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| 5:34
| Good morning from Chicago, Illinois, the birthplace of ...something. How about Piper Kilman? Thank you for joining us, we appreciate it. It's the Steve Dahl Show live in living stereo from downtown Chicago. |
| 5:35
| We're waiting on the arrival of Steve, he's probably upstairs or downstairs. Buzz knows that Steve goes through a number of secret rituals before the show, several of them involve the killing of small animals. Paul Steve is pretty sure today is the day he kills a chicken. But then the girls from the show fry the chicken up. |
| 5:36
| Paul's going to turn things over to Steve, who's just arrived. The chicken slaughter went well today, nothing gets you going in the morning like a screeching animal and a blood-letting. |
| 5:37
| Steve's already had several small temper tantrums this morning, Buzz heard one of them. It's really hot in Steve's office, what's the deal with this building? They have computers controlling different sectors in the building and they just raise the heat so you have to complain. Steve's very close to doing the show naked and that's something no one wants. |
| 5:38
| It's cool in the studio but then it was hot in the Green Room and that's Steve's special place. That's where he keeps his love doll, like the one in Lars & the Real Girl. Buzz still hasn't seen that but it's probably available On Demand. |
| 5:39
| Buzz did finally get all of the Generation Kill episodes on his DVR. Steve doesn't mean to put too much on Buzz's place because he knows at some point he'll just scrape it off into the garbage. Buzz has room in his schedule to watch TV, right now he's just watching movies from the 50s. Yesterday he found himself watching Violent Saturday with Victor Mature. |
| 5:40
| Buzz could always watch the Sox lose, or the Cubs win. Both teams are still in first place but Steve hates the Sox right now, they suck. He's like Bernie Mac, he is done with the White Sox and he wants them to know! |
| 5:41
| Steve stayed up until 10:20 watching the Sox game. He turned it off because he knew they were going to lose. But then later he woke up and thought he'd turn it on to see a big Sox comeback. The sky looks really funky downtown, like it's the end of the world. It looks like an alien invasion is about to occur, the clouds are going to part and then there are the aliens. |
| 5:42
| An invasion would be fine with Buzz, he often prays for it. Steve did that too back when he was drinking. The aliens are here Buzz, they're going to rectally probe you. There's no way out of it, no way to negotiate. |
| 5:43
| Steve's just seen something on CNN that Buzz will enjoy. Maybe he's already seen it though. And why are people on CNN telling other people to have a good weekend? It's a news channel! Does CNN stand for the Courteous Network News? |
| 5:44
| Something has washed up on the shores of Montauk, New York. It looks like a cross between a lobster and an alien. This might be something for Buzz to investigate. Or he could just let CNN do all the investigating for him. If Jeannie Most is covering the story then someone has already figured out what's going on. She would be the reporter to do the lighter side of finding a monster on a beach. |
| 5:45
| Jack ended his all night rock fest with Cheap Trick's I Want You to Want Me from Budokan. Steve was just listening to that album while out on his walk and it occurred to him that Cheap Trick must have had a great time in Japan. When they played that show they weren't that famous here but they were huge in Japan. |
| 5:46
| Steve's looking at a line of thunderstorms extending down the I-90 corridor for any of you that care. It's just rain, not acid rain. Steve doesn't really care, today's the day he gets his car washed. Maybe he'll change it up a bit and wait until Monday. |
| 5:47
| Today's the day when Steve and Janet drive to Detroit. Depending on when Janet falls asleep during the car ride the trip takes between 3 and 5 hours. If she falls asleep early in the trip it's more like 3 hours. |
| 5:48
| Buzz didn't know Detroit was so far. It's about 300 miles but it's just easier to drive. The Detroit airport sucks, everyone there has a really bad attitude. Back in the day they used to fly there and sometimes the boys needed to be in car seats. Hertz didn't have car seats and it's illegal to not have one. |
| 5:49
| They would tell Steve to go buy the car seats and they'd reimburse him. Where is he supposed to get a car seat at 10 pm? Is he supposed to just leave his family there while he goes out to Wal-Mart? Steve just strapped the kids to the seats with duct tape. |
| 5:50
| Caller Laurie has some information about the Montauk Monster. Laurie's on her way to work, she works in a lab testing rubber gloves. For rectal probing? Does she test them on lab rats? That has to hurt! |
| 5:51
| During one of the Cubs at Brewers games a player got hurt and there was blood. The trainer came out and put on gloves. If Steve were the player he'd be offended by that. There are 25 guys on the team, you'd think the trainer would know if someone was HIV positive or something. On the other hand the trainer probably knows how much tail those players are running. |
| 5:52
| Steve once got a massage from a woman who put on rubber gloves. What kind of massage was this going to be where he'd start bleeding? Were there plans for a prostate massage? |
| 5:53
| Laurie was just listening to some news blurbs on her computer this morning. Someone was interviewing Jeff Corwin, of Animal Planet, and he believes it's a decomposing animal, perhaps a dog or a raccoon. Buzz thinks he's just blocking out the possibility that it's an alien. |
| 5:54
| Steve's not buying it, he's going to keep looking into this. It sort of looks like a dog that was skinned and cooked but it also has a beak that looks like a lobster. |
| 6:02
| Steve did a little research during the break about the Montauk Monster during the break. Of course Montauk was romanticized in song by Billy Joel in his song The Downeaster 'Alexa. |
| 6:03
| The Memory Motel is also in Montauk near the Church Estate that Andy Worhol bought in 1972. Steve has no idea what any of that means but he'll keep reading. Arthur Schneider owns the Memory Motel. Wasn't he the handyman on...what was that show called? |
| 6:04
| Buzz can picture the show right now, he watched it. That's because he's a pervert. He loved Valerie Bertenelli. Pete says it's One Day at a Time, but of course he said it in Steve's headphones. The only person who gets to talk in Steve's headphones is Mary. |
| 6:05
| Pete was just thinking he'd tell Steve so he could say "Oh yeah, One Day at a Time" So Pete's in a helpful mood today? Even when he is helpful he's still passive-aggressive. Steve likes when Pete talks on the air and other people like it too. |
| 6:06
| Pete probably wants to stay off the air because he knows it'll lead to talk about is girlfriend. Pete is not seeing the girlfriend this weekend. Did she finally realize he has nothing to offer? So far Pete has kept up the ruse that he does have something to offer. |
| 6:07
| Pete is not going to Lollapalooza this weekend but he's glad to see that the weather forecast is improving, for the kids. He does enjoy the death stories but he doesn't want mass casualties. |
| 6:08
| Well if Pete was waiting until today to get tickets he might have a problem, Steve heard last night on the radio that it was sold out. That would really surprise Pete because it's never sold out before. |
| 6:09
| On the way in today Steve saw a bunch of tour buses parked near Grant Park. They're full of musicians who have slept with our women. Steve also saw someone from NBC setting up for a live shot. She was checking her make-up in the reflection of the bus. |
| 6:10
| Penny from downstairs says it was Kim Vadis from NBC. She also said that tickets for today are sold out. That's probably because of Radiohead. Are they too popular for Pete? He's never really been into them but they've actually gotten less accessible over the years. Steve doesn't really care, he's not opening the floor to music talk. |
| 6:11
| Penny also said that Kim Vadis had to call in on the phone because they can't put their antenna up, due to the weather. Why can't she just go back to NBC, it's two blocks away! Does she really need to be standing in the giant Lollapalooza balloon? |
| 6:12
| Caller Nick wanted to let Steve know that three day passes are sold out, as is tonight but single day passes are available for Saturday and Sunday. Steve is really surprised Pete isn't going, what's wrong with him? |
| 6:13
| Pete just didn't want to spend the money, it's $200 for the weekend. C'mon! Is it because they search him and won't let him bring his fruit bag in? There are a few bands Pete wants to see but he'll probably just end up going to the after parties this weekend. |
| 6:14
| Is there an after party at Rockit North? Your chances of getting laid there are exponentially higher than anywhere else. Steve meant to say Rockit, Rocket North was some club up near the Brat Stop. |
| 6:15
| Anyway, Steve's research into the Montauk Monster has lead him to believe that it is in fact a dog. There's a website where someone says it's a pit bull but Steve thinks it's a bull dog. Look at the skull, it looks just like a bull dog. There's some sort of research facility for diseased animals on an island off the coast of Montauk, do the math. |
| 6:16
| Steve would prefer that it was an alien, as would Buzz. It's probably a dog though, CNN wouldn't let Jeannie Most do a story on an alien. |
| 6:17
| Alright we've got Patrick Bertoletti on standby. Steve just saw Patrick at Matt Dahl's gig at Subterranean on Wednesday. No part of that bar is underground though. Buzz thinks it's irony but Steve doesn't think anyone there is smart enough for that. They made Steve transfer his club soda from a glass to a plastic cup even though he'd just bought it in the downstairs bar. |
| 6:18
| And thanks to Matt for putting Steve on the list! Buzz saw Ron, of Bob and Ron, at Subterranean and he was also not on a list. It was only $7 but still. If Steve didn't put Matt on the list he'd hear about it. |
| 6:19
| They wouldn't let Steve put the Subterranean wristband on his left wrist for some reason. Buzz would have probably had an issue with that. Normally he's pretty easygoing but he might have had a problem with that. What happened to rock & roll?! |
| 6:20
| Steve's name might have been on the guest list but was it worth lowering himself to that? And then what happens if Steve's name isn't on the guest list? He'd rather just pay the $7 and pour his club soda into a plastic cup. |
| 6:27
| Patrick Bertoletti is on the phone, shalom! Steve's missing the reason for Patrick saying shalom. It's just another way to greet him. Is he thinking of converting? |
| 6:28
| Steve forgot to mention that the guy with the ponytail at Subterranean was wearing weightlifting gloves. You never know, trouble might break out even on a Wednesday night. |
| 6:29
| As Steve learned Subterranean is in the Wicker Park/Bucktown area. Everyone says it's happening but it looked funky to Steve. There were gang signs across the street! It seems like it would be a cool neighborhood if you were young and didn't mind your girlfriend being raped occasionally by a street gang. |
| 6:30
| Pete says it's gentrifying but not enough for Steve. Downers Grove is just finally getting gentrified enough for Steve. He still won't go to Westmont though. |
| 6:31
| Steve thought about making a scene over the placement of his wristband but he just wanted to go upstairs. He has become more militant about his lefthandedness though. |
| 6:32
| Yesterday Steve was at Best Buy getting a radar detector for the trip to Detroit. Over the years Steve has bought at least 50 radar detectors. Every time the boys find out he has one they borrow it and don't return all the pieces. Steve's looking this one in his trunk. |
| 6:33
| Steve went to pay for his purchase and he had to use that card swiper with the stylus for signing your name. It's not really set up for lefties though, there's always something in the way. |
| 6:34
| If you're just joining us, as Hawk would say, the Sox lost last night and the Cubs won. They actually swept the Brewers so now they're 5 games up. Steve ended up watching the Cubs game again yesterday, the whole series was more exciting. Steve might have to become a Cubs fan. It seems to just be happening. |
| 6:35
| Len and Bob do a great job calling those games and you have to like Pat and Ron. Plus the games were just exciting. Yesterday that Eric Gagne guy got tossed for throwing at Jim Edmonds and then Prince Fielder smashed his bat on home plate after popping out and he was tossed. |
| 6:36
| Steve was watching the Cubs game and it was exciting but he figured the Sox game would also be exciting. At least they'd split the series right? Pete thought it was pretty exciting in the Sox game when the Twins fans threw garbage on the field. |
| 6:37
| They were mad because they thought a batter had been hit. AJ argued that since the guy was trying to bunt it shouldn't count as a hit by pitch. AJ's quite the actor as Hawk was saying. He could have a second career if he wanted. |
| 6:38
| Then Ron Gardenhose, the Twins manager, came out to argue and he got tossed. Then the fans started throwing hats and baseballs on the field and Ozzie made them leave the field. That makes the team look like wusses and it was a complete momentum changer. |
| 6:39
| Then Hawk went into some story about being in Detroit and double teaming some girl with Babe Ruth. Well not really but it was some story about being in Detroit and his manager, Dick Williams, pulling them off the field because the fans were throwing ball bearings at them. That's awesome Hawk. |
| 6:40
| Hawk was wearing the Hawaiian shirt and Comcast fleece vest, that is always the best look. Meanwhile Len and Bob have the nice WGN polos. Ozzie shouldn't have pulled the players off the field, it didn't look good. Because then they're just cowering in the dugout shivering like little girls. |
| 6:41
| Steve got a letter from a quadriplegic yesterday. At the beginning of the show yesterday he was talking about how the Plaza Club in the Prudential Building had to install elevators because of the Americans with Disabilities Act. |
| 6:42
| Steve likes when para or quadriplegics send him letters like this. It just shows him that you don't have to be as nice to them as everyone thinks you do. They can also be mean. It's not Steve's fault this guy is a quadriplegic. |
| 6:43
| Steve certainly has a lot of compassion for people who are paralyzed but you have to admit there are a lot of empty handicap spaces out there. That's because of all the do-gooders out there. |
| 6:44
| Paul Steve was talking about how he likes to use the handicapped stalls because there's more room in them. That's really all he said. But then he got this email from a guy who has emailed before. Steve wondered if the guy had to type it with his tongue. |
| 6:45
| The guy says that Steve crossed the line with his comment about how expensive it would be to retrofit the Plaza Club with elevators and ramps. That's not Steve's opinion though, it's true. He knows how much it was cost becuase he was involved with some people who were thinking of opening something up there. |
| 6:46
| The guy takes offense to Steve's comments about using the larger bathroom stalls if he's able-bodied. In any given bathroom a quadriplegic has only one choice, the handicapped stall. Usually there's someone in the handicap stall that isn't handicapped. |
| 6:47
| Buzz can understand that. But let's use the bathroom on this floor as an example. There are two stalls in that bathroom and let's say Buzz is in the regular stall doing his business. If Steve has to also go in there he's supposed to wait for Buzz to be done in case a handicap person should come in and have to use the bathroom? He's never even seen a person with a wheelchair up on this floor! |
| 6:48
| It seems like this guy just never wants to wait for a bathroom stall to be open. Maybe if there were three able-bodied guys waiting you'd let a handicap person cut in. |
| 6:49
| Steve's favorite part is when the guy says it's apparently OK for airlines to carry seatbelt extenders but it's not OK for this guy to go to a club or use the bathroom. Steve never said that and he doesn't need a seatbelt extender but that was a slam. All Steve said is that they're not going to put elevators up there because it's too expensive so there won't be anything up there. |
| 6:50
| Handicapped people get on the plane before anyone else, there's your perk. There's a part of Steve that has to calm himself when they're getting on the plane before him. |
| 6:51
| Alright Steve still has Patrick on the phone. He doesn't have an eating contest until next weekend so we could probably talk to him next Friday. |
| 6:52
| What diet does Patrick work for? He works for Chef Freddy but he's not sure about the name of it. He's just whole grains and organic food, stuff like that. It's not a diet like Seattle Sutton. |
| 6:53
| Every time Patrick is on he mentions Chef Freddy. It's time for him to start buying ads or Steve's going to stop talking to Patrick. If Steve pulled something like this he'd get hauled into the Green Room and yelled at by Mary. She likes Patrick's mohawk though so he gets away with it. |
| 6:59
| During the break Patrick was texting Mary to tell her he was sorry. Steve wasn't really mad but Patrick wasn't saying anything during that wheelchair letter so it was time to go! And at some point Steve's not going to say "Ok, let's say hi to our friend Patrick Bertoletti." Steve is not Kevin Matthews is he? |
| 7:00
| Steve feels like we're breeding a new generation of spinelessness. Patrick, Pat Boyle, c'mon! Wouldn't you rather have Steve hassling the guy with the mohawk? |
| 7:01
| News with Buzz |
| 7:02
| One of the country's top bioterror experts is dead. It's believed he committed suicide after learning that government agents were ready to charge him in anthrax attacks in 2001. |
| 7:03
| Wal-Mart is mobilizing store managers to prevent an Obama victory in November. They believe that his victory will allow their employees to unionize. |
| 7:04
| If Barack Obama wins the election that doesn't necessarily mean Wal-Mart employees will unionize. Have you ever been to a Wal-Mart? It doesn't seem like people who work there could organize a union. |
| 7:05
| They do have cheaper prices, maybe it's because they don't have unions. But Steve couldn't see Wal-Mart employees understanding the concept of a union. Why would they pay someone else union dues? |
| 7:06
| Our own Vicki shops at Wal-Mart. Steve knows this because he tracks the shopping trends of the interns. He's really not stalking Vicki, he's seeing how she shops. Steve calls up to the office. |
| 7:07
| Vicki shops at the Wal-Mart in Countryside which is actually the one Steve would shop at. So far he hasn't run into Vicki though while he's shopping for underwear. |
| 7:08
| Vicki does a lot of night grocery shopping at Wal-Mart, they have good deals on a lot of stuff. She was just telling Jim about how cheap their cereal is. Does Jim need to be reminded that he's engaged? He's just talking cereal, that's all! Fruity Pebbles, Count Chocula, that's it! |
| 7:09
| Steve should have gone to Wal-Mart to get his radar detector, Best Buy did not have a good selection. Maybe he'll have Vicki return his after the show today. She has that to look forward to, isn't that fun? |
| 7:10
| Vicki also bought some fabric and a chair for the backyard so she can lay out. See Buzz, that's everything you like. Food, fabric and furniture, the three F's. Steve also recommends the shampoo aisle, they have a great selection and sometimes it's in those giant pump bottles. |
| 7:11
| Buzz is making a note to himself to start shopping at Wal-Mart. They literally have everything at Wal-Mart and whatever they don't have is next door at Sam's Club. |
| 7:12
| Barack Obama is still responding to John McCain's latest political ad. Yesterday Steve said that John McCain didn't seem comfortable with the direction his campaign was taking. McCain seems more reasonable than a Britney Spears ad. Turns out the guy running McCain's campaign is the same guy behind those swift boat attack ads on John Kerry. You can't disassemble Obama like you could John Kerry so it should be interesting. |
| 7:13
| Buzz just hates to see Britney Spears lumped together with Paris Hilton. Sure Britney has hit a rough patch but Paris Hilton has no talent whatsoever, even sexually. We've all seen the video, Rick Solomon fell asleep during it! |
| 7:14
| Barack Obama just incorporated this Britney Spears stuff into his campaign. Only John Kerry is stupid enough to be taken down like he was. The guy served in Vietnam and he some how looks bad next to a guy who joined the Texas Air National Guard so he didn't have to go to Vietnam and then hid out in Oklahoma. |
| 7:15
| The good news, water has been found on Mars. Tests performed by the Phoenix Mars lander of Martian soil has found water. It's the first time Martian water has been touch or tasted. Maybe they'll start bottling the water. |
| 7:16
| The insatiable appetite of paparazzi for celebrity photos was tackled by a Los Angeles task force yesterday. Celebrities, city officials and other authorities testified yesterday. Councilman Dennis Zine, who we remember from the earthquake audio, said that paparazzi are like a pack of wolves and that traffic violations levied against them are not enough. |
| 7:17
| However LA's police chief disagrees. We don't have the right audio cut in the studio, this is Eric Roberts. Buzz needs to hear this other cut though, it's sweet. Buzz and Jim need to start working together better back there, does Steve need to come back there for some team building exercises? |
| 7:18
| Jim apologizes for the error. Steve doesn't need all these apologies today, it's like he's running a Hallmark store. Can he just play the audio over the phone? |
| 7:19
| Jim plays the audio, would Buzz like to hear it again? Lindsay Lohan is gay? Steve did not know that, we might have to call Brendan is. She has that girl who's a DJ and there's rumors she might be in town this weekend for Lollapalooza. |
| 7:20
| Samantha Ronson is the girl supposedly dating Lindsay Lohan. Her brother Mark is also a DJ and he's playing Lollapalooza so there's rumors of a LiLo appearance. |
| 7:21
| What's the ruling on this, can you double team a Lindsay Lohan with your sister? You probably want to keep them separated. |
| 7:22
| A passenger on a Greyhound bus in Canada was stabbed and then beheaded by a fellow passenger. This is why Steve doesn't take public transportation! |
| 7:23
| Texas executed convicted killer Larry Davis last night. His last meal consisted for a cheeseburger, jalapeños and a vanilla shake. Maybe he's trying to cheat the system by getting salmonella from the peppers? |
| 7:24
| The jalapeños were exonerated, turns out it's the serrano peppers that are the culprits. THere was some bad water used in the irrigation of the peppers. |
| 7:25
| Police are looking into the investigation of the death of a bicyclist on Lake Shore Driver yesterday afternoon. The man was struck and killed and the driver left the scene. Why was the guy biking on Lake Shore Drive? Buzz has people looking into that. Steve can't wait to enrage cyclists. |
| 7:26
| Sometimes Steve will preview stuff that's coming up on the show, after the break. He's not sure if this counts but the Townstone Players are coming up next. That's a promo and a warning. |
| 7:27
| Every episode does feature Buzz in a fine performance as the female part. This week though David has changed things up and Buzz is supposed to play Lenny with a Southside accent. Buzz doesn't do Southside accents. |
| 7:28
| Steve has David on the phone. Is he going to have to cancel this segment? David's just going to switch things around and give Buzz the role of Paula. It's like David thinks he just came up with that, of course they're going to switch the roles! |
| 7:36
| Steve can't believe what he just did. He knew there was 15 seconds left on the break but he decided to take a bite of his food anyway. He couldn't help himself! |
| 7:37
| Live read: Stone Systems |
| 7:38
| Stephanie brought the sandwich in just as the break was began and Steve couldn't help himself. Steve calls up to the office. Stephanie has perfected the bacon bagel sandwich, this is just what Steve is looking for |
| 7:39
| The bacon bagel sandwich was Steve's hangover treat. It's bacon and butter on a toasted bagel. Steve's not even hungover but it's getting the job done. Steve took a bite at the beginning of the break but by the end of the break he knew he wouldn't be able to wait another 20 minutes for the second bite. |
| 7:40
| Stephanie got this sandwich from Market Creations which is the place that sells food by the pound. There is something appealing about getting a pound of pot roast. One day Steve hopes to have the sandwich named after him. |
| 7:41
| David Hochberg is back on the phone and he's hungry now. He only eats turkey bacon for health purposes. Steve eats that stuff on his diet but it doesn't taste the same. |
| 7:42
| If Steve wasn't on a diet he wouldn't be eating turkey bacon, not on his wife's decree. Steve can tell that David's wife decreed the eating of turkey bacon. It's not something David would do. |
| 7:43
| OK it's time for the Townstone Players. Steve will be playing the part of Lenny while Buzz is playing Paula. This is a tribute to the brilliant legal mind of Lenny Wawczak right? It seems like David has overstated his income a bit. |
| 7:44
| David read several articles yesterday trying to figure out what Lenny does for a living but he couldn't come up with it. There was a time when Drew and Lenny almost went into business rehabbing houses. |
| 7:45
| Caller Terry is recommending jelly on Steve's bacon sandwich. What is he a moron? He hasn't thought about that? It's not something he wants. Plus he doesn't like jelly, it makes him think of KY. |
| 7:46
| Steve's not sure why he's talking to Terry through this megaphone. He can appreciate Terry's idea, the mix of sweet and salty. If Steve were ordering this sandwich in a hotel he'd also get orange juice. |
| 7:47
| The jams and jellies at hotels are always risky anyway. They come in those little containers and you usually get some fancy brand you've never heard of. Where's the Smuckers?! Steve wouldn't want to commit to the jam on his bagel, what if it's not good? Then he's 45 minutes away from another bagel! |
| 7:48
| Live read: Townstone Financial |
| 7:49
| It says in the script that we join Lenny and Paula at the beginning of their consultation but it also calls for the harp sound. The harp denotes a change in time. David doesn't get it does he? He gets himself a radio show and he thinks he knows radio. |
| 7:50
| Once again, Buzz only does the old lady voice, he doesn't do a sexy voice. Steve has the feeling that Buzz can do a sexy voice but it disturbs him. He can't believe how hot he sounds! And do we really want Buzz sounding like a sexy woman? That's not a world we want to live in, where Buzz could be a sexy cougar if he just shaved his beard. |
| 7:51
| David always gives himself the best jokes in these scripts too. |
| 7:52
| Did David just call himself a mortgage cat? He was going off that email Steve forwarded him from the listener. David called the guy out on the air but he never called into the weekend show. David has to let some of this go. |
| 7:53
| David is a money lender, he's going to get some people who hate him. Read your bible, it's all in there. |
| 7:54
| Steve didn't even remember that we talked about this on the air. David was right though, this is the best time to purchase a home. That was in Crain's Chicago this week too and they'd know something like that. Steve cut that article out, made copies and pasted it all over the basement where Pat and his wife are living. |
| 8:02
| We're taking a brief intermission from our fine radio play, which will in the future be 1 page and funny. It's funny because Steve and Buzz make it funny. |
| 8:03
| It's time for the Eight O'Clock Taco Bell. It's Friday which means it's time for the Weekend Kick-off. Steve and Buzz are enjoying the Chicken Jalapeño Melts, it's quite delicious. |
| 8:04
| Steve imagines we've lost one of our actors to a union lunch break. Buzz can bounce right back, he's such a pro. It's an honor to work for him. Also Buzz was right the jalapeño peppers are also tainted. |
| 8:05
| Steve hopes this is over soon. He keeps doing it because people say it's funny. And it's not just David's sycophantic friends either, although Steve gets emails from them every Friday. |
| 8:06
| Thank God for Buzz Kilman, he saves this thing every week. Without Buzz there's be no Townstone Players. |
| 8:07
| David has put a stage direction in the script that you can't even say on the air. If it's highlighted Buzz is going to read this! Alright we're done for this week. |
| 8:08
| We need to get this script down to one page right? And don't forget Steve had to remove something else from the beginning. David might still be in business but Steve and Buzz won't be! |
| 8:09
| Alright time for the web poll. Yesterday's web poll was "Do you play with Barbie dolls?" 85% of the people said no. Steve is concerned with the 14% who are playing with them. |
| 8:10
| Today's question is "Do you have the laziness gene?" That's not something you get at The Gap, which is no longer carrying 2X clothing. Steve read it in the Sun-Times. |
| 8:11
| In 2000 Dop Troutman (Dop?) decided to make a lifestyle change. He joined a jim and lost 15 pounds before gaining it back in muscle mass. In late April though Troutman learned that The Gap would no longer carry 2X clothing. |
| 8:12
| Troutman wrote on his blog that he felt embarrassed. All he heard was that his kind wasn't welcome there. Really? He should be more worried that his first name is Dop but whatever. |
| 8:13
| The Gap decided to stop carrying 2X in it's spring catalog. They still make 2X but you have to order it online. The Gap was Troutman's favorite store, shopping there was a relief from the stresses of working in HR for a not-for-profit. |
| 8:14
| Now the store is a constant reminder that he's not welcome any more. C'mon! Steve sees a lot of fat people and they all have clothing on. Hasn't this guy ever heard of Casual Male or Rochester's? |
| 8:15
| Troutman tried to contact Gap's customer service but was not given any appeasement. What exactly does he want The Gap to do? |
| 8:16
| The only positive for Troutman is that he feels a connection with other large-size consumers. All this guy did was bulk up. If he was fat before wouldn't he be used to this? |
| 8:22
| Alright today's web poll is "Do you have the laziness gene?" Steve think he does but he's not sure. He works pretty hard but he's still pretty lazy. Steve's done alright for himself but who knows what could have happened if he'd applied himself more. |
| 8:23
| You know who is lazy, Pat Boyle? We can't get him on the show before 8:30. The show starts at 5:30, does Pat know that? Steve wanted to bring Pat on in case he wanted to chime in. |
| 8:24
| Have you ever wondered why you can't get yourself off the couch even if you have a gym membership or have been scolded by your doctor? The lack of inertia could be coded into your genes. So it's not even Steve's fault! |
| 8:25
| Intriguing studies in animals by J. Timothy Lightfoot and his team at UNC-Charlotte suggests that genetics may indeed predispose some of us to sloth. J. Timothy Lightfoot? That sounds like the name of a bad DJ on WLIT. |
| 8:26
| Steve's guessing you can find lot of lazy people to study in North Carolina. Steve does work out but he hates, hates, hates it. He dreads it before, he hates it during and he dreads having to do it the next day after he's done. |
| 8:27
| Lightfoot and his team bred two strains of mice-active and inactive. They crossbred two generations of the strains and ended up with 310 mixed offspring. |
| 8:28
| At 9 weeks old the mice were housed in individual cages and given an exercise wheel. The wheels in the cages of active mice remained moving all night. The sedentary mice devised ways to avoid activity. One shoved wood shavings around the wheel and turned it into a bed, one used it as a toilet and one climbed on top of her wheel to get a better look and overhead sensors. |
| 8:29
| Steve dropped out of high school so he didn't have to read stuff like this. He might be done with this article. So just blame it on your parents if you're lazy. Steve's dad used to work out but his mom didn't, maybe that's why Steve is half-assed about it. |
| 8:30
| Steve's really glad he had Pat on for this segment, he really added a lot. Alright it's time for sports. |
| 8:31
| Last night Pat sent Steve the rundown for Sportsnite and it was Sox light. But to be honest after watching all four of those Cubs games they deserve to go first and be on the longest. |
| 8:32
| That game yesterday afternoon was exciting so the Cubs deserved to go first. Those games at the Metrodome are never exciting, even if the Sox are winning. That place drains all excitement out of you. |
| 8:33
| Then the Twins fans started throwing hats on the field and Ozzie made everyone leave the field. It's just hats! They're in Minnesota, they're not going to get hurt. That was a huge momentum changer. |
| 8:34
| Pat was going to start off with the Sox and Ken Griffey Jr. He's going to be playing center and Nick Swisher has said he'll give up his #30 if Griffey wants it. Swisher said he would take #1. Didn't they retire Lance Johnson's jersey? |
| 8:35
| Swisher would no longer be Dirty Thirty though, he says he'd be The Dirty One. That guy spends a lot of time on all of his little quips. He wants to be a broadcaster after he's done playing but he's trying too hard. |
| 8:36
| So who's going to play first then? All Kenny Williams is saying is that they won't be playing guys based on their previous numbers. So who's playing first? |
| 8:39
| The Cubs take on the Pirates at 1:20 today, also on Comcast. That's a full day for Comcast. The Cubs completed their sweep of the Brewers yesterday. The Cubs beat the crap out of that team! |
| 8:40
| The Brewers were the ones unraveling yesterday late in the game. Eric Gagnè hit Jim Edmonds on a 3-0 count and he got thrown out. Then Prince Fielder popped out, broke his bat on home and then got thrown out. |
| 8:41
| Steve tried to watch Comcast yesterday for trade deadline coverage but instead it was World Series of Poker. They should try to show more poker on Comcast, it's completely boring. |
| 8:42
| Steve switched to ESPN and for the whole time they were saying Nick Masset's name with the silent T. They were making it French and no one corrected them. |
| 8:43
| They covered the trade deadline for three hours and they had a countdown clock and then at the end it was over and there was no trade. The Manny Ramirez trade was last minute so it wasn't reported until later. |
| 8:44
| Steve switched back to Comcast to see a very troubling PSA from the National Poker Players Association. The guy in the ad said that they're taking away his right to play poker, what's next? He's right, what is next? Steve doesn't even know what the guy is talking about but he has to join this organization. |
| 8:45
| Pat heard a lot of Sox fans saying they were surprised their team went after Griffey because of his age and his numbers being down. Look at Jim Edmonds though, he's the same age as Griffey, he came to Chicago with numbers worse than Griffey and we've seen a resurrection. |
| 8:46
| The Cubs were very politically correct after that 4 game sweep. The Cubs didn't have to do anything, the Brewers came completely unglued on their own. |
| 8:47
| No one seems to know why everyone's right to play poker is being taken away. They might want to explain that in the PSA. |
| 8:48
| Brett Favre is considering taking the deal from the Packers to not play football again. Pick a lane Brett! You never know how much money you'll need if you're never going to work again. |
| 8:49
| Caller Greg can tell Steve about why his rights to play poker are being taken away. It's mainly about the online poker at offshore websites. Two years ago Congress passed a bill about banks moving funds offshore which affected these online poker websites. |
| 8:50
| Greg got an email about how his Congressman had voted to take away his right to play poker. It was some sort of attempt to curtail terrorism but it also affects PartyPoker.com |
| 8:51
| Now that all the legit websites have gone down it's caused the more unscrupulous websites to surface. They're outlaws so they don't care what happens and they probably don't pay out. |
| 8:52
| Steve thinks Pat needs to look into this poker stuff, it could be an Emmy-winning special report. |
| 8:53
| So Brett Favre might take the $20 million from Green Bay to never play again. Steve doesn't want to see that happens, he wants to see this play out. |
| 8:54
| Steve wants Brett to come here but that will never happen. If the Packers are willing to pay him $20 million to not play there's no way they'll trade him to the Bears or Vikings. |
| 8:55
| Kyle Orton has been looking pretty good in practice. The Bears first pre-season game is next Thursday and they haven't flipped a coin to see who starts. You can't flip a coin for that! |
| 8:56
| What's the deal with this Chris Williams guy that the Bears drafted? He's got the bad back, he hasn't practiced once! |
| 9:04
| That's Hawk from last night's Sox game as Twins fans were throwing things on the field. Steve had quarters thrown at him on stage at Harpo's. That's when he was stripping right? |
| 9:05
| Tom Thayer is here. He remembers when the Bears were playing in New England on year and McMahon got knocked out. As he was being carried off the field the fans were pelting him with all kinds of stuff. |
| 9:06
| Tom's here because he was recording some commercials for Bears broadcasts and because he loves Steve. Was that Fellowes shredder commercial? |
| 9:07
| Tom's wearing the Frank Sinatra hat, it's the same one that they made him take off when Steve was at lunch with him last week. Tom didn't mind taking it off but Steve did. Tom's an '85 Bear, he can do anything he wants! |
| 9:08
| Then when Steve ordered a bad club sandwich Tom took it and switched for his skirt steak salad. They're brothers. |
| 9:09
| Steve has been listening to WBBM when he's walking and Tom and Jeff are doing a good job with their reports. Tom listens to the show when he's around campus but there's some slight static from the college station. |
| 9:10
| We're trying to do a broadcast down there. A lot of Bears fans that Tom runs into keep asking when he and Jeff will be on the show. |
| 9:11
| The first pre-season game is Thursday, Tom will come on Thursday morning if Steve wants. Then Jeff can come on on Friday? |
| 9:12
| The Bears still haven't decided who's going to start at QB. Lovie said he'll probably make the decision after the San Francisco game which is the third pre-season game. |
| 9:13
| Buzz read in the paper that the QB situation is not looking good. When you have two QBs that means you don't have one. One day Rex has a good practice and then the next day Kyle steps it up. That sounds awful. Can't we flip a coin and then shoot one of them? |
| 9:14
| Why can't the Bears ever get a QB that sticks? In the course of a franchise's history how often do they get a chance to draft a QB that sticks around for a long time? |
| 9:15
| The last shrewd QB draft the Bears had was McMahon. The Bears probably thought they were drafting long term solutions with McNown and Grossman. McMahon was a good QB even if he didn't last for a long time. |
| 9:16
| Tom thinks that McMahon probably would have been there for much longer if they had the kind of offseason monitoring that they have now. Back then you pretty much didn't see anyone during the offseason. |
| 9:17
| What about the Brett Favre situation? It doesn't seem like he should take that $20 million, that's not the point of all this is it? Tom thinks the only solution is for Aaron Rogers to come out and say that Brett should start and he'll be ready to go as his back up. That's the smart money. |
| 9:18
| If Aaron Rogers goes out there and struggles this year he's only losing money for himself. But he could be the hero of Green Bay if he says Brett should start. |
| 9:19
| Steve just realized that we should have Tom on after the game so he should be on next Friday and Jeff next Thursday. If we have Tom on on Mondays though will he be too tired from the night before? |
| 9:20
| People always ask Steve about Tom and Jeff because they do a great job in the games. They've got a good thing going. It's not a coincidence that their calls keep being used on NFL Films. |
| 9:21
| People love football here. As good as the Cubs and Sox are doing, people love football. Wouldn't it be great if Kyle Orton could step up this year? |
| 9:22
| Tom thinks the Bears are a better team than they were at the end of last year. The tight ends are stronger and Devin Hester will be a better wide receiver. They've got more of a game plan with Devin on offense. |
| 9:23
| This year when Hester is on the field the other team won't always know if the ball is going to him. Sometimes it will be and sometimes he'll be a decoy. That makes Steve feel better. |
| 9:24
| That Forte guy seems to be pretty good, plus Kevin Jones will start healing up and you can tell he really wants to play. By the time Forte starts to feel some burn out then Jones will be ready to step in. |
| 9:25
| Steve feels much better about the Bears now which is good since they already have his money. Does Tom want to stick around and take some calls? Only if Steve wants him o. |
| 9:31
| It's best that the Bears don't think about Brett Favre. It's like Steve thinking about dating Pam Anderson. Tom thinks Favre and Anderson are similar, do you really want to date Pam Anderson? Steve would, he could show her a thing or two about boating. |
| 9:32
| Ron Turner's going to have his hand's full this year. Steve heard him no sports radio the other day. Tom Waddle asked Turner if he'd want either of his QBs in with the game on the line. |
| 9:33
| Ron Turner said that it shouldn't ever come to that. It didn't make Steve feel very good. It sounds like Turner didn't want either QB in with the game on the line. |
| 9:34
| Tom thinks his point is that the QBs can't do everything, the defense has to stop the opponent and the o-line has to do more. |
| 9:35
| What's the deal with this Chris Williams guy? Didn't they know they were drafting a guy with a weak back? |
| 9:36
| Tom remembers a game in Indy when Jay Hilgenberg was having back spasms. He couldn't even move, he was just laying in front of his locker. So he took an weight belt and tightened up so he couldn't feel the back pain and played the game. That's how Steve likes his football. |
| 9:37
| Caller Dave feels a lot better about the Bears after listening to Dr. Tom. He's starting to wonder about the o-line though, if Chris Williams is going to start how long will it take him to be in sync with the rest of the o-line. |
| 9:38
| Chris Williams is going to get a chance to watch the o-line work in the pre-season games. After the third game they should start getting more in sync with each other. |
| 9:39
| Steve has heard that one of the reasons the QBs are struggling is because Olin Kreutz has been out a lot. Tom doesn't think that's it though. Guys do want to play better when he's in the game though, he's one guy you don't want to cross. |
| 9:40
| That's probably because Olin could break your jaw with his fist and he's willing to do it. That's the key, willingness. |
| 9:41
| Caller Barry is wondering if the Bears are going to be using the tight ends more in passing plays. They'll have to do start doing that, both in blocking and pass receiving. How's G-Reg doing? |
| 9:42
| Barry is wondering if the Bears are going to keep using Hester in only one route when he is the receiver. Last year that's what the Bears did so the defense was able to line up against it. |
| 9:43
| Hester is willing to go across the field and open himself up for injury but it means that he can run different routes. |
| 9:44
| Steve's really starting to feel a lot better after talking to Tom. Tom would like to see the Bears get some sustained offensive drives in the first few games to take the pressure off the defense. |
| 9:45
| Steve remembers being irritated last year that everyone just assumed the Bears were going to lose the first game in San Diego. They could have won it with just a little offensive output. |
| 9:46
| Tom did think the Bears would lose that San Diego |
| 9:47
| Caller Rich has a quick training question for Tom. Normally Steve handles the training questions but he'll let Tom do it. Rich's son is a guard on his football team. The coach is telling the guards that they have to run a mile in 8 minutes or below and Rich was wondering if Tom has ever heard of that. Are we going to see Rich on TV fighting with that coach? |
| 9:48
| It sounds like the coach is evaluating the wrong thing for his team. The speed doesn't really matter for the offensive line as much as their ability to read the defense. It sounds like the guy is just wasting time. |
| 9:49
| Caller Kelly temped last year at Halas Hall in the fall. What does that mean? She filled in for the receptionist when she was on vacation. The reason she's calling is to tell Tom that she thought he was the hottest guy there. At least it's not a pregnancy scare! |
| 9:50
| The fact that Tom is always seen with Joniak helps a lot, that's good marketing. That's also why Tom hangs out with Steve a lot. |
| 9:58
| The way Tommie Harris talks about training camp it doesn't sound good. Thanks to Tom Thayer for stopping by, he's the best. Buzz loved seeing him in the Frank Sinatra hat. |
| 9:59
| Steve still can't believe they made him take that hat off, he's an '85 Bear. He does whatever he wants. He could grab the hostess and do whatever. '85 Bears can do anything, they can take your girl, they can kill your dog, they can borrow your car and never bring it back. That's how it's done and it's done no other way. We give back forever to them. |
| 10:00
| Next Friday this broadcast will be at Arlington Park. We'll have more details next week but the broadcast will be at the Terrace Cafe from 5:30 to 10. Breakfast is $7 for adults and $4 for children and parking and admission is free. |
| 10:01
| The first 100 people who show up get breakfast for free, on Buzz. He can swing $700 but he's hoping some kids show up, they're cheaper. |
| 10:02
| Steve is trying to arrange races between listeners but no one is taking him seriously. He also wants to be able to bet on the listeners. It must be illegal but Steve can't see why it would be. He wants them running full races too and they'll get a share of the purse if they win. That's fair enough. Maybe you get a photo finish here and there but hopefully none of the listeners need to be put down. If they do then their family or group is comped on breakfast. |
