg in a weird way and he wasn't ready for it. To her credit she didn't drop his leg and run away though. |
| 7:46
| Then Steve had to lay there in shame for the rest of the hour. It wasn't even relaxing after that. |
| 7:51
| Those drops need to be louder Pete. And that percolator is irritating to Steve. There are a million ways to get coffee around here. Pete just wants to be noticed! |
| 7:52
| Pete doesn't like the taste of the coffee in the kitchen. What's wrong with him?! He ruined the staff dinner last week and now this! |
| 7:53
| Plus what do people think of Steve when they go in Pete's studio and see the percolator? Pete thought it would be welcoming. |
| 7:54
| Steve's going to demand to see Pete's man parts. Normally he doesn't like to see that stuff but this is different. Only a chick would go to Linens 'n' Things for a percolator. |
| 7:55
| What's welcoming about a percolator? Plus he's got this big tub of sugar in there. The tub is too big, it could probably hold a kilo of sugar. Pete only has an 8-ball in there though. |
| 7:56
| If Pete could just make the tapes louder then Steve wouldn't have to go in there and see the percolator. When was the last time you saw a percolator?! |
| 7:57
| Pete would like to brew a cup of coffee from his percolator tomorrow and then get a cup from the coffee and do a taste comparison. |
| 7:58
| Steve gets that people like their coffees, that's why they have places like Intelligentsia. They roast their own coffee you know. And they don't use slave labor. The coffee just tastes better that way. |
| 7:59
| Pete's not even using Intelligentsia coffee in his percolator though so he's fumbling at the goal line. All this would be OK if Pete were happy but he's not happy. |
| 8:00
| Alright Chef Hans is here for Meat Talk. He'd like to say hi to the kitchen staff at Smith & Wollensky, including Jose who's cutting all the meat. Hans has been on this show for 5 years and he's never given a shout-out until now. |
| 8:01
| Hans brought in some steak sandwiches and bacon. Buzz had a taste of the steak sandwich it was great. |
| 8:02
| During the last break Brendan was eating some of the bacon and Mary told him to see if Buzz wanted any. Then Brendan handed her a single piece like it was a dog treat. |
| 8:03
| Brendan might have realized he had messed up the social order of the food distribution so he tried to recover by handing Mary the bacon. |
| 8:04
| Hans has his big March of Dimes dinner coming up too. Yesterday his friend WIly Steinmiller gave him a ball signed by A-Rod and Jeter to auction for the event. |
| 8:05
| Mark Giangreco will be auctioning off a chef's table for 10 at Smith & Wollensky. Steve imagines that Mark sits there and talks about himself for the whole time. |
| 8:06
| Hans would like to have the entire staff sit at the chef's table some time. The last time Steve sat at the chef's table his neck was sore for a month because he was looking over to talk to Hans. |
| 8:07
| Steve did encourage Hans to tell his stories and there were some really good, funny stories like the time he did two sexy Pan-Am stews on a flight. |
| 8:08
| Every time there's a staff dinner Ed Silha tries to act like he's Steve, in front of Steve. That might come in handy at a chef's table because Ed would do all the work. |
| 8:09
| Hans really wants to cook for the entire staff, like a mini-Escoffier dinner. He doesn't have to do that, Steve likes the regular food at S & W. |
| 8:10
| If Hans wants to auction Steve off next year for the benefit, even for sexual purposes, he's willing to do it. |
| 8:11
| Hans is still going to come by every week for Meat Talk. We'll take a few email questions about meat. Plus Thanksgiving is coming up, Hans makes a great turkey. |
| 8:12
| Is there anything Hans can tell us about breakfast meat, other than that it's salty? You can microwave bacon, it's a pretty good way to cook it. It takes all the grease out of it. |
| 8:13
| The bacon that Hans brought in wasn't microwaved. Steve likes his bacon fried. He doesn't want to sound like Pete but you can tell the difference. |
| 8:17
| Steve just got done talking to his doppleganger, Steve the engineer. He's got a sweet Jack t-shirt on. |
| 8:18
| They figured Pete's problem out too, he was right. They're loading the commercials in too hot at Jack, they're at +5 db, we don't roll like that. We roll at 0 db. |
| 8:19
| Can they get that done by tomorrow? And Steve wants a Jack t-shirt too. And mic flags that pop! |
| 8:20
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 8:21
| Caller Craig just wanted to call in and congratulate Steve on the move to mornings. He did want to tell Steve a quick story about how it's ruined his life. |
| 8:22
| Craig was driving his girlfriend to work yesterday morning and he wanted to turn on Steve. His girlfriend wanted to listen to Tom Joyner or Steve Harvey. Craig told her it was his car so he listens to what he wants. |
| 8:23
| Then the girlfriend said "what kind of black man listens to Steve Dahl?!" She's questioning Craig's blackness?! A block before her office she told him to let her out, slammed the door and said "you can have your Steve Dahl!" |
| 8:24
| This happens a lot with Craig and his girlfriend and they didn't break up or anything. Steve doesn't think it's right that she questioned his manhood and his blackness. |
| 8:25
| Steve would like Craig's girlfriend to come around and like him though. It's not like she hates Steve, she just wants what she wants. |
| 8:26
| Steve appreciates Craig standing up for what he wants. Steve would have just changed the station if someone was messing with his coochie card. |
| 8:27
| Craig's going to take his girlfriend out to dinner with the gift certificate he won and say it's compliments of Steve Dahl. |
| 8:28
| Caller Hannah is Polish. Nice! Is she one of those hot Polish chicks Steve and Buzz see all the time? Hannah wanted to tell Steve that he loves the show. She didn't expect to get through so quickly. |
| 8:29
| Hannah misses Steve in the afternoons. Steve was fine with it too but they shut down WCKG. |
| 8:30
| Hannah can't believe Steve isn't on the air all over the country. Buzz asks him that question everyday. Steve's happy just being on here though. |
| 8:31
| Hannah doesn't want a spin of the wheel. We have to give her one though, how else is Steve supposed to get her address? |
| 8:32
| Hannah had a very exotic accent. It was Polish but almost like an actress. |
| 8:33
| Live read: Cheeseburger in Paradise |
| 8:34
| Headlines with Buzz |
| 8:35
| Iran says it now has 300 centrifuges working to process Uranium. That means nuclear bomb capabilities. |
| 8:36
| Duane "Dog" Chapman is now publicly apologizing for a tape leaked to the National Enquirer in which he used the n-word several times. |
| 8:37
| He was telling his son to break up with his black girlfriend because he was afraid she'd hear him use the n-word and then expose him to the press. Then his son sold the tape to the National Enquirer. |
| 8:38
| George Ryan reported for prison this morning where he has the option of getting a prison-issue Timex wristwatch. |
| 8:39
| An caller earlier today said the prison watches were clear so you couldn't hide anything in then. Has anyone called in about getting Steve and Buzz those watches yet? |
| 8:40
| A big raid on Drew Peterson's house last night. His wife is still missing and Drew is not staying there right now. |
| 8:41
| Program's promoting abstinence for teenagers apparently don't work but they're still eligible for thousands of dollars in grant money. You can't stop teenagers from having sex. |
| 8:42
| Chicago is the most caffeinated city according to a new study. And that's just Steve and Buzz since they started doing mornings. |
| 8:48
| We're going to talk to Pat Boyle in a minute and Buzz has a commercial to read but first Steve has a question about the audio Pete just played. Did Steve hear Drew Peterson in there saying "I'll never have another overdue library book again." |
| 8:49
| He did say that. Was it in response to all the police and media at his house? |
| 8:50
| There's a high-frequency hum that Steve's hearing and it's driving him nuts. Granted it's a short drive but still. Steve thought it was a piece of equipment but someone is drilling outside the building. |
| 8:51
| That's turned the entire building into a giant tuning fork. They were drilling near Steve's office the other day and the same thing was happy. The entire building is resonating which Steve finds sort of relaxing. He logged some serious ear-on-the-mirror time during the last break. |
| 8:52
| Live read: Medical Hair Restoration |
| 8:53
| Steve finally figured out why Buzz didn't want to talk about his hair transplants earlier in the week. He wrote the commercials and he didn't want to use any of that up until today. |
| 8:54
| There are some guys who look good bald like Keith Carradine, who's on Dexter now, and Pete Postlethwaite. |
| 8:55
| Steve's not familiar with the second guy. Steven Spielberg calls him the best actor in the world. He's not the guy who plays Bob on Heroes is he? |
| 8:56
| Alright Pat Boyle from Comcast is on the phone. He was sitting there listening to the hair talk and also wondering if the humming in the building was an alarm going off because Steve's new Polish stalker got passed security. |
| 8:57
| The Bulls lost last night, they're now 0-4. Buzz loves their consistency. They're getting ready to go on that circus road trip where they never do well. |
| 8:58
| By the way, Steve would like to make a correction from last week. Buzz did a story about a guy in an elephant suit protesting the circus at the Allstate. Buzz said the circus wasn't even here yet but it is. |
| 8:59
| The Bulls are just not playing well right now. They're a poor shooting team and Paxson might have to bit the bullet and make some changes. |
| 9:00
| Well it's good to see we're firing on all pistons with the bad sports teams in Chicago. What are the Bears going to do on Sunday? |
| 9:01
| Lovie's still saying this is only "halftime" of the season and they can still make the playoffs. Forget about the playoffs, how about winning 2 games in a row? |
| 9:02
| What the hell happened to the Bears? It seems like every year there's a mass exodus of teams who were in the playoffs one year and don't make it the next year. |
| 9:03
| What happened to all those weapons we were supposed to have? Steve thinks they got too big for their britches. |
| 9:04
| The Pats and Colts are also too big for their britches but they can back it up. It's like Brian Urlacher not talking to the media. If he's going to play that bad he needs to talk to the media. |
| 9:05
| Steve's no longer saying "we" about the Bears, he's saying "they". They have now lost all their flex-schedule games. If they keep playing like this they'll be playing games at 9:00 AM. |
| 9:06
| Pat also has some audio of Don Shula talking about the Patriots and Spygate. Unless someone can tell Steve exactly what was on that tape he doesn't think it really matters. |
| 9:07
| Buzz is still praying that the Patriots will eventually lose. He has the memories of that season and no one can take it away from him. |
| 9:08
| The '85 Bears would have gone undefeated if it weren't for Steve talking to players on the sidelines, via those giant cellphones, before the game. Coach even blames him in his book. |
| 9:09
| Steve feels that he's not getting his due credit from the '72 Dolphins for keeping their record alive. Would it kill Bob Griese to take Steve out to dinner the next time he's in town? |
| 9:10
| Dennis Rodman is interested in coaching a WNBA team. He certainly has the outfits for it. He's probably more of a woman than some WNBA players are. |
| 9:11
| Dennis Rodman knows basketball but the WNBA women play basketball more like the NBA in the 60s. |
| 9:12
| It can't hurt the WNBA to have Dennis Rodman as a coach. Steve wants to watch, they all seem talented, but he just can't. It's like the Women's Final Four. He wants to watch but he doesn't. |
| 9:18
| Live read: Medical Hair Restoration |
| 9:19
| Steve is surprised Aimee is so superficial that she'd say something about his hair. Steve thought she was all spiritual with the healing and all that. Buzz was certainly taken aback by it. |
| 9:20
| Alright Bob and Ron are here. It's funny to look in there and see them because they're not morning people. |
| 9:21
| It's Wake and Bake with Bob and Ron. It looks like a coffee shop in there with the percolator. |
| 9:22
| Now that we're on in mornings Bob and Ron can hang out all day around here. Steve doesn't want to hang out with Bob and Ron. He doesn't even want them walking his dog. |
| 9:23
| Ron did walk Matt Dahl's dog Walter. Matt brought it out to the house last Sunday and Steve threw a fit. Then Janet gets mad at him becuase she thinks he's trying to make it so the boys don't want to come over. |
| 9:24
| The whole day is a nightmare with Matt's dog out there. All the dogs have to be kept in separate rooms. |
| 9:25
| Steve likes dogs but he doesn't like dogs that travel. Your dog is your dog and his dog is his dog. Janet always wants her friends to bring their dogs over too. Why would Steve want someone else's dog in his house? |
| 9:26
| A dog can go 10 hours without having to go to the bathroom right? That's true but it's something Bob and Ron don't like to talk about. Matt came out to watch the game for 3 hours, still plenty of time to get back and walk the dog. Do the math! |
| 9:27
| Then Janet said she didn't want the dog sitting in the condo downtown barking all day, what would the neighbors say? The neighbors don't even know they own the place. They don't even know Steve exists, they're all from Third World countries. |
| 9:28
| Steve would pay Bob and Ron to take that dog for a walk and never bring it back. Then Janet starts comparing the dog to future grandchildren, wondering if Steve will act the same way with them. Why would he, they're not dogs! |
| 9:29
| Alright it's time for some rock history. It's Ike Turner's birthday this week, as well of Paul Simon, formerly of Tom & Jerry until they changed their name to Simon & Garfunkel. |
| 9:30
| Also this week in 1988 John Fogerty finally won a long-standing legal battle when a judge ruled that he did not plagiarize his own song. Fantasy Records owned the rights to all his old CCR songs and they sued Fogerty for the song Old Man Down the Road. |
| 9:31
| It cost him $600,000 so it seems like Fantasy Records won anyway. Then Saul Zaentz sold Fantasy Records to Norman Lear. |
| 9:32
| Song: Run Through the Jungle, Creedence Clearwater Revival |
| 9:35
| Apparently Wednesday is the best day for Chef Hans so Steve might move Ben Gay to Thursdays. |
| 9:36
| Buzz's mic isn't on. Steve could probably just turn it on but it's funnier to say something about it. Buzz likes to turn his own mic on and off, he enjoys the autonomy. Just don't abuse it. |
| 9:37
| Alright, Tyrone's back with some traffic. Everyone's talking about George Ryan going to prison today, it's all over the TV but he's actually in the choptater with Tyrone. |
| 9:38
| Buzz wanted to say hello but George isn't in the mood to talk to him. Buzz doesn't blame him. Does he know he's getting a new watch when he goes to prison? It's a see-through Timex! |
| 9:39
| Tyrone doesn't know what the TV stations are following because he's got George Ryan with him. The TV stations might be following a decoy or something. |
| 9:40
| Why are they following a man going to prison, that ain't right! He's an old man, he's probably gonna die up there. |
| 9:41
| Ryan's wife might find another man since he'll be in there for 6 1/2 years. She might have trouble finding someone because she's about a hundred years old. |
| 9:42
| Tyrone does appreciate George Ryan getting him a pilot's license. He didn't even know how to fly at the time. If he would have actually taken the test he would have failed. |
| 9:43
| Tyrone has never killed anyone with the choptater, except that one time he took a few people's heads off with the blades. Sometimes he likes to dip down a bit and take a drink from Buckingham Fountain with a really long straw he has. |
| 9:44
| Tyrone's getting pretty close to the prison right now. George wants him to turn back but they went over this already. George wanted to stop off at a strip club but it's too early. |
| 9:51
| In his press conference before going to prison George Ryan mistakenly said he and his wife had been married for 41 years, not 51. That's not the mistake you want to make before going off the prison for 6 years. |
| 9:52
| Ryan also thanked his entire legal team even though he's going off to jail for 6 years. He gave them all plugs though. |
| 9:53
| The weirdest thing he said yesterday was that he could have taken a plea to spare his family but he was innocent. After all these years and all the appeals he didn't win it seems like he has to be guilty of a few of those things. |
| 9:54
| It seems like it was his job to spare his family, not prove he's innocent. The good thing is that he'll have 6 years to think about it. Or will he get time off that sentence for good behavior? |
| 9:55
| Jim Thompson and Dan Webb both said they'd have no trouble getting him an innocent verdict. Then you've got Jim Thompson overexplaining everything and saying his firm waved their $30 million legal fees. |
| 9:56
| This is what you get for $30 million! Remind Steve never to hire anyone from that firm. |
| 9:57
| Buzz has a little news to finish off the show. Good news form India, the girl with 8 limbs survived a successful surgery to remove 4 of her limbs. Steve still thinks that's a mistake, especially if people in her village think she's the Goddess of Wealth. |
| 9:58
| She looks perfectly normal, as far as Buzz can tell, after the surgery. Although she seemed perfectly happy with all 8 limbs yesterday. You can get a lot done with 8 limbs, that's all Steve's saying. Imagine a short order cook with 8 limbs! |
| 9:59
| She could be the dancer and the partner on Dancing With the Stars. Then when she won she could shake the hand of the host and all 3 judges. Imagine her as a bartender! |
| 10:00
| Plus when she got a little earlier she'd probably be able to find some guy who wants to get his freak on with a girl with 8 limbs! Imagine all the jewelry he'd have to buy her. Bracelets for every wrist! |
