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| 5:32
| It occurred to Steve that he shouldn't jump in right at the beginning of this theme music. They all go on for at least 3 minutes and Steve's on for 4 1/2 hours. What's his hurry? |
| 5:33
| Steve has decided to drop his vitamins and trucker's speed right at 5:30. Otherwise he's too jacked right at the beginning of the show. Then by 9 he's hitting the meth to keep him going. That sets a bad example for the kids because he does it in Adam's office. |
| 5:34
| Then Adam asks what it is and he wants to do some. Just shut the door Adam, daddy needs to get through the last hour. Then Adam starts crying because he thought Steve was naturally funny. |
| 5:35
| Today marks the first day that Steve forgot to turn on his alarm clock. But at 3:45 he woke up so it didn't matter. That's something Steve tries not to do but for some reason he did it. It might have been because he was watching a tragic White Sox game last night. |
| 5:36
| The Sox are killing Steve. Not really but he was worried Mark Buehrle would attack another piece of equipment. Plus the game came on late because they're on the West Coast. Steve shut it off when things went bad so he must have forgot to set his alarm. |
| 5:37
| Steve was also watching the Fox 32 news, which is designed to put you to sleep. It's unbelievably padded and it's not padded with anything good. It's stuff like "Oranges: Are they Good For You or Bad For You?" or "Shoes: Should We or Shouldn't We Wear Them?" |
| 5:38
| They need to jack up the crazy if they're going to pad the news that much. That's what they do in Florida, they've got live cameras of guys molesting their daughters. |
| 5:39
| Although on NBC last night there was a report about a gas station near Steve's house, which also happens to be near Dick Johnson's house. Don't do any work or anything Dick. |
| 5:40
| The guy who worked at the gas station said he wouldn't buy gas there but then a woman said she didn't know or care how much it was. That's Steve's kind of woman. |
| 5:41
| The gas can't be that much more at this gas station right? It's all over $4, does it really matter? Plus Dick Johnson is living in Hinsdale, he doesn't exactly have to worry about what gas costs. All Steve knows is it costs $90 to fill up his tank. |
| 5:42
| Steve would try taking the train into work but he can say that knowing there's no train scheduled that early. Buzz can take the train but not the Burlington. Steve's train ride would require some hustling, bustling theme music. |
| 5:43
| Pete seems to know Steve's morning schedule and he told him that the first train wouldn't get in until after 5:30. That's too late! Steve still wouldn't be here now. |
| 5:44
| There are a lot of people on the road when Steve's driving in though. A lot of them drive like their on crack. Steve has also noticed a lot of black guys with their hats on backwards. Apparently their cars don't come with turn signals which is unfortunate. |
| 5:45
| Pete suggested that Steve take the 5:09 Burlington into Union Station but only if it got in on time. Steve went to check but Pete already knew what time it came in. Steve doesn't even know why because Pete doesn't live out there. |
| 5:46
| Pete does aspire to live out by Steve but a little less after seeing the Dick Johnson report. He really takes this woman to task for not even looking at the cost of a gallon of gas. |
| 5:47
| What kind of job does Dick Johnson have where he's out doing this? Steve even gets embarrassed for WBBM-AM when they give out the location of the lowest gas prices. |
| 5:48
| This whole gas thing has made Buzz think about getting a smaller car the next time he has to buy one. That's good for Steve because it'll even out his purchase of a big car. |
| 5:49
| Steve can't see himself in a Prius and no one wants to live in a world where he drives one. You want to live in a world where Steve is the last guy driving a gas-guzzler. |
| 5:50
| Steve has different car needs than Buzz does though. Steve drives 30 miles everyday and he needs a car with a lot of maneuverability, for all the crackheads. If someone had videotaped what Steve was doing this morning it would be compelling to watch. |
| 5:51
| Dick Johnson lives in Hinsdale but the gas station he was talking about is in Western Springs. They don't allow anything in Hinsdale. There's this patch of land that they won't let anyone build on because it's "rare earth" The only thing on there is a bunch of half-finished townhomes which looks terrible. |
| 5:58
| Alright it's time for another day of R. Kelly trial coverage with Brendan Greeley. Brendan's courtroom sketches are up on Dahl.com right now. How awesome are those corn rows? |
| 5:59
| Buzz feels Brendan might have a future as an outsider artist. You could hang these in the House of Blues right now. Brendan actually did the stick figure second so he worked up to that. That's how Brendan rolls, something good and then something mediocre. |
| 6:00
| The Tribune is doing gavel-to-gavel coverage of the trial. There were a lot of details about R. Kelly having a Kleenex up to his nose. There was speculation that it was because of a very strong odor coming from the men's room. Was that Brendan using his Wrigley Field training? Did he go trough even though there's no trough? |
| 6:01
| There's some great video that Steve posted in his blog from Friday. As R. Kelly was walking into court one of his guys bumped into a marble drinking fountain. At first the guy thought he was being attacked and then he realized it was a water fountain. Then he pointed to the ground where he'd dropped his keys and made a white guy pick them up. |
| 6:02
| Brendan was in the courtroom yesterday for some of the jury selection. Did he see the one guy who tried to get out of it because he said he has kids and he doesn't think there's anything lower than a child pornographer. He also said he had a work conflict which the judge is rumored to not care about. |
| 6:03
| There's also a rumor that the judge once refused to dismiss a juror who said if he served he'd miss his mortgage payments. He told this juror yesterday that most people would agree that there's nothing lower than a child pornographer. R. Kelly nodded in agreement. |
| 6:04
| Buzz is wondering if Brendan was there when a juror called R. Kelly a musical genius? Brendan missed that because they have a rotation where they only allow 2 members of the media in at a time. Steve was worried that Brendan would be a pool reporter, relaying what he learned to everyone else. The news would be very sketchy that night. |
| 6:05
| There was one guy who wasn't sure he'd be able to get past the fact that R. Kelly was such a big celebrity. He was dismissed. He was asked if he could give the state a fair trial and he hesitated before saying yes. |
| 6:06
| There was one prospective juror who was outraged that R. Kelly hadn't received a speedy trial. Steve's trying to find the link on the Tribune website for that video but it's not on the page. |
| 6:07
| Steve doesn't care about Tony Rezko any more, that's so yesterday. Get back to him when he rolls on Blago. They need to put this gavel-to-gavel coverage on the front page of the Tribune. |
| 6:08
| There was a white lady who was asked if she had any medical considerations. She said her daughter had diabetes and might have cervical cancer. |
| 6:09
| Steve is torn about whether or not to give Brendan a camera. He'd like at least one more day of sketches. You don't see sketches like that any more. |
| 6:10
| The judge asked a lot of people if they had any problems with the content of the video. If they didn't have a problem with it they probably shouldn't be on the jury. |
| 6:11
| If the video really is child pornography how can they show that to the jury? Because then doesn't that make the judge a pornographer? |
| 6:12
| The judge asked one guy about the age of consent and he said that God already determined one, it's puberty. He probably got dismissed. |
| 6:13
| Brendan is not wearing a suit today, he went with a more breezy look with the sport coat and shirt. That's how Steve does it because he can't tie a tie. Although the clip-on is always a good option. |
| 6:14
| How is this affecting Brendan's webcast? They weren't able to do one on Friday because of jury selection and yesterday they had a meeting. |
| 6:15
| They should try to do it later in the afternoon. Steve will not rest until he gets Matt and Brendan a job because they're good. They're actually too good and no one knows what to do with them. |
| 6:16
| Although Todd Cavanah doesn't really know what to do with Steve either. He just goes off to listen to some Mariah Carey. |
| 6:17
| Steve is interested in buying one of Brendan's sketches but he doesn't want to get into a bidding war with House of Blues. They're all property of Steve though. He might have to get him Brendan some velvet to do the sketches on. |
| 6:23
| Live read: The Little Guys |
| 6:24
| Don't skimp on the TV people. Skimp on clothes for the kid or food but not on TV. It's the centerpiece of your house. Don't read, watch TV. God invented TV so we wouldn't have to read. |
| 6:25
| Buzz can't watch anything unless it's in HD now. He had The Magnificent Seven on his DVR for months, just waiting to watch it. |
| 6:26
| So he's home alone and he turns it on and it's not widescreen or HD. He wasn't going to do that to Yul Brenner, or The Seven Samurai for that matter. |
| 6:27
| Buzz is getting something in his house called Vudu, it's thousands and thousands of HD movies on demand. Steve doesn't have that. |
| 6:28
| Steve needs to get the TVs in the studio converted to HD. That engineer always comes down here like a puppy dog looking for something to do. They have two HDTVs in here but no HD signal which bums Steve out. |
| 6:29
| CBS 2 is getting ready to switch to HD but they're waiting until they move to Block 36. Steve wanted to watch their report on Todd Stroger last night but he can't watch something that's not in HD. |
| 6:30
| If Steve wanted to watch something that was standard definition he'd go to the nonexistent Broadcasting Museum and watch news from the 70s. How does Steve get nominated for the Broadcast Hall of Fame that doesn't exist? And now they owe Pepper Construction $4 1/2 million. And the museum is only half done! |
| 6:31
| Steve was nominated once before but lost out to Scott Shannon who's really bad. Steve's still alive too, should he be voted into a hall of fame? Scott Shannon is still alive too, he invented the morning zoo. |
| 6:32
| Alright time for today's web poll, brought to us by the Acura Dealer's Association. Yesterday's question was "Did you get a Jenna and Henry Mug?" 92% said no. |
| 6:33
| Today's web poll question is "Will you be going to see the New Kids on the Block?" We're giving away tickets to that and Steve said OK but then when he heard it outloud in his office yesterday he thought it sounded extremely gay. And by that he doesn't mean guy-on-guy gay. People like Stephanie want to go, Steve thought she was cooler than that. |
| 6:34
| The Wahlberg's are in New Kids right? That's a rhetorical question, Steve's actually been to one of their shows with the boys, against his better judgment. As far as he can tell they weren't scarred by it though. |
| 6:35
| This is from the Red Eye, which always has important articles. Actually it's just reprinted from the Boston Globe. How lazy is that? RedOne can sing Hangin' Tough and You Got It (The Right Stuff). Who's RedOne? It seems like someone Brendan would know. |
| 6:36
| It seems like RedOne is producing the new New Kids album. For those who remember the New Kids they are going to surprise some people. Probably because they're older now. |
| 6:37
| RedOne has a MySpace page, as does Steve. People have told Steve that they've tried to be his MySpace friend but he never responded. |
| 6:38
| This RedOne guy looks like an idiot, like a guy who would marry Britney Spears. How are guys who look like that getting laid, what's happened to our society? He looks like a real tough guy, he's a club mixer. |
| 6:39
| RedOne has been working with Donnie Wahlberg on their new album. There's a peek at some of the new tracks but Steve doesn't care about this. We can give away the tickets if that's what people want. He does want girls in their 30s to like him but we're not giving any away to guys unless they say they're gay. There's nothing wrong with that though, Steve can see a lot of good reasons to be gay. |
| 6:40
| Steve can't remember if he was reluctant to take the boys to see New Kids, he's pretty sure he was though. It might have been something he had to get hammered for. He might have also taken them to see Backstreet Boys. |
| 6:41
| At some point the Steve Dahl who wants to show off that he can get good tickets overrules the Steve Dahl who doesn't want to go. Steve would imagine that if you're a guy in your 30s a New Kids concert would be happy hunting ground. There are only 5 New Kids, that leaves a lot of other women unaccounted for. |
| 6:42
| Steve's got some traffic on the TV, he's stealing it from Fox. A box of nails fell off a truck and spilled all over. That's like the worst thing that can spill on a road. |
| 6:43
| You need to say right away if it's northbound or southbound though, that's sort of key in a traffic report. It says the 290 ramp to 355 is closed, aren't those nowhere near each other |
| 6:44
| Tyrone is checking in, he doesn't appreciate these traffic reports. He was just scanning through his radio trying to get to WGCI and he came upon Steve and Buzz. They really suck. |
| 6:45
| Caller Donovan is on the phone, Hail Atlantis! Donovan is from Kingston but that's not in Jamaica. Tyrone has some people in Kingston, Jamaica. |
| 6:46
| If you're on 53, just past Thorndale there are ramps to 290 and 355. That's where the nails spilled. It's still sort of misleading though. |
| 6:47
| Tyrone is flyin' on down to Muncie to get some breakfast right now. He's been flying all night though so he's not even sure where he is. |
| 6:48
| This R. Kelly thing has really got Tyrone going. He became a pilot because of I Believe I Can Fly. He already was a pilot actually, it just renewed his love. |
| 6:48
| And Tyrone has been known to enjoy an underage girl from time to time. It's easier for him because he can fly down south where it's legal. Tyrone doesn't play some of that stuff R. Kelly plays though. He doesn't mind a water bottle on a girl but anything else just isn't right. Tyrone wasn't raised that way. |
| 6:49
| A bottle of water is fine but he'd drink it first and then pour tap water in. Why waste good water on some bitch's back? She ain't gonna know the difference. And if you're lucky there's some good drugs in there from Lake MIchigan that will calm her down so she won't call the police. |
| 6:50
| Can Buzz arrange for a spin of the wheel for Donovan? |
| 6:51
| Tyrone's seeing a blue roof coming up on him, he's gonna set down and get him some IHOP. Ever had buckwheat pancakes Buzz? They're delicious. |
| 6:59
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 7:00
| Caller Allison was calling about the New Kids tickets, she's exited. Allison is 27, Steve wants her to want him. He just means that in a listener way. |
| 7:01
| Allison listens everyday because she works early in the morning. She delivers for a pharmaceutical company. Is there anything in her truck that a Steve and Buzz would want to get their hands or tongues on? |
| 7:02
| Allison doesn't have anything that Steve and Buzz would want. She can't really say what it is but it's the kind of stuff that you take when something really bad is going on. |
| 7:03
| Allison is down in Hobert where we seem to have a lot of listeners. Steve and Buzz might have to do an appearance down there. Steve was recently informed about the proper way to say Hobert, which he was saying like Hobart. |
| 7:04
| Steve appreciates Allison not revealing what was in her delivery truck. In a day when everyone tells everything he appreciates that. You can't even ride in a limo without being snitched on to TMZ. |
| 7:05
| Limos used to be the last bastion of privacy. People don't get limos just so they don't have to park at the airport. That is a nice perk though but Steve prefers to valet his car at O'Hare. |
| 7:06
| It's not that much more expensive and if you call when you get off the plane they'll warm the car up for you. Plus Steve likes to have that control back when he gets off a plane. |
| 7:07
| Steve's just going to give Allison the New Kids tickets because she was on hold for a while. She's of age now so she should be careful backstage. There's a reason these guys are back on tour and it's not because of the music. |
| 7:08
| You know they planted all those seeds so many years ago and now they're plucking them. Stephanie's sad now because Steve gave the tickets to Allison. He'll get some for her too but really she should elevate herself a little bit. |
| 7:09
| Alright we've got news coming up but first another report from Brendan who's live at the trial of the People vs. Robert Kelly. Steve always thought that if Brendan was at 26th and California for 3 days straight it would be because he was in custody. |
| 7:10
| It doesn't seem like R. Kelly is much of a looker, he sort of has a crater face. You can't tell that from Brendan's sketches though. At the very least he has bad complexion. |
| 7:11
| The corn rows don't help either, it highlights every bad thing on your face. Steve is not a fan of the corn rows but Buzz still wears them everyday. Sometimes he likes to get right up in Steve's face with the corn rows. |
| 7:12
| Steve really hates when Buzz wears the beads in his corn rows, like Bo Derek or the guy in the Lane Bryant shooting. How hard is it to find that guy? |
| 7:13
| The media terrace is pretty empty right now but really there's nothing going on there. R. Kelly arrives, it takes him 30 seconds to get inside and then that's it. |
| 7:14
| Are they still serving breakfast up on the media terrace? Mayor Daley was up there making omelets for everyone, trying to give the city a better image. |
| 7:15
| Brendan arrived very early this morning and it was pretty creepy to look out at the prison. It's always creepy to look at that place though, it's somewhere you never want to be. |
| 7:16
| Brendan should talk to the janitorial staff and see if he can get to the bottom of that stench from the men's room. R. Kelly appears calm on the outside but he could be nervous on the inside and you know where that manifests itself. |
| 7:17
| Brendan has noticed that there's a furlough program for the women's prison, he was thinking about checking it out for some potential interns. |
| 7:18
| Alright that's our own Brendan Greeley, Trapped in the Courtroom. He should do time just for the Trapped in the Closet series. All of that went on while he was awaiting his trial. |
| 7:24
| Live read: National City |
| 7:25
| Steve loves points as Buzz knows. He's moving all of his funds over to National City. Steve doesn't even like spending his points. |
| 7:26
| Steve's getting a lot of calls from the ladies about the NKOTB tickets. Turns out that maybe it's not a bad idea to give the tickets away. |
| 7:27
| Caller Della called Steve a few weeks ago, she grew up in Elmwood Park and she'd love New Kids tickets. Della is 34 so when she was in high school they were in her wheelhouse. |
| 7:28
| Della had to have all the New Kids stuff, the lunch boxes, the t-shirts. Steve and Buzz are wearing their funny hats and scarves right now. |
| 7:29
| What did Della call in about last time? Was it just to talk about Steve? That's one of his favorite topics. |
| 7:30
| So Della wants the New Kids tickets. This is where an Eddie and Job would make Della take her top off but Steve can't do that. Hand her off to Buzz! |
| 7:31
| Della did say that Steve talks about a lot of sports. He does talk about girl sports, the Cubs. Great Cubs slam! |
| 7:32
| Steve would actually be surprised to learn that Della likes NASCAR. Steve has been thinking of going to that night race in Joliet, it sounds pretty fun. Della would be more than willing to go if Janet can't go. Janet always wants to go to NASCAR races with Steve, she loves NASCAR. You can't find her on a Sunday afternoon and she still has the 3 sticker on her car. |
| 7:33
| Steve wouldn't even have to worry about asking Della to take her top off there, other guys would be doing it for him. |
| 7:34
| News with Buzz |
| 7:35
| The advantage in today's West Virginia primary seems to go to Hillary Clinton but it might not be enough to keep her going. Has Buzz seen any of the people in West Virginia? They say they're not voting for Obama because he might be a Muslim. |
| 7:36
| If evil has a home it might be in Michigan. Judge Annette Berry held nothing back as she sentenced an 18-year-old to live in prison for beheading someone. |
| 7:37
| He beheaded the person after he killed him, what kind of beheading is that? All he would have had to do is watch The Tudors, he'd get all the beheading he needs. |
| 7:38
| Steve has learned a few things about beheadings. There's the kind where they are on their knees but upright and then the French-style where they're on their hands and knees. |
| 7:39
| They don't actually show the beheading just the before and sometimes after. Like when Sir Thomas Moore was beheaded for refusing to renounce Catholicism they showed blood dripping on the cross he was clutching. It was very poignant. |
| 7:40
| A new study reveals that New Smyrna Beach in Florida is the most dangerous country in the world because of shark attacks. |
| 7:41
| While taking a leisurely swim in the Gulf Coast an Ohio woman got a surprise. A pelican dive-bombed into her face. |
| 7:42
| A man is suing Jet Blue because he had to hang out in the bathroom for most of the cross-country trip. He was told the plane was oversold but then a flight attendant agreed to give her up seat and she'd sit in a jump seat. |
| 7:43
| 90 minutes into the flight the flight attendant became uncomfortable and the pilot made him sit in the bathroom. You know what would have happened if that was Steve? The plane would have landed in Wichita and the FBI would be waiting for him. |
| 7:44
| Two of the three jurors chosen so far in R. Kelly's trial are African-American but the defense is still playing the race card. One of Kelly's lawyers uses a scooter because he has some sort of neurological condition. |
| 7:45
| The Metropolitan Planning Council has rejected plans to move the Children's Museum to Grant Park. Steve has the feeling that they want to move the museum from Navy Pier so they can put in a casino. |
| 7:46
| That's the best place for a casino because it's where all the people go. If there was a casino at Navy Pier that's where Buzz would be hanging out. |
| 7:47
| The Chicago Department of Transportation is saying the state owes them $18 million for pothole repairs throughout the city. |
| 7:48
| It seems like they should be making roads of something other than asphalt. Steve was driving on a road that was just resurfaced 2 years ago and it's already deteriorating. Plus asphalt uses up petroleum. |
| 7:49
| The whole thing is a scam though, they build these roads and then are always having to repair them. Steve doesn't get it but he won't say anything else about it because he doesn't want to become part of the road. |
| 7:50
| Sue Simmons, 63-year-old lead anchor on WNBC New York shocked viewers when she dropped the f-word during a promo for another story. |
| 7:51
| Steve's pretty sure you're OK if you say it on accident when you think the mic if off. Buzz remembers hearing about a guy who got fired at the Loop for swearing when he thought the mic was off. |
| 7:52
| Steve's pretty sure they were looking to get rid of that guy anyway though. He also had some problems with the people who ran the John Hancock because he'd always skateboard down that parking ramp. |
| 7:58
| That guy on Jet Blue was traveling on a free pass but still, they gave him the pass they can't put him in the bathroom. |
| 7:59
| Live read: Triton College |
| 8:00
| It's time for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell. It's Taco Tuesday but for today Steve has selected a Chalupa Supreme. It's huge! |
| 8:01
| We now go live to Brendan reporting from the R. Kelly trial. He did some snooping into the bathroom stench that halted the trial yesterday. It was just an internal plumbing problem. Who's internal plumbing, R. Kelly's? Because if Steve was on trial for child pornography he'd have gas. |
| 8:02
| Brendan is the only person there today, no Natalie Martinez or Anita Padilla and no cameramen either. |
| 8:03
| They're not going to hold court on Friday once the jury selection is over. They say that's so they can do paperwork but it's a load. If you want to catch R. Kelly out on the town Thursday will be your best night. |
| 8:04
| Brendan has talked to a few deputies who have worked high-profile trials and they said that the media presence will increase once the opening statements begin. |
| 8:05
| Apparently jury selection isn't that interesting to people but Steve has found it fascinating. And of course there are some fine sketches of R. Kelly in court that Brendan did, they're on Dahl.com right now. |
| 8:06
| There is a media pool rotation and at some point Brendan will be part of that. So at some point he'll be relaying information to other reporters. |
| 8:07
| When the guy from Jet introduced himself he said "Hey, I'm Clarence from Jet". Brendan replied "I'm Brendan from Jack" and got a weird look from him. He might have thought Brendan was from some porn magazine. |
| 8:08
| Brendan should have probably put an FM at the end of that or just gone with Steve Dahl Show. |
| 8:09
| Brendan didn't actually get in for jury selection yesterday but he should be at the top of the rotation today. So he'll actually have to take notes on what's going on and relay that to the other reporters. |
| 8:10
| They could probably fit every single reporter into the courtroom but for some reason the judge isn't allowing all of them in. |
| 8:11
| Brendan has seen the lawyer with the scooter, it's more of a Rascal. Does he have a basket in front to hold all of his materials? |
| 8:12
| Steve has some ideas for a TV campaign for the show. Everyone keeps telling Steve that will be happening in the fall. Then in the fall they'll say next spring then in the spring they'll say next fall. |
| 8:13
| Steve's idea came from the closing arguments in the Rezko trial but he's now lost that article. Where did it go?! |
| 8:14
| Rezko's lawyer tore into the state's main witness, Stuart Levine, during closing arguments. Behind him bold face words filled a TV screen: FELON, LIAR, THIEF, CONMAN, DRUG ADDICT. |
| 8:15
| Steve is picturing himself and Buzz standing in front of a screen while all those words flash up there. |
| 8:21
| That's the judge from the Anna Nicole hearings. What ever happened to her daughter? No one even cares about her any more but at the time we couldn't stop watching it all. |
| 8:22
| Is the baby with Larry Birkhead now? What happened to Howard Stern? |
| 8:23
| Live read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 8:24
| Alright it's Peanut Butter Jelly Time with Pat Boyle. We've instituted a new policy where all of Pat's audio is on a CD in the studio. |
| 8:25
| You'll recall that yesterday Steve was on a roll and ready to go to commercial but instead Pat's audio was cued up. Mary did scream "NOOOOOOOOO" into Steve's headphones but that could be for anything. |
| 8:26
| The news audio is also on CD so Steve's not sure why the sports audio wasn't. So now when Steve hits a comedic crescendo, or if things are going bad, he can go to the commercials. |
| 8:27
| Pat has some Bill O'Reilly audio but Steve wants to play it right from MSNBC because there's some great Keith Olberman audio on there too. Keith hates Bill O'Reilly which is one of the best parts of his show. |
| 8:28
| Steve fell asleep to some bad White Sox baseball last night. He couldn't believe he was up until 11 pm watching this. And then the Cubs score 13 runs in their game! |
| 8:29
| Was there any reason for Steve to continue to be sick of Nick Swisher last night? You don't nickname yourself Dirty Thirty and then hand out t-shirts to everyone in the clubhouse. |
| 8:30
| And then he does that thing at the plate for every at-bat. Just hit the ball and catch the ball! He's a greedy guy too based on Steve's dealings trying to get him on the show. |
| 8:31
| That being said, Steve does have a man crush on Carlos Quentin. He'd like to have a bromance with him. In their fantasy they speak Spanish to each other but Quentin went to Stanford so he probably speaks English. Then they'd rip on Dirty Thirty together. |
| 8:32
| The Sox are still playing OK though but Buehrle has to get it together. He didn't beat anything up with a bat last night though. |
| 8:33
| The first audio Pat has is from the Cubs game. They could do no wrong last night and they're doing really well at home. Aren't they like 16-2 there or something? Traditionally they don't play as well at Wrigley, they must have just realized there were hot women watching the games. |
| 8:34
| Of course the Padres are the worst team in baseball. Mark Prior and Michael Barrett are both on the DL for the Padres. So they've got an imaginary, injured battery. |
| 8:35
| Buzz is wondering when Prior last pitched in the majors. Pat can't believe he keeps getting contracts. He realizes that all baseball contracts are out of control but Prior has been injured so much. Can we just step back and enjoy Pat talking to Buzz about baseball contracts? |
| 8:36
| Pat doesn't have any Sox lowlights for him? Nothing from Hawk where he refuses to talk because of how the game is going? |
| 8:37
| Hawk and DJ got into it a little bit over the weekend. Hawk told DJ he had to do something and DJ said "No I don't" OK guys. They need to start talking less about themselves and more about what's happening on the field. |
| 8:38
| Can Pat pass that information along? Because Steve can't take any more Carl Yazstremski stories. Meanwhile you switch over to the radio and Stone and Farmer are great. |
| 8:39
| We used to have Ed Farmer on the show every week but now he won't get up early in the morning. He might have some dislike for this station though. |
| 8:40
| There's this story in the Sun-Times about Jim Thompson hatching a secret plan to have the state buy and renovate Wrigley. That was rejected by Sam Zell. |
| 8:41
| Brendan has to interrupt Peanut Butter Jelly Time for Robert Kelly Time. R. Kelly is in route or en route, either one. Kelly's lawyer just arrived and someone got his Rascal out of the back of his car for him. Does his scooter have one of those sproingy flags on it? |
| 8:42
| You think his lawyer has one of those bathtubs that you walk into? Ed McMahon is always pushing those things on TV but they look nice. Steve wouldn't mind having one. |
| 8:43
| Brendan's been talking to one of the deputies who said R. Kelly is on the way. It might not hurt to bring those deputies some donuts tomorrow. It'll be good for the trial and if Steve or Brendan ever end up in the Cooker. |
| 8:44
| Alright R. Kelly is pulling up right now. The bald guy is jumping out of shotgun and letting R. Kelly out of the back. R is sporting a champagne-colored suit with a white pocket square. The corn rows are looking tight. |
| 8:45
| Kelly has three guys with him plus the videographer. Any young girls? Everyone in the entourage is wearing a pinstriped suit. Did that guy bump into the water fountain again? |
| 8:46
| Alright so let's finish up the sports. Sam Zell rejected Jim Thompson's plan for the state to buy Wrigley. It's funny that Jim Thompson still thinks he runs things. It's nice to see Sam Zell hand him his hat. |
| 8:47
| It seems like the Cubs and Wrigley should go as a package deal. Who would want to buy the Cubs if they didn't get Wrigley? That's kind of the main asset. |
| 8:48
| Pat has a Bill O'Reilly meltdown tape from when he was on Inside Edition. Apparently someone's been sitting on it for a while. Steve probably has plenty of episodes just like these from all the times he's had to record commercials before vacation. |
| 8:49
| Pete is probably sitting on all those tapes. Steve doesn't feel like he can go on vacation until Pete and Mary are both crying. Does Pete have any of those available now, properly bleeped? |
| 8:50
| Pete's acting like he doesn't have them all cued up and ready to go. He's probably uploading them to YouTube right now. Pat thought maybe he was sending some off to Johnny B. |
| 8:51
| Pete would never do that. Steve's not sure where Pat was going with that bit, let's just pretend it never happened. This is what happens when Pete's not prepared, we get Pat Boyle's Improv Olympics. Dose Buzz still have Bruce Wolf's number? |
| 8:52
| The one Pete has cued up isn't that bad. It's more recent and you can hear Steve being handled. Doesn't Pete have any of the older ones? Does he know we're done at 10? There's always an imaginary clock ticking. Pete's busy doing other stuff in there, he can't be bothered to get up. He's got his glue gun out and he's bedazzling a jean jacket. |
| 8:53
| Steve doesn't want to hear himself melting down though, let's just hear O'Reilly. Although suddenly Steve doesn't sound as bad. |
| 8:54
| Does Pete have any better examples of Steve melting down? He hasn't found anything yet. Steve needs to take a break, his list of things-to-do is growing. He's going to give Pete a 10 second head start. |
| 9:02
| Steve's going to be talking to Seattle Sutton in a few moments and also he forgot there were a couple of German fellers here to interview him. |
| 9:03
| Steve's being interviewed about Disco Demolition and he wants to know what they're going to ask him first. Plus it's funny to have a German accent on. |
| 9:04
| It occurred to Steve that he was being hard on Pete in that last segment. Usually what happens when Steve messes up is that he goes into Pete's studio and makes him erase it. So Pete might not have anything good. |
| 9:05
| The last thing Steve said on the subject was that he didn't want to hear a meltdown. There is one Steve remembers when he was cracking up trying to read something. |
| 9:06
| Pete doesn't have that on hand either. Isn't everything computerized in there? It's supposed to be but if you've been in there lately you'd know that the crazy is on full tilt over there. |
| 9:07
| Pete is actually living in a dumpster in his studio. A lot of Pete's stuff was displaced when he got a new computer. How many months ago was that? |
| 9:08
| Pete does have a great Buzz outtakes if Steve wants to hear that. Steve just wants to hear any outtake, funny or crazy. |
| 9:09
| On the phone now is Seattle Sutton. She's been reading about how Jack FM is doing really well now that Steve is here and it's her job to keep Steve feeling well. |
| 9:10
| Seattle might have been listening when Steve was eating his daily Cinnabon with butter. That's when she had to call in, stat! Last week Seattle was in Steve's office and she tried to drop him down to the 1200 calorie-a-day diet. |
| 9:11
| Normally if someone isn't losing weight on the 2000 calorie diet Seattle drops them down to the 1200 calorie diet. If you don't lose weight on that diet you're either cheating or you're in a coma. |
| 9:12
| Seattle loves Steve but she has to get him to lose some weight. Is that what she was thinking in his office last week? Did her and her daughter talk about that on the car ride home? |
| 9:13
| Seattle has a blog although Steve noticed that there aren't any photos from last week's meeting. One of those photos could get both of them divorced. |
| 9:14
| Steve had no idea that his weightloss was that much of an issue for Seattle. She's probably still talking about it now. Her and her daughter probably talked about it for the whole car ride. |
| 9:15
| She's down in Marseilles, Illinois, the whole town is probably talking about Steve. And she tried to bust him down to 1200 calories! They also made him strip down, it was embarrassing. |
| 9:16
| Well Steve will probably talk to the Germans next although he really doesn't care if people like him in Germany. He's never even been there before! Buzz has been there though and he wants to know that Steve is known there. |
| 9:17
| Ramblin' Ray just walked into the studio. Can anyone just walk in here now? We are still doing a show right? |
| 9:18
| Ramblin' has Darius Rucker from Hootie and the Blowfish next door, he was wondering if Steve wanted to talk to him. Isn't Ray still on the air? |
| 9:19
| Ray's off at 9 am now, they're playing more music on that station. Yesterday Ray saw Steve walking with two of the hottest women he's ever seen. It made him wonder where his career went wrong. |
| 9:20
| Ray can't see Steve, does he always broadcast when he's hidden like that? It's radio, Steve doesn't need to be seen by anyone. |
| 9:21
| That Ramblin' Ray is crazy, he's hopped up on something. He doesn't have a potbelly but Buzz accused him of that recently. Didn't he say he had a muffin top or something? He wasn't thinking of Lisa Dent? |
| 9:22
| Steve doesn't think he wants to talk to Darius Rucker. Can't he just go home? That Ramblin' Ray is on something and it seems like he feels trapped. Plus he's only on until 9? What kind of schedule is that? |
| 9:23
| Does Buzz want to hear the outtake where Steve cracks himself up? |
| 9:24
| Steve never knows if he's should keep Buzz on while he plays these things or if he should turn his mic off. If Buzz says something he thinks he was there when he recorded this thing. |
| 9:25 | The live read was for Harlan J. Burk, a coin and antiquities store. Buzz remembers that guy came in and gave him 2,000 year old nails. |
| 9:32
| Steve has a funny anecdote to tell. Adam, who doesn't really have a title, called down to the studio to tell Mary that the German's were here. But he didn't go get them in the lobby. |
| 9:33
| Then Adam wanted to know where the Germans were. In the studio he's talking to them like he runs the place. He's like Napoleon. |
| 9:34
| Steve calls down to Adam's office. He's probably going to give Steve a dressing down after the show about the Ramblin' Ray stuff. |
| 9:35
| What was Adam saying to the Germans? Does he speak German? Adam's title is head of marketing and public relations. He wants to make Steve huge in Germany. Steve doesn't want to be huge in Germany. |
| 9:36
| Adam wants to sell the mugs in Germany. We can't even sell them here! Adam was just telling the German guy that he didn't have to put his headphones on. Adam didn't want him messing up his nice hair. |
| 9:37
| He does have nice hair, he looks like a German Kenny Loggins. Stay out of the studio though Adam! It's confusing enough down here without him. |
| 9:38
| Steve forgot the Germans were coming in today. If he'd known he would have tried to get out of that because that's what he does. For the first time ever, not including after a haircut, Steve has product in his hair. |
| 9:39
| Steve gets his haircut down in the lobby and it always looks great on the day of the haircut. So yesterday Steve took it upon himself to ask her why his hair looks good. |
| 9:40
| She goes through a two step process with something to make his hair shiny and then some mousse. |
| 9:41
| Dirk is from Germany, he's doing a documentary about the Disco Sucks movement. Dirk wasn't sure if he could say suck on the air. We should probably call and ask Adam. |
| 9:42
| Dirk saw the video of Disco Demolition on YouTube and it looked great so he wanted to talk to Steve. He's not going to call him a racist or a homophobe right? Because that gets thrown around a lot. |
| 9:43
| Dirk has talked to some people who were at Disco Demolition and it seemed like they were just stoned or drunk, not racist or homophobic. |
| 9:44
| The special will air on French TV. Did the French agree to put it on after one day? It's not often Steve can break out his WWII jokes. Are they going to do the interview up in Steve's office? Maybe we should call Adam. |
| 9:45
| Adam thought Steve would look better in the studio. He's sick of being in here. The office has all his stuff and his guns in case he needs to make any threats. Buzz is welcome to stick around if he wants even though he wasn't there. It looks like he wants to leave to Dirk. He has that look at 5:30 every morning. |
| 9:46
| Live read: The Little Guys |
| 9:51
| The Germans have been dispatched to the Green Room, they all seem pretty nice. It's weird because Disco Demolition seems to be big in Europe, Steve always gets Google alerts about it. |
| 9:52
| Usually people have it wrong though and they think Steve's a racist and a homophobe. That all started with some guy on VH1 though. The Bee Gees weren't gay or black, they were just stupid. |
| 9:53
| Steve didn't care that the Village People were gay but their music was stupid. And how about Dirk's read on Buzz? He pegged him as a runner right away. |
| 9:54
| Dirk asked Steve if we hate the French. We still do right? Even before Iraq we made fun of the French. They embraced Jerry Lewis, you have to make fun of that. And how many times have they given up their country without firing a shot? |
| 9:55
| Steve did think that Freedom Fry stuff was stupid though. Everyone was nice to him when he was there and the women just walking the streets are really hot. |
| 9:56
| News with Buzz |
| 9:57
| The city of Chicago won an appeal to buy a cemetery and expand runways at O'Hare Cemeteries are a big waste of space if you don't mind Steve saying so. |
| 9:58
| Hillary Clinton is expected to decisively win West Virginia today. Still some people are expecting her to pull the plug on her campaign. |
| 9:59
| A Manhattan man is now admitting he had sex with the corpse of a 92-year-old woman in a hospital morgue. He couldn't find one any younger? That's just a crime of opportunity |
| 10:00
| Albert Einstein described belief in God as childish superstition and said Jews were not the chosen people. That was in a letter he wrote that will be sold at auction this week. |
| 10:01
| Buzz has more news but we're out of time. Steve wants to hear the GED story because he has a GED. A man in Ohio was jailed after failing to live up to the promise he made to a judge that his daughter would get her GED. |
| 10:02
| The daughter failed to get her GED and plead with the judge not to send her father to jail. |
| 10:03
| A high school fire drill in Mercer County turned scary for one student when his turban was lit on fire by another student. Where is Mercer County? There are several of them including one in New Jersey. It does seem like something AJ Soprano would do and then be very sorry about. |
