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| 5:31
| As the city of Chicago springs to life, Steve Dahl and Buzz Kilman hit the air. It's not Gershwin but it sounds like it to Buzz. Whatever it is, it's hustling and bustling. |
| 5:32
| Steve's enjoying the fact that it's light out, he thinks he'll leave it out. The song goes on for another 2 minutes and 22 seconds or Steve could fade it out. He's actually looking for something so he could use the extra time. |
| 5:33
| This music makes Steve wish he could play the violin or whatever instrument it is that he's hearing. Is that a xylophone? It's probably fun if you can play one of these instruments, it looks like people have fun in an orchestra. |
| 5:34
| The music that a symphony plays goes on forever though and it seems sort of dumb. But it seems like they're having fun. |
| 5:35
| Steve got in a little late today, his schedule is upended because his car is in the shop. He's been parking in the driveway with his loaner which doesn't have a garage door opener. He's too lazy to get out of the car and close the garage door with the keypad so he just parks outside. |
| 5:36
| Steve has the key for the loaner car which doesn't have a house key so he goes through the garage and has to close the door with the keypad, which is hard to do at 4:30 in the morning. |
| 5:37
| Usually Steve gets here right before 5 am but today he got in after 5 because he heard Felicia Middlebrooks and Pat Cassidy signing on. Pat says "By the dawn's early light" every morning. Steve and Buzz need to come up with their own sign-on. How about "It's too early!" |
| 5:38
| Normally Steve is in right before Pat and Felicia go on the air. Steve and Felicia usually make out right before she starts. Steve always says he's against interracial dating but of course he's just kidding. |
| 5:39
| But the other day someone sent Steve an email saying they used to think he was kidding when he said that but now they think he's serious and want to know why he's against interracial dating. Steve's not but he is against interracial porn, mainly because he doesn't need to see well-endowed black guys. He has enough problems of his own. |
| 5:40
| Steve's not against interracial dating but he's guessing that's why Cedric Benson's boat kept getting stopped on that lake. If you've seen the photos there are a lot of black dudes and white girls and that probably gets you stopped for a life jacket check on a lake in Texas. |
| 5:41
| Although if you're the Lower Colorado River Authority and you're trying to crack down on crazy boats, you'd stop Cedric Benson's boat. It looks like a crazy party boat based on all the photos and his mom is on there and she looks like one of those party moms. She doesn't look like a good influence. |
| 5:42
| As far as Steve can tell Cedric Benson's boat is 30.1 feet and it cost over $100,000. The only thing it has that Steve would like on his boat is that mounted bar on the back for water sports, although that's a $6,000 upgrade. Steve wouldn't mind having radar on his boat either but mainly because it looks cool. |
| 5:43
| Cedric has a 31.5 foot boat and it cost $140,000. Steve can't tell what kind of boat it is though so if anyone knows, feel free to call in. |
| 5:44
| Steve doesn't want to say this in 2008 but he's guessing that the interracial nature of those parties is why Cedric Benson keeps being stopped on that lake. |
| 5:45
| It does look very dangerous to have that many people on a 30 foot boat though. You're supposed to have a life jacket for everyone on board and Steve feels Cedric's boat doesn't. He probably got as many life jackets as the boat's capacity, which is probably 8. |
| 5:46
| That lake looks really funky but everyone keeps saying it's a really popular lake in Texas. They keep showing footage of that Devil's Cove where it seems like people anchor their boats, swim around in the water and have sex. |
| 5:47
| Steve has a trailer for his boat, he and Buzz could be down in Devil's Cove this weekend, wearing their "Property of Chicago Bears" t-shirts, trying to pass themselves off as '85 Bears. Buzz could be Gary Fencik and Steve could be Keith Van Horn. |
| 5:48
| Caller Steve doesn't know much about boats but he read in the paper that the boat is a Cobalt. It's a sharp-looking boat and it seems to have a lot of speakers on it. |
| 5:56
| Steve did an upgrade on his computer right before the show started and he should know better than to download it at this time. It said it was a security update and that's how they get you. |
| 5:57
| The last time Buzz did an update on his computer it was down for several days. He updated Quicktime which is an Apple program. They might put stuff in there to wreck your PC. |
| 5:58
| Steve was looking at the paper before the show and he saw this article, "Sox vs. Cubs: Fan Thrown Through Window". An argument over baseball turned foul for two fans who got in a weekend brawl at a central Illinois pizza shop. Steve didn't even know they had pizza in central Illinois. |
| 5:59
| Police say a White Sox fan and a Cubs fan were discussing baseball in Normal, which isn't very normal at all, around 2 am Sunday. Investigators say White Sox fan James Falakos had been drinking, as many Sox fans like to do, when he pushed a Cubs fan through a window at a Domino's Pizza. |
| 6:00
| Cubs fans like to drink too but it seems like Sox fans get more belligerent when they drink. Cubs fans just get drunk and then nail one of the hot chicks at the game. |
| 6:01
| Of course there was that murder outside of Wrigley Field a few years ago but it might have involved a Sox fan. Didn't a Cubs fan get beat with his own mini bat? Pete would know, he keeps track of all crime at Wrigley Field. |
| 6:02
| Pete's pretty sure Steve is right, a Cubs fan was beaten by a Sox fan with his own mini bat. He went Mark Buehrle on him. Last night Mark Buehrle had a bad outing and went at a space heater with a baseball bat. |
| 6:03
| The Sox only lost by 12 runs last night. They actually made the Cubs look good, they lost 9-0. Jon Lieber did give up 4 home runs in an inning, that has to be a record. |
| 6:04
| So a Sox fan pushed a Cubs fan through a window. The Sox fans are always the aggressors. When they say Domino's Pizza restaurant, what do they mean? Isn't Domino's just a place where you go pick up your pizza? |
| 6:05
| Buzz thought there was some seats in there but it's small like a taqueria. Like Buzz has ever been in a Domino's before. This is the guy who just learned this week that you can buy limes in a store. |
| 6:06
| Domino's is a big corporation, they wouldn't waste time with seating at their stores. There was a Domino's that just opened up by Steve but it has since closed. FIrst it was a Papa John's owned by Tony Rezko but he had some sort of dispute with the company and then it became Tony's for a few weeks and now it's a Domino's. Steve takes some pride in knowing that his area won't support a Domino's, it's not a good pizza. Papa John's is the worst pizza around though. |
| 6:07
| Steve did just order some pasta from Pizza Hut though which was pretty good. Buzz wasn't aware they sold pasta. This is why Steve thinks Buzz doesn't know about Domino's restaurants. It's impossible to not see those Pizza Hut ads for their new pasta. |
| 6:08
| Steve tried to order his Pizza Hut online, he went through the entire process of signing up and then he learned his local Pizza Hut isn't online. The Pizza Hut website allows you to track the progress of your pizza which Steve was really looking forward to doing. |
| 6:09
| But since his Pizza Hut wasn't online he just called in and ordered the pasta. He didn't really want the pizza but he wanted to track the progress of it. |
| 6:10
| Caller Marty is out in McHenry where there's a Domino's with a couple of tables, like at a Baskin-Robbins. No one ever sits there an eats the pizza though but you could if you wanted to. Either Baskin or Robbins died this week, Steve can't remember which one. |
| 6:11
| So Buzz was right, Steve owes him an apology. Marty figured Buzz couldn't be wrong about all food stuff. There was a 50/50 chance that Buzz was wrong about it though. |
| 6:12
| Caller Mike is over by Elmwood Park, on his way into work. He's on 294 so it is what it is. It's really genius to work on 294 and the Edens at the same time. |
| 6:13
| Mike was calling in to tell Steve that the guy at Wrigley Field was shot by a Sox fan. The Cubs fan came at him with a mini bat and the Sox fan pulled out a piece. That's the Chicago way. |
| 6:14
| Steve has a Google alert for himself along with blogs, which he's just about ready to get rid off. Blog guys are idiots. There are these two guys in Boston who blog about the show but it's only one sentence about something that happened. And it's always a weird assessment of the show. |
| 6:15
| Buzz gets news alerts from the blog but they don't really bother him. It just seems like the blog should be longer, Steve's blog is 350 words everyday. Of course if he's talking about them now then they'll blog about it. |
| 6:16
| And they just blog things like "This bit is really tired" and stuff like that. Maybe they should focus on themselves a little bit more. |
| 6:17
| Caller Mike was disconnected but he's back on the line because Steve wanted to ask him what he does for a living. Mike works for a large landscaping company on the North Shore. |
| 6:18
| Steve had some landscape work done at the house and the company promised they'd maintain all the landscape lights and replace any bulbs. Steve's seen neither hide nor hair of those guys though. |
| 6:19
| Steve hired an electrician to do it and he charged him about $1,000 to do maintenance on the lights. Then the boys saw the invoice and made fun of him. Plus the guys who work on Steve's lawn keep knocking the tops off the landscaping lights which causes the plastic sleeve to start melting. |
| 6:20
| Steve called a landscape lighting place near him and they wouldn't do any work unless they put in an entirely new system. MIke's company doesn't have any dealings with landscaping lighting companies, it sounds like the lawn guys just need to stop knocking Steve's stuff over. |
| 6:21
| Janet wouldn't let Steve complain about the lawn guys though because she was afraid they'd be deported. |
| 6:22
| Steve has one more question for Mike. He's been watching a lot of The Tudors on Showtime, because he's a bit of an Anglophile. Not so much that he'd watch Masterpiece Theatre or Anne of Green Gables though but he likes The Tudors becuase of all the sex. |
| 6:23
| It doesn't seem like women had that many orgasms back in Henry VIII time though. Was the female orgasm even invented back then? It seems like Henry VIII wouldn't even care if the woman he was with had an orgasm though. |
| 6:24
| It seems like they have a lot of fountains at Henry VIII's castle and Steve's wondering how they were powered. Mike is guessing they used gravity. |
| 6:25
| Mike's never seen the show although he does have Showtime on The Dish. Steve just had a whole new Dish system put in and it's wholly unreliable. Comcast is still rocking his world though. |
| 6:26
| Caller Tim is from Indiana. Did he happen to see the embarrassing absentee vote-counting that went on later Tuesday night? They've had those ballots for weeks, why didn't they count them before the election?! |
| 6:27
| Tim thinks Steve should go over to Loew's and get himself some solar landscape lights. There are no wires to worry about and if one breaks you just get a new one and replace it. Tim has them all around his house and they look really nice, they're easy to maintain and they're not that expensive. And Steve can just throw one out if it's broken? Because he likes doing that. |
| 6:28
| Tim's the guy who emailed Steve last month recommending that Cool Tools show. Steve watched it and it's pretty good. |
| 6:29
| Those solar lights sound good to Steve and it's even better if he can just throw them out. Steve's carbon footprint. If only his carbon meat was as big as his carbon feet. |
| 6:37
| That's the mayor of Gary talking about vote counting on Tuesday. They were doing it by hand, like they were hand dipping chocolate. They had to do all this stuff to certify each ballot but they didn't do it before the election. |
| 6:38
| Alright just to clean a few things up. That blog in Boston is called The Big Talkers and these guys cover The Big Show on WEEI in Boston and this show. |
| 6:39
| Steve gets a Google alert about this blog everyday and usually each entry is only a few sentences. For example "Really into the Oprah/Blaine ripping" is the title of one entry which then says "Despite our tubby asian friend's love for David Blaine I have always found him to be a (word Steve can't say). Really into the paramedic calling in calling BS on the whole thing, he should have gotten a spin." That's not a blog. |
| 6:40
| Who should have gotten a spin? They're talking about Steve's show and he doesn't even know what they're talking about. |
| 6:41
| Steve also got a Google alert about something in the Tribune which he thought was going to take him to task. Last week after the Sports Illustrated baseball park rankings came out Steve's neighbor's kid, who works for the Trib, asked him some questions about what he likes about The Cell. |
| 6:42
| There was also another article about why Ron Santo likes Wrigley Field, as told to Paul Sullivan. Someone wrote the Trib a letter saying in typical Sox fan fashion he had to compare The Cell to Wrigley. |
| 6:43
| Steve's been avoiding this letter for a while though. Steve's pretty sure he was supposed to compare The Cell to Wrigley though, that's what he was asked. |
| 6:44
| The guy who wrote the letter imagines that Steve is taking his cue from Ozzie and if he insists on acting second-class, that's how he'll be treated. What does that even mean? |
| 6:45
| Santo never mentioned The Cell in his article though but he's probably never been there. He probably did call a game there but he never got to walk around. |
| 6:46
| Steve just answered the questions that he was asked though. The whole point of the article was that The Cell was ranked higher than Wrigley Field. Steve wasn't complaining about being treated like a second class citizen though. |
| 6:47
| Buzz feels this is all Cubs rhetoric. This letter writer is just a loser. Steve's going to read his article from the Trib. |
| 6:48
| Now that he's looking at it, there's no mention in here of Wrigley smelling like urine, which it does. Steve mentioned it three times and he told Matt to put it in three times because of the rule of threes. Maybe someone else took it out? |
| 6:49
| Maybe Steve should have written this article himself because they don't edit him. He writes crazy things and he thinks they won't make it in but they do. This article is way nicer than what Steve originally intended so he can't believe the guy is complaining about it. |
| 6:50
| Maybe Cubs fans don't notice that Wrigley smells like urine? How is this article making Steve seem like he's second-class? Buzz thinks that's the Cubs wrap. It's a total load. Ozzie had a tirade but so does Lou. They're like a boy in a bubble up there, they're delusional. |
| 6:51
| DeLOUsional would be a funny t-shirt to sell up at Wrigley Field. Steve might make them up now that they've stopped him from selling his Fukudome shirts. Turns out the guys making those was Korean. |
| 6:52
| The shirts said Horry Kow which didn't make sense to Pete, shouldn't it say Hory Kow? That's what Pete was more irritated about. The Cubs shut that guy down because they don't let people sell t-shirts near the park. They just hit behind the racism. |
| 7:00
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 7:01
| Alright it's time for the web poll, brought to you by Four Winds Casino. In going to Dahl.com to see yesterday's web poll Steve noticed that Jeff Garlin will be on the show today. Is he in town doing stand-up? |
| 7:02
| The last time Jeff was here he said he wouldn't be doing stand-up any more but he was just doing it in New York. Maybe he just meant he wouldn't be playing Zanies. By saying you're not doing stand-up any more it's a good way to drive up your price too. |
| 7:03
| Yesterday's web poll was "Should John Cusack play Steve Dahl in the Disco Demolition movie?" Jeff Garlin would probably make the Disco Demolition movie but in order to do that Steve would have to bump Bob Odenkirk from the project. Since Jeff is directing Bob's new HBO show that's going to be a tough putt. |
| 7:04
| Today's web poll question is "Are you in the mood to hit up a South Beach-style hot spot?" This is from Centerstage Chicago, written by Dana Kavan. |
| 7:05
| Chaise Lounge's open-air space, refreshing drinks and delicate plates channel a Miami vibe. Going to MIami on a college student's budget is about as smart as hitting up Vegas in debt. |
| 7:06
| During Dana's senior year of college her and a friend went to South Beach for New Year's. Instead of sipping mojitos poolside t hey drank Miller Lite in their closet-sized hotel rom, counting their money to see if they had enough for a few cocktails at a club. |
| 7:07
| They found incredibly tasty food at wallet-friendly Cuban places in less-traveled parts of town. Chaise Lounge in Bucktown channels Miami's glamour with it's outdoor seating, posh cocktails, seafood-focused menu and mostly white decor. Does that mean it's decor for white people? |
| 7:08
| Steve's guessing that Bucktown isn't anything close to what it's like in South Beach. And how would this girl know what South Beach is like anyway, she didn't really experience it when she went there. If two girls are in South Beach together you'd think they'd be able to drink for free. |
| 7:09
| This place sounds like all the other bars in Chicago. Dana Kovan scours the city for drink deals so good you'll offer to buy a round. That's a job? |
| 7:10
| It seems like the comparisons between this place and a place in Bucktown is tenuous at best. What kind of deals are there on cocktails anyway, isn't it a pretty standard price? |
| 7:11
| Buzz is pretty sure prices for all alcohol is going up. It cost him $9 for a glass of standard house wine at an Italian restaurant. |
| 7:12
| Is Buzz in the mood to hit this place up? It's right by the Double Door, where Buzz's gig is on Saturday. Buzz will be at Nick's Beer Garden on Saturday actually. He's pulling a bait-and-switch by saying he's playing the Double Door. |
| 7:13
| It seems like this girl has a pretty sweet gig if this is her job though. She doesn't give the prices for anything though, isn't her job to find drink deals so good that you'll buy her a round? |
| 7:14
| Buzz doesn't get the South Beach comparison though. Is it just becuase they have a rooftop cabana? That's not really what South Beach is about though, it's more about sex and drug dealers, certainly not cabanas and halibut. |
| 7:15
| At least that's not what Steve saw when he was down there but he couldn't get into any clubs. He did see a guy nailing some girl on the roof of a parking lot. He didn't need a cabana though, just a railing and a willing girl. And she was willing. |
| 7:16
| Caller Randi has been listening to Steve for her entire life, her mom is a huge fan. Randi was just in South Beach at a rooftop bar with cabanas. |
| 7:17
| The cabana had beds which were water beds and she imagines if you are there the whole night you end up having sex. |
| 7:18
| The only time Steve is in South Beach is when he's rollerblading in his compression pants. He was there for the Super Bowl but couldn't get into the Penthouse party. |
| 7:19
| That was where David Hochberg, in his Teva sandals, thought he was getting Steve into the party. Really he and Brendan were just leading them into a room with only one entrance. He almost started a race riot trying to push past a bunch of hip-hop guys. |
| 7:27
| Live read: Fresh Diet |
| 7:28
| When Steve says he "needs" to do this live read he means that he was told 3 minutes ago that he had to do it and then forgot. Steve had a conversation about with the intern about her age and then apparently he had the same exact conversation with her today. |
| 7:29
| There were witnesses to both conversations but Steve had to be told that he'd had the same one two days in a row. |
| 7:30
| News with Buzz |
| 7:31
| Buzz was going to do a countdown to the Olympic torch reaching Mt. Everest but it arrived early last night. |
| 7:32
| A woman from Tibet carried the torch to the peak where a Chinese flag was unfurled. Then the torch went out because there was no oxygen? |
| 7:33
| Some experts say there's not much to be gained from the Democratic party if Hillary stays in the race. Barack will not tell Hillary to drop out though and Hillary says she's not planning to. |
| 7:34
| George McGovern, a former Clinton backer, asked Hillary to give it up, as did Jimmy Carter. McGovern is on a Give It Up Tour, he was saying it yesterday and then today on CNN. |
| 7:35
| Marion Brooks took viewers through a guided tour of the delegate map and it seems impossible for her to win enough delegates to get the nomination. Even if they included Florida and Michigan it wouldn't happen. |
| 7:36
| 6 Philadelphia police officers were suspended after a video tape was released showing the beating of 3 suspects. It did seem a bit excessive to Steve, it seemed like guys were just pulling up to join in. |
| 7:37
| Was the beating after a high speed chase? Because a lot of the times you see that after a high speed chase because the police officers are so jacked up on adrenaline. |
| 7:38
| Steve's still on the fence about Rodney King because he alluded police. But this Philadelphia beating seemed excessive. |
| 7:39
| Al Sharpton led protests in New York yesterday over the acquittal of three police officers in the death of Sean Bell. He was killed on his wedding day but only because he was up all night the day before. It's not like he was killed on his way to the church. |
| 7:40
| Al did spend the night in jail but you have to think nothing happens to him there. It's probably more like a hotel. |
| 7:41
| Aid workers are en route to Myanmar after the devastating cyclone that is now believed to have killed 100,000 people. A lot of that is people who are still missing though. |
| 7:42
| What's with those guys in Myanmar? There were Navy ships near Myanmar practicing aid drills but they're not letting foreign aid. It's not like anyone is going to want anything in that country. If they don't get people in there soon then the disease is going to start up and it'll get worse. |
| 7:43
| Idaho social services are caring for a female infant born to a 10-year-old girl. The mother was sexually assaulted by a 37-year-old man who's being investigated. |
| 7:44
| State lawmakers have voted against increasing their own salaries, saying the economy is bad and the money could be better used elsewhere. Is this the result of Steve and Buzz talking to that downstate senator last Friday? |
| 7:45
| Attorneys for R. Kelly, the greatest attorneys in the world, are asking for a delay to the start of the singer's trial. They say negative attention stemming from the report of an alleged three-way was a surprise to them that they need time to deal with. |
| 7:46
| Our own Brendan Greeley will be covering the R. Kelly trial for us, he's got temporary press credentials for the length of the trial. |
| 7:47
| Cedric Benson is finally getting some support in the form of a witness to his arrest. Tony Patch says he was being manhandled during his arrest and that officers knocked him over on his knees and hog-carried him. |
| 7:48
| Steve doesn't really know what happened but it's entirely possible that Benson was mistreated. That doesn't change the fact that Steve doesn't want him as the Bears running back. |
| 7:49
| Steve doesn't care if his football players are arrested or partying or dating white girls but he imagines that's a problem for some law enforcement in Texas. Benson is from Texas and he was a pretty big start at the University of Texas. You'd think he'd get a little leeway. |
| 7:50
| The scene on his boat looked pretty reckless though. You can't have that many people on a boat that size. But this has nothing to do with why Steve doesn't want him on the Bears. He just sucks. |
| 7:51
| Desmond Tutu was in Chicago yesterday for lunch. He took time out to explain the actions of Jeremiah Wright. |
| 7:52
| Cook County prosecutors say there's not enough evidence to charge a police officer in a drunk-driving crash that killed 2 men. |
| 7:53
| A Waukegan teacher is free on bail after being arrested for allegedly smoking pot at school. |
| 7:54
| Caller Bobby wanted to give Steve a little insight into the Cedric Benson beating. It wasn't a racial thing, the cop pepper-sprayed him because he had Cedric Benson on his fantasy team last year. |
| 7:58
| Steve's going to make a quick call here. Did he dial the wrong number? There's a glare on the keypad that hampers his dialing but he's somewhat of a moron which doesn't help. |
| 7:59
| Steve's trying to call Adam but he's not there so he'll have to call the newsroom. Was Adam eating an omelet again down there? Buzz came into the newsroom during the break and said he thought he smelled onions. |
| 8:00
| Steve doesn't need to smell this everyday, Adam eating a 50-egg omelet in his office with the lights turned off like he's The Judge in The Natural. "Come in Mr. Hobbs, have an omelet. As a child I was afraid of chickens." Jim's going to go into Adam's office and investigate. |
| 8:01
| There was nothing in Adam's office but it didn't smell faintly of onions. He probably threw the omelet out in the kitchen. Jim did find an empty container in there with some water vapors on the lid, as if something warm had been in there. |
| 8:02
| Where is Adam at anyway? He's probably off squiring the intern around, she's also missing. Pretty soon we'll all be at a police station answering some questions. |
| 8:03
| Jeff Garlin is here along with his brother who looks exactly like him. Buzz thought he was traveling with a body double for security purposes. It's actually Jeff's brother who's a life coach. |
| 8:04
| Steve found that out when he was making fun of life coaches last week and someone emailed him with a link to Jeff's brother's website. |
| 8:05
| Steve didn't make fun of Jeff's brother though. So is a life coach basically like just hiring a conscience? If Steve had Jeff's brother as a life coach would he be down the hall telling him he doesn't need to eat that omelet? |
| 8:06
| The next time Adam has that omelet Steve's going to walk down to his office and commandeer it from him. |
| 8:07
| Jeff's going to get lunch at Eleven City Diner yesterday although he was there yesterday as well. He didn't have the Steve Dahl, he had the Schwartzie. That sandwich should be named after Jeff though. |
| 8:08
| Jeff asks how Pat Dahl is doing. He's actually moving back to Chicago and giving up the dream. Jeff is disappointed to hear that, Pat's one of the good ones. |
| 8:09
| So many people in Hollywood in showbiz are not good but Pat is good. Jeff can understand why you'd want to move back here though, it's a better place to raise a family. Jeff would prefer to live here but it's hard to do. |
| 8:10
| Jeff did hire Pat as a writer's assistant and he'd hire him as a writer if he had anything going on now. At least Pat isn't moving to Milwaukee or anything. |
| 8:11
| As far as Steve can tell Pat is moving back into his house but he can't get that confirmed anywhere. Steve's staying out of this though but if Jeff wants to step in that's fine. |
| 8:12
| Brad from Eleven City Diner is on the phone, he'd be honored to name a sandwich after Jeff. He won't do it without permission after the whole Marshal Field thing. |
| 8:13
| Brad had a sandwich called the Marshal Field but got sued by Macy's. Jeff finds that funny. He's had Frango mints since Macy's took over and they suck, they taste nothing like the old ones. Is Macy's going to sue him now? |
| 8:14
| When Brad was going to name a sandwich after Steve he wanted him to sign all this paperwork so he wouldn't sue him. Brad wanted to make sure Steve owned his own name. Of course he does! |
| 8:15
| Steve doesn't want Brad sending over any sandwiches today though. Jeff isn't sure he should go in there again today though. It's not like you can just go in and have a salad with a light vinaigrette. |
| 8:16
| Steve wouldn't even mind if Brad renamed the Steve Dahl to the Jeff Garlin. Jeff's the only guy who put him in a movie, didn't cut him and gave him a really funny line. |
| 8:17
| Steve really doesn't want sandwiches sent over today though but tomorrow is another day. Steve is speaking for Buzz too, he doesn't want a sandwich. How cruel would it have been if Buzz said he wanted a sandwich. |
| 8:18
| Jeff brought his parents to Eleven City Diner yesterday, his dad went nuts. You have to appreciate and support good deli in Chicago. Steve's never been because he doesn't go anywhere but the food they send over is really good. |
| 8:19
| Jeff forgot to tell Steve that Chalfin's closed so that's another one off the deli list. It seems like Brad is doing alright with his deli though. |
| 8:25
| Alright time for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell. We're having some phone problems and Steve can't go to Taco Bell for lunch anyway so he'll be having it for Fourth Meal. |
| 8:26
| Steve and Buzz are going to Charlie Trotter's for some sort of unveiling of a Bill Kurtis cookbook. Jeff's wondering if it's a cookbook of mass murderers favorite food. |
| 8:27
| It seems weird for a news guy to have a cookbook but it's mostly to promote his Tallgrass Beef. Jeff loves his serial killer specials. Steve's pretty sure he just buys the footage from the BBC, strips the narrative and adds his own. |
| 8:28
| Steve's going to have a Bacon Club Chalupa for his Fourth Meal today. |
| 8:29
| Jeff is filming his first hour comedy special Monday night at Second City. Bob Odenkirk is directing it. Steve had that backwards, he thought Jeff was directing something Bob was doing. |
| 8:30
| On Sunday at 9:30 Jeff is running the show at Second City after the regular improv set. Steve would say he'd come on Monday and get in the audience for some cut-away shots but Bob would probably just cut him out. |
| 8:31
| They're actually not doing audience cut-aways, they're filming the whole thing differently. It's going to be on film so it'll look different. They also won't film the whole thing where Jeff is introduced and comes out and steps up to the mic. It'll start with Jeff at the mic and end with Jeff at the mic. It'll be chock full of comedy. |
| 8:32
| There's going to be a camera in the back doing some slow-moving tracking shots. Could Steve turn around and make faces into that? Bob would probably cut him out of that too. |
| 8:33
| Steve wouldn't do that, he has a sense of decorum. Jeff used to be like that, always being on even when he was off stage. Steve was probably like that too but the not drinking cuts a lot of that out. |
| 8:34
| Steve gets a lot of complaints now from the family that he's too sullen but this is show business, he's not going to give it away for free at a party. |
| 8:35
| Jeff can't stop thinking about Bill Kurtis' cookbook. Maybe he took some of Dahmer's favorite recipes and replaced human flesh with beef. |
| 8:36
| There's a video on Bill's website that's pretty funny. He's wearing a shirt that Steve thinks is gingham but he's not sure. Gingham is actually Jeff's stage name. |
| 8:37
| Bill says the cows are treated more humanely on his ranch. Until they're slaughtered at least. They're free range until that one bad day when they're killed. |
| 8:38
| They're also allowed to fertilize next year's crop. They're allowed to do that? They're cows, they do whatever they want to. |
| 8:39
| Steve's a little worried that he's going to actually liked the Tallgrass Beef though. |
| 8:40
| Jeff will be back at his hotel room today on Bill Kurtis' website watching that video of him in the gingham shirt and the leather vest. Was the vest made from corn-fed, hormone-loaded cows? |
| 8:41
| If CBS was smart they'd put Bill back on the air in Chicago. He's probably fine with what he's doing now and he's probably making a lot of money. He probably spends a lot of time on his ranch and he owns a bunch of radio stations in Kansas. Can Jeff just thank God for being from Chicago as opposed to Kansas. It does look picturesque but Steve can't see him fitting in there. Jeff's a city slicker. |
| 8:42
| Steve's sure that Buzz will be talking to Bill about everything today, as one professional to another. He wants to get into that documentary racket. Jeff thinks Buzz would be fantastic for a documentary like that but it would have to have a humor angle to it. Steve can see Buzz doing last meals for condemned prisoners. |
| 8:43
| Jeff's never been to Charlie Trotter's but it doesn't seem like a place for him or Steve. What if they were only serving patty melts? That would be fine with Steve, he's never been there either though. |
| 8:44
| Buzz has been there once although he didn't pay for the meal. He's still paying his friend off for that bill that was over $900 with the tip. Jeff's going to be in the new Pixar movie, Wall-E, and he went out to dinner with someone from Disney at a place called Per Se. For two people it was $750. |
| 8:45
| Buzz didn't eat and run at Trotter's, his gourmand friend paid for it. When Jeff was living in New York he and Amy Sedaris would have a weekly date on Monday, even though he was married and she had a boyfriend. |
| 8:46
| At the dinner they'd go over scenarios where they'd try to get out of paying for dinner, like they'd left their money at home. Steve is very jealous that Jeff got to do that with Amy Sedaris, he loves her. She's like the funniest female comedian ever. |
| 8:47
| She was also in I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With which is on DVD now. There was a time when Steve would only watch that movie up to his part but for some reason Jeff thought he was only watching his part. |
| 8:48
| Jeff wants to hear that Bill Kurtis video again. As Bill gets older he's sound more and more like William Shatner. |
| 8:49
| Steve's favorite part is when Bill says he lets the cows go to the bathroom in the prairie. Steve had a ranch and he didn't let the cows go to the bathroom and they all left. |
| 8:50
| Live read: National City |
| 8:58
| Live read: Pro Flowers |
| 8:59
| If you order flowers you get free chocolate truffles. Chef would order the flowers for someone and have the truffles sent to him. |
| 9:00
| Jeff has some shows coming up, he's going to be at Second City on Monday doing two shows and they're filming it for a comedy special. |
| 9:01
| Jeff thinks the later show will be better on Monday. After the early show he'll probably have gotten most of the stuff he needs for the special so he'll be looser. |
| 9:02
| On Sunday Jeff's going to be doing some improv after the Second City as well. |
| 9:03
| Jeff's not sure when the special will be on or where it will air. Shout! Factory is financing the special though. |
| 9:04
| This will be the last time Jeff is in town for a while. During the writer's strike he did a lot of comedy club shows and he had his Zanie's retirement. When he comes back he's going to do shows at bigger theaters. |
| 9:05
| Steve understands that just because you can do one show at the Chicago Theater and it's the same as 10 shows at Zanie's. |
| 9:06
| Jeff doesn't eat so good on the road either. He could hire his brother to life coach him on the road though. That would make a funny sitcom. |
| 9:07
| Before we do the news Steve's own personal nun is on the phone. Steve and Buzz are thinking of double dating with another nun. |
| 9:08
| Sister Marianne has a sense of humor and apparently her job is to save Buzz. Marianne heard Steve talking about gingham and chalupas and it reminded her of the time her priest friend bet her a dollar that she couldn't work several random things into something she was going to say in church. |
| 9:09
| She did manage to work the words in to her sermon. That reminds Jeff about how he and some other comedians would do the same thing, trying to get each other to work old football names into their routine. |
| 9:10
| Whenever Jeff talks to women he calls them sister but there's an added bonus when he's talking to a nun or a black woman and he has to make sure they know which "sister" he's referring to. |
| 9:11
| Marianne lives in a penguin-free zone, she does not dress in the old habit. Her dad always wished she did though so he could carry that photo of her around in his wallet. |
| 9:12
| If Steve and Buzz do go on a double date with Marianne and another nun there's going to be some habit shopping afterwards. Jeff knows of no better way to work off a big meal than to go habit shopping. Steve's imagining something like Pretty Woman. |
| 9:13
| Steve misses the Catholic dogma. When Steve got married Janet was a Catholic but she has since gone congregational. Steve wants to be scared when he's in church, then back home to watch the Bears game which is also scary. |
| 9:14
| Can Marianne fast-track Steve into Catholicism? He's looking at 2-3 hours max or maybe a weekend. Marianne is making Jeff want to convert, on this day the 60th anniversary of the state of Israel. He's going to do it on stage tonight. |
| 9:15
| Does Steve have Marianne's number on file in case there's a crisis. Marianne is like a free life coach. She teaches high school theology to freshmen which is just what Steve needs. Marianne's class is fun, she thinks Steve would love them. She'll tell them today that she talked about them on the air. |
| 9:16
| Marianne said something in class yesterday that she can't repeat on the air. They're starting a section on sexuality and she said something totally innocently that came out the wrong way. Her kids nearly killed themselves laughing so hard. |
| 9:17
| Live read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 9:25
| Jeff Garlin is here, he's on Curb Your Enthusiasm and he's also a producer. They probably won't be filming a new season until next year so the earliest it could be on is a year from now. |
| 9:26
| Jeff is in town promoting Charlotte's Web, EB White is a great writer. Steve thinks reading is for losers and they just had this conversation during the break. |
| 9:27
| Sometimes when Steve is reading book he just reads through the same thing over and over again. He doesn't think he got everything out of the page that he was supposed to. |
| 9:28
| Although sometimes Steve will read a book like he's on crack and he just powers through the thing. Then he's bummed out when it's done. |
| 9:29
| Live read: Pro Flowers |
| 9:30
| This is Jeff's last segment, just so Steve knows. He has to go speak at the Flashpoint Academy about digital media. |
| 9:31
| It seems like a lot of schools still aren't teaching some of the digital technology stuff that people need to know. Jeff also thinks some schools need to teach English too. |
| 9:32
| He's not talking about the language he's talking about knowing how to speak and write. He's met some great actors who are almost retarded. You need a well-rounded Liberal Arts education even if you want to be in showbiz. |
| 9:33
| Once again, Jeff is in town through the weekend, he's doing a free show on Sunday at Second City and then two other shows there on Monday and tickets are available for that. |
| 9:34
| News with Buzz |
| 9:35
| Some political experts say Hillary Clinton is finished. She's also lost the support of George McGovern. |
| 9:36
| Mr. Country Time grandpa? He sounds frail but he did run in '72. Jeff remembers those bumper stickers that said "Don't Blame Me, I Voted for McGovern." |
| 9:37
| On the Daily Show last night, John McCain expressed interest in having Dwight Schrute as his running mate. Was he serious about that? John Stewart called it pandering at the highest degree. |
| 9:38
| Jeff has a movie coming out this summer with Rainn Wilson called The Rocker, he had to throw that in there. That's pandering to the second highest degree. |
| 9:39
| The Olympic torch has conquered Mt. Everest, it was carried to the peak by 5 different climbers including a Tibetan woman who brought it to the peak. And then the torch went out because there's no oxygen up there. |
| 9:40
| 6 Philadelphia policemen have been suspended after video surfaced of a police beating. Only 6?! There were about 50 guys on the scene taking turns. Guys were just pulling up and beating on the guys. |
| 9:41
| The ruling party in Myanmar is being urged to let foreign aid into their country after the devastating cyclone. It has to be divine intervention that a bunch of U.S. ships were near Myanmar practicing disaster relief drills when the cyclone it. |
| 9:42
| The ruling party is probably worried that the U.S. will come into Myanmar and see all that sweet stuff they have there and what to take over. Buzz should start hoarding more rice though, they have a lot of paddies over there that were probably destroyed. |
| 9:43
| Dateline Vienna, an elderly Austrian man is saying he's not a monster after he allegedly imprisoned his daughter for 24 years and fathered her 7 children. |
| 9:44
| Jeff thinks he's giving elderly Austrian men a bad name. He says he's not a monster and he could have killed his daughter but didn't. |
| 9:45
| That police beating in Philadelphia, it did come after a high-speed police chase. On COPS whenever there's a high speed chase the police officers can't help themselves once they pull the guy over. They know it's going to be on camera but they're just so jacked up. |
| 9:46
| Standing in front of a 5 foot tall stack of plastic bottles and 56 oil barrels needed to make and transport those bottles, Seattle's mayor is urging citizens to stop drinking bottled water. |
| 9:47
| Steve doesn't care, he's not giving up plastic bottles. The 5 foot tall stack of bottles represents the number of bottles that end up in Seattle's garbage every 37 minutes. |
| 9:48
| Jeff's parents live in Buffalo Grove and they have no recycling out there which is ridiculous. There's no recycling in Chicago right now, the program has been suspended. |
| 9:49
| Jeff's brother says there is recycling in Chicago but their parents just don't do it. Steve can see Jeff's dad saying "Screw it!" Jeff's going to have to call his parents on this one. |
| 9:50
| In Chicago they've suspended the Blue Bag program and you're supposed to take recyclables to a center on your own. Steve can't see anyone doing that though. |
| 9:51
| Steve contends that they mix the recycling back with the trash and that's probably what Jeff's dad is thinking too. |
| 9:52
| From Port St. Lucie, Florida a man accused of ripping off his wife's pants and prosthetic limb said he was possessed when he did it. |
| 9:59
| That's Jeff from Cubs Forever, a special on WGN about 60 years of Cubs broadcasts. It was really great as opposed to the one they did about WGN TV hosted by Jim Belushi. |
| 10:00
| Jim threw it to Bruce DuMont who threw it back to Jim. Bruce is of course the head of the Broadcast Museum which doesn't actually have a building. |
| 10:01
| If Steve is inducted it'll actually be more like an abduction. Only he could get nominated for a museum that doesn't actually exist. |
