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| 5:30
| Ramblin' Ray is looking quite cut today, isn't he Buzz? Buzz should take back what he said about Ramblin' Ray's tummy. Didn't he say he had a gut or something? |
| 5:31
| Buzz doesn't remember what he said, maybe something about a muffin top. Ramblin' must be down here today because he knows it's Ben Gay day. Is it Ben Gay day today? |
| 5:32
| Ben just watched Juno last night. Ben wishes he could get pregnant just to rub cocoa butter on his stretch marks. Juno seems like something that Pete and Ben could watch together. |
| 5:33
| Ben actually spent the night here last night. Buzz is wondering what brought him down here. It was a cab and a Chicago Bear but he can't say which one. They did it in Steve's office on his desk. Ben got up early to try to get the smudge marks out. |
| 5:34
| Buzz can try to guess which Chicago Bear but it's a 47 man roster, plus coaches and the front office. Is this even Ben's day today? It's Wednesday which means those two potheads and the Swissman, Chef Ham, come in. Today is Hump Day also, more like Rump Day. |
| 5:35
| Ben's going to go home then, he's still a little tipsy from all the Bombay Sapphire gin and tonics. Pete acts like he's put off by Ben but he's not. Ben is exactly how he likes his men to sound. |
| 5:36
| Does Pete want some cocoa? Actually he has the little coffee center going over there with his percolator. Ben needs some Sleepytime, he has to go. Ben went dancing last night and he did a Bear. |
| 5:37
| Ben was wondering what happened to Buzz's leg injury. It was just a deep thigh bruise but he's back to running now. Ben would love to see Buzz run, when does he do it? |
| 5:38
| Buzz is usually out around noon. Like High Noon? Does he dress up in his spurs, jingle-jangling? Where does something like that happen? |
| 5:39
| Ben should probably get out of here because no good can come of it. He thought today was his day but frankly since that Pat Boyle started Ben hasn't had much time on the show. Pat's just on cable although Ben's not on anything, except X. |
| 5:40
| It's always good to hear from Ben Gay. Ramblin' Ray was down here putting on some sort of show, almost dressed like some guy from the Village People. He wanted a hug. |
| 5:41
| Ray turned him out though, apparently it doesn't take much for the lisping to come out. Plus Steve had to start his music which is sort of fruity. Steve doesn't mean that in a bad way, there are many advantages to being gay. |
| 5:42
| There seem to be advantages when you get older too. It's probably harder for an older guy to get young girl to like him than a young guy. You can just pay the young guys off. |
| 5:43
| That's probably why you always hear about powerful older men and younger guys. Not that Steve's heard anything like that about Buzz. |
| 5:49
| Alright now it's time for Steve and Pete to talk about a chick flick, Juno. Pete didn't really think it was a chick flick. Any time there's pregnancy it's a chick flick although Steve can see how it's a coming-of-age movie as well. |
| 5:50
| Speaking of chick flicks, Sex and the City comes out on Friday. Steve won't see that, at least not in the theater. He'll watch it in the privacy of his own home. He likes some of that stuff, like Kim Cattrall having sex. |
| 5:51
| Pete and Stephanie are seeing it on Friday. He heard that only gay guys will be there on opening day but it probably also means that there will be a lot of single women. That's like a shooting gallery. |
| 5:52
| Steve ordered Juno to watch on the trip to LA because he was on a flight with no entertainment. That makes for a long flight. He didn't watch it though but he did read the Rolling Stones article about Eagles. |
| 5:53
| Steve's been sitting on an article about how gross airplanes are. He's not sure if he wants to ruin airplanes the way Dave Savini ruined hotels though. Now none of us can get a good night's sleep in a hotel room. |
| 5:54
| Steve's flight home had entertainment so he didn't watch Juno until yesterday. Luckily they were showing The Bucket List, which was lame. A lot of stuff seems better on an airplane though. |
| 5:55
| So Steve thought Juno was pretty good. Steve read a few reviews about how Juno didn't talk like how most teenagers talk. Steve thought it was pretty accurate. |
| 5:56
| It was actually Jim DeRogatis who wrote that. There was a whole back and forth with him and Roger Ebert, who thought it was the best movie of the year. Why is DeRogatis even writing about Juno, he's not a film critic. |
| 5:57
| Jim was criticizing the soundtrack and then he digressed. The music featured a lot of stuff that Pete likes and Steve thought it did work in the movie. Jim also felt that it wasn't believable that a 15-year-old girl would listen to some of the music Juno liked, such as Iggy Pop. |
| 5:58
| Steve's trying to find some of the music from the movie but he can't get into his iTunes. It's all the stuff Pete likes, featuring people who can't sing, write songs or play guitars. How can he not access the internet? |
| 5:59
| Ed Silha has set up several wireless networks for the show but they all have Steve's name attached to them. That's like an open invitation for people to hack into it. It seems like a security breach if you put Steve's name on there. |
| 6:00
| Does Pete have any of that music handy, like maybe the last song that they sing together? Oops, spoiler alert! Pete doesn't have any of it, even though all he does is collect music over there. He's got nothing for Steve but he's making mix tapes for insects. |
| 6:01
| Alright, we now go live to Brendan Greeley, reporting from 26th and California. It's day 5 of testimony. Only day 5? It feels like day 50! Maybe that's because Steve talks to Brendan 10 times an day and usually it's about what he's eating. |
| 6:02
| Things do get started a little late, usually around 11 am. Brendan's having fun though, which Steve's glad to hear. It's important that Brendan's having fun. Of course he's having fun, he gets to sleep in his car half the morning. |
| 6:03
| Brendan had a brief brush with R yesterday. He chose to walk up Brendan's aisle to his seat and he said "excuse me". Brendan didn't say anything, the judge would probably kick him out. |
| 6:04
| Steve was just reading about that mural in the basketball court of R. Kelly's former home. Brendan reported on this last week but yesterday was the first day they actually showed pictures. |
| 6:05
| Just to refresh Buzz's memory, the main part of the mural features R. Kelly playing the Tasmanian Devil in a game of basketball and Michael Jordan is the ref. R is clearly fouling the Tasmanian Devil, flagrantly. |
| 6:06
| The state investigator who took the photos kept referring to the characters as Disney characters. That's a good investigator. Eventually Ed Genson had to step in and correct her. |
| 6:07
| Another childhood friend of the girl in the tape identified her friend. But then Sam Adams Jr. broke her down and she started to falter. She admitted that she hadn't seen the tape with audio the first time she talked to investigators even though she said she'd recognized the voice. |
| 6:08
| The braces also came up with they talked to a friend of Sparkle's sister Charlotte. She met R. Kelly at a Boston Market once. That's a good place to meet people. Dave & Buster's also came up a lot, R had a party there. |
| 6:09
| The most interesting testimony Brendan heard was from a woman who used to work for R. Kelly. She had a lot of interaction with the alleged victim and would drive her around sometimes. |
| 6:10
| She was also in charge of getting R's food for him. He was on a special diet and she was in charge of stocking the studio with candles, water and fruit. He eats candles? You can't eat candles! |
| 6:11
| Going back to the braces, Steve once again suggests slapping a pair on a 20 year old girl. It'll take 5 years off the girl easily. Why doesn't anyone ever come to Steve for advice? They could have talked about it over Boston Market. |
| 6:12
| The assistant did have some nice things to say about R. Kelly, she said he was great to work for and nothing ever happened to her. That's what all of Steve's former assistants would say about him. Right before they hammered the final nail in his coffin. |
| 6:13
| If you go to Dahl.com you can see Brendan's sketches from the trial. You can really see his progression. Steve got an email from an art teacher last night who enjoys his work and thinks it's time for him to move on to charcoal or maybe water colors. |
| 6:20
| Steve can't believe Buzz has never seen Space Jam. Piper will love it because it's cartoon and Aimee will love it because it's about basketball. Do they have it in Blu-Ray? That would look great. |
| 6:21
| Going back to Juno, Steve has a sample of one of the worthless songs in the movie that Pete would like. Some how it works in the movie though. |
| 6:22
| Steve's just going to play the free sample, which is at the right price for him. Steve's having some internet issues though. So is Buzz, Steve's problems are his problems. |
| 6:23
| Steve thought Buzz was on a different network. Whatever network he's on, we need Ed down here stat. Steve might be paying Ed too much, every time he talks to him he's either at a Cubs game, in Vegas or at a wedding. |
| 6:24
| Pete says he doesn't really like this song Steve is playing. Don't make Steve buy the whole thing just to prove it. It sounds like The Shaggs! |
| 6:25
| This song is a Velvet Underground cover. Steve prefers there rockers like Sweet Jane or Heroin. He likes any Velvet Underground song about sex or drugs, preferably smack. |
| 6:26
| All of these songs work well in the movie though. It might be from the same people who brought Steve Little Miss Sunshine but he's not sure. Steve liked it though, it's his sensitive side. He actually teared up a little bit at the end. |
| 6:27
| Alright, Ed Silha is on the phone. He's not angry, not at all. He's working the problem from the other end. The internet is fixed though. |
| 6:28
| Steve appreciates Ed taking some time to fix his internet. He knows he has to rest up for the next wedding or Cubs game. Every time Steve talks to Ed he's in the Admiral's Club. |
| 6:29
| Ed had a wedding in Vegas over the weekend but this is his last one. Some friends from school got married. Steve didn't know Ed went to school. He actually went to DePaul which is very expensive. Steve would know since he just sent Matt there. |
| 6:30
| Steve's boys have no college debt, they should do everything he says. In the meantime Steve's out in L.A. and Pat's busy renicknaming him. His new name is Walter, after Matt's dog. Walter is always looking around and turning his head sideways. Steve does that too because he's bored with the conversation and is looking around for something to look at. Steve's sick of hearing about Pat's wedding, it happened in December! And he doesn't want to hear about baby names because no one is pregnant! If he's in L.A. he's going to look at chicks. |
| 6:32
| As it turns out, Steve likes Matt's dog because he's a dude. Steve's never had a dude dog. Walter is crazy though. He still wants to hump things even though he's been fixed. Now that's a man! |
| 6:33
| So Steve's internet is fixed which means he can get off his AT & T card, which is quite expensive. Sometimes he doesn't get a signal down here, probably because of all the buildings. |
| 6:34
| So Steve's new nickname is Walter and Pat can't wait to tell his brother's about it. The nicknames might be Pat's way of controlling Steve. He's tried other ones out but always goes back to Boomer. |
| 6:35
| After a viewing of The Big Lebowski the boys started calling Steve Tumbleweed. That's because he just goes from one thing to another. What else is he supposed to do? He has a job, what does he do when he's done with work? |
| 6:36
| Yesterday after the show Buzz and Steve were wondering what they should do now. Steve suggested they get some blow and get hammered but Buzz pointed out that they can't do that. |
| 6:37
| Does Ed know what Steve's saying about his wireless network names? Putting Steve's name on there says "Please hack me!" Although with Steve's name on there it looks kind of cool, like he has a presence in the building. |
| 6:38
| Did Ed take down that photo where Steve looks like Jabba the Hutt? He's standing there with Buzz and Chef Hans at that Charlie Trotter thing. |
| 6:39
| Steve's probably not going to read this airplane article. He does have to say that on the way home from L.A. the plane arrived from it's previous destination and then they left 10 minutes later, no one even cleaned it up. On the other hand Steve would rather just get home quickly. |
| 6:40
| So Oprah's doing that vegan diet cleanse. She was loaned a chef from the woman who wrote the book about the 21-day cleanse. She's blogging about it. On day 4 Oprah cleaned her plate down to the last grain of brown rice under her delicious soy chicken. That's fake chicken right? You can't call it chicken if it's not really chicken can you? |
| 6:41
| Oprah is nervous about the weekend, she has to go to Vegas for Tina and Cher. That's probably Tina Turner and Cher right? When do we hear more from Oprah? She's not blogging consistently. |
| 6:42
| Kathy Freston recommends ordering a hearty soup when traveling and asking room service if they can prepare something using every vegetable in the kitchen. Even the dish washer? |
| 6:43
| Ever since being in LA Steve has wanted a club sandwich. There's nothing like a club sandwich from room service with butter instead of mayo. Stev's on the Seattle Sutton die though. He had a good breakfast today, prepared by Stephanie. Steve calls up to the office. Stephanie prepared his egg casserole today, it was good but he could use a little less ketchup. Ketchup should be used sparingly, more as a dip. |
| 6:44
| Steve doesn't really care but Mary thought it would be funny if he complained. It doesn't seem that funny, it seems mean and Steve feels bad. Steve complained to Mary and she said it would be funny if he complained on the air. That might be a way for her to get him to stop complaining and it might work. And an angel gets his wings. |
| 6:45
| Stephanie left Steve completely rudderless yesterday. She's his assistant although eventually she'll probably be testifying against him. Stephanie was out of contact from 11 am to late yesterday when Steve finally asked if she was dead. |
| 6:46
| Stephanie decided to take her family's dog home because she has a bigger place now and can spend more time with it. Does she want Matt Dahl's dog? She already has his hamster. |
| 6:47
| Stephanie didn't even do that fake thing where she calls from the baseball game and acts like she's working. Did Stephanie get the Guitar Hero for the office yet? Because Steve wants to have a tournament this week. |
| 6:48
| Steve needs to practice, but he doesn't want it at home because he won't stop playing it. Then he gets really frustrated with the game. Yesterday he said he wanted to hit Janet with the guitar because she was talking loudly. It was right in front of Pat and Rachael and he said he was kidding. |
| 6:52
| Live read: Walter E. Smithe |
| 6:53
| Alright it's time for the web poll. Steve's putting off that airplane article for now. He only read the beginning of it and it changed his entire flying experience over the weekend. |
| 6:54
| Buzz thinks Steve is a little more persnickety than other travelers though. Steve prefers to think of himself as being aware. Whatever it is, Steve delves more into the minutiae. Steve thinks this is stuff that a lot of people wouldn't be able to get past. |
| 6:55
| Today's web poll question is "Which new reality show will you watch?" The options are Living Lohan and It's Complicated. This is from Entertainment Weekly, headline Bland Ambition. |
| 6:56
| Dina Lohan and Denise Richards' shrill reality shows will bore even voyeurs. Dina Lohan is usually spotted in red carpet photos, perched cougar-like next to troubled daughter Lindsay. |
| 6:57
| Now Dina is giving people a glimpse into the lives of her other children, Ally and Cody. Writer Gillian Flynn does not want to live Lohan. Dina doesn't want the press starting in on her daughter the way they did with Lindsay. How about not doing a reality show about your kid then? |
| 6:58
| It seems like the Lohan's spend most of their time Googling themselves. Denise Richards also has a reality show, which also features a blond in oversized sunglasses yipping and yakking while driving a huge SUV. |
| 6:59
| Richards is now more famous for her divorce from Charlie Sheen. Sheen won a lawsuit to keep their kids off camera. Suddenly he's the voice of reason in all of this. |
| 7:00
| Richards has a personal chiropractor, an amiable widower father and thousands of pets but there's still nothing going on. Is there such thing as a personal chiropractor? It's not like they have group chiropracting. |
| 7:01
| Living Lohan gets an F and It's Complicated gets a D. Buzz feels like he has to watch the Lohan show at least once. They're both on E!, which almost single handedly brought about the downfall of our society. |
| 7:02
| Now TMZ has it's own show, Buzz needs to check that out. Lately Buzz feels like he's being sheltered by TiVo which only tapes the things he likes. He's missing out on a lot of tawdry stuff. |
| 7:03
| TMZ features Harvey Levin, former legal analyst for People's Court, who's not into gossip. He's still a lawyer though and some how still involved with People's Court. |
| 7:04
| The TMZ show looks like a pitch meeting. All of the kids who work for him are throwing ideas at him and it's actually a great format because they don't have to do the entire story. |
| 7:05
| Caller Mike had to call in about TMZ. He can't stop watching it even though it seems like the devil might be a co-producer. Didn't Steve say all this? |
| 7:06
| It's hard to stop watching the show though, Steve knows what he's talking about. And they've got these snarky LA kids pitching him all of these ideas. |
| 7:14
| Live read: Fresh Diet |
| 7:15
| Today for breakfast, a breakfast burrito. It's almost the size of Steve's head! |
| 7:16
| News with Buzz |
| 7:17
| The lone toilet on the ISS is broken. That leaves crew members with almost nowhere to go until it can be fixed next week. They'll have to make do with a jerry-rigged system. |
| 7:18
| The solid-waste portion of the toilet is in working order, luckily. That's probably the last thing you need in outer space. |
| 7:19
| President Bush's former press secretary is releasing a book that's critical of him this week. Karl Rove's responded wondering why it took McLellan so long to say anything. |
| 7:20
| He also said something about Dick Cheney. He had some sort of nickname for him because he never leaves any fingerprints. Maybe he calls him the Silent Assassin. |
| 7:21
| Al Qaeda is calling on supporters to use weapons of mass destruction on civilians. That message is in a video which is expected to be released very soon. |
| 7:22
| If we know this video is going to be released why can't we shut them down? Why can't we shut down all of their websites? There has to be some way to do that. |
| 7:23
| Barack Obama is apologizing for mixing up the names of Nazi concentration camps. He mistakenly said his uncle helped liberate Auschwitz but really it was his great uncle who helped at Buchenwald. It seems like you'd want to get that straight but kudos to his great uncle. |
| 7:24
| China has asked for Japan's help in the aftermath of the devastating earthquake. This will mark the first time Japan's military was deployed to China since the end of WWII. That's when they tried to take over Japan. You have to give the Japanese credit for trying that. |
| 7:25
| What about Myanmar, you're not even hearing about that? They are letting people in but not the U.S. They also have a Pulitzer prize-winning author under house arrest in Myanmar. Sounds like a great place. |
| 7:26
| Meanwhile, Sharon Stone is wondering if karma is the cause of the earthquake in China. She's a friend of the Dalai Lama. He seems like a real star f'er. |
| 7:27
| This just in Buzz, two Canadian human rights groups are calling for women to send their panties to Myanmar's embassy to protest the ruling military junta. |
| 7:28
| Steve once had a religion where he was asking girls to send in panties. He was getting panties too but he's not sure what the point of the religion was. |
| 7:29
| Virginia executed it's third prisoner since 2006. Kevin Green for the murder of two convenience store workers. Did he go all convenience store for his last meal? He actually request his last meal info not be released to the press. |
| 7:30
| Does Buzz want to know more about this panty thing? The Quebec Women's Federation and the group Rights and Democracy claim that military leaders believe contact with women's underwear will usurp their power. It seems like it would make you more powerful. He who holdeth the panties is probably standing in front of a naked woman. |
| 7:31
| Photos entered into evidence in the case of the April 3rd raid of an FLDS compound in Texas show Warren Jeffs kissing his 12-year-old bride. |
| 7:32
| Lawyers for the Boy Scouts of America are challenging Philadelphia's threat to evict them from the building they've occupied for 80 years if they don't drop their no gays edict. |
| 7:33
| Of course our own Buzz Kilman was abused by his scout leader. As punishment he and several friends were forced to carry rocks in their underpants. |
| 7:34
| Steve doesn't think you should be involved with the Boy Scouts if you don't have a kid in your troop. You'd think being gay, one of the advantages is that you wouldn't have to deal with stuff like the Boy Scouts. |
| 7:35
| And Buzz's scout leader didn't have a kid in the troop right? Steve would love to see that scene in a movie, Buzz carrying rocks back and forth from one tent to the other. |
| 7:36
| Explosive testimony is expected today in R. Kelly's trial. It's being reported that an Atlanta woman is expected to take the stand and claim she had a three-way with R. Kelly and the underage girl who appears on the tape. |
| 7:37
| Let's go live to Brendan now. He claimed that the Atlanta woman was going to testify was going to testify yesterday. Buzz kept saying it was going to be today but Brendan wouldn't be swayed. |
| 7:38
| He was wrong though and it's rare for a reporter of Brendan's stature to admit a mistake. He is a Foolitzer Prize winner after all. |
| 7:39
| Didn't this woman have another tape she had to turn in? Why are people always taping things? Isn't it better to just remember? The video probably never looks as good as you remember. |
| 7:40
| It just seems like taping things gets you into more trouble. What was the point of Rick Solomon making that Paris Hilton tape? It's not like it would ever have been as good as the Pam and Tommy Lee tape. |
| 7:41
| As a taxpayer Steve would like to see the trial start-up earlier. They started at 11 yesterday and then broke for lunch at 1. After an hour and ten minutes for lunch they went all the way to 5. Ooh! That's a 5 hour day! |
| 7:42
| The guy who plays bass with Lionel Richie testified yesterday. He's the cousin of the alleged victim. He said he couldn't completely tell if it was his cousin but he had to stop the tape because he didn't want to watch it any more. LIke George C. Scott in that movie where he finds out his daughter is a porn star? |
| 7:43
| Matt and Brendan will be doing their webcast today, probably around 1 pm. Alright that's Brendan Greeley on the scene at the People vs. R. Kelly. |
| 7:44
| Jim Thompson is asking President Bush for clemency for his client, George Ryan. Steve hates Jim Thompson. |
| 7:45
| Jim is only asking that Bush commutes his sentence to timed serve. If you just...talk...slowly...it makes the people...you're speaking with...seem stupid...and you...seem smarter. |
| 7:46
| Joakim Noah got in trouble twice with the law on Sunday. After the misdemeanor alcohol and marijuana charges he was pulled over for driving on a suspended license without his seatbelt. Apparently back-to-back titles gets you nothing down there. |
| 7:47
| Meanwhile you've got his dad over in France saying "It's just pot" That's some bad parental influence although he has a point. When your dad wears the kind of hat that Yannick did, you can probably do whatever you want. |
| 7:48
| A homeless Ohio man with AIDS was sentenced to 10 years for raping a sleepwalking woman. How does that happen? |
| 7:49
| The man who composed several famous TV theme songs has died. Earle Hagen scored dozens of TV shows and whistled at the opening of the Andy Griffith Show. |
| 7:55
| Yes you may have heard someone say "May I take your order please?" during that last break. That's because Steve is preparing something for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell. |
| 7:56
| In the meantime Steve's going to play a song about sleepwalking, with Buzz's blessing. It seems like getting raped by a homeless man with AIDS is about the worst thing that can happen to you while sleepwalking, other than maybe dying. |
| 7:57
| Song: Sleepwalker, The Wallflowers |
| 7:58
| Steve was trying to adjust the volume on his computer and it skipped, he hates when that happens. Steve had to adjust the volume since he didn't want Penny reporting him for overmodulating. She's already going to report him to Todd for playing a song not in the music library. |
| 7:59
| Can we get the big guy to come up here and adjust Steve's levels? Everything is coming out hot from his computer. |
| 8:00
| Song: Sleepwalker, The Wallflowers |
| 8:04
| That's The Wallflowers right there. Steve likes Jakob Dylan, he just pre-ordered his solo album. That's how cool he is. |
| 8:05
| Steve needs to call Penny and make sure she doesn't rat him out to Todd. When Todd's out of town it leaves Steve open to slip in songs that aren't part of the format. That's how he takes the station over. Pretty soon it's called Steve. |
| 8:06
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 8:07
| It sounds like Steve's calling someone but he's not going to tell Buzz who it is so he shouldn't even ask. Steve was calling down to Penny to make sure she didn't rat him out. |
| 8:08
| Penny wasn't going to rat him out, she loves The Wallflowers. Steve and Penny need to work together to get rid of all this dance music on Jack FM. |
| 8:09
| Steve's levels are fine today but Steven Wright is in the studio working a few things. Brendan's levels are a little hot today. Is she just make stuff up so she has a job? |
| 8:10
| Steve's going to let Penny go so her and Steven can get back to microfocusing about a phone call from 45 minutes ago. Some people say that the HD listeners might hear some distortion. Steve's in radio and he doesn't even have an HD radio! |
| 8:11
| Alright it's time for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell. Taco Bell has their new Why Pay More? menu which you should check out. You can get stuff for 79¢, 89¢ or 99¢. |
| 8:12
| If you go to Taco Bell's website you can try out the Rap Name Generator. As you can well imagine it allows you to generate your own rap name. |
| 8:13
| You enter your name, your favorite menu item, gender and then your appetite. Steve's going with the Cheesy Beef Burrito. His rap name is Da Biggie Burrito Bandito. Buzz doesn't think that's appropriate, he doesn't see Steve as a bandito. |
| 8:14
| There might be a way to make a rap song but Steve's not sure if he has the ability to figure all that out at this moment. Maybe tomorrow he'll make a rap song using his name. |
| 8:15
| On the second try Steve gets Grand Master Crunch, which Buzz likes a lot more. Can't he be both? On Fergie's album he can be Grand Master Crunch and on Snoop's album he can be Da Biggie Burrito Bandito. |
| 8:21
| Alright Steve entered Grand Master Crunch into the Taco Bell website along with a photo, but it's of Drew Peterson. |
| 8:22
| Grand Master Crunch isn't in the rap song although it could be. When they say "G" they should be saying Grand Master Crunch. |
| 8:23
| Steve's going to have to get his people to figure this out. He calls down to Adam's office, he's going to figure it out for him. |
| 8:24
| Live read: National City |
| 8:25
| Alright, Bob and Ron are here for some rock history. Ron has some ideas about how Steve could get his rap name into the Taco Bell song. Is Ron the one that Steve asked to figure this out? |
| 8:26
| It's Mick Ronson's birthday today, he was a guitar player in David Bowie's band. He also invented the cigarette lighter. |
| 8:27
| It's John Fogerty's birthday and he's still alive and chugglin'. We're not playing any chugglin' today are we? Bob and Ron always bring it in on his birthday because it's hard to say if Steve will be in a chugglin' mood. |
| 8:28
| Steve wouldn't mind hearing a little chugglin' but not 7 minutes worth. Although once you start chugglin' it's hard to stop. |
| 8:29
| Alright Steve has another Taco Bell rap song. He's called D Dizzle in this one but that was the name that Mary got to. Steve doesn't like it but of course Buzz does. |
| 8:30
| Steve needs to stop messing around with this, for now. He's not sure why he's D Dizzle though. What does he have to like at Taco Bell to be D Dizzle? |
| 8:31
| So it's John Fogerty's birthday, he's 63. That's pretty old isn't it? Steve only says that because that's how old Buzz is. |
| 8:32
| Steve's in the process of trying to get Grand Master Crunch into this rap song. Right now he's H.E. Normous Cruncha. |
| 8:33
| Steve doesn't know how to do this. He was still "Cous" in this song and not Grand Master Crunch. Steve shouldn't be given things this complicated to deal with. If short buses ran that early in the morning Steve would be taking them to work. |
| 8:34
| It's also Levon Helm's birthday today, he was the only American in The Band. Whatever you say Bob and Ron. |
| 8:35
| Song: Up on Cripple Creek, The Band |
| 8:39
| There you go, that's The Band. Happy birthday to Levon Helm, a singing drummer and a good actor. He was in The Right Stuff, he gave Chuck Yeager a stick of Beaman's gum. |
| 8:40
| Ron's band is playing at The Abbey Pub on Monday. Of course The Abbey is owned by Pat Looney, who's the real Bartman. He was the one going for the foul ball but when he saw he couldn't get it he backed off and let Bartman take the heat. |
| 8:41
| Looney got away clean but Steve will never forget. And of course Bartman got blamed because he looks like a nerd. He looks like Richard Roeper dressed up like a nerd. |
| 8:42
| Buzz has actually seen Ron's band and he's a very competent guitar player. Steve's not sure if he wants to see Ron do anything competently. Everything you believe in is skewed after that. |
| 8:43
| That's why Steve doesn't want them in here because they're likable. He doesn't want to get too close to them, he might end up hanging out with them. That's all he needs. Hanging out with Bob and Ron in the afternoon is not a good idea. |
| 8:44
| Steve could come walk dogs with the but he doesn't even walk his own dogs. They're such a pain in the ass. They park at other dogs, then you have to pick up their poop. And if it's not garbage day you walk around with that bag all day. |
| 8:45
| Mabel can't help herself, she can't stop going once she's out. Even though she's a girl she likes to mark her territory, both ways. Steve doesn't even take them for walks but he knows that's bad. |
| 8:46
| If you take them for one walk then they go nuts every time you go to the door. They're like crack addicts, they have no self-control. You can't get to the front door without them rushing it. |
| 8:52
| Alright it's Peanut Butter Jelly Time with Pat Boyle. Steve tried to load Grand Master Crunch back into that Taco Bell song and it still didn't work. |
| 8:53
| Steve is currently fascinated with Lindsay Lohan allegedly being engaged to Samantha Ronson. That's a girl but sadly not a hot girl so it's not the girl-on-girl that we crave. |
| 8:54
| Lindsay was spotted wearing a ring at the Dolce & Gabana party at Cannes and reportedly told her former lover Calum Best, that her and Ronson were engaged. |
| 8:55
| Lohan and Ronson were also spotted kissing at one of P. Diddy's famous boat parties. Can someone please explain to Steve why P. Diddy gets to have anything? He has everything but what has he done to get it? |
| 8:56
| He did J. Lo and then made her take the rap for his gun possession charge. The guy is shameless. Steve has a photo of Calum Best and apparently he gets around. All the guys in LA look like this and they wear Capri pants. Steve wants to take flamethrower out there and clear everyone out. |
| 8:57
| Lindsay wants to get married to Ronson at Dollywood in July. It doesn't sound like she's back on anything at all. She has reportedly moved in with Ronson following her return from Cannes. |
| 8:58
| That LA, it's something else. The thirty mile zone is just a giant hole full of idiots. There are guys wearing Capri pants and stupid baseball hats turned sideways. The whole look out there is like you just woke up. Comb your hair! |
| 8:59
| Lindsay can now get married in California right? Or has that not started yet? Ellen is going to be one of the first to take the plunge. Steve likes Ellen but he's sick of hearing about how she's a lesbian. |
| 9:00
| Steve would like to do Portia di Rossi but he doesn't need to know what Ellen's doing. And look what she did to that poor Anne Heche. Buzz thinks it's the other way around. |
| 9:01
| Didn't Ellen convert Anne though? Buzz is up on all of his Ellen/Anne Heche info. It seems like Anne was experimenting with her sexuality and ended up breaking Ellen's heart. |
| 9:02
| Steve doesn't care about any of it though. Actually, who is he kidding? It only heightens it for him. He does care. He even cares about Rosie. |
| 9:03
| Alright, let's talk some sports. The Cubs won 3-1 but the Sox had a rough one in Cleveland. Steve had been putting off working out all day but at 8:15 he went outside because he'd had enough with the Sox game. |
| 9:04
| Steve went out with his Sox hat on, wearing all black. He was hoping to get hit by a car because he was so mad about the Sox game. His neighbor noticed him and asked him if he was taking a break from the game. Then he suggested that Konerko learn to throw home or get a hit. |
| 9:05
| Tommy Laswordfish sang the 7th Inning Stretch and he was all wound up last night. Didn't he go on a Mike Piazza crying jag? Pat didn't hear that but before the stretch he was talking about the troops and blessing them. |
| 9:06
| The Cubs rallied after Tommy sang the stretch, scoring 3 times in that inning. The Cubs are 21-8 at home this season. Over half their wins have been by 2 runs or less Alright, we got it, they're good. Next. |
| 9:07
| Do we have the Tommy Lasorda audio because Steve wouldn't mind hearing it. Steve thought Tommy got weepy about Mike Piazza. He did talk to Len and Bob after the stretch in the bottom of the 7th. |
| 9:08
| Tommy talked briefly about Mike Piazza. He didn't get weepy? Steve calls down to the newsroom, Jim sold him a bad bill of goods on this. Jim was in here this morning telling Steve that Lasorda was on a crying jag about Mike Piazza and then he tried to hurl himself out of the booth. |
| 9:09
| Jim thought he was pretty wound up about Piazza and went on for a few minutes. This is what Steve was told. Pat doesn't even want to play the tape though. Pete was just irritated that Lasorda said "Root, root, root for the Dodgers". What else do they expect him to do? |
| 9:10
| Steve was led to believe by Jim that Tommy got all hormonal and menopausal about Mike Piazza. Jim thought he did but maybe Tommy was just hungry. The best thing Steve ever saw was backstage at a Sam Kinison concert. Steve opens the door to Sam's dressing room and inside is Sam, Seka, Tommy and a tank if nitrous. He's not sure who was doing what to who but the stage was set for something. |
| 9:11
| Steve didn't expect to see Tommy sitting in a room like that and he had to get out of there. Steve has another funny, awkward Seka story. She used to do shows with Steve and Garry at the Park West. She'd be nude in the hot tub because she didn't mind that. |
| 9:12
| Steve and Garry dropped her off at her place after a rehearsal and she asked them to come up and see her new film. You can't say no to a porn star. So they went into her room and watched this movie and they didn't even do anything. They were just overcome trying to figure out what was appropriate. |
| 9:13
| Ultimately they probably made the right decision, that's not a line you want to cross. It was at the Sandburg Village there. Hans lived there, he's chiming in from the hall. It's named after Carl Sandburg, not Ryne Sandberg. Hans thought it was Ryne, even though he lived there before Ryne existed. |
| 9:14
| Steve's going to let Jim go but he set him up for this thing. Either that or Pat and Pete weren't paying attention to emotional subtleties of Tommy Lasorda. Buzz is wondering why we don't have the sound. We have the sound. Buzz is sitting over there like John Huston in the director's chair. "WHERE'S THE SOUND?"! Alright let's go to the tape now. |
| 9:15
| Tommy sounds more vindictive that no one believed him about Mike Piazza and then he didn't get a cut of his big contract. Steve thinks that was more than Peanut Butter and Zippy lets on. |
| 9:16
| And we have the 7th Inning Stretch right? It's almost like being at antique store with Pete, he's just browsing the sound catalog. He has a delightful Dave Kingman from the turn of the century. |
| 9:17
| Pat has some Sox audio but Steve doesn't want to talk about the Sox, they sucked last night. Pat is like Dan Plesac with all this Cubs stuff. He's supposed to be unbiased. |
| 9:18
| Can Pat ask Dan what kind of product he's been using in his hair? Steve's started using product and he moisturized his legs while he was in LA. He also did the Pilates, he's very close to being a metrosexual. |
| 9:19
| There's a Pilates drop from Juno, could we enjoy that? The guy who plays her dad in Juno was also Schillinger in Oz. He's a good actor because it's hard to forget the Schillinger character and yet there he was as the lovable dad in Juno. |
| 9:20
| Steve's going to take a break and then we get can Chef Hans in here. He probably has some good Tommy Lasorda stories. Was Tommy in the restaurant at all this week? |
| 9:21
| Hans is saying Tommy wasn't in, but he probably doesn't want to say anything because Steve's talking about him. Why wouldn't he come in, that's the only reason he's in town! |
| 9:29
| Didn't Steve go on to pick all of the White Sox starters and predict a victory for the Sox? And Tommy didn't believe him. That silly old man! |
| 9:30
| Hans said Jeff Garlin instead of Jon Garland. And he also said Oswald instead of Oswalt. |
| 9:31
| Hans isn't going to talk to Steve about Tommy Lasorda. He sounds mad but he says he's not. Hans had three coaches in this week, all of them will be in the Hall of Fame. And the Hall of Moochers too. Who wouldn't like a free steak? |
| 9:32
| Hans always gives Steve stuff and he tries to not take it. Steve has the feeling that the guys who come in to see Hans are there for the free steaks. |
| 9:33
| Joe Torre was in, as well as Lou Piniella and Matt Sinatro. Joe signed a ball for Steve but Hans didn't bring it in yet. Is that because he's needs to fake an autograph? |
| 9:34
| Steve was at the Dodgers game on Sunday. That Joe Torre has really made it. He got out of New York and now he's in L.A. where the Dodgers are popular but not too popular. It seems like he's got it made. |
| 9:35
| Tommy Laswordfish was not in this week though. Hans remembers at Lawry's, Tommy would not eat prime rib. He was the only guy that they made a special meal for, he wanted pasta. Why didn't he just go to an Italian restaurant? |
| 9:36
| Hans doesn't know if Tommy was in this week. That's the cone of silence right there, the cone is down. Pat wants to know who the third Hall of Fame coach that came in this week was. It's not going to be Matt Sinatro. |
| 9:37
| Brendan thinks he's a pretty good first base coach. How hard is that job though? The guy running to the base can see it the whole time! First base coach is a guy to give your batting gloves to. |
| 9:38
| Brendan is out at 26th and California, waiting to hear about another hot threesome, although maybe not a Hall of Fame one. That's gonna be sweet. |
| 9:39
| Brendan is in court today, he doesn't even have to be on standby. He'll be sketching the witness of course. The sketches are all masterpieces. |
| 9:40
| Steve got an email from an art teacher about Brendan's sketches. She's an elementary teacher and after looking at the sketches she thinks he's improving with each drawing. |
| 9:41
| Brendan had moved on from the dreaded stick figure and with each drawing shows more detail with each one. She's encouraging him to add color, perhaps markers or pastels. |
| 9:42
| She also thinks Brendan should invest in a good sketchpad although the notepad makes it quirky. So now Brendan's art is up to an elementary school level. |
| 9:43
| Brendan needs to head into court right now and the fireworks should begin shortly after that. The alleged three-way girl will probably be first or at least before lunch. |
| 9:44
| Alright we've got one more piece of audio before we dismiss Pat. It was cold at Wrigley last night and Len was sporting a Cubs winter hat. He was getting grief from Pat and Ron though. |
| 9:52
| Steve's not a fan of corn rows, even on white chicks who go to Jamaica and wear them to the airport. |
| 9:53
| OK so going back, let's figure out the three Hall of Famers at S & W. Tommy stopped by but Hans wasn't there. He's not sure if Tommy ate though. Then Joe Torre was in with his wife and Lou was there with Matt Sinatro. |
| 9:54
| That sounds exciting for Hans. They're all good people, who wouldn't be when they're getting a free steak? Actually two people paid. Who is it? Steve probably shouldn't be asking these questions but when Hans drops the name Steve can't help it. |
| 9:55
| The chef/diner relationship is sacrosanct, like limo driver/passenger. Steve just has a natural curiosity, like Stella or Michael Sneed or Bill Zwecker. |
| 9:56
| Hans is a little disappointed, he's cleaned his kitchen and lit the torch of love in anticipation of Buzz coming by to make his soon-to-be-famous chicken. "Not today" Buzz keeps saying. Buzz is never going to do it. |
| 9:57
| Buzz feels he will and he'll prove Steve wrong. We can put this on the list of things Buzz is going to prove Steve wrong on. Buzz wants to learn how to debone the chicken and then prepare and cook it. Does Buzz want to start with a live chicken? |
| 9:58
| Hans' grandmother used to grab the chicken by the neck and swing it around, then chop it off. Then it would still run around. Steve used to have to clean all the ducks that his dad and his friends killed while hunting. He used paraffin wax to pull all the feathers off. |
| 9:59
| Next Wednesday Buzz is going to S & W. He would have done it today but because of the short week he's all backed up on stuff he has to do. By next week the torch could be extinguished. |
