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| 5:32
| Of course the happiness of this theme belies the tragic nature of the storms we've been getting lately. Maybe it's not that tragic but Steve did hear people on WGN talking about how they were hiding in their hallways. |
| 5:33
| Maybe it was tragic if you lived in one of those towns that has river or lake in the name. You know how Steve knew that Cedar Rapids was going to flood? Because of the word rapids! |
| 5:34
| If you have something water-related in the name of your town, chances are there's going to be a flood. Maybe you'll get lucky and that won't happen. |
| 5:35
| Steve's pretty sure he was woken by a direct lightning hit to his house at 3 am today. It caused his fire alarm and basement flood alarm to go off. First you have to determine if your house is on fire for when the alarm company calls you. |
| 5:36
| Steve likes to air on the side of the fire department not showing up so he'd like to know if his house is on fire. If there is a fire he can always call them back. Steve wouldn't want all those truck showing up with his neighbors standing on the law. The firemen would probably break his door down even if there wasn't a visible fire. |
| 5:37
| Steve was able to determine that there was no fire, the code word was given and the basement wasn't flooding. Steve couldn't go back to sleep so he did some light housekeeping. Buzz thought he said "lighthouse keeping" Steve does have the lighthouse next to his pool. |
| 5:38
| Steve could be a lighthouse keeper, he can maintain a lonely vigil. All he'd need is porn and blow. You probably can't get a companion to live with you in a functioning lighthouse, like one on the Bering Sea or something. Maybe you'd get the occasional fishermen stopping by for sex, maybe one of the guy's from Deadliest Catch. |
| 5:39
| Of course Steve would have a satellite dish at the lighthouse, it seems like a sweet place to mount a satellite. And sometimes Steve would go up and stare into the light, just for the fun of trying to get back down the stairs. |
| 5:40
| Once again Steve has Eric and Kathy's issue of Cosmo. How are they doing their show without it? This is the taboo sex issue which includes dirty things that guys want girls to do in bed. If you have to read a magazine for that you're probably not very good at it. |
| 5:41
| Also in here are 50 Things that Will Make Him Worship You. But inside it says 50 tiny gestures that will make him love you more. It seems like those are different things. |
| 5:42
| Maybe some are the sex moves and some are the gestures. Some of this stuff Steve can't read on the air. Buzz will check it out during the break, it's some fuel for the weekend. |
| 5:43
| Steve will read as much as you can. First you could play "What is it?" That involves rubbing oil all over yourself and then touching his _____ with a different body part. Then he has to guess which part it is. Sounds good to Buzz! Should Steve just email this to Aimee? |
| 5:44
| That's about all Steve can read but what else is there? It's concrete, it's doable, it's What is it starring Buzz Kilman. |
| 5:45
| Steve almost feels guilty having this magazine, he should probably return it to Eric and Kathy. How about the hottest things to say during sex. It's pretty racy. |
| 5:46
| Steve reserves the right to stop at any moment because he can't read the article and read ahead at the same time. Afterwards the girl could say "My legs feel more tingly than ever" Usually Steve is the one saying that and he's having a heart attack. |
| 5:47
| Again, Steve doesn't know how Eric and Kathy can do their show without their Cosmo. Carrie Underwood is on the cover, Steve can never decide if she's hot. He likes her music and she seems hot but it seems like they did a lot to her. She didn't look like this when she started on American Idol. |
| 5:48
| How about stories of people who got caught naked? There are a lot of good looking girls in this magazine, Steve might have to start reading it. Buzz wanted to make sure that was still the Cosmo magazine. Has another magazine been introduced? |
| 5:49
| Buzz just wanted to make Steve accountable. What if someone just tuned in, they wouldn't know what magazine Steve was talking about. It could be Hustler. |
| 5:50
| One girl was on vacation with her parents and another family. She started sneaking off with the family's son and once his mom burst in on them. The guy leapt off the bed naked and locked himself in the bathroom. He stayed in there while the mom lectured the girl on safe sex. |
| 5:51
| Should Steve return this to Eric and Kathy now? He might need to hang on to it for a little longer. There are way too many handsome dudes in the magazine though. |
| 5:52
| Next there's a survey of men to decide if they prefer certain actresses covered or uncovered. It's all butt shots. They've got Kate Hudson and the majority prefer her covered. Steve's going to say uncovered for her. |
| 5:53
| The majority prefer Giselle Bundchen uncovered but Steve's going to say covered, he'd going against the norm here. Buzz recently saw a photo of a cellulite-ravaged Giselle Bundchen but he can't remember where it was. It could have been Drudge. Is that where he gets his celebrity news from? |
| 5:54
| Steve's pretty sure it was the Enquirer, that's what they. It seems like they want celebrities to look bad but Cosmo wants them to look good. Steve wouldn't put it past the Enquirer to Photoshop some cellulite on Giselle because that's how they get people to read their magazine. |
| 5:55
| Buzz doesn't understand why they'd do that, it seems like lawsuit material. It did get him to read the magazine though. |
| 6:01
| Steve hears all kinds of funny ads for companies, many on this station, that claim they're green. Steve can't really give any examples but it's funny. Everyone says they're green now. |
| 6:02
| Even baseball stadiums say they're green. Do they mean the grass is green? They recycle their cups so they're green. Steve had to take the recycling out last night, even though Matt Dahl was how and it was clear that it was recycling night. |
| 6:03
| So Steve went out walking and when he got back there was Matt in the pool with his dog while Steve's dogs were locked in the basement. Then Matt for his softball game without feeding his dog or Steve's dog. So Steve didn't feed the dogs either. A dog tells no tale, it just wags one. |
| 6:04
| It wasn't as antagonistic as Steve is making it sound. Matt asked if Steve needed any help with the recycling and Steve said no, then told him to feed the dogs which he did. Is that how we kickoff Father's Day weekend, Steve taking out the garbage and feeding the dog? Father's Day was actually canceled at Steve's house because of lack of interest. |
| 6:05
| Buzz was right about those Giselle photos. Steve is guessing that everyone, except Buzz, has cellulite. |
| 6:06
| Alright it's Friday so it's time to talk to Deep Dish, whether Steve wants to or not. Every Friday Steve hears Mary calling him. |
| 6:07
| Patrick's in Chicago right now but he's going Montauk this weekend for the Long Island strawberry shortcake competition. Is it hard to understand Patrick or is Steve just not interested? |
| 6:08
| Patrick won the competition last year eating 15 1/4 pounds of strawberry shortcake. That's a lot of shortcake and it's very fresh but it doesn't have ice cream like Steve likes. |
| 6:09
| Steve puts vanilla ice cream on his strawberry shortcake which is why he weighs 300 pounds. Why doesn't Patrick weigh 300 pounds? That's irritating. |
| 6:10
| Steve has something here from Patrick's MySpace page. Everyone has a MySpace page these days, including the show. Steve doesn't know where it is but every time he goes there there are cute girls who want to be his friend. Then he quickly leaves because that only leads to him being on To Catch a Predator. |
| 6:11
| This is a post from today, Friday the 13th. Steve did try to get a black cat to cross our path today but Stan Lawrence could not come in. After he left the radio job he went back to engineering but it might be too early for him to leave. Stan said that massa's got him chained up like Toby, but the guy is also a fan. |
| 6:12
| Is this really what Patrick wants on his MySpace page? It's a list of reasons why Nathan's sucks. Patrick's dad was supposed to go with him to Long Island this weekend because it's a father-son competition but he's not going. |
| 6:13
| It is Father's Day and Patrick has 4 other siblings. Steve has only met his brother John but he likes him more than Patrick, just on the hair alone. |
| 6:14
| Patrick had a birthday party last weekend, did Steve get an invite to that? Patrick invited him but Steve said he was busy. Steve can't go to a kid's birthday, he'll just run amok. |
| 6:15
| It was a raise hell/get drunk kind of party so that doesn't seem like something Steve should go to. Raising hell for Patrick just means drinking out of one of his trophies and eating softshell crabs. |
| 6:16
| Steve doesn't drink and he doesn't like softshell crabs. Plus all the girls would be 30 years younger than Steve. That's not insurmountable to Buzz though. |
| 6:17
| OK so back to Patrick's MySpace page. The #1 reason is that they're not as good of a sponsor as some other competition. If you win the qualifier you're supposed to get a year's supply of Nathan's dogs to practice on. |
| 6:18
| Every year the supply gets smaller and this year they sent them the skinless hot dogs which is totally useless to practice on. |
| 6:19
| Nathan's is the World Series of eating but they can't come up with decent prize money that pays out to everyone. There's a dart competition that pays more than Nathan's. |
| 6:20
| #4, Nathan's can't contain their glee about how little they spend on the competition versus how much they make. Some Nathan's staffers were overheard discussing that on an elevator. Patrick is like a rockstar now, it's like dealing with David Lee Roth. Would he like someone to separate all the brown M & M's? |
| 6:21
| The thrill is gone after the first time at Nathan's. It's not fun to have to train your ass off for 4 months. Patrick's language is so crude, this is why his dad isn't coming to Long Island with him. |
| 6:22
| Buzz has to say that this list is very bitter. Patrick was in a very bitter spot yesterday when he was thinking about it. He might want to take it off, it doesn't seem like it's going to help him. What's he trying to accomplish here? |
| 6:23
| After Steve reads this Patrick should probably take this off his page. He doesn't want to end up washed up does he? He could win all the podunk little eating competitions but Nathan's is the World Series. This is like Peyton Manning saying he hates the Super Bowl. |
| 6:24
| This is the kind of stuff that happens in the barn, where Rocky and Mickey are training and Rocky is punching the wall. Really this is about Patrick not getting enough hot dogs. |
| 6:25
| Next, Patrick wishes the grand daddy of contests wouldn't leave him with a sour taste in his mouth. Patrick feels that all the competitors are being taken advantage of. He's very bitter. |
| 6:25
| Caller Ken thinks he has something to cheer Patrick up with. He was flipping through channels and came across Stand by Me. It was an enhanced version that featured trivia flashing on the screen, because the regular movie isn't good enough? |
| 6:26
| During the pie eating scene they put up an explanation of how Anthony "Deep Dish" Bertatelli widens his esophagus for competition. Did they really call him Anthony Bertatelli or does Ken just have the name wrong? |
| 6:27
| Remember when Patrick didn't even want to be called Deep Dish? He's his own worst enemy. He's got this Nathan's ran, just as he's ready really make it big. |
| 6:28
| Well good luck to Patrick this weekend. Steve can see why his dad isn't going with him though, everything is negative. He needs to take the Nathan's thing off his site now. Snatch it down! Then go work out or go to a tanning booth or take a swim. |
| 6:29
| Steve might need to go to Nathan's just to straighten all oft his out. It seems like Patrick is poised to get very big right now. It does seem like the eaters get used a little bit. |
| 6:30
| Last week we learned that Patrick signed away all the rights to his name and likeness for $500, which he still hasn't received. Steve might just go to New York and take over the entire competitive eating league. |
| 6:31
| Steve's going to get all the eaters together, like Norma Rae, and unionize, then start their own league. Steve probably won't be able to get Kobayashi but he seems like a tool. But if Patrick can deliver him the rest of the top 10 they can make this happen. |
| 6:39
| Patrick should take down all that Nathan's stuff, at least for now. Save it for the memoir. Steve would be more than happy to set things straight. It seems like the whole competitive eating thing is run improperly, although Steve would probably rip the eaters off too. |
| 6:40
| Live read: The Little Guys |
| 6:41
| Alright it's time for the web poll Buzz. For the life of Steve he can't remember yesterday's web poll. Steve needs to get to the web poll first. He's using his back up computer today and is having issues getting Safari to open, if you must know. |
| 6:42
| Steve calls down to Adam's office. Adam just noticed that Safari didn't work on Steve's computer. Feel free to tell him that in the future. Firefox works but it doesn't have any of his bookmarks. Adam likes to keep all the bad news to himself, like Safari not working. Why would he want to bum Steve out? Meanwhile he's sitting there in silence. |
| 6:43
| Yesterday's web poll was "Have you ever been to SPACE?" How did Steve not remember that? Steve's not complaining but doing mornings makes everyday feel like two days. |
| 6:44
| If he really thought about it he could remember that Patrick invited him to his birthday or that he's going to Long Island this weekend for the strawberry shortcake competition. |
| 6:45
| He should have remembered yesterday's web poll because he went ahead and joined SPACE, basically sight unseen. He needs a place to rehearse, he'd like to meet other musicians and maybe get a band together and he likes pizza. It would be really great if they had reserved parking spots, although not with Steve's name on it. That just invites vandalism. |
| 6:46
| Should we talk to Brendan or do the web poll? Brendan's covering the R. Kelly trial and he jurrrrrrrrry has the case now. They're apparently in a motel which is not where Steve would want to be. He'd want to be in a hotel, you only go to a motel for quickies. You can't sleep in one. |
| 6:47
| Brendan made it into a CLTV blog today, it mentions R. Kelly's cologne. R. Kelly walks past everyday but there's something about his stroll that stood out. Every morning R. walks right down the row and says excuse me. Really though it should have been someone saying excuse me to him because of his strong, masculine musk. |
| 6:48
| This isn't Brendan writing is it? If it was that would be fine but Steve would have a different take on it. It's actually Randi Belisomo. She's pretty cute but Steve thinks she has bug eyes. He thinks everyone has bug eyes. Maybe he has the bug eyes setting turned on on his TV. |
| 6:49
| R. Kelly's smell was so delicious and Randi wasn't the only one who thought so. All three women and even one male media member looked at each other in delight. That one male is Brendan. |
| 6:50
| Randi asked one of R's attorneys, Sam Adams Jr., to enquire what cologne he was wearing. Steve heard that during his closing arguments yesterday, Sam Adams Jr. became very humorous, but that it was unintentional. |
| 6:51
| Steve read something that said he got very worked up and it was actually comical. Brendan has to disagree with that, he doesn't think it became comical. |
| 6:52
| He did say "If the truth be told, there is no mole." That only works if he says tol' instead of told though. Told and mole doesn't rhyme and R. would know because nothing in that Trapped in the Closet series rhymes. |
| 6:59
| Live read: Fresh Diet |
| 7:00
| Steve's been remiss in his diet lately but yesterday he got back on it and he lost 5 pounds. |
| 7:01
| Alright we now go back to Brendan covering the Rrrrrrrrrrr Kelly trial. We're in the middle of reading a CLTV blog by Randi Belisomo. Steve's pretty sure it's channel 38 on his cable, although not on DirecTV. They might want to get on it. Down here it's channel 10 for some reason. When he turns in on here the cable box actually says "10?!" |
| 7:02
| So Randi asked Sam Adams Jr. to find out what kind of cologne it was. He said he couldn't do it in court but he'd have an assistant ask him about it later. |
| 7:03
| He's probably getting paid a lot of money to work on this trial, not ask R. what kind of cologne he's wearing. He's getting paid to make up a nice rhyme for the closing argument, not told and mole. |
| 7:04
| There are a lot of things you can rhyme with mole but he picked told? There's hole, pole, stole, roll, goal but not told. That doesn't rhyme. Otherwise Brendan thought he did a good job. He had a tough act to follow after the showing of that tape. |
| 7:05
| He should have done what Steve does when he's writing a song. When he's trying to rhyme something he starts at A and goes through he alphabet. You can rhyme it with Joel, how about "This is Billy Joel, he does not have a mole" |
| 7:06
| Producer Brendan Greeley was so floored by R. Kelly's cologne that he went out to Macy's to figure out what he was wearing. Then he reported back to Randi. |
| 7:07
| Randi mentions that R. Kelly was recently on tour with Usher and maybe now they're wearing the same scent. Did Brendan give that info to Randi? Steve can't see her knowing her hip-hop, not like Brendan does. Of course we later learned that it was a French cologne he was sent in a gift basket. |
| 7:08
| How about stroll and mole? Personally Steve likes bowl like "My man would rather bowl that expose himself naked with a mole." How about spring roll? |
| 7:09
| In Brendan's opinion who had the best closing argument? Or is Brendan like Steve and he's swayed by whoever spoke last? |
| 7:10
| Brendan thought that both sides really brought it in the closing arguments. The prosecution gets to speak before and after the defense. Robert Heilingoetter went through the tape in his closing arguments, pointing out each charge that R. was facing. |
| 7:11
| The defense said that the tape is a fake and part of a conspiracy with Sparkle and those two guys form Kansas City. Does Brendan know where the jury is saying? Not that he can say but he doesn't know. |
| 7:12
| Steve needs to have his breakfast taken away from him because he can't stop trying to eat it. He ate the muffin and the papaya but the yogurt is impossible to eat without a spoon. He was just about ready to start licking the yogurt out of the cup and that's when he felt it should be taken away. He's like a circus animal! |
| 7:13
| Caller Matt is a big fan and a longtime listener. It's only been since 5:30. Matt knows where they're staying, it's one of those hotels near Midway on Cicero. Oh boy! |
| 7:14
| Matt is expecting a verdict this afternoon based on some things he's hearing. You don't want to put a jury up in a nice hotel or they'll never want to leave. Plus they're sharing rooms. |
| 7:15
| Steve would not be able to sleep in one of those motels. Imagine what would happen if Dave Savini went in there with his black light. It would probably explode. |
| 7:22
| Live read: The Little Guys |
| 7:23
| Steve should have asked that last caller what he'd heard about a verdict. Caller Matt seemed to think that they'd have a verdict by late this afternoon because they don't want to be sequestered over the weekend. |
| 7:24
| Today's web poll question is "Will you wear Lindsay Lohan's leggings?" Steve will wear them if Lindsay takes them off of her legs and puts them on his. Buzz did take two episodes of Living Lohan, he has to see it. |
| 7:25
| Lindsay's not on the show but her hot mom Dina is. He sister is also on the show, she's pretty good looking. Is it Ally or Ali? Most girls in this country probably aren't named Ali, at least in this country. |
| 7:26
| Steve withdraws his comment about Ally Lohan, she's only 15. It's fascinating to Buzz that this woman would put her other daughter on TV. Buzz has a lot of viewing to do this weekend between Living Lohan and Swingtown. |
| 7:27
| Caller Matt is back on the phone. Every time Matt sees Steve he says something that Steve says makes him feel old. |
| 7:28
| Matt's gut feeling is that R. Kelly is going to be found not guilty. It seems like sometimes these trials take on a life of their own. Even though there were all those people who identified R and the girl on the tape, the defense gave them some reasonable doubt. |
| 7:29
| It's all about the prosecution proving if he's guilty. But then the defense was able to chip away at the prosecution's case little by little. The consensus is that if he is found guilty he'll get the full sentence. |
| 7:30
| The defense said they didn't call the girl to testify because they didn't want to put her through anything. But if they think she wasn't in the tape then she didn't go through anything did she? That's what Steve would be thinking if he was on the jury, laying awake in his motel room. |
| 7:31
| Alright back to the web poll. Lindsay Lohan's new line of leggings are called 6126, after Marilyn Monroe's birthday. That's not really a story that ended well although Marilyn is still famous. |
| 7:32
| The leggings will be sold at Fred Segal in Beverly Hills, or Beaverly Hills as Steve called it when he was a kid. Even back then Fred Segal was a place where girls and bisexual guys bought jeans. |
| 7:33
| There are also unconfirmed rumors that the leggings will have built-in knee pads, latex and zippers. |
| 7:34
| News with Buzz |
| 7:35
| Some disturbing news for Steve, Ron Paul has dropped out of the race for President. That's Steve's candidate! The Libertarian is the last person to drop out of the race. |
| 7:36
| Steve liked Ron Paul because he was a rogue and he had a hairdresser or radio DJ name. Anyone with two first names is OK with Steve. Buzz admires Paul's tenacity. Even after McCain sealed up the nomination Paul hung in there. |
| 7:37
| Dick Cheney's office has acknowledged that he was mistaken when he said China, at Cuba's behest, was drilling for oil 60 miles off the coast of Florida. We had a caller who said that the other day. Cheney didn't get that from us did he? Is he listening on the internet? |
| 7:38
| Cheney said that the Chinese were drilling off the coast of Florida and that even the Communists had figured out that the key to lowering gas prices is to drill more oil. He doesn't even care what he says, he's almost out of there. It probably took all his strength to not call the Chinese something derogatory. |
| 7:39
| Barack Obama's campaign has turned to the web to fight rumors about the candidate. People can go there and read through a list of rumors as well as information denying that. It's like Snopes for Barack Obama. |
| 7:40
| One rumor is the Michelle Obama tape where she calls someone "Whitey". Rush Limbaugh has been saying that, as has Mancow. Mancow will be talking to the Pope about that. What's so bad about saying whitey anyway? Steve's white, he doesn't care. |
| 7:41
| Do these people think that the Obama's are going to take control of the country and enslave all white people or something? If the tape really existed we would have heard it right? |
| 7:42
| Michelle Obama has never spoken from the pulpit at Trinity Baptist, where some allege she said "whitey" They probably put that on the front page. You have to do something smart like this to fight the Republicans, they're hardcore. |
| 7:43
| John Kerry was in Vietnam, he was a decorated hero and somehow the Republicans used that against him. Meanwhile Bush hightails it out of Texas during Vietnam and he looks like a war hero. |
| 7:44
| They're geniuses! They made Kerry look like a draft-dodging wuss even though that's exactly what Bush was. |
| 7:51
| Everything Mancow predicted on Fox a few weeks ago has come true. Hillary stayed in the race because of this alleged Michelle Obama tape. |
| 7:52
| OK back to Buzz in the newsroom. it's Friday the 13th and Alison D'Amario at the Salem Witch Museum says there's no distinct reason why Friday the 13th is considered bad luck. What's the point in having a museum if you don't have the answer? |
| 7:53
| Steve might have some info but he needs some time to find it. He's got The Straight Dope but that Reader has a lot of space to fill. The people who write the letters try to be clever and then the column writer tries to be clever. |
| 7:54
| Caller Carl has an answer for Steve and Buzz. Friday the 13th is the day that the Knights Templar were hunted down and killed. Who are the Knights Templar? Was that on The Tudors? If it hasn't been on The Tudors yet Steve doesn't know about it. |
| 7:55
| The Templars were the Vatican's knights. They were persecuted and hunted down and killed but Carl doesn't know who killed them so Steve can't pay off. |
| 7:56
| Buzz has some info here that comes from even earlier times. Hold on everyone, Buzz has Googled something! There's a theory that 13 was an unlucky number because early people used their 10 fingers and 2 toes to count and that 13 was unlucky. |
| 7:57
| In numerology 12 is considered a number of completeness, like 12 months of the year, 12 zodiac signs, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 Apostles. There is also a superstition, possibly derived from the Last Supper, that having 13 people at at table is bad luck and one diner will die. And we all know who died there. |
| 7:58
| Caller Sean can explain who the Knights Templar are. They became the elite soldiers of the Vatican, became very powerful and wealthy and are also linked to the Masons. A French king resented their power and had them killed on a Friday the 13th. |
| 7:59
| Alright Mark Czerniec is on the phone. How high is the water mama? It's 6 feet and risin'. They got more water last night but Mark does not have sandbags around his house. Racine is pretty far from the Root River and as Steve knows Racine is the French word for root. |
| 8:00
| Mark apologizes to Ed and Adam who are both sending him Knights Templar info, he hasn't had time to post it yet. They're probably sitting at their computers in wizard robes. |
| 8:01
| First Mark went to Wikipedia and they had all of the religious stuff. Then he went to one of his favorite books Unusual Origins of Everyday Things. OK, thanks Oprah. |
| 8:02
| Efforts to account for Friday the 13th usually tie in to some sort of disaster, including Eve giving the apple to Adam, Noah getting on his ark and Chris dying on the cross. |
| 8:03
| It's actually tied to Norse mythology. When Norse and Germanic tribes converted to Christianity. Their goddess Freega was banished to a cave as a witch where she met with 11 other witches and the devil, making 13. That had to be fun for the devil. |
| 8:04
| Mark should call that woman at the witch museum, she has to have something more than just some dunk tanks. Steve likes this explanation, you have to think it goes back to pagan times. Why can't we have gods like that any more? Steve would be religious if we had gods like that. |
| 8:05
| Imagine the kind of women that would go to worship at Freega's temple. We have several gods now but everyone is always fighting about them. |
| 8:06
| According to the White House, levels of potency in marijuana have drastically increased over the last 30 years. That's probably why Steve confined himself to a bath tub, hiding under a blanket, the last time he was in Jamaica. |
| 8:07
| Caller Van is here to confirm Buzz's story that weed has been getting better over the last 30 years. He's been smoking for that long and he agrees. |
| 8:08
| Buzz disagrees with that whole thing, he thinks it's ridiculous that the White House thinks they have their finger on the pulse of marijuana. Buzz doesn't think it's been getting better. |
| 8:09
| Steve's just trying to figure out how he's going to explain all of this to Rod Zimmerman. How is he supposed to sell the news with something like this?! |
| 8:10
| David Stern held a press conference yesterday to address allegations made by former referee Tim Donaghy. He said the allegations are absolutely not true. How Stern knows that remains to be seen. |
| 8:11
| Phil Jackson remains unconvinced though. The ref said that the NBA directed them to make certain calls so the playoff series would go longer. Steve can't believe they're still playing basketball. It's June 13th! |
| 8:12
| The jury in the R. Kelly is supposed to begin deliberating again this morning. We've got a report from Brendan, this could be his last day covering the trial. |
| 8:14
| That's another fine report from Brendan. Once again if Steve were the prosecution he'd point out that if the defense says the woman in the video hasn't been through anything, why didn't she testify? |
| 8:15
| It's time for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell on a Freega Friday. |
| 8:22
| Caller Scott is a 20+ year listener. Scott's a lawyer and he has some info about why the defense didn't bring the girl from the tape in. |
| 8:23
| The burden of proof is on the prosecution so they can't ask why a defense didn't do one thing or the other. If the defense asked why the prosecution didn't bring the girl in then the prosecution could counter with the same question. That's very complicated, it's not like this on TV. |
| 8:24
| Scott has won the bonus prize. Finally! It seems like we haven't had a winner in a while. |
| 8:25
| Steve gets what Scott is saying about the burden of proof. He still thinks R is going to be found guilty, he's feeling guilty right now. |
| 8:26
| Back to Buzz in the newsroom. Strong area storms have left 50,000 homes and business without power, mostly in the Western Suburbs. Steve woke up at 3, he swears to God that lightning hit his house. |
| 8:27
| Just in time for Father's Day weekend The Incredible Hulk opens today. For those of us who are into the Hulk, like Buzz, Ed Norton (who shared screenwriting credits) says he'll go up against the U.S. Army. Buzz can't wait. |
| 8:28
| In Singapore, a serial armpit sniffer has had the book thrown at him. A man was sentenced to 14 years in jail and 18 strokes of the cane for molesting several women by smelling their armpits and touching them. |
| 8:29
| Everyone has their thing right? It seems like you could pay someone to let them smell their armpits. It's not the same as a random smell on the street. Sadly, or maybe inappropriately, Steve can understand that. |
| 8:30
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 8:31
| It's Friday which means it's time for a live Townstone live read. David was so taken with last week's performance that he sent over a little clapper, a megaphone and an award for Buzz. He stole the show as Betty. |
| 8:32
| Steve's not going to set this up, he and Buzz will just go into it. Of course David is at home today which makes calling him even more complicated. Buzz should feel free to improvise while Steve attempts to dial. |
| 8:33
| Alright David is finally on the phone! Can't he get a landline? Both Neil and Bob are not interested in David's problems. |
| 8:34
| Alright it's time to go back to the script. Even at Second City they have rules and David is breaking all of them. |
| 8:35
| Steve will not be submitting himself for an award this year. He was not given material that is deserving of an award. |
| 8:36
| This live read is a lot of work for Steve. There's a phone ringing and then a missed call and then a character in a shower which requires an echo. |
| 8:37
| Steve can put himself in a shower but he can't put Buzz in a shower. That's probably just as well though. |
| 8:38
| Maybe it's just Steve's character who's in the shower. Steve just walked into the room from the shower, did Buzz hear that? |
| 8:39
| Steve is not calling David again, c'mon! This is like 3 weeks worth of script here! He can't call David either because he's not at the number he was supposed to be at. |
| 8:40
| David had a meeting this morning so that's why he's not at the number. Steve and Buzz have stuff to do to but they can still manage to get down here everyday! |
| 8:41
| Steve is sorry that David's local community theater group didn't accept him but they don't have time for this! |
| 8:42
| Steve has had to play this theme song 4 times today! |
| 8:43
| Alright ladies and gentlemen, that's a wrap for David Hochberg. |
| 8:51
| LIve read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 8:52
| The Sox are very disappointing to Steve right now, they just got swept by the Tigers! And the last time they were on the road they got swept by the Rays before they came home. What's up with that?! |
| 8:53
| Meanwhile the Cubs have the bases loaded in the 11th and just for something different they get a run in with a hit batter. |
| 8:54
| The Sox are still 5 1/2 games up in first place so Steve feels much better. Apparently the Twins are tanking a bit. The Sox and the Angels have the biggest first place leads in all of baseball. |
| 8:55
| Steve is so going to every Crosstown game at The Cell this year but not Wrigley because no one invited him. Normally he'd give the tickets for the Friday game to David from The Little Guys but not this year. |
| 8:56
| The new schedule has allowed Steve to get to more games this year. Even if he had tickets for a night game Steve didn't always want to go when he did afternoons. |
| 8:57
| Steve gave David his tickets for Sunday and then bought 2 for himself. But now he wants to sit in his seats so he gave the other seats to David. |
| 8:58
| Steve's very territorial so he'd want to be in his seat and he'd be watching David the whole time. David will like his new seats though, they're more in the center but a few rows back. And he'll be there with Ed so we'll get more Ozzie Osbourne/Crazy Train references. |
| 8:59
| Steve will need to alert Jim Angio and whoever directs Cubs games. Does Pete know? It's something Hall. Pete does not know. Is he even a Cubs fan? It seems like he just likes to wear the hats. |
| 9:00
| Steve calls down to the newsroom. Jim isn't sure who directs for which station. Pete Toma is one guy, maybe Bob Vorwald is the other guy. The Sunday game will be on ESPN though so Steve will have to alert them. He has the press pass so he can just barge into their booth. |
| 9:01
| Alright we now go live to Brendan Greeley covering the Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Kelly trial. The jury is back at the court house deliberating. They probably couldn't get out of that motel fast enough. |
| 9:02
| Dave Savini did that report 10 years ago and none of us have forgotten it. He was even at 3 and 4 star hotels! It's a never-ending nightmare. Steve's sitting on an article about how dirty airplanes are but he can't do that to people. It's bad enough that he knows himself. |
| 9:03
| It's stuff like fingernail clippings in the seat pockets, stuff like that. Whatever you do people, stay away from those blankets. Buzz has first hand experience of that. Somewhere there's a Buzz Kilman blanket rolling around an airplane. |
| 9:04
| R. Kelly's probably waiting in his tour bus in Douglas Park right now while the jury deliberates. If you've got a tour bus you might as well use it. |
| 9:05
| Plus if he is found guilty he can hightail it to Mexico on the bus. If he does go away for 15 years, hopefully he knows what future fashions are going to be like. Because that suit he wears in is the one he comes out in. |
| 9:06
| There's been some talk about where R. Kelly would serve his time should he be found guilty. Would he get his own cell because he's a celebrity? There is a center in Southern Illinois that Brendan heard about that is home to mostly sex predators. |
| 9:07
| Imagine the stories they tell around the camp fire down there! It's called Big Muddy which is not a nickname. It has a nice Mark Twain feel to it. Do you think they get to show their videos in prison? |
| 9:08
| There's a photo online of R. Kelly waving to Brendan, although it's actually Darlene Hill. |
| 9:09
| Brendan has enjoyed the father-son duo of Sam Adams Jr. and Sr. Do you think R. get a discount rate on them? Probably not. |
| 9:10
| One of the funniest things Junior said was about the duffle bag of homemade porn. That's just like the duffle bags that Steve and Buzz carry around. Adams said that since no one had ever heard of the bag that Lisa Van Allen was making Kelly out to be a Porno Santa Claus. |
| 9:11
| People laughed at that, did the judge work the gavel? He's got a sense of humor so he didn't have to gavel. Adams was dropping a lot of pop culture references |
| 9:12
| So the verdict could be reached at any time. All the reporters signed up on an email list to be alerted when the verdict is reached. |
| 9:13
| They actually have a bell that rings to alert people to the verdict. Message for Mr. Kelly! Is it good news or bad news? |
| 9:14
| Caller Tony has some info about Big Muddy. About half of it is protected sex predators and half is general population. So it's not a sex predator's paradise? |
| 9:15
| Steve had to dump Tony, you can't swear on the air! It sounded like Tony had first hand knowledge of some stuff. |
| 9:16
| Steve had to shut down all phone calls because this system still doesn't put a caller on hold after you dump them. That's a huge mistake. Because Steve has to hit the button and then figure out which line to turn off in case the guy goes on a profanity spree. |
| 9:17
| Buzz is cool as a cucumber over there though because he knows Steve had it. He was watching Steve's finger under the monitors. Buzz has a button too, as does Mary just in case. If Buzz thinks something bad happened he should feel free to punch out. |
| 9:18
| Buzz can see Steve's fingers and he saw them poised, taking in the scene and then go into action. Just for a moment Buzz thought Steve had froze up. |
| 9:26
| Live read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 9:27
| Alright it's time for a Peanut Butter Jelly report. |
| 9:30
| Pat did his report from the in-laws house in Indiana, Pennsylvania. Steve told him yesterday that he needs to drop the family, they're an albatross. |
| 9:31
| Steve got a chuckle yesterday when he remembered that he told Pat that. Who says that to someone? |
| 9:32
| It was nice to hear a Sox lowlight in there, it can't all be Cubs highlights. Pete was surprised that Hawk didn't say anything for the last 3 pitches of the game. |
| 9:33
| Steve would like to say that Hawk was letting the play on the field do all the talking. Steve can't go there, he just met Hawk. This is why he doesn't like meeting people. |
| 9:34
| What is Steve supposed to say when he meets Hawk? He just congratulated him on his son getting engaged. It was all while the Sox were getting swept by the Rays! Hawks son was the only one who scored that weekend, at least for the Sox! |
| 9:35
| Steve saw DJ too so he can't say anything. And they invited him to sit in any time he wanted to. |
| 9:36
| Does Pete have that handy? Steve thinks his recreation of it is pretty good but he'd still like to hear it. |
| 9:37
| Was that game on The U? They need to do something with their sound, it's the worst. You can never hear the announcers, the crowd is way too loud. Does Steve need to go over and tweak it? He has a small screwdriver. |
| 9:38
| It's been a great season for both teams so far. The Cubs go on the road now and that's an interleague trip. They're going to Toronto first and then the Rays. |
| 9:39
| The Sox play the Rockies and the Pirates at home. Pete thinks the Sox will sweep the Rockies. They really fell off from last year. |
| 9:40
| Steve heard Bruce Wolf talking about that series last night. He thinks the Sox will sweep the Rockies but it'll just lull them into a false sense of security. |
| 9:41
| What happened with Bruce Wolf? The last Buzz heard he was out at NBC and now it seems like he's doing everything over there. He goes from the anchor desk to the weather to the sports. |
| 9:42
| Everyone is going to lose once in a while, what can you do? Sure the Sox winning percentage isn't as high as other divisions but they're in 1st. |
| 9:43
| Bruce has tried to tone it down a little bit but let's not forget that he tried to get on this show by saying it was unlistenable. |
| 9:44
| Steve thought the beginning of the Cubs game was pretty cool yesterday. It was the throwback game and the first 2 innings were in black and white and featured old camera angles. |
| 9:45
| They also had Wayne Messmer in the stands doing the public address announcements. Steve thought they did a good job with that but he was glad they switched back to color. |
| 9:46
| Pete liked how that one rooftop, that has all the years since the Cubs last won the division, pennant and World Series were switched to 1948. That's the rooftop where everything is in Latin. The guy who started that club, he's a big fan of Latin. What does that mean?! |
| 9:47
| That's what's wrong with Cubs fans, they've got the numbers up there and it's in Roman Numerals! Pete says it's just regular...whatever. Whatever? Steve thought there were Roman Numerals. So the guy must not be that big of a fan of Latin. The only Latin around The Cell are the Latin Kings. |
| 9:52
| Live read: Sport Clips |
| 9:53
| Buzz is strolling into the studio late. It's like he's Snoop in that porno that was made in his house "What's going on here?" |
| 9:54
| OK it's Friday the 13th. Christians feared the Norse god Freega, who is the goddess of the weekend. It's a Freega weekend, oooh yeah! |
| 9:55
| The Norse people considered 13 a lucky number. Mark did mention how Freega was the Norse goddess and the Christians believed she met with 11 other witches and the devil in a cave. |
| 9:56
| The movie The 13th Warrior, based on the book Eaters of the Dead, is based on the Norse idea about the lucky number 13. It sounds like Steve and Buzz have their first post-retirement movie project. |
| 9:57
| The 13th Warrior was a pretty bad movie with Antonio Banderas. Was he dressed as a mariachi in the movie? He was definitely out of place. |
| 9:58
| When the Christians took over they preached that 13 was bad. The Christians did take all the Pagan holidays and make them work for them. They did a fine job too. |
| 9:59
| 13 still works as an unlucky number although Steve's going to try to embrace as inner 13 as a Viking. Swedish is Norse right? Or is that Norway? |
