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| 5:27
| Steve would like to officially protest since it's not 5:30 yet. He shouldn't have to be on but he is. Good morning Buzz! |
| 5:28
| It says that song is 5 minutes and 31 seconds but it never has been an it never will be. It's supposed to end at 5:31. |
| 5:29
| Steve is demanding a full explanation, he'll need to see Jack in his office. He better be in too. Steve thinks Jack is gay so he was probably up all night clubbing. |
| 5:30
| Steve's trying to make a phone call but he can't see the number on the keypad. Something needs to be done about that. Buzz needs to come over and see just to prove Steve is not a whining bitch. |
| 5:31
| Steve calls down to the Jack studios. They ended a bit early because the songs were very short. Can't he insert another song? How about Fine Young Cannibals. |
| 5:32
| Jack's not in yet but he should be shortly. He's gay right? That's why he acts so macho. He says he plays what he wants but really he plays what Todd Cavanah tells him to play. |
| 5:33
| Steve wanted to know this kid's name down at Jack but he must have let him go. He can't do that! He probably realized he said too much about Jack. |
| 5:34
| Steve calls back to Jack FM. Louis is running things down there. Next time he should feel free to insert a song. It doesn't matter if the song goes over, they just don't want to start early. |
| 5:35
| Buzz is still mad at Steve because this show could have been 6:00 AM to 10:00 AM or 5:30 to 9:00 AM. He won't even talk to Steve off the air. |
| 5:36
| Look at Steve, he's a people person now. It goes from Louis hanging up on him to a "thanks Steve" They'll be going out to have an Egg McMuffin any day now. |
| 5:37
| Steve thought they stopped making breakfast at 10:00 AM but Mary says 10:30. Steve thought that was only on the weekend. Maybe it's 11:00 on the weekends. Stephanie says the one across the street is 10:30 AM. |
| 5:38
| Buzz has a frog in his throat. What he needs to do is yell at the cab driver every morning. Steve has a similar issue in the morning. Now that they're getting older it's harder to get a the frogs out. |
| 5:39
| Today is the day Buzz puts this schedule to good use and attends an afternoon movie with The Peeper. They're seeing Bee Movie. Did she drop out of school or something? |
| 5:40
| Piper's school gets out at 1:30. What time do they start, 4:00 AM? Are they in school already? Piper starts at 8:00 AM, that's cake! When Steve was in school then went from 8:00 to 3:15. |
| 5:41
| Steve forgot to mention this yesterday but Brendan couldn't even get into the building yesterday. He and Matt both had their credentials pulled, apparently no one knows Brendan works for this show. Buzz had to vouch for him at the security desk. |
| 5:42
| Then today Steve came up to the elevator lobby and Brendan was lurching around like he was drunk. These new hours must be throwing him off. |
| 5:43
| Also, Steve's call screener is back. He figured that since Brendan screened the calls he would check the system every morning. There is a caller on hold but Steve can't see who it is. This is what it would be like if he was blind, only he'd have a seeing eye dog. |
| 5:44
| Steve's dogs did not get up with him this morning but Mabel did put her head on his leg when the alarm went off, as if she didn't want him to go. Then Steve started petting her and fell back asleep. |
| 5:45
| The other dog was stretched out in the bathroom on the throw rug in front of the shower. She didn't appreciate having to move so Steve could take a shower. |
| 5:46
| Caller George had a flashback to his high school days with the lead-in to today's show, Rock 'n' Roll Hoochie Coo. George went to St. Rita's and remembers Steve playing there. |
| 5:47
| A lot of people remember that show which is cool. George remembers Steve making fun of a crucifix missing one arm. Steve was hammered at that show but at the time he figured a lot of the kids were too. |
| 5:48
| George is a cop, which must be driving that one listener nuts. He doesn't like when cops call in. Maybe he's a convict or something. We have convicts and cops calling in. That guy called in last week who did 2 years for some sort of drug thing. |
| 5:49
| He was telling Steve and Buzz about all the clear items you get in prison. Then someone sent Steve a catalog of all that stuff. There was no Timex though. |
| 5:50
| No need to get up and try to fix the call screener though Brendan! Steve doesn't really need Brendan in here leaning on him, he gets very touchy-feely. He doesn't care who he's touching either, it's all flesh to him. |
| 5:51
| Does Buzz ever watching that Two and a Half Men? It's pretty good. Buzz hasn't watched anything with Charlie Sheen since the divorce. He's siding with Denise Richards, she's a local girl. |
| 5:52
| Steve is fixated right now on trying to open a program on his computer that would allow him to see the call screener. No one can figure out why the call screener computer is off though. |
| 5:53
| On the way home from Vegas Matt Dahl mocked Steve for having too many programs on his tool bar so he cleaned it up yesterday. One of the programs he removed is the one that would allow him to see the call screener. |
| 5:54
| Why is the call screener off though? No one comes in here after the show. |
| 5:55
| Steve stretched out his day pretty well yesterday so he didn't watch too much TV in the afternoon. You know things are bad when you're watching Jeopardy. Plus this is Challenge of the Champions week so it's all the dorky contestants and the questions are really hard. |
| 5:56
| Steve can't really play along because he doesn't know anything about 20th century art. Steve usually does pretty well playing along but he feels stupid during the Challenge of Champions. |
| 5:57
| Steve stretched things out so well that he ended up working out at 7:00 PM. He's been having some bad luck at the health club out by him. Normally when you're on the treadmill you hope a really hot chick gets on the one in front of you so you can look at her ass. |
| 5:58
| Lately though Steve's been getting some real monstrosities running in front of him. It's like the biggest, fattest ass in the club, other than Steve's, is always right in front of him. |
| 5:59
| Steve doesn't like when dudes are in front of him either because he doesn't want to accidentally think the guy has a nice ass. Next thing he knows he's in the lockerroom and the guy is the type who dries himself off with his leg up on the counter. Then he's in the steam room and then he's on a website being cruised by Larry Craig. And then he's with Larry Craig! |
| 6:00
| It would be just like Steve to become a closeted gay guy with all the free time he has in the afternoons. The last time Steve had this much time in the afternoons he started drinking. |
| 6:01
| Adam can stop coming into the studio to check on the call screener, Steve always forgot about it. Adam needs to learn to ride Steve out, it's usually a 3 or 4 minute process. |
| 6:02
| So last night at the gym there were a lot of people there and Steve couldn't figure out what was going on. He didn't want to get behind a monstrosity-even though he'll give them kudos for even being there-or a dude. So he got behind a post. |
| 6:03
| The post had cleaning supplies on it so the people working out can clean up after themselves. If Steve's going to wipe down the machine he'll do that before he uses it. He doesn't care what happens afterwards. Isn't cleaning the machines the job of the people who work there? |
| 6:04
| Steve had a guy on the treadmill next to him who couldn't stop looking at his read-out, which was irritating. Steve has good peripheral vision so he could see him the whole time. The guy might as well be looking at Steve's willy! |
| 6:05
| Buzz often finds himself looking at someone else's read-out, he can't help himself. Steve's not ashamed of his read-out, he just doesn't appreciate someone else looking at it. |
| 6:06
| Is it warm in the studio? Buzz doesn't feel it yet, it still seems cold. It's like a clambake around here. Mary has a heater outside the studio that has flames coming out of it and she has a coat on. She needs to start eating more to get a layer of insulation on her! |
| 6:07
| If Adam comes in the studio one more time Steve is going to punch him. And he's not going to like it either. He's a little fellar, he'll go right through the wall. Adam has gone into geek mode and wants to fix the computer, which Steve gets. |
| 6:08
| We've got a caller on hold who has a good idea for Steve. We've gone old school and people are bringing notes in about who's on hold. |
| 6:09
| Caller Mike throws a towel on the top of the treadmill he's using so he can't see the read-out. He doesn't like to focus on the timer. Sometimes he doesn't even like to listen to his iPod because he starts focusing on how long the songs are. |
| 6:10
| Steve was listening to the new Eagles album last night at the gym, which he finds spotting at best. There's a lot of Don Henley preaching on there. He keeps talking about the war and fat cats. He's a fat cat! He's like a billionaire. |
| 6:11
| The worst thing Mike has seen at the gym is the guy who shaves naked at the health club. That is the worst! First of all who shaves at the health club, and then who shaves naked! |
| 6:12
| There's a lot of shaving at the health club, more than you'd think. Last night Steve saw a guy standing there totally nude putting his workout clothes into a bag. Can't he at least put his underwear on when he does that? |
| 6:13
| Buzz feels that some guys view the gym as "me time." Maybe gay me time! What kind of guy wants to be nude in front of another guy? Steve can't get that thing covered up fast enough. Usually he's devising methods in which he's never totally naked. |
| 6:14
| OK, Steve has a letter, sent by mail, from a listener. He hopes it's a girl. Maybe it's the dude who was looking at his treadmill last night. |
| 6:15
| Adam is now outside the studio trying to figure out the call screener. He's put it up on another screen which allows Steve to see he has no calls on hold. That makes him feel lonely, is that what Adam wanted? |
| 6:16
| The letter is from someone who's never written to a radio celebrity before. Steve feels he's going to get lucky off this one. The listener tried to call Steve on his last day on WCKG but failed so they sent a letter via snail mail. Thanks for blocking that call Brendan. |
| 6:17
| November 4th was very difficult for this listener because they had to make a decision about what to do the next day. Where would the listener's loyalties fall? Steve or Howard Stern? Their life was perfect when Steve was on WCKG. So was Steve's life! |
| 6:18
| The listener followed Stern to satellite and then listened to Steve in the afternoons. On November 5th the listener didn't hesitate and turned on 104.3 at 5:30 AM. |
| 6:19
| One of Steve's favorite things about being on in the mornings is thinking of girls being naked listening to the show. They're showering! Steve's on the verge of coming up with a section of Dahl.com where we'd accept pictures of that. He might become a pornographer with his free time in the afternoons. |
| 6:20
| Our own Ed Silha was once a pornographer. He had an interactive webcam but everyone who came to the site got 5 free minutes. That's too much time. Steve really only needs 3 minutes or 2 if he puts his mind to it. 5 is just too much. That's enough time to say goodbye to the girl. |
| 6:21
| The listener tuned in last Monday to hear the comfort and reassurance of Steve's voice. Steve never sounded better and she knew she'd made the right choice with her Chicago radio stallion. That's why Steve works out. |
| 6:22
| It was also that that moment when she realized she couldn't go through a single day without hearing Steve's mesmerizing voice and his thoughts and feelings. It would be like a day without food, air and water. Steve's just reading it, he didn't write it. Although if he did write a love letter to himself it would be like this. |
| 6:23
| The listener's ideal life would be for Jack FM to run Steve's morning show again in the afternoons. She's still having a very hard time getting through the latter part of the day without him. |
| 6:24
| Steve knows this is self-serving but it was handed to him. He was told it was good and that he'd find it enjoyable. If he'd read it ahead of time he probably wouldn't have read it on the air. He would have just called the woman or sent her an email. |
| 6:25
| The listener is also so happy Buzz has stayed on the show. Together they have the perfect blend of chemistry. Don't get any ideas though Buzz, Steve doesn't like to get naked in front of other guys. |
| 6:26
| The listener misses Steve's theme music at the beginning and end of the show. She's a 41-year old mother of two and a nurse. A nurse! Steve thinks he might be getting sick. Steve lights up her life. How about a few verses of You Light Up My Life. Buzz loves when he does the DiDi Conn version. |
| 6:27
| Usually when Steve gets something through regular mail it's a hate letter. They like to take the time to write it out and it also allows them to scrawl crazy-ass stuff on the envelope. |
| 6:31
| Live read: The Little Guys |
| 6:32
| Steve will be at The Little Guys on Saturday from 11:00 AM to 12:30 for a product demonstration. |
| 6:33
| There's a second demo session at 1:00 PM for all the people that hate Steve because he's on Jack instead of Fine Young Cannibals. Steve will continue to use them as an example. The other day he heard Funkytown and loved that guitar break-in. |
| 6:34
| There are people who are still listening even though they hate Steve. Some people are probably just trying to make the adjustment. Janet went to the florist the other day and she told her it was hard for her to make the adjustment. |
| 6:35
| Janet should have told her it would be hard to make the adjustment to paying her. Time to find a new florist! Who says that? Steve's going to go by there today, believe him! |
| 6:36
| Actually he won't, he can't dial out this wedding stuff fast enough. He knows the date, that's it. |
| 6:37
| Steve got his flu shot yesterday at Dominick's. The lady pharmacist knew who Steve was and she was trying to explain to the guy pharmacist. He recognized Steve's name and figured his kids knew he was. The guy was younger that Steve though! |
| 6:38
| The guy said he liked to listen to talk so he must have thought Steve played music. Then Steve told him he was talk and the guy said he liked to listen to all talk. Steve is all talk, and no action. |
| 6:39
| Finally the guy said he liked to listen to Spike O'Dell which made Steve not want to get a shot from him. You sort of have to be semi-retarded to listen to that, Steve didn't want the shot going into his eyeball. |
| 6:40
| People say they get sick from the flu shot but you can't, it's a dead virus. It usually takes 2 or 3 weeks to kick so sometimes people get sick in the interim and blame the flu shot. |
| 6:47
| Steve was trying to steal some info from channel 5 for a traffic report for Tyrone. He's having some trouble deciphering what they're saying. These traffic people speak in a language Steve doesn't get. It seems like they give you the time to the accident, not from the accident. |
| 6:48
| Alright Tyrone is here! On the inbound Dan Ryan, local lanes, there's an overturned truck. The inbound is closed on the local lanes! It's backed up all the way to 95th. |
| 6:49
| Thank God we've got Tyrone in the choptater making these reports. That's 64 blocks or streets or whatever backed up! |
| 6:50
| That Drew Peterson is on TV so we should probably go to that. Tyrone will just be hanging out, this delay will last for a while. |
| 6:51
| Drew Peterson resigned from the Bolingbrook police and the body of his third wife was just exhumed. Now he's mad as hell and he's not going to take it. |
| 6:52
| How is this guy getting the ladies? Is this the look they're going for because if so Steve's going about it the wrong way. |
| 6:53
| NBC5 just has a clip of Matt Lauer's Today Show interview. Matt demanded that Peterson look him in the eye and tell him he had nothing to do with Stacy's disappearance for his third wife's death. |
| 6:54
| If Drew Peterson did have anything to do with either of them, and Steve's not saying he did, then he's probably a sociopath. A sociopath can't look you in the eye like that so it's not really the tell Matt thinks it is. |
| 6:55
| Buzz just noticed that Sergio, from the gym across the street, is on NBC now. That's the guy Steve's going to talk to about getting his old trainer fired. |
| 6:56
| Steve feels it was egregious that Cornell broke up with him after training him for 2 years. Steve was 15 minutes late once, on the day when he was told that WCKG was changing formats, and a week later Cornell wanted to break up with him. |
| 6:57
| A man trying to loosen a stubborn lugnut blasted the wheel with a .12 gauge shotgun. That resulted in severe injuries to both legs. You want to use WD-40 on that, not a .12 gauge. |
| 6:58
| The man fired the gun from about arm's length and was hit in both legs, up to nearly his chin, with buckshot. Why would you think that would loosen a lugnut? |
| 6:59
| The man was taken to Tacoma General Hospital. Isn't that the one from Gays Anatomy? That's actually Seattle Grace. Does Pete know that's not a real hospital? If he's ever in Seattle and gets burned by his Starbuck's he can't go to Seattle Grace. |
| 7:00
| Steve actually just wanted to make fun of Pete for watching Gays Anatomy. On the way to Vegas Steve was very troubled because Mike Dahl had loaded the last episode of Gays Anatomy into his iPhone. |
| 7:01
| Today's question is "Have you ever had a mishap with a gun?" If you have Steve wouldn't mind hearing about them, he loves a good gun mishap question. Like Buzz shooting a rat, in a bathroom, with a gun. |
| 7:02
| Buzz feels that wasn't a mishap but he almost went deaf from it. That sounds like a mishap to Steve. It was also a mishap when Buzz hit a bullet with a hammer. |
| 7:03
| The family of Drew Peterson's third wife is up in arms because they showed her coffin on the news. What did they expect to happen? Aren't they glad this is happening, just so they can find out what happened? It's more than they were able to get done when she died. |
| 7:04
| Last night there was a poll question on Fox about 10 being too young of an age to have a gun. Steve had a gun when he was 10 but his dad hunted. Steve had to go to an NRA safe hunter class in order to get the gun though. |
| 7:05
| Steve thought the question was phrased in a way to get the answer they wanted. 10 doesn't seem to young to Steve because he had a shotgun. The view guns different out West because it's the West. That's how the West was won. |
| 7:06
| Steve's had guns since he was 10 and he's never killed anyone. He doesn't keep ammo in his house though, just because he thinks someone else will shoot him. |
| 7:07
| Caller Bruce is out in Plainfield. They haven't found Lisa Stebic or that other girl. |
| 7:08
| Bruce is actually calling to remind Steve about his own gun mishap. He remembers a story where Steve was hunting and shot a rabbit but it didn't die. |
| 7:09
| Steve doesn't remember the exact details but the rabbit was screaming. He didn't know rabbits could scream. |
| 7:10
| There was another mishap where Steve's dad almost blew his head off while they were sitting in a duck blind. The duck blind was basically two garbage cans shoved into the mud, surrounded by shrubbery. |
| 7:11
| OK, Drew Peterson is on the Today's Show now. He says he's sorry that his third wife's rest in peace has been disturbed. |
| 7:12
| It seems like Peterson was ready to break down and then Matt Lauer threw him a life vest! |
| 7:13
| Drew has a daughter named Laci?! That's after Laci Peterson right? It's been more than 4 years. |
| 7:14
| Drew Peterson has been telling his kids that their mom is on vacation. That's what Steve used to tell the boys when he had to take the dogs away. |
| 7:15
| Laci Peterson was 4 years ago so that was before his daughter was born. |
| 7:23
| What does Drew Peterson expect the media to do? His wife has gone missing. At least Scott Peterson faked like he was looking for his wife. |
| 7:24
| Live read: The Little Guys |
| 7:25
| OK back to Drew Peterson. Before his wife went missing she sent and email to a friend. |
| 7:26
| In the letter Stacy told her friend that as she got older she found that her relationship had become controlling, manipulative and abusive. Just like any good relationship! Steve's pretty sure that friend was a dude. |
| 7:27
| Drew responds by saying he doesn't think those are his wife's words, especially the vocabulary. He's still controlling her! |
| 7:28
| The good news about Drew Peterson going on TV is that he widens the scope of how Steve can make fun of him. |
| 7:29
| Stacy's step sister was on the Today Show talking to Meredith. She's pretty hot. Drew was probably hoping for a three-way at some point. |
| 7:30
| You know you're in trouble when what's going on in your life gets two different interviews on the Today's Show. |
| 7:31
| They're showing some pictures of Drew. There's one of him in a Hawaiian shirt. That's the Jimmy Buffett look. |
| 7:32
| There's another one of him carrying Stacy over a threshold. Could Matt tell the viewers that he can bench press her? |
| 7:33
| Drew thinks his wife ran off with another guy but he also says she didn't say that. Or maybe she did. That seems like a mistake. |
| 7:34
| It seems like you'd remember when your wife tells you she's seeing another man. He now thinks he's with her. Is that other man Jesus?! |
| 7:35
| If Steve was the prosecutor he couldn't wait to get to this guy. Matt Lauer's been tossing him softballs so far. |
| 7:36
| Drew has not joined in the search for his wife. That would require some sort of hiking boot, probably a trip to Bass Pro Shop. |
| 7:39
| It seems like he doesn't like when the relationships lose the romance. In the third marriage his wife's hormones kicked in after she had kids. You know how that is. |
| 7:40
| Peterson describes his third marriage as a relationship of one-upmanship. Who's smarter, who's stronger. |
| 7:47
| OK back to Drew Peterson. It sort of sounds like he tires of the women he's married to after a while, like they're a plaything. |
| 7:48
| The media has been an annoyance for Drew Peterson. Not the missing fourth wife or the dead third one who's body was just exhumed. |
| 7:49
| It would be nice if when you rewound the TiVo it made the funny rewinding noise. |
| 7:50
| Steve feels the second part of the interview is when Matt Lauer is really going to lower the boom on Peterson. |
| 7:51
| Peterson says Stacy asked him for a divorce on a regular basis after her sister died. It seemed to be based on her menstrual cycle. |
| 7:52
| Attaboy! Them broads are crazy. Steve's been sitting here thinking that this is what Drew Peterson was thinking but he didn't think he'd actually say it. |
| 7:53
| Steve's not saying Peterson had anything to do with his third wife's death but if he did you'd think he'd be happy getting away with killing one ex-wife. |
| 7:54
| Peterson is now asking for a lawyer to represent him because of the mounting legal costs. That's probably why he came on TV. |
| 7:55
| There has to be some lawyer out there who'd want to take this case on just to get himself some publicity. Apparently there's no one like that in the Chicago-area though. |
| 7:56
| Peterson's mad at Geraldo now because of the way he conducted the interview with him in his house. Uh oh! He should stay out of bathtubs. |
| 7:57
| Drew says he came on the Today's Show to get the media of his back and his family's back. |
| 7:58
| So he dials it up to the network level so he can get the media off his back? Steve hates when he's inconvenienced like this. |
| 7:59
| It seems like this whole thing is just Drew Peterson talking about how he's being inconvenienced. |
| 8:00
| Thanks to George Ryan we don't have the death penalty in Illinois but Matt Lauer doesn't seem to know that. |
| 8:01
| Drew says he's not normally like this, he's a jokester. He doesn't want to come off poorly to the broads of America. He's a Parrothead! The wedder is here I wish you was beautiful. |
| 8:02
| Alright well there you go. Steve doesn't think this will cool things down with the media the way he wants it to. He might get a lawyer out of it though. |
| 8:03
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 8:04
| Mark Czerniec says that George Ryan didn't abolish the death penalty, he just commuted all the sentences at the time. When do we start killing again? |
| 8:05
| Doesn't the appeals process usually take like 15 years? It's like a fine wine, it has to age. Steve enjoys a good execution though. |
| 8:06
| Alright, Chef Hans from Smith & Wollensky is here. He's got a piece of cake for Steve, it's carrot. |
| 8:07
| Last week Hans forgot to mention a few names from the morning crew at the restaurant. This is why we don't do shout-outs. This isn't B96 Hans wanted to apologize to Regina, Patrick, Joseph and Mike for not mentioning them. |
| 8:08
| Hans just saw these people at the restaurant 10 minutes ago! Can't he fire these people if they hassle him for no shout-out. |
| 8:09
| Someone came in last night to say hello to Steve. Steve wasn't there though. It was Larry Wert |
| 8:10
| Hans would also like to thank Steve because the March of Dimes benefit raised over $500,000. Mark Giangreco's chef's table went for $6,000. |
| 8:11
| Would Hans like to be involved in a charity to get Drew Peterson a lawyer? |
| 8:12
| Steve had no idea Chef Hans could yodel. He should have assumed it since he's Swiss. He should get together with Joel Daly. |
| 8:13
| Hans has been told about filet sliders which is filet on brioche bread. They're interested in maybe doing that at S & W. Morton's does it now. |
| 8:14
| On Saturday Hans went to Luxe Bar which is owned by Gibson's, they also have them. Is Luxe Bar across the street from Gibson's? Hans says it's vis-a-vis, which means across or next to. Steve didn't know that. |
| 8:15
| At Luxe Bar Hans saw Steve's boss at the Trib, Dennis FitzSimons. Out of the corner of his eye Hans saw Geraldo. |
| 8:16
| FitzSimons introduced Geraldo to Hans, telling him he was one of the city's best chefs. Hans told Geraldo he was just an immigrant and he told Hans to never be afraid to be an immigrant. |
| 8:17
| Yesterday Hans was at the health club and saw Geraldo on TV, wearing the same clothes as he had on Saturday. Hans thought "Jesus Christ, at least you could have come home and taken a shower!" And that, is Meat Talk! |
| 8:21
| Drew Peterson and Geraldo both seem like narcissists. By the way vis-a-vis means face-to-face. |
| 8:22
| Live read: Medical Hair Restoration |
| 8:23
| Is there any reason why Buzz identifies himself at the start of every live read? He's Buzz Kilman, he speaks for himself. |
| 8:24
| Shirley down at King's Row has seen Buzz's hair since the procedure and she says it's perfect. |
| 8:25
| On Dexter last week Keith Carradine was bemoaning his hair loss. Do we have that in the studio? Did Jim bring it in? |
| 8:26
| We will have that audio momentarily. It took Jim an extra 3 seconds to get the CD cued up because he obsessively put the Post-It note on the CD player. He had the Post-It note, he had to use it. |
| 8:27
| We should probably do some headlines but how about a musical break first. Steve could use a musical break after all that Drew Peterson stuff. It was gold though. |
| 8:28
| Broads are crazy! Peterson's last two wives were really fun at the beginning. But the last one got crazy around her menstrual cycle! |
| 8:29
| What guys actually chart their wife's menstrual cycle? Does he have a lunar chart or something? |
| 8:30
| Song: Runaway Train, Soul Asylum |
| 8:34
| Steve is seeing something that's troubling him in the Sun-Times today. It's an ad for Four Seasons Heating and Air Conditioning. A lot of Bears players do ads for them, even though Steve's not sure what any Bears players know about HVAC. |
| 8:35
| This full page ad features Hunter HIllenmeyer dressed as a pilgrim which is disturbing. He's next to pro turkey Heywood Yahuntme. Then below that is Tommie Harris, also dressed as a pilgrim. |
| 8:36
| With the purchase of certain systems, which are about $3,000, you get a free turkey. That doesn't seem like much since turkeys are about 7¢ a pound. |
| 8:37
| If Steve's the Seattle Seahawks he puts this ad up on the bulletin board in the lockerroom. This is who they're playing this week. |
| 8:38
| News with Buzz |
| 8:39
| New York governor Elliott Spitzer is expected to announce that he'll drop plans to issue driver's licenses to illegal immigrants. How are they supposed to get to Steve's house to mow his lawn? |
| 8:40
| Cases of chlamydia in the U.S. have topped a million. That's that clam-flavored tomato juice right? 8:41 |
| 8:41
| The doctor who operated on Kanye West's mother had 4 malpractice suits brought against him, is accused of getting one patient pregnant and had a restraining order taken out against him by a girlfriend. He's also had some DUIs. |
| 8:42
| That doesn't mean he's a bad surgeon. He was on Oprah! Some of her recommendations haven't been panning out lately though. |
| 8:43
| In Atlanta they have an 85-year old alleged Nazi on the loose. In other Nazi news, the chestnut tree that Anne Frank took comfort in while hiding from the Nazis is now diseased and will be cut down. |
| 8:44
| Steve never read Diary of Anne Frank in school because reading is for losers. He never knew that the family didn't survive though, they were ratted out by someone else. |
| 8:45
| Steve always figured it had a happy ending since kids read it in school. He was quite shocked to learn the whole family was separated and killed. That would explain why there was a big display about her at the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC. |
| 8:46
| Of course that probably means Steve wasn't really paying attention as he viewed the exhibit |
| 8:47
| Paris Hilton is getting a lot of praise for bringing the plight of beer-binging elephants in India to everyone's attention. Turns out that story was fake, she never made any comments about it and had no idea it was going on. |
| 8:48
| The AP picked up that story and had to issue a retraction today. And that retraction was copyrighted by the AP. |
| 8:49
| Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have purchased a man-made island, off the coast of Dubai, that's shaped just like Ethiopia. There's a whole fake world of islands off the coast of Dubai. |
| 8:50
| Richard Branson and Rod Stewart are also reported to have purchased plots of land in that development. Did Branson and Stewart go in on England together? |
| 8:54
| Rod Stewart was born in England but his parents are from Scotland. Branson probably bought England, then got Stewart to buy Scotland. Then he'll bring in Bono to purchase Ireland, Tom Jones get Wales and the British Isles are all bought up by music people. |
| 8:55
| Live read: Comcast |
| 8:56
| Steve's having some trouble getting through this live read. He's not trying to make excuses but he's being distracted by the way HD is written in this live read. |
| 8:57
| Whoever wrote the copy has it as H.D. instead of HD. Steve's pretty sure that's now how HD is written. |
| 8:58
| Steve's a professional, he should be able to work through this, but he's fascinated by it. It's amusing and bewildering. |
| 8:59
| Speaking of Comcast, Pat Boyle is on the phone. Pat will take the heat for that live read, he put H.D. |
| 9:00
| Steve's not complaining about it, he just wanted to share it. At this point it seems like the clients pay for Steve to mess up. |
| 9:01
| Pat heard Steve talking about the HVAC ad with the Bears in them. Maybe the bigger systems, that come with the turkey, are delivered and installed by Tommie Harris. |
| 9:02
| Steve would like to once again point out that giving frozen turkeys to the poor or the homeless is a bad idea. First of all there's a lot of wasted poundage on a turkey. Second, it's frozen solid and third, you still have to prepare it in an oven, which costs money. |
| 9:03
| The poor and homeless need a prepared meal. The reason turkeys are such a big deal is because they take so long to prepare. It seems like a bad idea to give someone the most labor-intensive thing you can think of. |
| 9:04
| They need a Buzz Kilman summer sausage, something that's more self-contained. Buzz can see Chris Zorich throwing out the sausages to the poor and homeless. |
| 9:05
| It would be fun to watch 3 foot sausages flying off the back of a truck. How about Brian Urlacher, he's been known to throw the sausages around, usually with the protective wrapping taken off. |
| 9:06
| Steve and Buzz need to order up a bunch of summer sausage for the holidays. Then when they're on TV giving them out they'll also point out the folly of giving out frozen turkeys. |
| 9:07
| Steve often sees people on Lower Wacker giving out food to the homeless people. There was one woman down there who he thought was feeding the homeless but she was actually feeding pigeons. That's completely insane! There are homeless people, starving, down there! |
| 9:08
| There's another woman who hands out bowls of chili though. It's fantastic. Steve parked around the corner and limped over to have some. She has a full condiment bar too. |
| 9:09
| There's also a woman who fees the cats down there which also seems ridiculous. You'd think the rats would be enough for them. |
| 9:10
| Buzz claims that he hands out summer sausages during the holidays but Steve has never seen that and he's never got one. Buzz does it willy-nilly but he might want to make a flow chart. |
| 9:11
| There are certain people around here who might hear that Buzz is giving out summer sausages and would want one. What about Steve? Or management? |
| 9:12
| All indications are that Lovie Smith will name Rex Grossman as the starter for Sunday. Last week Rex had more reps in practice but that was only because of the bye week. They had more practice time so they were able to give Rex more reps without taking any away from Brian Griese. |
| 9:13
| That's standard protocol for a bye week so it wasn't really an indicator that the Bears were thinking of going back to Rex. It might have helped him get more prepared though. |
| 9:14
| Everyone at Halas Hall is pretty hush-hush about Griese's shoulder though. It's not on his throwing arm though. As long as he can take the ball from center-which he's had trouble with-he can throw the ball. |
| 9:15
| Once again it seems like Bears fans are in love with the back-up QB. Grossman and Griese are both very similar. It's like they're a girl who's a 5 or a 6 . Then they throw a few TDs and they're a 7 or an 8. |
| 9:16
| If one of them is going to get it together Steve would prefer it's Grossman since he's younger. |
| 9:17
| There's still the issue of Grossman's height. He's about 6' foot so it makes it hard for him to see over the linemen for the short passes. |
| 9:18
| How about some lift spikes? Or maybe a spike heel? Maybe go for a Oscar de la Hoya thing. |
| 9:19
| One of the Beras was at a grade school the other day and one of the kids asked him who's starting Sunday. Not realizing the cameras were rolling he said it was Rex. Who was it? Ayanbadejo? Pat's not sure he wants to say who it was. |
| 9:20
| It was Roberto Garza. Is he going to get in trouble for that? Steve got that answer out of Pat pretty quickly, maybe we should get Drew Peterson in here. |
| 9:21
| The Bulls head to Phoenix for the beginning of their circus road trip. Ben Gordon could be benched as a starter in favor of Andres Nocioni. Then they're in LA on Sunday to play the Lakers so the Kobe stuff should get ramped up. |
| 9:22
| Steve saw that Scott Skiles has them practicing for 3 hours a day instead of an hour and a half. It seems like they need it. |
| 9:23
| Kenny Williams met with Torii Hunter so that's good news. The Twins got Craig Monroe from the Cubs so it seems like they know Hunter's on the way out. |
| 9:24
| The Cubs have freed up about $15 million in payroll so far so it seems like they're going to go after that Japanese outfielder, Fukudome. It's a good thing Harry's not alive to mess that name up. |
| 9:28
| Bob and Ron are here. Buzz didn't even notice them. They're very stealth in the morning, mainly because they're on all fours crawling in. |
| 9:29
| Bob actually had some trouble getting in because his building pass has been revoked. It's better that way, we don't need either of them having access to the building. |
| 9:30
| Live read: Medical Hair Restoration |
| 9:31
| Buzz should have some new copy pretty soon. Does he think it's old because everyone has figured out who Pete Postlethwaite is? Buzz needs a new mystery. |
| 9:32
| The transplants will grow in over the next several months. Buzz could go Wayne Cochran if he wanted to. |
| 9:33
| Steve's not sure he understands the Wayne Cochran reference. His hair was an actual hairstyle. You still need to get that hair though. |
| 9:34
| Buzz kept his receding hair but he just filled in the bald spot a little bit. He didn't think it was right that a man of his age came in with a full head of hair all the sudden. |
| 9:35
| So the Wayne Cochran would mean Buzz gets the receding hair filled in as well as the entire bald spot. |
| 9:36
| Alright it's time for some rock history with the Wednesday Wake and Bake. What time to a Bob and Ron get up in the morning to get here? Bob just learned today that McDonald's has breakfast. Instead of a hamburger bun it's two English muffins. |
| 9:37
| You're gonna see a lot of strange stuff now Bob. It's time for Steve to bust out some of the holiday classic's like It's a Wonderful Life. |
| 9:38
| This year's It's a Wonderful Life will feature Drew Peterson as Mr. Potter. |
| 9:39
| It's Buck Dharma's birthday this week, of Blue Oyster Cult. Romeo and Juliet, together in a eternity. |
| 9:40
| It's also JY's birthday from Styx. JY lives out by Steve, he seems him at the grocery store all the time. The way he dresses makes Dennis DeYoung look casual. |
| 9:41
| It seems unnecessary to put on your rock clothes when you're grocery shopping. It's not like Steve goes in there with his headphones on. |
| 9:42
| This week is also the birthday of Neil Young. He was in town Monday and Tuesday for two shows. |
| 9:43
| Steve heard some of Neil's new record, he's not even singing in key any more. Steve can't get that avant garde. He doesn't even solo in the right key. |
| 9:44
| Song: Cinnamon Girl, Neil Young |
| 9:47
| That one's from Neil's first album with Crazy Horse. He had a solo album before that one. If you find the LP without his name on the cover it's worth some money. |
| 9:48
| Steve remembers taking the bus to a record store in Glendale to buy that first album. Then he went home, lit up the incense and listened to it. There are no quotes around incense, it really was incense. |
| 9:52
| That's Neil Young at Farm AId, lecturing people about corporate farming. That's another one of those things Steve doesn't really understand. |
| 9:53
| Steve doesn't want to see families losing farms they've had for generations but he doesn't know what he's supposed to do about it. Is he supposed to eat hemp? When he was at Farm-Aid with Brian Wilson there was a lot of hemp-based food in the dressing rooms and it tasted like...well hemp. |
| 9:54
| Buzz takes his marching orders from Willie Nelson. He might just smoke the hemp. Steve can't imagine being stoned and then wanting to eat hemp. |
| 9:55
| Steve has two final things to say. First he's sorry we never got to the gun mishaps that callers had. Drew Peterson came on TV so we had to go to that. Today's web poll was whether people had ever had a gun mishap. Then there was the story of the guy who tried to shoot a rusted lugnut off a wheel with a shotgun. It didn't work. |
| 9:56
| People called in with their own gun mishaps but you have to go with Drew Peterson. He's on TV, talking like Anthony. Buzz got very uncomfortable when Pat Boyle started doing his Drew Peterson. It was good but he's not sure if it was the right place to whip it out since Steve was also doing one. |
| 9:57
| Steve didn't come down on Pat because it was a good Drew Peterson. As a rule if Steve does an impersonation he doesn't want to hear someone else do one on the show. |
| 9:58
| If Drew Peterson thought he'd get the media off his back if he did the Today's Show it probably didn't work. Al Roker was just talking to Star Jones about it. |
| 9:59
| Those are two people who had gastric bypass and they're both starting to get fat again. The bypass does nothing to curb your hunger and you always look weird after that rapid weight loss. |
| 10:00
| Drew Peterson now has an open feud going with Geraldo, which interests Buzz. That's all part of Drew complaining about how inconvenient this whole thing has been with the media. |
| 10:01
| At least Craig Stebic tried to work with the media. He had Amy Jacobson over to the house for a pool party. |
| 10:02
| Steve would like to see Craig Stebic and Drew Peterson get together. Maybe some lunch at the Bass Pro Shop and then they could get some clothes for the search effort. |
| 10:03
| Steve would just like to point out that there are two women missing in the general vicinity of a brand new expressway. Someone might want to check into that. |
