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| 5:30
| This theme Steve is using now might be his favorite one. Buzz thinks it's classic. By the way, this is week 2 of Steve having Eric & Kathy's Cosmo magazine, so Buzz should let him know when he wants to dip into it. |
| 5:31
| Steve isn't sure if this issue is out yet, sometimes you get your subscription copy before it's on the newsstand. That's what happens with Steve's O Magazine subscription. |
| 5:32
| Steve's going to jump right into Cosmo with "Feel Great Naked" which helps you feel sexier in your skin. Then there's a girl surrounded by dudes and it seems like she's going to get naked in front of them. It's a good thing the guys look gay, or at least metrosexual. And really metrosexual is just one lockerroom slip-up from being gay. |
| 5:33
| Nowadays a lot of chicks are empowered and for good reason. There's another type of boldness that's hard to come by though Buzz, the kind in more private situations when you want to chat a guy up or right before you and said guy will hit the sheets. That means they're going to have sex right? |
| 5:34
| That boldness requires harnessing the power of your sexuality. Certain signals send men the message that you're interested. How about taking your clothes off, that's a good signal. |
| 5:35
| Feeling great about yourself doesn't always require the validation of a dude though. Bold women refuse to submit to body fascism. Buzz is like Mussolini in here, always making fun of Steve when he's naked. |
| 5:36
| Blah blah blah...here are some of the tips. Glide around the room, don't scamper. Steve prefers scampering. Gliding puts all eyes on you so maybe this is gliding while clothed. |
| 5:37
| Make eye contact, a come-hither look is like catnip to a man. Duh! Make eye contact with the guy and then glance down. At his weiner? |
| 5:38
| Another tip, approach the man from the side, it's less intimidating. Laugh big too but not the Julia Roberts horse laugh. Laughter shows confidence and makes you seem happy and fun. How does any of this make you feel better naked? |
| 5:39
| Those are all confidence builders but here are confidence crushers; dissing your body, faking an orgasm and wearing baggy clothes. No wonder girls are so screwed up. All of these are tips for at a party. |
| 5:40
| There also tips for being on a date and then in bed. It's really complicated being a girl. If a girl just came up to a guy and said "want to have sex" that would probably be fine. |
| 5:41
| OK on to the in-the-bedroom tips. FIrst undress slowly, taking at least 5 seconds to remove each article of clothing. "One Mississippi, two Mississippi..." |
| 5:42
| Stretch out once naked because that says "sex kitten". Lay flat with your arms stretched over your head. Every time Buzz does that someone jumps on his stomach. Laying flat makes your stomach look flatter and your breasts look larger. |
| 5:43
| This is just one of the things Eric and Kathy can't do right now because Steve has their issue of Cosmo. All he has to do is go into some Daughtry now and he's the man! |
| 5:44
| Make noises during sex, it's what all men want to hear. Straddle the man too, that's self-explanatory. Finally, get spooned. What if Steve went right into Train's Drops of Jupiter right now? Or how about Five for Fighting? Or Gavin DeGraw? Buzz doesn't know Gavin DeGraw but he does know Gavin McCloud. |
| 5:45
| Does Buzz want to hear some Gavin DeGraw? He's popular with the Mix crowd. Has Buzz heard any of these songs? Of course not! Any time you can throw a "chocolate covered cherries" reference into a song you're gay as hell. |
| 5:46
| Imagine how many 29-year-old chicks are digging Steve and Buzz right now. Steve has Gavin DeGraw in his iTunes so what can he say really? Get over here and spoon Steve, Buzz! |
| 5:52
| Buzz is finally all caught up on The Office, he saw The Dinner Party from two weeks ago. One of Steve's TiVo's caught that episode and the other one didn't. Steve needs to contact The Little Guys, he has a lot of work that needs to be done. |
| 5:53
| Steve needs to refocus Ed from The Little Guys. He was down in the Florida and he went over to Steve's place down there. Steve wants to redo his TVs down there but he doesn't really know where to start so they'll help him with that. |
| 5:54
| But Steve needs to refocus Ed up here. Steve was in New Buffalo over the weekend and he couldn't watch the Sox game which was irritating. Steve won't be in Florida again until next year so he needs Ed back up here. |
| 5:55
| Steve paid $200 for the MLB package in Michigan and the Sox game was still blacked out. Steve gets blacking it out in Chicago, they want people in town to watch the local stations. But in Southwest Michigan the Tigers have some thing going where they're trying to stop people from watching Chicago baseball. |
| 5:56
| So Steve went to Sox at Rays and it was blacked out. Apparently the Devil Rays are now just the Rays although over the weekend Steve heard Ed Farmer and Hawk and DJ say "Devil Rays" and correct themselves. |
| 5:57
| Steve also has the MLBTV package on his computer which is about $20 a month. But when he went to the Sox game it says he wasn't out of market and couldn't watch it. So he changed his address to his parent's house and he still couldn't watch the game. |
| 5:58
| So Steve's put in about $300 just to watch a few baseball games a year and he can't even do that. He feels this is some sort of monopoly the Tigers have going and as soon as Steve can remember the name of that lawyer friend of Spike Manton's he's going to suggest a class action suit. |
| 5:59
| So Steve needs to refocus Ed, who only cares about getting on the roof of the condo. There's a door going up there but apparently Ed couldn't see it through his long hair. Hopefully David is listening right now. |
| 6:00
| If Steve doesn't have it fixed soon he's going to go somewhere and kill someone. Maybe he'll drive up to Comerica Park and kill Dave Dombrowski. |
| 6:01
| Ed Silha is on the phone. He reminds Steve about his Slingbox hook-up which could have allowed him to watch the Sox games. Steve didn't think about that until it was too late and he didn't have the TV on in his office that's hooked up to the Slingbox. Also he doesn't have the Slingbox software on his new computer. |
| 6:02
| Ed can get that software on his computer toot sweet but the Slingbox is hooked up to it's own TV in the back room. Steve still wants to bring a class action lawsuit against the Major League Baseball. It seems like an abuse of their anti-trust exemptions. Steve's going to bring down Major League Baseball. |
| 6:03
| Did Ed go to any of the games this weekend? Ed was there on Friday, the Cubs scored about 36 runs against the Pirates and swept them. Even if it's just the Pirates it's still impressive. |
| 6:04
| Steve got really geeked up watching that Cubs/WGN special on Sunday but then he was brought down by the special right after that, narrated by Jim Belushi, about the history of WGN. |
| 6:05
| Belushi got some bad reviews for his work on the WGN special, as well he should. He was also spotted at a fight in Vegas on Saturday night. He is the funniest living Belushi but Steve doesn't want to hear from him until he moves back here. He's been gone for 20 years! |
| 6:06
| Steve also doesn't want to hear from Bonnie Hunt any more. She said yesterday during the Cubs game, after singing the 7th Inning Stretch, that she has a house here and a house in L.A. It doesn't count unless she lives here long enough to vote. |
| 6:07
| Jeff Garlin doesn't live here although Steve doesn't mind him. Belushi and Bonnie Hunt aren't funny. But Steve still got geeked up by that special and a part of him thought about going to the Mets at Cubs game tomorrow and then taking the Red Line down to The Cell and seeing Yankees at White Sox. But he doesn't drink so he'd probably get bored. |
| 6:08
| Steve appreciates the reminder about the Slingbox but it still doesn't seem right that his MLBTV package is being blacked out. |
| 6:09
| Caller Amy is from West Bloomfield, Michigan and she thinks Steve's problem is with Comcast. She sends her DirecTV bills to Illinois and they can't seem to keep it straight where they are. The only thing he has to worry about is the time difference. |
| 6:10
| New Buffalo is right on the border of the time zone so people always give the time and then say "Michigan" so you know what time zone you're in. Maybe they should go Zulu time up there. |
| 6:11
| Steve needs to get working on that, they're not smart enough at DirecTV to follow him. He'll just make some evasive maneuvers and be all set. You can take the DirecTV dish with you on your RV so they can't follow you. Whenever Steve makes customer service calls he'll say stuff like "it sure is cramped in here", it's theater of the mind. |
| 6:12
| Steve's going to take a break and then come back and do the web poll. That was enough entertainment for one segment right? |
| 6:20
| Alright time for the web poll. Friday's question was "Would you take lessons from a life coach?" Then Steve got an email from a bunch of people who were life coaches because he was making fun of it. |
| 6:21
| There's one in particular that he'll try to find. While he was reading it all he could think was "Why don't you lay it on a little thicker?" Buzz doesn't think he'd hire a life coach but he can see how some people would. |
| 6:22
| Steve was reading an article on Friday about a woman who hired a life coach. It sounded like the woman just need to clean her house but according to the emailer sometimes it's not as easy as that. |
| 6:23
| The emailer used to keep a very clean house until she was diagnosed with breast cancer while her mother was dying of pancreatic cancer. She was also taking care of her grandson because her son was recovering from a brain tumor. Buzz would probably let the housekeeping go if he was dealing with that. |
| 6:24
| The part of the email that really blew Steve's mind is that her husband didn't open any mail in the 4 years she was sick so the bills piled up. What kind of husband doesn't open the mail? And not even that, he should have been cleaning the house too. |
| 6:25
| The woman now has bags of mail piled up in her bedroom although she can't throw them out because there's medical info in there. It seems like her husband should have been the first thing to go. |
| 6:26
| She thought about hiring a life coach but it was too expensive. Steve feels bad for the woman after getting this email but it seems like the husband should have stepped up. |
| 6:27
| Steve is impressed with the husband though, even Buzz could take lessons from him. But Steve feels bad for Barb, the emailer, nonetheless. How do you get out of opening the mail when your wife has breast cancer, her mother is dying of pancreatic cancer and your son is recovering from a brain tumor? |
| 6:28
| Today's web poll question is "Is Sophie Dahl Steve's daughter?" Apparently Steve is old enough to be his father? Couldn't she be one of his wives, that sounds better than daughter. Steve belongs to a community out in Texas where that would be OK. Some of the wives in this community are supermodels, they don't have to wear their hair as high as the polygamists do. |
| 6:29
| All those women in Texas look like waitresses at a truck stop. Buzz forgot to bring in the photo of his mom with the same haircut. |
| 6:30
| Sophie Dahl is the granddaughter of Roald Dahl and a former supermodel. There are a lot of words in this article that Steve doesn't know. Is he not smart enough to read Vogue? |
| 6:31
| Sophie Dahl is cute but she's not Steve's daughter as far as he knows. She looks like a young Debbie Harry though. |
| 6:32
| Steve doesn't like reading the Roald Dahl books, it makes him feel stupid that the never wrote a book and also irritated that he's not part of the family fortune. |
| 6:33
| Steve watched that WGN special about the Cubs last night and it was fantastic. But then the special after that about WGN was horrible. It must have been produced by different people. |
| 6:34
| The Cubs special didn't have a host, they just talked to various people. But the WGN special just featured random viewers. Steve really enjoyed the Cubs special though. Pete was hoping he was watching it although it just made him more furious with Marty Brennaman. |
| 6:35
| Marty's comments now have Jay Mariotti on the Cubs' case. He actually let the Ligues off the hook saying that the ball-throwing incident was worse. It's the first good night's sleep that the Ligues have had in years. |
| 6:36
| Sophie Dahl is an English fashion model, she was discovered on a London street at the age of 18. She had a voluptuous dress size and a 38DD bra-size. Dahl defied the stick-thin modeling status quo. She has since dropped weight though. Does she still have the big hootatas? |
| 6:37
| Watching that WGN special Steve sort of felt bad about '84. Pete won't blame him for '84 though. Steve didn't put a gun to Sutcliffe's head and make him go to a donkey show in Tijuana. |
| 6:38
| Steve was out in San Diego during the 1984 playoffs where Leon Durham was throwing stuff off his hotel balcony. Also on that trip Steve was at the urinal between Jim Frey and Don Zimmer. Those were heady times, Popeye on one side and Frey Daddy on the other side. |
| 6:39
| Steve has also been blamed for ruining the Bears perfect season in 1985. Again though, it's not like Les Grobstein put a gun to Tom Thayer's head and made him go on the air. But Coach blamed Steve in his book. Cubs fans should blame Leon Durham, he's the one who let the ball go through his legs. |
| 6:40
| Steve calls down to the newsroom. Jim pointed out to Pete that Ernie didn't bother taking out the Bluetooth headset during his interviews on the Cubs special. It makes him look like a black guy on the Jetsons. Then he says "Friendly Conflines" instead of Confines. |
| 6:41
| Did Jim and his dog Wrigley enjoy the special last night? The dog's name is Chance but they did enjoy it. The only thing is that Jim thought it made the Cubs history look like they were always winning and always in the thick of things. |
| 6:42
| Everything in the special made it seems like they were fine but they can't show 99 years of sucking right? Actually it would be 60 years of sucking on WGN. They're going to show the positive things but it was clear they were lovable losers. |
| 6:43
| Steve thought it was a pretty good special. The Cubs one was produced by the same guy who produces the games for WGN and he also wrote a book. The WGN special was probably a different guy, Jim didn't even watch it because he knew Belushi was involved. |
| 6:44
| Steve likes Jim Belushi but he's a hack. He should know that and not accept gigs like that. He's got 100 episodes of Something About Jim or whatever it's called so he's set for life. Pete was so happy that Belushi wasn't on the Cubs special. Jim knows he's a hack but he can't help himself. They probably flew him in and put him up at a hotel room to do the special. |
| 6:45
| So Jim's dog is not named Wrigley, that's too cliched. Even the people across the street from Steve, who are Cubs fans, named their dog Wrigley. Steve named his dog U.S. Cellular and he didn't even get an endorsement deal. |
| 6:51
| That's a good story that Sut and Gracie told during the Cubs special last night. Even though they were in separate interviews you could tell they had told the story in tandem to a couple of ladies. |
| 6:52
| Caller Jimmy is in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia right now. What's he doing over there if he doesn't mind Steve asking. Jimmy came over on a contract with Intel but he's not on the technology side. |
| 6:53
| Jimmy has to take a lot of clients out to dinner but in Malaysia the good ole' boy network is still alive and well. Things used to be good in the U.S. but the white man is an endangered species here. |
| 6:54
| Jimmy listens on the podcast because the stream doesn't come through too well. It's always buffering, buffering, buffering. |
| 6:55
| Do they have a lot of sex clubs in Malaysia? Is it a place Steve would want to visit? Is it one of those places where there are whores in every bar you go into? |
| 6:56
| The country is 70% Muslim but no matter what is illegal there's a way to pay someone to make it not illegal. There was a guy in another country, a governor, who killed someone and hid out in Kuala Lumpur |
| 6:57
| Jimmy has been listening since Steve's second day in Chicago, no public figure has had this much influence on Jimmy like Steve has. In high school Steve caused Jimmy to wreck his car, in college Steve got him laid, after school Buzz saved his life and he once went on a blind date with Wendy. |
| 6:58
| How did Buzz save Jimmy's life? On New Year's Eve 1989 he got into a fight at Traffic Jam. He was on the bottom of a pile and a big guy was on top of him and then his friend jammed his finger into his eye. |
| 6:59
| Jimmy had to go to the hospital and he had a detached retina. Is this a story about Buzz being a candy striper? Buzz was doing his Drive-In Reviews on Saturday night when Jimmy was stuck inside recovering. |
| 7:00
| Buzz was giving away a copy of Young Guns and Jimmy called in and won, it was his only human contact all night. Put that one in the win column Buzz. |
| 7:01
| There are two bits that always stuck with Jimmy through the years. There's no charge for getting him laid, just take it out of the cost of the wrecked car. |
| 7:02
| Steve was talking about people in Indiana with green teeth and Jimmy and his little brother were driving around and laughing so hard that he crashed the car. The other bit was Steve talking about a guy who lived near a nuclear power plant and his weiner turned black and fell off. |
| 7:03
| It's 8:03 pm in Kuala Lumpur right now so will Jimmy be going out to dinner? Buzz is wondering if Malaysia is the country where they eat monkey's brains. The city is actually pretty cosmopolitan and there are a lot of fast food restaurants. |
| 7:04
| So it sounds just like America only the dudes are still in charge. And you can go to the bars and watch the sex workers do their thing. And Steve and Buzz would only observe. |
| 7:05
| That's Jimmy, checking in from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Steve had to take that call. |
| 7:06
| Live read: Illinois Back Institute |
| 7:07
| So Buzz saved Jimmy's life with his Drive-In Reviews. He probably took a life one week and saved one the next week. That was the show with Tony Fitzpatrick right? |
| 7:08
| They also did the Drive-In Reviews on Comedy Central for a while. |
| 7:14
| Live read: Joebees |
| 7:15
| Joe Bee is here and he's feelin' fine. You know why? Because he's full of bee pollen. If he had ears it would be coming out of them. |
| 7:16
| Joe made a ton of bee pollen over the weekend. Isn't it time for Steve to take his Joebees? He's still doubling down. |
| 7:17
| Steve has the influenza but he started taking the bee pollen again and he got over it. He's still working through it, he'll cough and something will come up into his mouth. Just another souvenir of his illness. He's become a really good spitter because of it though, he might be ready to play professional baseball. |
| 7:18
| We've got the news coming up but first two things. Steve was complaining earlier because he has the MLB cable package as well as the MLBTV package for his computer. |
| 7:19
| Ostensibly with those two packages you should be able to watch baseball games out-of-market. But when Steve was in Michigan over the weekend the Sox game was blacked out on the TV and his computer. |
| 7:20
| Turns out they work from your credit card billing address. If Steve lives in Chicago which baseball game is he probably going to want to watch when he's out of town? They market the MLB package as giving you the chance to watch your favorite team when you're out of town. But it's really for people who live in California or something but want to watch a Cubs or Sox game. |
| 7:21
| Steve's going to contact Spike Manton's friend about a class action lawsuit though. |
| 7:22
| Caller Marty was wondering if Steve was going to the Sox game tomorrow night. Because there's a Cubs game tomorrow afternoon so there's Ligue scenario being set-up. |
| 7:23
| Jay Mariotti has let the Ligues off the hook by saying the Cubs fans are actually worse than Sox fans. They think they're bigger than the game according to Jay. |
| 7:24
| News with Buzz |
| 7:25
| Violence continues in Chicago as nearly 40 people were shot over the weekend. Steve thinks this is one of those stories that the media latches on to. On the same weekend last year only 7 fewer people were shot. It's not that much more. |
| 7:26
| We've got a new sheriff in town though and Steve's not saying he's not making a good point. But it's not like we went from a peaceful town to all this violence. |
| 7:27
| It's just like the NIU shooting, now every time someone gets killed they're identified as a student. Buzz sees 40 people shot over the weekend and he thinks that's a big deal. But almost the same amount of people were shot on the same weekend last year and it just wasn't reported. It's all being sensationalized by the media. |
| 7:28
| In one instance police were assaulted by an AK-47 and Jody Weis thinks there's no place for those guns on our streets or any streets in this country. Jody Weis looks like one of the Geico cavemen, he's got a big forehead and beady eyes. That being said, it seems like he's doing a good job. |
| 7:29
| According to Jimmy Carter, leaders of Hamas are willing to accept an agreement from Palestine's president Mahmoud Abbas. The agreement would recognize the 1967 borders of the countries meaning Palestine would recognize Israel. |
| 7:30
| Did we ask Jimmy Carter to do this or is he doing this on his own? Because a few years ago Steve thought we should have lit up that Al-Sadr guy when he gathered 250,000 of his followers. Can he do that on his own if he had an F-14? |
| 7:31
| New polls are showing Hillary Clinton with a narrow lead in Pennsylvania. Wasn't Obama supposed to lose that by double-digits? |
| 7:32
| The Pope is back in Italy after yesterday's mass at Yankee Stadium and a visit to Ground Zero. |
| 7:33
| The U.S.G.S. is reporting that the latest aftershock from Friday's earthquake was a 4.5. Steve forgot all about that, remember what a big deal that was on Friday? Buzz saw some footage of a guy in a convenience store freaking out during the quake, that was exciting. They did keep showing that, the guy didn't seem like the type to freak out by he did. |
| 7:34
| Buzz is so disappointed that he didn't feel the quake or any aftershocks. He spent a lot of time in convenience stores just waiting out an aftershock but one never came. |
| 7:35
| Danica Patrick, or Daneeca as Buzz says, won the Japan Indy 300, answering her critics. |
| 7:36
| Last night on NBC Mike Adamle was really hyping an in-studio visit from Danica Patrick but how could she have gotten back from Japan that fast? And why would she then go to channel 5? It had to be a satellite deal right? |
| 7:37
| What the hell did Ginger Zee do to herself? She's got a new haircut but Steve preferred her girl-next-door look. Now she looks like the call girl-next-door. Steve's not saying it wasn't hot, it was just jarring. |
| 7:38
| A North Carolina high schooler has been arrested after planning a suicide bombing at his school. |
| 7:39
| The Lane Bryant shootings have become one of the top unsolved violent cries in America according to America's Most Wanted. They must have featured it over the weekend or something. |
| 7:40
| A 2-year-old boy who was blown into Belmont Harbor while in his stroller is doing better. How cool are those Chicago Fire Department divers? They get all their equipment on in the truck and then jump right into the freezing cold water with no visibility. |
| 7:41
| Steve's working on two things to make sure something like this never happens. The first is a stroller made out of an anvil and the second is lead-lined baby clothes. Of course if the stroller goes in it'll sink right to the bottom. The lead-line clothes will have a floater that comes to the top so you know where the kid is. He's also thought about an amphibious stroller. |
| 7:42
| Steve had a similar incident happen to him. The family was down by the pool, a young Mike Dahl was strapped into his stroller for safety and Pat Dahl decided to push him in. |
| 7:43
| Luckily Steve was there to pull him out of the pool. It was Pat's 5th legitimate attempt to kill Mike. Buzz doesn't get how Mike Dahl incurred the murderous wrath of Pat. |
| 7:44
| Steve was swimming in the deep end and saw the splash down. Mike was just sitting at the bottom of the pool in his stroller with a "What the hell?!" look on his face. |
| 7:45
| Pat seems to have diplomatic immunity at Steve's house, he never gets in trouble. Steve actually got in trouble because he accused everyone else of not paying attention. Plus that means he doesn't get credit for the save. |
| 7:46
| This story has all the earmarks of a "bad seed" where the kid grows up to be a psychopathic monster. That's not Pat Dahl though. Steve thinks it's still too early, Pat's only going to be 27. When did Dahmer really hit his stride? |
| 7:47
| The day Steve and Janet brought Mike home from the hospital Pat tried to choke him. He was in the bassinet with his little hands around Mike's neck. And you have to give Mike credit for turning out the way he did considering how often oxygen was cut off to his brain as a baby. |
| 7:48
| The University of Colorado celebrated it's annual 4/20 Day pot smoke-out. No arrests were made although students out-numbered police officers 800-1. |
| 7:53
| That's Danica Patrick on Sports Sunday, she seemed hammered. So what we're taking from that is Danica did get back to the U.S. on Sunday but went right to Long Beach. |
| 7:54
| Caller Joe is recommending Danica Patrick's Sports Illustrated photos. She's frolicking in the surf in and out of her racing suit, wearing a bikini and racing gloves. |
| 7:55
| Steve doesn't check out the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue like he used to but he regretted that on Friday when the cover model was throwing at the first pitch at the Cubs game. |
| 7:56
| What's the deal with Danica Patrick, you never hear about her having a boyfriend. Is she looking for one? Perhaps an older, married boyfriend? She's actually engaged but you don't hear about him, he stays in the background. That's probably good for all her male fans. |
| 7:57
| Buzz likes to see her doing these photos, it shows she's confident. And yet she wasn't afraid to cry after winning which Steve liked. She can be a girl and still be a crazy driver. |
| 7:58
| Just look at our own Mary, she'll be appearing in court for going 46 over. Buzz might want to say goodbye to her now because we might not be seeing her for a few months. |
| 7:59
| It is time now for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell. It's Manager Monday and on the phone is Andre from the Crystal Lake Taco Bell. They open at 9:30 so a person could get a taco right away or a Bacon Club Chalupa. Andre's Taco Bell is on Dahl Street in Crystal Lake. Steve would like to thank all the people in Crystal Lake for that. |
| 8:00
| You can add bacon to anything at Taco Bell now. Steve might try bacon in a bean burrito. Remember that bacon and bean soup? It was fantastic. |
| 8:01
| Caller Rick is driving into work, sitting in ungodly traffic and listening to the show. |
| 8:02
| Something felt a little different as he was listening to the show and then he looks up and Steve is staring at him. |
| 8:03
| Steve's face was on the back of the Jack FM Hummer, smiling calmly. It actually made Rick's ride a little better. |
| 8:04
| Steve's wondering what the Hummer actually does when it's out and about. He's going to call down to Adam's office, maybe he knows. |
| 8:05
| Adam says the Hummer is part of the promotions department. Really? Steve always appreciates when Adam can bring it down to his level. Who is driving the Hummer? Do people on the promotions staff get to take that home with them? |
| 8:06
| If anyone should be out driving the Hummer it's Steve or Buzz. They don't need a ride home but that's beside the point. |
| 8:07
| Adam is looking at the promotions schedule and there was an Asian concert at the House of Blues last night. Maybe someone from promotions had to drive them to the airport? The airport in Peoria maybe. |
| 8:08
| Speaking of station vehicles a Hot 102.7 station vehicle was carjacked in Detroit. And angry DJ Suga Rae wondered who would want to take a Hummer with Russ Parr's big face on it. That sounds like something Buzz would say if someone carjacked the Jack FM Hummer. |
| 8:09
| You'd think that whoever is driving the Jack FM Hummer would have called in by now. Does that mean he's not listening? That station should only be able to listen to one station. |
| 8:10
| And he should be driving with Steve and Buzz's riotous comedy blaring from the speakers, windows open. |
| 8:18
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 8:19
| Pat Boyle is on the phone. Steve was watching the Sox game yesterday and at some point during the game they had some mascots dancing up on the dugout. There was an inflatable dolphin and then the Rays stupid mascot. It's not a Devil Ray, it's just some unidentifiable animal like Southpaw. |
| 8:20
| There was also a banana which Steve didn't get but they were dancing to Peanut Butter Jelly Time. It could have been a tribute to Pat, he used to work in Tampa. |
| 8:21
| Caller Julie is going to burst Steve's bubble about Dahl Street in Crystal Lake. She seems to have been disconnected though. |
| 8:22
| Also we've got some info about the Jack FM Hummer. The kid is driving to Joliet to go to a storage locker. First of all, he's going the wrong way since he was coming in-bound. He was scared to talk to Steve and Buzz so he called Adam. |
| 8:23
| Maybe he was coming back from Joliet but why do we have a storage locker out there? That doesn't seem convenient at all since it's in Joliet and we're downtown. Plus we're not going green if we send a Hummer all the way out to Joliet to get something. |
| 8:24
| Caller Julie is back on the line. It's actually Dole Road in Crystal Lake. Steve will not be visiting the area until they name a street after him. |
| 8:25
| Raymond the Sea Dog is the Rays mascot. You'd think it would be a Devil Ray although apparently you can't even call them the Devil Rays. The Sox announcers corrected themselves several times over the weekend. |
| 8:26
| Apparently Tampa was looking to shed their losing image so they dropped Devil from their name. And they have to play indoors because? |
| 8:27
| Tampa is apparently the lightning capital of the world. Hence the Tampa Bay Lightning. |
| 8:28
| And the Cubs were ridiculous over the weekend as well, they swept the Pirates and scored a ton of runs. They were racking up football scores. So now both baseball teams are in first place. Who knows, it could be a Subway Series. It's not really the subway is it? It's more of an Elevated Series. |
| 8:29
| Frank Thomas was let go by the Blue Jays. He sat for one day and complained about it to the media. He was going to get a diminished roll on the team as DH and he didn't like that. |
| 8:30
| He dared the team to cut him and they did but they still paid him $8 million. But now a team can sign him for the minimum which would be worth it even if he's got a bad attitude. |
| 8:31
| Beltin' Bill Melton suggested at the Blue Jays might have cut him because he was too slow and was clogging up the base paths. Steve has really started to appreciate Melton as he's gotten older. |
| 8:32
| Jim Thome had a great weekend as well, is Steve still dropping off those muffin baskets? They're actually full of Power Bars now. It was a moonshot though, it hit the ceiling of that God-awful stadium. |
| 8:33
| Pat didn't see the Cubs special on WGN but it was really good. The WGN special was not good because it was narrated by Jim Belushi, who's a hack. |
| 8:34
| You know things aren't going well when Belushi has to toss it to Bruce DuMont for the Bozo videos and then DuMont tosses it back to Belushi. You can't climb out of that hole. |
| 8:35
| Then they talk to a bunch of illiterate viewers about their memories of WGN. The baseball show was awesome though, it could not have been better. |
| 8:36
| Everything really came together for the Cubs in the 80s with WGN and a few winning teams. They became America's team and now they're starting to live up to that billing. |
| 8:37
| It was funny to see Steve Stone on the special though. He wasn't in the booth with Ed Farmer over the weekend because of Passover. The kid they had filling in for him was awful though. |
| 8:38
| Pony is excellent with the White Sox but when they had him at Wrigley talking about the Cubs you could see he was getting weepy. There was a little too much Bonnie Hunt for Steve though. |
| 8:39
| Steve likes Bonnie Hunt but a little of her goes a long way. Pat thinks she seems like a real Cubs fan as opposed to some other celebrity Cubs fans. |
| 8:40
| There might have just been a little too much Bonnie Hunt and she didn't even come to Chicago to do the interview. She did have a Cubs cellphone cover though. |
| 8:41
| Bonnie Hunt threw out the first pitch and then sang the 7th Inning Stretch with her own comedic twist. Pat thinks that's funny, he's been in sports TV too long. She is funny though, Steve likes her. |
| 8:42
| Steve likes Len Kasper and he's really been liking Bob Brenly lately. When that Sports Illustrated model ran up and hugged Ryan Dempster on Friday Brenly was incredulous. |
| 8:43
| Caller Donna has some Frank Thomas info. Part of his contract was contingent on plate appearances so they thought they were sitting him on purpose. Instead they cut him. Frank is a negotiating genius! |
| 8:50
| Live read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 8:51
| Pat took his 4-year-old daughter to the Cubs game on Saturday even though she won't remember it when she's older. |
| 8:52
| Dora the Explorer was there on Saturday so she might remember that. Buzz's daughter is 6 and she doesn't even remember stuff from when she just turned 5. |
| 8:53
| Pat would have been better off taking Luke Stuckmeyer, he also likes Dora the Explorer. Although Steve's sure that nothing went wrong with a 4-year-old at Wrigley Field. |
| 8:54
| There were a few minor incidents, first with the bathroom. You don't want to take your daughter in the men's room, those guys are just walking around with their pants down. |
| 8:55
| Pat walked by the women's bathroom hoping he'd find some normal looking woman to take his daughter in but that line was even longer than the men's room. |
| 8:56
| The bathrooms at Wrigley are like a smelly, gay porno. It's the worst bathroom scene ever. Pat loves the Friendly Confines but they need to do something about those bathrooms. |
| 8:57
| Pat found another bathroom with a shorter line but there was still a long line. Pat had to make his way all the way through the bathroom to the stalls and of course his daughter is asking a lot of questions. First she wanted to know why there were bathtubs in the men's room. |
| 8:58
| Pat got out of the bathroom unscathed but the bathroom scene was not something he thought all the way through. Doesn't Pat have a press pass? He could have probably gone in Ron Santo's private bathroom. |
| 9:00
| Steve has Wrigley bathroom tips that he'd like to share with Pat if he has time. |
| 9:01
| Caller Ken's tip with a small daughter is to take her to the first-aid station, it's a one-at-a-timer. |
| 9:02
| Caller John has a daughter and he was lucky to find female bathroom attendants at Wrigley. Usually it's a young kid on a summer internship. That seems like a bad internship. |
| 9:03
| Someone else also called in to say that there's a family bathroom on the first base side. The most important thing for Pat to remember is that his daughter is too young to even remember the game. He's better off just taking Luke Stuckmeyer, he'll love the bathroom attendant helping him out. |
| 9:04
| When Pat got to his seat he put his beer in his cup holder and the moved his daughter's lemonade away so she wouldn't kick it. Then a cute 27-year-old and he boyfriend sat down next to them so Pat moved their beverages down. That's his first mistake, giving up territory. |
| 9:05
| Pat moved their drinks down one slot and then continued putting ketchup on the hot dogs. At one point he leaned down to grab the beer and then he hears the 27-year-old say "What happened to my beer?!" And Pat's sitting there beer-in-hand. |
| 9:06
| Steve thought it was going to be more of a territorial issue with the cup holders. Whenever Steve gets to his seat he walks the aisle determining the alignment of the cup holder and then putting his cup in the right one. He won't be moved from that cup holder either. |
| 9:07
| Then they probably got sunburned right? Brendan was at the games this weekend, he looks like an Our Lady of Angels fire victim. |
| 9:08
| Live read: Seattle Sutton |
| 9:09
| Caller Tim was at the Cubs game last year with his 8-year-old daughter. She wanted to go to the gift shop so he put the cotton candy under his seat and when he got back 2 drunk guys and 2 drunks girls were eating it. |
| 9:10
| The people in back of him called them out on eating the guy's cotton candy. This is exactly the kind of behavior that caused Jay Mariotti to say Cubs fans are worse than the Ligues. |
| 9:11
| Tim waited for the last out and then as he was leaving he said to one girl "If your boyfriend can't afford a bag of cotton candy, good luck with getting dinner." |
| 9:18
| Steve's going to read this Brian Urlacher article. He's in Arizona enjoying a winter retreat. The last time Steve checked he hasn't worked since the beginning of January. |
| 9:19
| He's taking refuge from fans and the media. That poor, poor boy. He's sitting at an upscale, secluded shopping center with his fiance Jenner Evans. Fiance?! Why wasn't Steve notified?! |
| 9:20
| You'd think Urlacher would want to hold off on the fiance for the time being. He was married out of college, then he has a kid with that Michael Flatley chick and now he's engaged? |
| 9:21
| Why can't Urlacher just go out to Arizona and nail some chicks with Matt Leinart? |
| 9:22
| They're sitting next to a waterfall that's close enough to reach out and touch. It's as if he could wash all his troubles away. |
| 9:23
| This is where Urlacher has come to spend time with his daughters, rehab from his neck surgery and take refuge from a world of admirers that seem to worship him every step he takes and critics who scrutinize every move he makes. Isn't that a Police song? We're all so sorry that we annoy Urlacher so much though. |
| 9:24
| Buzz saw Rick Telander pleading to make all of this go away and just make him happy because we don't need a Butkus situation. Buzz agrees but there's part of him who wants to see Urlacher hold his breath until he passes out. |
| 9:25
| The reason you sign a long-term contract is for security. It means that you could be getting paid less than you're worth but that's the risk you take. |
| 9:26
| The other option is to take a short-term deal and try to get more money if you're worth more. You can't have it both ways. The McCaskey's aren't going to give you a 10 year deal with a ton of money and then give you more if you think you're worth it. |
| 9:27
| Urlacher signed a deal but he points out that if you sign a long-term deal and get hurt then the team cuts you. If you play like crap the team cuts you. So why shouldn't he get more money if he plays well? |
| 9:28
| Steve can see his point there, he must just have a series of 1-year-contracts. Why don't they just guarantee the rest of his money? |
| 9:29
| He should have made it a no-cut deal but he probably wanted the signing bonus instead. You need to think all that thru but this is a guy who won't strap on a jimmy. |
| 9:30
| The Bears have offered him a one-year extension through 2012 which is believed to include at least $5 million in up front money. |
| 9:31
| Urlacher couldn't see himself as a quitter and dismisses those rumors quickly. He doesn't want to be traded and would like to be a Bear for years to come. |
| 9:32
| Steve can see Urlacher's point if it's a bunch of one year deals but that's why they give you that signing bonus. |
| 9:33
| It's probably worth trying to get more money but you have to keep it on the down-low. Everyday Buzz is trying to get more but you don't hear about it. He saves the temper-tantrums for after the show. |
| 9:34
| Urlacher is making a lot of money but you can't begrudge people trying to make more. He probably gets $50 million from that Vitamin Water stuff so maybe it's not about the money. They should just try to make him happy. |
| 9:35
| Steve does have to say kudos to Urlacher for locking down his fiance, he was totally wrong about that. You want to lock that down on the first date. |
| 9:42
| Urlacher is the Bears though, there are 55,000 Urlacher jerseys at every home game. |
| 9:37
| Live read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 9:42
| That's Mike Adamle working his way through a sportscast on Chanel no. 5. |
| 9:43
| Steve has the news but he also has something funny to read. It's a girl writing about Ryan Dempster making you be a Cubs fan. |
| 9:44
| The girl is a lifelong Cubs fan from Hawaii and she was in town with some of her friends sitting in the bleachers. Dempster was playing long-toss when her friend started heckling him. |
| 9:45
| The friend told Dempster that he was killing his fantasy team. Dempster stopped the long-toss and shot back that he had himself on his fantasy team and he was doing pretty well. |
| 9:46
| Someone asked him what his team's name was, not believing him, and he said "The Taints man, The Taints" which caused the crowd to start laughing. |
| 9:47
| The girl started asking Dempster for the ball he was playing catch with and he said he'd do it only if she took her top off. That caused the rest of the bleacher crowd to start chanting for her to take her top off. |
| 9:48
| There is no fun like this at The Cell, most of the players don't even speak English! The girl said she couldn't do that because she was with her boyfriend so Dempster quieted everyone down and just gave her the ball. |
| 9:49
| As the bullpen pitchers returned to the clubhouse the girl plead with Dempster to sign the ball she'd given him and he did, with the message "Take off your Damn Top!" |
| 9:50
| News with Buzz |
| 9:51
| Pennsylvania will hold it's Democratic primary tomorrow. Please, let this end! It was Chelsea making headlines over the weekend, stopping traffic all over D.C. as she went on a gay/lesbian bar pub crawl. |
| 9:52
| Aftershocks from Friday's earthquake could last for weeks. Steve's fine with that as long as they keep showing the video of the guy in the convenient store. |
| 9:53
| The Pope is gone but not before he said mass at Yankee Stadium and visiting Ground Zero. Harry Connick was very excited to perform at the mass. |
| 9:54
| Last weekend was Chicago's most violent of the year as 30 people were shot. Police Superintendent Jody Weis said that the numbers aren't that different from year's past though. |
| 9:55
| That guy is pretty scary looking, he sort of looks like Young Frankenstein. Someone should put bolts in his neck. |
| 9:56
| Producer's for CBS' How I Met Your Mother are keeping mum about a second appearance from pop star Britney Spears. |
| 9:57
| If Steve were the character on that show he would go for the Britney character over the doctor character who's also on Scrubs. What's her name on that show Pete? |
| 9:58
| Sarah Chalke is the actress and the character is Eliot. Steve finally figured out why Pete watches Scrubs, it's for that one guy who's always walking around in his underwear. |
| 9:59
| Steve hates that show because of how much all the actors ham it up so much. It's like everything you hate about actors in one TV show. It could have been much funnier. |
| 10:00
| Steve prefers his sitcoms to be more real. Even with The Office, he pretends it's real. We have people in his office who are as crazy as the people on The Office. |
