 |
 |
|
| 5:30
| Good morning everyone from downtown Chicago and the Prudential Plaza. What a find plaza it is. It's Prudential, where you can buy insurance right in the lobby. |
| 5:31
| Not really but you can get a cellphone and discounted perfume and cologne. Buzz has never seen that store, he usually goes out the back door. Sometimes Steve sits down there in the lobby in the chairs, pretending he's an out-of-town businessman visiting some clients. |
| 5:32
| There's also a place down there that sells food by the pound and then the escalator and stairs that lead to the South Shore station. There's a Starbucks down there where Steve also likes to sit in the chairs. Steve likes to sit in chairs. As opposed to? He likes going to hotel lobbies and sitting in chairs also. Each chair is different. |
| 5:33
| Steve usually orders something at Starbucks but he probably doesn't have to. It seems like some people just sit in there all day on one cup of coffee. Steve always wishes he had his laptop with him to get free WiFi. Although it would take him forever to hook that up because he always forgets his password. |
| 5:34
| Then Steve wishes he were going somewhere on the train but he doesn't really want to go to Gary, Indiana. Then he walks down to the Cinnabon. Today might be the day he pulls the trigger on that although it is Taco Tuesday. |
| 5:35
| That's just some of Steve's exciting day, he's surprised it's not written about. Last night he sat at the Sox game with a cup of water. It was his first Sox night game with the new schedule. |
| 5:36
| It was nice to get to the game early last night. And he had a nice cup of water at his seat while guys constantly walked by him yelling "BEER!" Mike Dahl was also there, they had a good time. |
| 5:37
| Steve left during the 7th to get home early and he watched the rest of the game on TV. That's one of the advantages of being a season ticket holder, you don't feel like you have to stay for every game. The other advantage is getting your name on that wall, like you were in Vietnam. Except no one dies. Well Steve died a slow death last season but he would have preferred Vietnam. At least he could have shot someone. |
| 5:38
| Excuse Steve for a moment, he needs to cough. That's a pretty long time to go this morning without coughing. Steve was told yesterday by a girl at the AMA, who was not a doctor, that he has the flu. |
| 5:39
| There's a picture of the wall at Dahl.com, where it looks like Steve was in Vietnam. He did almost get killed on opening day in a parking lot incident. He almost hit a father and daughter although he's pretty sure they walked right in front of his car. That wouldn't have been spun well in the media. Then the crowd turned on him and flipped his car over. |
| 5:40
| Steve got an email from a woman at the AMA and she says he has the flu. Buzz doesn't think it's the flu though. Can't he just give him this? Steve would prefer to have the flu, cold is weak. Plus he prefers the flu since he got flu shots and apparently they only covered 40% of illnesses. |
| 5:41
| Plus having the flu and not calling in sick is awesome. It was pretty bad the last few days, Steve would say a word and then cough and then say a word and then cough. Buzz would have called in sick yesterday if it were him. |
| 5:42
| Steve needs to find this email but there are a lot of other emails about the problem with the streaming audio. Steve forwarded all the emails to Adam and he yelled at the staffers. He said he only needs one email to know there's a problem! |
| 5:43
| Adam needs to respond to every single email though, we don't want to lose any listeners. Adam is very weird. Steve's going to call him and check in. |
| 5:44
| How are those travel mugs selling? Does he remember getting mad yesterday? It's not Adam's fault that the stream isn't working. It's funny because CBS is really big on measuring how many people listen via the web and yet the numbers keep going down because of the issues we're having. |
| 5:45
| We're about 2/3rd of the way through the initial order of travel mugs. It warms Steve's heart, and everyone else's coffee, to know that in a city of 6 million, 90 have travel mugs. It makes it all the more special. |
| 5:46
| Steve was going to forward the emails to Todd as well but he was very distracted by Mariah Carey, who was here yesterday. He couldn't stop dropping her name because she decorated his office with balloons. The only balloons Steve wants to see are her fun bags. |
| 5:47
| Adam's priority is the online stuff so when it goes down he feels impotent. It is like E.D. Ed? No need for Adam to take it to heart though. How are the bobbleheads coming along? Adam has some more information to him today. He really parcels out that information. It's a very long process just for Steve to say no to something. |
| 5:48
| Steve does want to do the bobbleheads but probably not the It's Too Early DVDs. Steve realized that in addition to costing $150,000 he'll have to watch all the episodes where he's wearing ill-fitting Hawaiian shirts. |
| 5:49
| The bobbleheads are coming along though. Right now the detachable microphone is a go but they're concerned that the detachable headphones will break. Is Adam talking to Chinese people on this, are the dolls being made in China? Steve hired Adam because he's fluent in Chinese. |
| 5:50
| Adam's just waiting to schedule the photo shoot for the dolls. Doesn't he have enough photos of Steve? Yesterday they tried to do a shoot and Adam made him take his clothes off. Steve wants the head to bobble on the doll! |
| 5:54
| That's a drop from Big Bang Theory, which Buzz has yet to see. It's funny sometimes and sometimes it's not. It's part of the Monday night CBS comedy line-up. It's on before Two and a Half Men. |
| 5:55
| Steve has that email from the woman at the AMA. She had the same thing Steve did for the last 10 days. She spent a week down and sleeping. That's why Steve wants to have the flu too. |
| 5:56
| About 1,000 people had the same thing at the AMA and she just stayed home listening and getting rest. Steve overdosed on cough medicine on Saturday night while he was out to dinner. He sent himself into another dimension with that stuff. |
| 5:57
| He couldn't even get to the bathroom and when he did he couldn't figure out how to turn the lights on. It was like Fear & Loathing. |
| 5:58
| Buzz will no longer be telling people that Steve has a really bad cough. Instead he'll say Steve has the flu. Influenza sounds even worse. But Steve still came into work anyway, and he talked like Drew Peterson for 2 hours. |
| 5:59
| Actually talking like Drew made it easier on him, as Buzz suspected. Steve figured out last week that it was easy to do the character voices, like Bill Kurtis. He might have a chance to do a little Bill Kurtis today actually. |
| 6:00
| Something caught Steve's eye about Bill today, he needs to find it in his email. It's so hard to keep track of his emails, he gets so many. Yesterday Buzz received 8 emails from the staff about the Hillary Clinton doing a shot video. That was started by Steve and then other people added on. |
| 6:01
| Caller Matt had the flu a few weeks ago and it just beat him down. He was tired, sore and with backaches. A guy he works with had a similar sickness and he was out for 4 days. |
| 6:02
| And yet Steve didn't call in sick at all. Last night at the game Mike said he'd never seen Steve that sick. The guy in front of him wasn't too happy that Steve was coughing during the game. |
| 6:03
| Last night while Steve was at the buffet at the Sox game some old man coughed on his meat. Then him and his friends were in the men's room doing that thing at the urinal where they say "this water is cold...and deep." Steve hates guys who do that. |
| 6:04
| Steve wants to know what kind of flu shot doesn't cover everything. If it's not going to cover everything they should tell you. They should call it the We Think We Got Everything flu shot. |
| 6:05
| Buzz says there's a lag time between when they formulate the flu shot and when they actually start giving them out. |
| 6:06
| Alright time for the web poll. Steve can never remember what the previous day's poll was. Ever since he started doing mornings everyday feels like two days. That's not a complaint, he views it as a blessing. His life is twice as long! |
| 6:07
| Steve does the show, works out, goes home and writes his blog and then watches some TV or takes a nap. Then his second day begins after that. Last night he went to the Sox game during his second day. |
| 6:08
| Yesterday's web poll question was "Do you prepare your own taxes?" Today's web poll question is "Would you buy Oprah's 'gently used' clothes?" Stever's wearing her panties, as a tribute to Harold Washington. It's his birthday today as well as Matt Dahl's. |
| 6:09
| Remember when Washington had to go to prison for not paying taxes, even though his birthday is Tax Day? |
| 6:10
| Tucked into the corner of a loftlike boutique across from Oprah's studio is a piece of custom-made furniture meant to evoke the feeling of an open armoire. That's French, it means movable closet. |
| 6:11
| Among the items on display are used shoes and lightly worn items. There are black Prada heels, an orange Yves Saint Laurent skirt suit and Chanel boots (size 5?) |
| 6:12
| Shopper Lucretia Johnson remembers a size 10 tweed skirt which is on display. Is size 10 small? Buzz thought it was but Steve's being told by people who know that Nicole Richie is size 0. She also weighs about 38 pounds though. |
| 6:13
| Oprah's Closet is the most intriguing corner of what is otherwise a large souvenir shop. So she just took her old clothes and is selling them. She doesn't even have to take them to Goodwill or anything. |
| 6:14
| Oprah's a genius! Steve would love to have a store for his old stuff in the lobby. His clothing isn't "gently used" though. Steve ripped a pair of his Dockers the other day and it might have been opening day on the pants. They were ripped beyond repair so Steve had to throw them out. |
| 6:15
| The secondhand section is like a pot of somewhat affordable gold for Oprah devotees. It gives them a chance to literally walk in her shoes. How great is that? Mostly they cross the street after a taping of the show to devour all things Oprah, like an Oprah tea set. How great would that be? "Would you like some tea Steadman? It's Darjeeling." |
| 6:16
| Steve saw that Darjeeling Limited a few weeks ago, with Owen Wilson and that kid from Rushmore. It made Steve want to go to India. What's that kid's name from Rushmore? |
| 6:17
| Pete says it's Jason Schwartzman. Did Pete like the movie? Steve couldn't decide if he liked it but then by the end he did. It was weird but you expect that from a Wes Anderson movie. It made Steve want to go to India and take a train ride. |
| 6:18
| Oprah's closet usually features 20 hand-me-downs ranging from size 10 to 14, priced from $50 to $500. The shoes are sizes 10 and 11 and the Prada heels were about half the price they cost new. Does Oprah have ugly feet? Steve's guessing they're cute. |
| 6:19
| While the prices in the store aren't a "steal" employees say they're fair. And then there's the provenance. Is that like the vibe because it's Oprah's clothing? |
| 6:20
| Does she donate that money to charity? Or is she keeping track of everything she sells for herself? Provenance is the origin or beginning of something. |
| 6:27
| Steve would just like to say that he's very disappointed in Buzz. He just caught him in the men's room scrawling a message on the wall about a threat. He just wants us all to go home so Steve can get some rest. |
| 6:28
| The gun looked like a phallus though so he did combine the threat with more traditional bathroom graffiti. How can an entire school shut down over some bathroom graffiti? |
| 6:29
| It seems as if college campuses have become killing grounds but they still remain one of the safest places to be. None of the previous school shootings were preceded by bathroom graffiti. |
| 6:30
| One other thought about Oprah and her store. Does she call the lady who runs her store and check on sales like Steve calls Adam? What if Oprah called during her show to see if they sold the Bruno Magli sandals yet. She's got to keep track of the Oprah travel mugs and bobbleheads. Do they have an Oprah bobblehead? If so Steve would like one. |
| 6:31
| Live read: The Little Guys |
| 6:32
| Would Buzz like to go to the newsroom or does he want to wait until 7? Let's do it now! Or they could talk more about the school shooting threats. |
| 6:33
| They can't put cameras in bathrooms but maybe they should if people are going to be writing threats on the wall. Steve doesn't care if there's a camera in the bathroom, it's not very exciting. All you'll learn about him is that he's a urinal hugger. |
| 6:34
| Buzz never did it in high school, but he thought about calling in a bomb threat when he had a big test coming up or something. |
| 6:35
| News with Buzz |
| 6:36
| It's Tax Day. All tax returns must be postmarked by today or you can file for an extension until October. Suze Orman says that if you get money back, don't be that excited. The money you get back is yours and it just means you paid too much in taxes. The government hangs onto that money for a year and doesn't pay you interest on it. That's what Steve said yesterday. |
| 6:37
| Will Big Steve be out at the post office today? For some reason that's something Frijole Joe likes to do on Tax Day. Joe has Big Steve and he won't give him back. He might be sexually abuse Big Steve as well. |
| 6:38
| President Bush will greet Pope Benedict when he arrives in Washington today. Steve believes that he and Garry coined the phrase Popemobile. He's not sure if Buzz was around for this but it was during all the Pope-on-a-Rope stuff. |
| 6:39
| Steve usually remembers what he says and what he takes from someone else. And he usually gives credit if he takes something from someone else. They also coined the term Cheesehead but they never get credit for it. |
| 6:40
| A merger between Delta and Northwest airlines has resulted in the largest airline in the world. It will be based in Atlanta and called Delta, which seems unfair. |
| 6:41
| New York's first black governor, who's also blind, will throw out the first pitch at Shea Stadium to celebrate the 61st anniversary of Jackie Robinson's first game in the majors. Buzz wonders where that first pitch will go. Will they pull a prank on him and face him in the wrong direction? Is 61 years something we need to celebrate? Steve gets 60 and then 70 and 75. |
| 6:42
| In other baseball news the Yankees believe they have reversed a curse put on them by a Red Sox fan and construction worker. Over the weekend workers broke through cement to pull out a David Ortiz jersey. |
| 6:43
| Buzz did have a 61st birthday party for himself after the 60th birthday was so fun. That was where Steve paid $500 for a sheet cake that was supposed to taste like the cake at Portillo's. |
| 6:44
| If someone would have just asked Steve he probably could have talked to Dick Portillo personally about one of their cakes since he knows him. But someone who was working on the show at the time thought he had better connections. |
| 6:45
| That person, who was also the producer of the show, spent 6 weeks trying to get a cake like the Portillo's cake for Buzz's birthday. Then he spent $500 of Steve's money for the cake. At the party this person was freaking out because no one was eating the cake. |
| 6:46
| For $500 Buzz wants a cake you can live in. Or a cake that a prostitute pops put of. After the party Buzz was accused of wanting the cake all along by the person who got the cake. If he was still here he'd be accusing Buzz of wanting the cake all along. |
| 6:47
| Malcolm X College reopened for classes last night, just hours after it was evacuated after a threat was found in a bathroom. It read "Here I sit, broken hearted, came to shoot you but only..." |
| 6:48
| St. Xavier College still remains closed after a similar threat was found on Friday. Those people freaked out. They sent kids home, on planes if necessary and got other kids hotel rooms. |
| 6:49
| Steve doesn't mean to be callous but does NIU need to do a vigil for Virginia Tech? It's like a whole industry unto itself. NIU is doing a Huskies for Hoakies vigil for the 2 month anniversary of the NIU shooting and the 1 year anniversary of the Virginia Tech shooting. |
| 6:50
| Chicago police have shot and killed a cougar. But this could be a different one than the cougar spotted on the North Shore. This cougar was headed towards Boystown. So it's a male cougar? |
| 6:51
| Police corned the cougar in an alley and shot it around 5 pm yesterday. Then they left it out on the street for people to take photos of. They probably had to shoot it, you can't have a cougar running around the neighborhood. |
| 6:52
| A Will County state senator has introduced a new measure that could change the way evidence is presented in a case, including the Drew Peterson case. The measure would allow for hearsay testimony if the witness who made the statements was not available to testify in person because the defendant had a hand in the person's absence. |
| 6:53
| All that's going to do is give Drew Peterson the chance to appeal any verdict for the next 20 years. |
| 6:54
| Herschel Walker is opening up about his battle with multiple personality disorder. In a Nightline interview Walker says he always had the disorder but didn't know what it was. He said he doesn't remember winning the Heisman and recounts a story of playing Russian Roulette by himself in his kitchen. Which personality got the Heisman? Was it the Russian Roulette guy? |
| 6:55
| A 15 minute video of Marilyn Monroe performing oral sex on an unidentified man sold for $1.5 million. The buyer said he will not be showing the video out of respect for Marilyn. |
| 6:56
| There was a time when the FBI, under J. Edgar Hoover, was trying to identify the man as John F. Kennedy. Hoover probably got some good tips off the tape too. |
| 6:59
| That's a drop from Jimmy Kimmel where Big Steve is in the background of a live shoot. That's a pretty cool reference. Steve's not sure if Frijole will take Big Steve out to the post office today though. He might want to just stay home and have sex with him. |
| 7:00
| Caller Larry wanted to let Steve know that St. Xavier's mascot is the cougar, so it was oddly prophetic that a cougar was shot yesterday. Better to be safe than sorry but if you live like that people would never go anywhere. |
| 7:01
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 7:02
| Steve opens up the Mailbag. The first email is about the foot long hot dog-eating contest with Ginger Zee and Elie Pai Hong. At the end of a Saturday or Sunday morning news on NBC they were presented with a foot long. |
| 7:03
| Pete was never able to find that tape. He was hoping this was behind him but it came up again. What happened to Pete? |
| 7:04
| So Elie and Ginger were presented with a hot dog and decided to eat it from either side. But Pete doesn't have the tape. Ever since he got that girlfriend Pet's work has dropped off. Steve thought he was Pete's girlfriend. |
| 7:05
| Every other weekend Pete's going to New York and he's missing all this stuff. Buzz had no idea that Pete had a girlfriend. Of course not, that's how we like to keep it. |
| 7:06
| Last weekend Ginger Zee had a wardrobe change during the news and boxed some firemen. Does Pete have that tape? |
| 7:07
| Pete's pretty sure he has that one. Before he had a girlfriend Pete would have known about it before Steve even got this email. What's next, Pete refusing to tape anything because his girlfriend thinks Steve relies on the tapes too much. It's a crutch and he needs to become more of an independent personality. |
| 7:08
| Steve thought he was Pete's girlfriend. What about their moment at the Pearl Room? Steve is Pete's guy on the side but it should be the other way around The girlfriend should be the one on the side. |
| 7:09
| Is Pete going to look for that or is he going to go back to watching TV and texting his girlfriend. |
| 7:10
| The next emailer began tipping his garbage man every Christmas since he moved into his new house. He doesn't tip the recycling guy because he doesn't even get out of his truck. |
| 7:11
| As the emailer wrote this letter he was sitting in his home office, watching the garbage man close the lid on the recycling can so rain doesn't get inside. He doesn't do that for anyone else. It pays to listen to the show. |
| 7:12
| Steve's garbage man stymies him. Everything changed when it went down to a one man truck. You need to have two guys on a garbage truck, like in Men at Work with Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen. |
| 7:13
| Steve would like to go back to the illness he's had for the last 10 days, which he's claiming is influenza. He came into work anyway though. There's still a lingering cough which sounds like the black lung from Zoolander to Buzz. |
| 7:14
| The final emailer got a flu shot just like Steve but still got so sick that they were in the hospital for 3 days. What's the point of a flu shot if it doesn't cover anything? Steve always gets it and it always works, except for this year. |
| 7:15
| Steve calls down to Adam's office to check on the travel mugs. There are a couple dozen left out of 144. Earlier we read about Oprah selling gently used clothing in her store, can we start selling Steve's old Hawaiian shirts on Dahl.com? Nothing of Steve's is gently used, he puts a lot of pressure on the seams. |
| 7:16
| Steve got an email about the stream at 5:53 AM today. Is it a weak stream? Do we need to get some Flomax? Steve only got one email, usually if there's a big problem we get a lot of emails. |
| 7:17
| The stream problems bug Steve and Adam but they don't seem to bug anyone else. Steve's opening the stream now and it seems to be working. We don't have a weak stream. |
| 7:18
| Those Flomax commercials are the gayest thing ever. A bunch of guys driving around, going to the bathroom together? They're just as bad as the Viva Viagra commercials. They've got the new Viagra guy with the Nashville guys. You know why those guys need Viagra? Because they don't get stimulated by women. |
| 7:23
| Live read: Hilton Indian Lakes |
| 7:24
| Earlier in the show Steve was talking about the school shooting threats and he said that neither of the recent shootings were preceded by bathroom graffiti threats. |
| 7:25
| There was a threat at NIU and they shut it down but it didn't prevent anything. The threat couldn't have said it would happen on February 14th otherwise they would have shut the school down that day. The Malcolm X threat specified Monday though. |
| 7:26
| Steve has been seeing this story all morning on CLTV. It's about a bridesmaid who drove a car into a tree. Steve's TiVo is freezing up on him. He hates when that happens. |
| 7:27
| Yesterday Steve got a call from Drew Hayes, program director at WCKG before we ran it into the ground. Now when Drew calls it's usually to report a death. The last time he called was when Terry Armour died. |
| 7:28
| Then Bruce DuMont called Steve which made him think Eddie Schwartz had died or something. Turns out they were both calling to tell him he'd be nominated for the Museum of Broadcasting hall of fame. |
| 7:29
| Steve had just convinced himself that he didn't want to be in that hall of fame, since he lost out to an idiot the last time he was nominated. |
| 7:30
| Buzz just heard that Larry Lujack was also nominated. That's actually for the NAB, a bigger hall of fame. Thanks for reminding Steve about that! |
| 7:31
| If Steve does get in, how does he reconcile the fact that he's made fun of the museum for the last few years? Bruce wanted Steve's phone number from Drew, even though he has his email address. Bruce might not have a place to email Steve from though. |
| 7:32
| It's just a nomination, the last time he was nominated the lost out to Scott Shannon the lamest guy ever. He was the inventor of the morning zoo. Steve doesn't think his little heart can take losing out again. |
| 7:33
| Steve's going to have his people call Bruce DuMont. Steve's like the Ron Santo of broadcasting, it's going to be the same thing as the last time he was nominated. |
| 7:34
| Caller Kevin was calling in about Steve being the Ron Santo of broadcasting. He should call Ron and get advice on how to take the rejection. |
| 7:35
| Steve would be calling Ron on a fun he bought him. The first year Ron got rejected he shown using a really old cordless phone with a telescoping antenna. |
| 7:36
| The graffiti at NIU was reported in December in a women's bathroom in Grant Tower Resident Hall. It didn't even happen close to Cole Hall. |
| 7:37
| Has Buzz seen that new woman on CBS? She's perky but they need to get a bigger news desk over there. It looks like they're at a card table. She had her fingers crossed that she'd have a good day. |
| 7:38
| Rob Johnson is the other anchor and Steve Basketball is still fumbling his way through the weather. Steve fell asleep during the news, it was very uninspired. |
| 7:39
| They need to make some big changes, they can't just keep plugging in different people. |
| 7:40
| Anne State left San Diego to come to Chicago. Why would you ever leave San Diego? It's warmer and Ron Burgundy started there. Plus she left a somewhat high-rated station to come to the dog station of Chicago. |
| 7:41
| Buzz thought Warner Saunders was on fire last night. By that does he mean he was actually on fire? Was he upended by the Malcolm X stuff? Because he is a professor there. |
| 7:42
| He had a great ad lib with Brant Miller and then there was one moment, after talking to Alison, that he actually smiled into the camera. He did it in such a way that Buzz thought he was actually looking into his living room. Buzz needs to stop smoking pot and watching the channel 5 news. |
| 7:49
| An Owensville, Ohio woman accused of being under the influence while driving to her sister's wedding plead not guilty. Authorities say the car, driven by Jennifer Wheeler, struck a tree on Sunday. |
| 7:50
| She was charged with a DUI, failure to control her car and driving on a suspended license. There should be a law about hitting a tree too since everyone is trying to go green. |
| 7:51
| She could face child endangerment charges because her two children were in the backseat at the time. She also faces felony drug charges after police found Zanax pills hidden in her purse and bra. |
| 7:52
| This just in, also from Ohio, men in a Miami University men's health class are being asked to paint their fingernails red on the one year anniversary of the Virginia Tech shooting. What can Steve and Buzz do? |
| 7:53
| The professor of the class wanted to draw attention to senseless violence committed by men, and apparently get his freak on. |
| 7:54
| These tributes are ridiculous. Painting your fingernails red makes a mockery of the whole ordeal. It trivializes everything. You'd think someone would realize that right before they're going to tell everyone their idea. |
| 7:55
| The kids at Virginia Tech probably want to forget about the whole thing. Remember how they wanted to tear down Cole Hall at NIU, even though kids go through that school every 4 years. If you go to St. Xavier it's not even there any more, they took their Bibles and went home. |
| 7:56
| Live read: Joebees |
| 7:57
| Joe Bee is here, he painted one of his antenna red in solidarity for Virginia Tech. He didn't paint the stinger because he doesn't want to lose sensitivity. |
| 7:58
| Is it just Joe or is his stinger getting bigger? Spring has sprung, in his thorax! Steve's doubling down on the Joebees because he's fighting off influenza. |
| 7:59
| Time for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell. Steve hit the Random Phone Calls button instead. He could do that but not right now. |
| 8:00
| It's Taco Tuesday but Steve and Buzz are not having tacos. The new thing at Taco Bell is adding bacon to everything. Today they're having the Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes with a bacon upgrade. They've basically created potato skins for themselves. |
| 8:01
| Alright it's time for Random Phone Calls. The intro has the old WCKG phone number. Does Buzz want to hear it for old times sake? WCKG, we really ran that thing into the ground. |
| 8:02
| The first caller was wondering Miami of Ohio students would be painting their trigger fingernail red. That's highly uncalled for. |
| 8:03
| The next caller wanted to know what was going on with the Disco Demolition movie. Nothing's really happening but it's on the backburner. You know sometimes how people win an award and they say it took 15 years to make their movie? They're not kidding. |
| 8:04
| The next emailer has a cure for Steve's news blues with CBS 2. He's recommending naked news on pay-per-view. |
| 8:05
| The next caller introduced a whole new generation of listeners to Steve's show and she'd like to say hello to them. Joe and Augustus are on their way to school right now, they're 7 and 10. They should not be driving themselves to school though. |
| 8:06
| Random calls in the morning seem so much more genteel. That's because people haven't had a chance to develop a mean streak. |
| 8:07
| The next caller wanted to talk about his new favorite show The Bachelor. Steve doesn't watch The Bachelor, no one here does. Was this guy trying to call Eric & Kathy and got Steve on accident? |
| 8:08
| The next caller had a question about the Cliffs of Dover song. His son is learning it on Guitar Hero and he'd like to hear it. Can't he just download it from iTunes? |
| 8:09
| The callers wife won't let him on the computer because she thinks he'll go to porn sites. How can guys resist free porn? It's impossible. This is random phone calls, Steve's not sure what to do. |
| 8:10
| The next caller has a joke which Steve took out. We're better off without it. Does Buzz want to go to court and answer for that call? There's always one call like that. Everything was good before that though with the second generation of listeners and then recognition of an old theme song. Then the guy calls with a dirty joke about a midget. Steve should always bail when he hears midget. |
| 8:11
| The next caller has a Smith & Wollensky story. Is it a good one or a bad one? Because Hans is Steve's buddy, he can't have anything bad out there about him. It's a helpful hint for Hans. |
| 8:12
| The caller went to the bathroom downstairs and as he looked at the black marble he got a perfect reflection of a guy wiping in the stall. Close your eyes next time! |
| 8:13
| The next caller wants to hear more tunes from Steve's iPod or iTunes or whatever. It's hard to work them in the morning since we have traffic and weather every 5 minutes. |
| 8:14
| The caller was wondering what theme song Steve used before Cliffs of Dover. He thought it was a guy that Steve got mad at about something. Steve can't remember all that stuff. Steve just lives one day at a time. |
| 8:15
| The next caller was wondering if Buzz will ever do his Porn Emporium segment. You can't do that these days, that's a one-way ticket to Federal Court. |
| 8:16
| The next caller was wondering if Steve's been watching any playoff hockey. He has been watching the Red Wings series, it's been great hockey. |
| 8:17
| The next caller isn't there. That's Charlton Heston calling in, thanks. |
| 8:18
| The next caller is wondering how Popeye is enjoying his retirement. Steve's not sure he can do the Popeye voice with the influenza. |
| 8:19
| Steve wants to quit while he's ahead but there's one last call he wants to take. The final caller is a friend of John Spiegel's, tell him Smelly Kelly says hello. He's been a longtime listener and is trying to get his 7 and 11 year old to listen. |
| 8:20
| The next caller wanted to say that The Bachelor sucks. That's why we hug up on that guy who called about it. |
| 8:25
| Live read: The Little Guys |
| 8:26
| And now, Ben Gay is here on a very fabulous day. He's already been out in Lincoln Park doing his tai chi. Buzz was wondering about that outfit he had on, it's one of the weirdest he's ever seen. |
| 8:27
| They're buttless tai-chi pants which are actually a pair of Steve's Pilates pants that ripped. He's got a jacket that goes along with it that's nippleless. Sunshine on your nipples is really the best thing for you. Wasn't that a John Denver song? |
| 8:28
| After this Ben is heading off the Olympics thing where all the lesbians come in and talk about soccer and cycling. |
| 8:29
| Last night at U.S. Cellular A's rookie Greg Smith held the White Sox to 6 stuff. He had some filthy, dirty stuff last night. Buzz thought Ben was talking about after the game. |
| 8:30
| Well Ben certainly wouldn't mind taking a rookie player out after the game, maybe getting some dirty martinis into him. Buzz doesn't know what a dirty martini is but it's the second time he's heard about it in 24 hours. |
| 8:31
| Ben's pretty sure a dirty martini is a martini with the olive juice in it. That doesn't sound good to Buzz at all. |
| 8:32
| Caller Julie confirms that the dirty martini does have olive juice in it. Ben should have known since he brought it up but in reality Ben is just Steve, who hasn't had a drink in 13 years |
| 8:33
| Buzz is wondering how Steve would know about dirty martini. Should he stay in character for this? Ben has been out with Steve and Mike Dahl and his girlfriend and they ordered dirty martinis. |
| 8:34
| Ben saw a kid hurl at the Sox game last night. The whole section had to be evacuated because the seats go downhill. |
| 8:35
| Nick Swisher faced his old team, the A's. Ben likes Swisher's spunk but he's tired of him being the go to quote machine. He needs to slow it down a bit. |
| 8:36
| Caller Mark is not sick of Nick Swisher yet. Well maybe a little bit. Ben's not saying he doesn't like him, he's a sparkplug in the 1 hole. He just needs to dial it down a bit. |
| 8:37
| Mark took his 7-year-old to a Sox game last year and he was really excited. He had his hot dog and his cotton candy and his peanuts but by the 7th inning he wasn't feeling well and hurled into his hot dog container. That's the 7th Inning Retch. |
| 8:38
| The Sox complete their two-game series against the A's today and Jim Thome will rest. That'll sell tickets! |
| 8:39
| In honor of Jackie Robinson Jermaine Dye, Jim Thome and Nick Swisher will wear the number 42. Derrek Lee and Daryle Ward will wear 42 for the Cubs. Is Daryle Ward black? |
| 8:40
| Dusty Baker makes his return to Wrigley Field tonight, this time as manager of the Cincinnati Red Legs. Corey Patterson also returns to Wrigley as a member of the Reds. |
| 8:41
| Dusty says he's expecting some boos since he was booed here as a manager. Ben thinks they'll cheer him. In Dusty we trusty! |
| 8:42
| The NFL will announce their full 2008 schedule today. Also in football news, Herschel Walker is opening up about his struggle with multiple personality disorder. |
| 8:43
| In this clip from Nightline Herschel Walker talks about his bloodlust at seeing a bullet pierce the skin and blow out the other end like fireworks. What the hell is he talking about? Wasn't he a football player, what game is that? |
| 8:44
| Does Pete know? This is something he culled from his tape library, something he could be bothered to tape now that he has a girlfriend in New York. Ben's surprised he had that since he's usually off gallivanting in New York. |
| 8:45
| One of Walker's personalities liked guns, the same one who played Russian Roulette by himself. |
| 8:46
| The Bulls won big last night against the Bucks in their final home game. Who cares, they're not making the playoffs. |
| 8:47
| Carmelo Anthony was arrested early Monday morning for suspicion of driving under the influence. |
| 8:55
| That's a drop of one of the more awkward moments from over the weekend with Hawk asking DJ if he ever had groin problems. Buzz thought he said "going problem" which is what Steve thought at first too. He thought Hawk was going to roll right into a Flomax endorsement. MERCY! |
| 8:56
| Steve had a chance to listen to Ed and Steve Stone last night, it's like a scientific breakdown of the entire game. If you listen to them for a year you'd know so much about baseball. |
| 8:57
| Steve is seeing a lot of calls on hold about people puking at sporting events. Is this something we really want to get into? There's one call about a guy puking on chicks at a Bears game. Let's save that one for the end, a big finish. |
| 8:58
| Caller Brian was at a Bulls playoff game about 10 years ago at the Chicago Stadium. They were in the upper deck and this kid ran up the stairs and as soon as he got to the top of the stairs this kid just unleashes. |
| 8:59
| The dad dragged the kid away to wash him up and then right after that two kids were running up and they slipped in the puke and went down hard. Alright Steve's gonna puke now. |
| 9:00
| Caller Carrie was at the Giants at Bears game, which did not end well as Steve recalls. Carrie got 300 level seats from her brother that were pretty good and some how associated with the Bears front office. So Carrie got a lecture about not swearing and being on her best behavior. |
| 9:01
| These two guys showed up late and they were in full form already, unable to find their seats. It was a 3 pm game which are the worst ones. People don't change their tailgate schedule accordingly so they have an extra 3 hours of drinking. |
| 9:02
| They got more and more loaded as the game went on. It was a father-son duo and at halftime they were doing the "I love you man" stuff. That's when you know things are bad. |
| 9:03
| The younger guy didn't even make it to the third period, he started booting right as halftime ended. And the worst part is that they were sitting behind two really old ladies who were old school Bears fans. |
| 9:04
| Has Buzz ever puked where he wasn't supposed to? He's had some spontaneous puking incidents before. Steve never puked in school or anything but that was always his biggest fear. Buzz once puked right in his father's face as he was force-feeding him some really vile medicine. |
| 9:05
| Caller Sandy is currently standing at Damen and Milwaukee because the Blue Line is shutdown heading south. Is that the line Steve can see from the studio? |
| 9:06
| The Blue Line is underground so Steve probably wouldn't be able to see it. Luckily he has x-ray vision. That's the line Jim and Brendan take home, maybe they'll come rescue her. |
| 9:07
| Sandy won't get in trouble for being late, she already called in. She does data entry anyway everything will keep going on. |
| 9:08
| When Steve was younger, living in California, he had a $900 Sears bill. This was back in the day of punch card data entry and someone told him that if you keep sending in change of address forms, even if it's the same address, someone will eventually make a mistake and lose your correct address. So he did that and eventually they lost his address. Hopefully the statute of limitations has run out on that. |
| 9:09
| Caller Steve was down by Argon Labs, in that forest preserve, and he saw Drew Peterson on a pathway making out with a woman in a black wig. What? Why would Drew be doing that? |
| 9:15
| As you can well imagine, Bryant Gumble did not approve of the Redskins fans drinking before games in that drop. You can hear the disapproval in his voice. |
| 9:16
| Live read: Gladstone Homes |
| 9:17
| Here's a tip for Blue Line riders. An emailer is listening via cellular card since radios suck on the train. |
| 9:18
| News with Buzz |
| 9:19
| Pope Benedict left Rome in a specially chartered 777 and will arrive in Washington DC where President Bush will meet him at the airport. He doesn't meet anyone at the airport, like Buzz. |
| 9:20
| He moves on to New York on Friday to address the United Nations. He'll also be taking in Jersey Boys and Mamma Mia. |
| 9:21
| Northwest and Delta have presented a plan to merge their airlines and if approved it will create the largest airline in the world. |
| 9:22
| The tax man cometh and he cometh today. Did Buzz write that? Or was it Jim? Tax expert Suze Orman says don't be too excited about your tax refund since it's your money. She's very stern. |
| 9:23
| Is there any way she could talk to Steve like he was a 3rd grader? Orman says these are serious financial times and people should save their money. |
| 9:24
| Female members of a polygamist sect in Texas are saying that authorities tricked them into giving up their children. |
| 9:25
| Buzz has a clip of one of the women. She sounds hot in a really stupid way. So what happened to the men in the compound? We hear about the women and the kids but were the men arrested? |
| 9:26
| Drew knows what it's like to miss 2 wives, he can't even imagine what it's like to miss 5 or 6 wives. |
| 9:27
| Billionaire Bob Johnson, founder of BET, is back in the Democratic presidential race, saying Barack Obama would not be his party's leading candidate for president if he were white. |
| 9:28
| Jessica Gibson says Rob Lowe exposed himself, touched himself and groped her several times. That's all in a lawsuit she filed yesterday. She also alleges that the actor grabbed her butt without consent. Do you need consent for that? |
| 9:29
| Gibson was the Lowe's nanny. She said on the Today's Show that she never blackmailed Rob Lowe and never called the police because she loved his children and needed the job. |
| 9:30
| Lowe's lawyer says an investigation of current and former employees of the actor failed to find one person to verify the allegations. Buzz saw a picture of Gibson, she's quite attractive. Steve has the clip from the Today's Show if Buzz would like to hear it. She's very attractive, you couldn't blame him for taking a run at her while the old lady is asleep. |
| 9:31
| Gloria Allred is the woman's attorney, she's holding her hand. It's the standard Gloria Allred victim pose. Gibson looks like a dark-haired Lindsay Lohan. She won't go into the details of what happened which is when Meredith Viera should have ended the interview. |
| 9:32
| Gloria has gone around the bend here, it's very unprofessional of her. Not giving the details is a little weak. Meredith asks Gibson why she never left and contacted the authorities. She says she was scared. Who's afraid of Rob Lowe? |
| 9:33
| He was in one of the first celebrity sex tapes. You can sort of make out what's happening and it goes on forever. He's got some staying power too. Everyone is so bored, it goes on for like 90 minutes. It makes Paris Hilton look giddy in her tape. |
| 9:34
| A United Airlines flight from Chicago to New York was delayed for over two hours yesterday after a passenger found a bullet on the floor. That's a bad omen. |
| 9:35
| The plane was emptied and everyone on board had to go back through security before they could fly. They were probably pretty mad at that guy who found the bullet. He should have just put it in his pocket. |
| 9:36
| According to tax records they Daley's made less money this year but donated more to charity than they did last year. Why do we have to know all this? Why do we have to know how much the Clintons made last year? |
| 9:37
| How can Hillary call Barack elitist when she's making over $100 million last year? Anyone who makes that much is probably an elitist. She's the one who said it first though. |
| 9:38
| Yesterday on the Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer, which sounds more exciting than it is, Donna Brazil was talking to some Republican about the elitist thing. He said Obama was an elitist and then made a Wimbledon reference. Steve was yelling at his TV because he couldn't believe Brazil missed the opportunity to point out that the guy had just made a Wimbledon reference, which seems pretty elitist. |
| 9:46
| Once again, Steve caught Buzz in the men's room scrawling an idle threat no the bathroom wall so we don't have to work tomorrow. It's not gonna work man so stop it! |
| 9:47
| Steve calls down to the newsroom, he's looking for an update on the Blue Line which Jim takes home. He has no new information which means he doesn't know right? All he sees is shuttle buses from LaSalle to Grand or a recommendation to take the #56 bus. That's the one Steve takes actually. |
| 9:48
| Jim's girlfriend had some trouble getting to work this morning on the Blue Line. Is that because they LIVE TOGETHER?! They live near each other but not together, it's a trial period. Is that the scam they're running by their parents? |
| 9:49
| Steve's sources tell him Jim was spotted walking a dog last night. Why didn't he take Matt Dahl's dog? Steve did build the dog up and Jim thought about it briefly. Instead he got a beagle. Seems like someone is very influenced by the Westminster Kennel Club. |
| 9:50
| Jim's dog is named Chance as in Tinkers to Evers to Chance. Oh brother! It's better than Wrigley which is a very common name for Cubs fans. Chance is so whimsical, does Jim take her out for frisbee tosses? |
| 9:51
| The dog is very stubborn and won't leave the house. He should get used to it, that's what beagles do. There's a reason LBJ was lifting his beagle up by it's ears, they don't mind and they don't like to do stuff. |
| 9:52
| Jim's dog is 10 months old and he just got her on Saturday, because of the beagle phenomenon sweeping with Uno. Jim was going to name the dog Dos but he decided not to. |
| 9:53
| What does a dog like that set you back? Jim paid $150 but he also has to have her spayed, he can't do that at home. Sure you can, all the info is online. All you need is a candle, a butter knife and some twine plus a lampshade so the dog won't pick at it. It's quite easy, Steve does it all the time. He spays neighborhood kids actually. |
| 9:54
| Well that's lovely. What does the dog do at work? Jim gets in around 4:30 and he's home between 12:30 and 1:30, that's 8-9 hours. Jim's girlfriend walks her dog and his dog in the morning and he walks them in the afternoon. |
| 9:55
| Does Jim go out to his parents and unload the dog on them like Matt does? The dogs in a cage to learn potty training. Dogs don't like to you-know-what where they sleep. Jim's dog won't go anywhere except the rug near the backdoor. To them that's the outside. |
| 9:56
| Has Jim been watching Snoopy cartoons with the dog to show her what she can do? She can fly her own bi-plane! So Jim's girlfriend takes the dogs for a walk in the morning, what kind of dog does she have? |
| 9:57
| She has a miniature dachshund. Steve thought all dachshunds were miniature. It's just a kielbasa with feet. Jim did not think of hiring Bob or Ron to walk his dog though. Steve wouldn't hire them either. |
| 9:58
| So just for the record, neither Jim nor his girlfriend would take their dogs out to their parents house and unload it right? The girlfriend's parents actually do take her dog, they sort of treat her like a grandchild. Would they be willing to take Matt Dahl's dog too? |
| 9:59
| Jim's dog does not sleep in the bed with him yet, she's in a cage all night. She does sit on the couch with him though. Does she like Lost? What if they don't like the same TV shows? At this point Jim is just hoping she's a Cubs fan. |
| 10:00
| You never know, the Cubs don't have that Dog Day like the Sox do. It seems like Wrigley Field would be the place to take a dog, it already smells like dogs have been there. It couldn't smell more like urine up there. They need to have a helicopter hover over that thing with a giant urinal cake. |
| 10:01
| He could always take the dog to Dog Days at U.S. Cellular but it might be sold out. Steve should probably take Jim to a Sox game since he took Pete right? Would Jim not talk to Steve for the entire time like Pete did? |
| 10:02
| Jim would feel uncomfortable with a game-long silence. Pete broke the silence up with score keeping, even though there are about 20 scoreboards in the park. Pete has his ticket stub and scorecard hanging on his fridge, it was a special day for him. Remember how fast they got out of that park? Pete was the first one at the train station. |
| 10:03
| Mike Dahl is the only one who gets leaving early. Matt, who got it from Pat, love to stay past when Steve wants to. There's a time to go but they make it seem bad, like Steve doesn't love his sons. So on Monday when Steve's car was being flipped in the park Matt was just walking off la-di-da in his knit cap to hang out with Mike and tailgate until 8 at night. |
