 |
 |
|
| 5:34
| Buzz, instead of turning his headphones down when they were too loud, instead threw them and said AH! |
| 5:35
| People are dong special stuff out at Arlington. Mornings are crazy here/ |
| 5:38
| To the Bears. Orton and Grossman are unbelievably bad. It was uninspired football. |
| 5:39
| Little Z (Mark Zerang's brother) is betrothed. Steve wants to know what happened, did he get somebody knocked up? Every year his Christmas card is him in the middle of a cheerleading squad, which will apparently continue. |
| 5:40
| Little Z is engaged to a nurse. Buzz assures everyone that nurses are freaks too. |
| 5:41
| Steve says the Bears broadcast sounded good last night. He and Tom worked out last night, strength training. Tom took Steve to the East Bank Club. Buzz finds this funny. Buzz pictures them eating somewhere, not working out. |
| 5:42
| Steve was supposed to meet Tom at 11, but though it was 12, so he was late. Tom was texting Steve so he showed up and Steve just missed Chet Coppock. He is the reason Steve has not been to the East Club before.Who wants to see that working out? Or naked with a raccoon towel in the showers? |
| 5:43
| Steve had a chopped Mediterranean salad poolside. Steve is amazed by the East Bank. It is like a city. He had his hair cut, bought a car, ate a salad, and had his taxes done. |
| 5:44
| You can't mess up on the Bears broadcast. For Steve, people listen because they like him. But everyone listens to the Bears, so you can't mess it up. Steve found it nerve wracking, but thought they sounded really good last night. |
| 5:45
| Buzz called shotgun in Stephanie's car this morning on the way to Arlington. They had a nice chat. Buzzy even put his hand on her thigh. Coffee in one hand, Stephanie in the other. Steve wants to know if they shared a mutual hatred of him, but Buzz assures him he was spoken of only in glowing terms. |
| 5:53
| Buzz and Steve are in the Terrace Cafe at Arlington Park. It is called the terrace cafe, guess why Buzz? Because it's a terrace. Buzz notes that the horses are just running willy nilly. |
| 5:54
| Steve talks to Buzz as a horse, which also sounds like Johnny Cash. Does Steve want Buzz to call him by his horse name? |
| 5:55
| Steve had three horses. Aloha Friday was shot, maybe even right on the track. The worst thing about horses is, they eat every day, and they still suck. |
| 5:56
| Steve's horses were part of a partnership which is now dissolved. Buzz points out that aloha actually means both hello and goodbye. Buzz thinks shooting the horses on the track sends a message the other horses: there are things worse than losing. |
| 5:57
| Steve's first horse was Stevebiscuit, who is still racing down in Florida. Steve created a virtual stable with him in it so he could get updates on him, but he can't make it stop. He tries to burn down his virtual stable, but it's not working. It just irritates Steve because he doesn't own him anymore. |
| 5:58
| Steve gets similar e-mails from porno websites, but he swears he doesn't know how it happened. Aloha Friday got put down just for having a bad attitude. |
| 5:59
| His third horse was Afternoon Pick Me Up. Turns out, he is afraid of other horses, which limited his racing days. Buzz thinks it should work because he would run quickly away from the other horses. Steve doesn't know where he is, either at a camp giving pony rides or in a can of dog food. |
| 6:00
| Or he is being served in food in Beijing at the Olympics. Buzz again notes the frolicking horses. Steve says they are breezing, not frolicking. |
| 6:01
| Breezing sounds more professional. Buzz thinks whatever it is, it looks fun. Steve says it would be the best park of his day, without people judging him. |
| 6:02
| Buzz now thinks Steve's horse impression sounds like Bill Clinton. Buzz decides to call the horse Stever. |
| 6:03
| Bill Clinton is in Zambia with Kate Snow, right where we need him. |
| 6:04
| The horses look down on mules because they are sterile. Buzz isn't sure why they are talking about mules, since he doesn't see any. |
| 6:05
| Buzz and Steve continue to discuss the mating rituals of donkeys. To a donkey, getting with a horse is like a supermodel. |
| 6:06
| Buzz wants to thank someone. Steve thinks we should do a good show first, then thank people. Abraham Sheik from Taxi With Us offered Buzz a free ride to Arlington. Steve is mad that Buzz never thanks him for anything, but this random guy offers him one thing and he gets thanked on the air. Steve thinks Buzz made a better choice going with Steph. |
| 6:07
| News with Buzz |
| 6:08
| The 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing begin today. It technically happens in an hour, but we don't see it till primetime. Steve is going to either order Chinese food for dinner or eat one of his dogs, to be thematic. |
| 6:09
| Steve wants people to leave the Olympics alone. Steve wants none of our products made by the Chinese to cost more, so just leave them alone. |
| 6:10
| The Pentagon is threatening to hold Osama bin Laden's driver indefinitely for supporting terrorism. Buzz notes that he wasn't working exclusively for Osama. |
| 6:11
| This guy did have rocket launchers in his car. But over there, those are basically road flares. One of Obama's advisors claims that the negative ads featuring Paris Hilton are to blame for Obama's dip in the polls. |
| 6:12
| It turns out Paris Hilton is a genius. Steve knew this when she wasn't into Rick Solomon. She did that video in only four takes and without a teleprompter. Buzz and Steve agree she looks hot in her bathing suit. |
| 6:13
| The Secret Service arrested a Florida man for threatening to kill both President Bush and Democratic nominee Barack Obama |
| 6:14
| Uh oh. A siren is going off at Arlington. Does Steve get to go home now? Is it just a signal to the horses? It means there is a loose horse out on the trash. Brendan, jump on its back! Stever says he don't need no stinkin' jockey, he knows how to make left hand turns. Steve wants that horse! |
| 6:15
| That's how you save money on a jockey! That horse was buck wild. He was looking for a mare. He's gonna do one right in front of the scoreboard. Next time Steve's bringing a BB gun to shoot people off horses just so that will happen again. |
| 6:16
| Back to news. Steve wants to know how hard it would be to be a bounty hunter. It doesn't look that hard. The man arrested for threatening Obama and Bush said he would shoot Obama if he was elected. |
| 6:17
| Steve corrects Buzz's pronunciation of cache. The wild horse is captured but not happy. Steve is going to buy him and then Buzz will ride him home to impress people. |
| 6:18
| Edwards has a deadline to save his spot on the national stage. He needs to address the National Enquirer claims that he is a love child. If he does not, they will not allow him to speak at the convention. |
| 6:19
| Steve thinks Buzz is the only person reporting this. Buzz agrees, but thinks it's weird. In LA, they have been told not to touch the story. Buzz is indignant about this. Steve thinks if a guy is trying to hard to look slick, he is definitely nailing chicks on the side. |
| 6:20
| Steve thinks Buzz should go to the convention and make a scene. Buzz is upset that people will refer to the story on TV, but not say it as it actually is. Steve doesn't think it would be bad to get to a place in this country where guy's can do whatever, and no one will care. |
| 6:21
| Detroit mayor spent the night in jail for violating his bail bond. The judge ruled he violated the bond by taking a trip to Canada without notifying the court. The Rolling Stones are being credited for bringing a sixty-year-old man out of a coma. |
| 6:22
| If Steve is ever in a coma, the first record he ever brought was Hello Mother Hello Father by Allan Sherman. It was the beginning of his love of the parody song. Buzz says if Steve is in a coma, he will sing it to him. Steve would prefer a harp. |
| 6:23
| A New York man who pleaded guilty to murder in Oregon will get a feast of KFC, Popeye's, carrot cake and ice cream as part of his deal for pleading guilty. |
| 6:24
| This man also got married this week to Vanessa Davis, who Buzz notes is not the Chicago blues singer. Buzz is the only person who knows who that is. |
| 6:33
| The engineer at the studio very conveniently lives in Aurora, so it only takes him four or five days to get to the studio. Meanwhile, Jim is in a puddle. |
| 6:34
| Buzz is upset because he hears himself coming back. Steve, too, has his own acid flashbacks. This morning Jim was being talked down by Pete. This is not good. If Pete is calming you down, things are bad.
|
| 6:35
| Steve has been dealing with it all morning, Buzz. Who's the pro? Steve got his letter from Columbia stating he was kicked off the Board of Trustees framed. It was a scam. |
| 6:36
| He wanted to teach a class. He wants to be Professor Dahl. But they would only let him pay money. They pretended like they were going to let him teach, but they never did. He told them to give him a class of hot young girls or forget it. |
| 6:37
| Steve could have a beard and a pipe and take the girls out for cheeseburgers and whatever they want to drink. Next thing you know, Steve's on the dance floor. Anyway, they kicked him out. |
| 6:38
| His favorite thing about how stupid they are is how they don't even know how to hide the email addresses in emails going out to people telling them to come to a meeting, where they do nothing but eat danish. |
| 6:39
| The framed letter will be impressive when we conduct tours. |
| 6:40
| Another horse fact from Stever! Buzz, did you know, all horses regardless of when they were born, have a common birthday of January 1? This is why most horsemen don't want foals to be born later in the year. Stever still sounds like Bill Clinton! Steve wants him to sound like Mr. Ed. |
| 6:41
| Buzz has a feel for the horses. Steve wants everyone to know that he has a goat there keeping him company. Buzz wants to know where it is. Steve's kidding! To horses, goats are like dogs. Buzz would just eat the goat anyway. To clear things up, there is no actual goat. Just Brendan. |
| 6:42
| Here's what Steve remembers about his horses. Peppermint, carrots, and the pet goats. Brendan remembers the killer birthday parties on January 1. Poor Buzz really started looking around for the goat, he was worried the goat would eat his news script. |
| 6:43
| Time for the web poll. Who would you like to be the starting quarterback at last night's game? Obviously, Kyle Orton was the favorite, but that was before the game. |
| 6:44
| Buzz's wife went out with the girls. She left with a small cooler of margaritas, so he was stuck babysitting Piper and forgot about the game. He is SO embarrassed. He sat down to watch the news and saw the score of the game and was upset. |
| 6:45
| Steve understands, if your wife leaves with a pitcher of margaritas, that's upsetting. She went to see A League of Their Own at the park, but no one paid attention. |
| 6:46
| Rex made a touchdown and Kyle Orton did not, but Steve doesn't think Rex looked better. What is Kyle Orton supposed to say? 0"I couldn't be more mediocre." |
| 6:47
| Steve likes Kyle, but how many more chances can we really give him? Buzz wants to know who the guy we got rid of last year was who he liked. The Bears always give up the good guys with bright futures. Who needs them? We have Rex and Kyle! |
| 6:48
| Steve is interested to hear what Tom Thayer is going to say about all of this at eight. Steve's wondering if we'll get Chad Pennington. Buzz thinks we had a Chad before. Yeah, Chad Hutchinson. Surfer/quarterback. |
| 6:49
| If Steve was a Jets fan, he'd be happy about how the Favre thing worked out. If he was a Packers fan, he'd be inconsolable. Steve has rocks in his garden smarter than the Packers coach. The general manager looks like a freight train is going to him any minute, or like he's having a stroke. |
| 6:50
| And the president of the team is just a cocky jerk. "Brett Favre? Psh, we don't need him!" |
| 6:51
| Today's web poll question is, Are you....Let's take a break and then hear the question. |
| 6:58
| Steve misses the Sopranos. |
| 6:59
| Brendan is on the phone! Loud and clear! Buzz is confused, he thought Brendan was sitting right there. Now Brendan is out in the sun. Oh, great, because the sun is such a pinpointed spotlight. |
| 7:00
| The jockeys are chilling by the rail, talking jockey talk. There are Big and Tall shops, are there Small and Short shops for jockeys? |
| 7:01
| Does Brendan have any questions? He wants to know if the web poll is coming up yet. |
| 7:02
| Brendan thinks these are some fine looking animals here. Steve points out that their butts are pointed at Brendan. That's illegal in Illinois Brendan, go up to Wisconsin if you want to do that! |
| 7:03
| Thank you for that fine update, Brendan. Steve notes there are a ton of horses out on the track, not that he knows which horses they are. But Steve thinks if you came out here and watched you could tell which horses have t together. |
| 7:04
| Brendan wants to know if the Arlington Million is tomorrow. Is Brendan Larry Kinging Steve? Yes he is. Why yes Brendan, it is tomorrow. That's why Steve and Buzz are here, to promote it. |
| 7:05
| Steve and Buzz are moments away from the breakfast. Steve wants to enjoy a bagel sandwich. That's all he eats now, he expects to be dead by next Tuesday. That Atkins diet is getting good press now, Buzz points out. |
| 7:06
| STeve is getting some great content from Brendan here, hearing all about the fine-looking horses. |
| 7:07
| Let's talk to Deep Dish. He's usually incoherent and babbling at six, so let's see what happens at seven. Now, did Steve get some crazy booty e-mail from Deep Dish at 3 AM asking for representation? That had to be the tail end of some drunken evening, reassessing his life and future. No, Patrick was at work. |
| 7:08
| Note to Steve and Buzz: Keep coming in to work, no matter how little they pay us, so we don't end up like Mike North. Buzz points out still, we are talking about him. Steve says it's not in a good way though, he believes there is such a thing as bad publicity,. |
| 7:09
| He's sure Mike and Garry will land on their feet, probably in the fast food industry. It's a good way to meet new people! When you order, Mike will make you have a name and then hound you with sports info. |
| 7:10
| Can we get the Mike North and Ozzie tape? This is where we realize what Pete does all day. Though he sits in his studio, mad as a hatter, what he does is important. We do not have the personnel to get that tape right now. |
| 7:11
| What's happening there, Patrick? He is getting ready to go to Czech Republic next week for a plum dumpling eating contest. Buzz wants to know if Patrick makes this stuff up to get on the air. |
| 7:12
| Steve can hear someone talking, we have a loose microphone. Brendan thinks it was Jim talking back in the studio. Jim was on the phone with Pete. Steve heard his name and thought he was being entered in a race. More electronic kinks to work out, or, Jim could just keep his yapper shut. |
| 7:13
| Jim was on the phone with Pete, looking for the Ozzie video. Steve thinks this is cute. Typical Pete, Steve has moved on, but Pete is still looking for it! |
| 7:14
| Sorry about that Patrick, we know Professionalism is your middle name. Major League Eating is sponsoring this plum dumpling eating contest in Prague. Patrick is ranked #2 now, but he's pretty sure he'll be #3 soon because of the hot dogs. Buzz wants to know if his poor showing was his fault. |
| 7:15
| Patrick is the Keith Richards of the professional eating circuit. Patrick wishes he could blame it on the groupies, but he doesn't think he can. He needs to hone eating hamburgers before his next competition. |
| 7:16
| Patrick says this is weird competition. As opposed to the other eating competitions, where you eat 500 jalapeños for no reason? No, this one is weird because you can't drink anything. All you can have is melted butter on the table. Steve says he could eat a couple hundred plum dumplings. |
| 7:17
| Steve warns Patrick not to get all cocky, he gets kind of like the Tortoise and the Hare. Then he ends up puking. Patrick is not going to dress up this time, he's just going to go in with his game face and just do it. His buddy wants to play board games for the first hour. Buzz thinks Patrick is surrounding himself with bad people. |
| 7:18
| Patrick honestly thinks he is a knucklehead. He doesn't think that all the competitive eaters should spend so much time together, they are all too much alike. Competitive drinking is not a good way to celebrate a competitive eating contest. |
| 7:19
| One time, they were in San Jose and Patrick and another guy had a gallon of beer chugging contest. It can't get any gayer than that. Steve wants to know if there are really competitive eating groupies. Patrick's girlfriend is one, he met her at a competition. |
| 7:20
| Patrick met her last year for 2 seconds, then saw her again at his regional. Buzz wants to know if she travels the competitive eating circuit. Steve doesn't think groupie and girlfriend should be used in the same sentence. They should be kept separate, but you shouldn't besmirch either group. |
| 7:21
| Steve is shocked that she didn't dump him after the hot dog eating contest at Coney Island. His friend was trying to make out with her there, but she was too busy holding him up. That's when he knew she was a keeper. Patrick's stories are so satisfyingly beautiful, Steve can really tell he is in love. |
| 7:22
| We won't talk to Patrick next Friday, because he'll be in Prague. Patrick wants Steve to call him off-air so they can chat. Steve thinks they should text. Patrick wants to continue their bromance cross-country. Steve likes Patrick all right.
|
| 7:23
| If Steve didn't like Patrick, he wouldn't have him on the show. Steve wants him to figure out he time difference and call in next week anyway. |
| 7:24
| Patrick can't complain about this, he's getting a free trip to Prague and he's heard it's nice. Steve points out there are a lot of prostitutes, Buzz tells him to bring extra money. |
| 7:25
| Steve tried to let Patrick go, but he doesn't understand. What don't people understand when Steve tells him he's letting them go? It's not Patrick, it's everybody. |
| 7:26
| Patrick is going to Reno. Steve doesn't want to know that yet, he only wants to keep up with Patrick one event at a time! Patrick is such an idiot, why does Steve like him? He's likeable, but he's an idiot. |
| 7:31
| Live Read: Gladstone Homes |
| 7:32
| Time for another horse fact! Adult horses have teeth several inches long, most of them are below the gum line. |
| 7:34
| Our horse racing expert Joe is here, Steve's not sure why we call him that since he's never given Steve a helpful tip. He does the handicapping for the Daily Herald, plus now he's online. He's gone national. |
| 7:35
| Steve thinks he's commendable because horse racing is what he likes, and he's figured out a way to make a living at it. Joe wants to know if Steve is going to stay. Um, no. He might come back. Don't put so much pressure on him. |
| 7:36
| When we were on in the afternoons, Steve would bet. He would usually lose and leave minus five hundred. Buzz would hardly ever bet, but if he did, he would always win. |
| 7:37
| Steve liked the wheels where you could bet that basically something would happen to basically every horse. Steve now just likes to bet based on the names of the horses. |
| 7:38
| What is this horse doing, Joe? He's coming off a breeze. Steve likes that how that sounds. I'm just coming off a breeze, man. |
| 7:39
| Not just anybody could come up to the rail and figure out which horse is horse. Steve could ask because he's not just anybody, he's somebody. |
| 7:41
| The headphones reminds Steve of the Bears last night. However Brian Urlacher looked like he was on the wrong channel, seemed like he was listening to hip-hop. |
| 7:42
| We'll have Tom Thayer on at eight, for some post-game. Buzz points out that he can be used for some comforting, too. Steve already did some texting with Tom last night and apparently it wasn't very comforting. |
| 7:43
| Steve forgot that Buzz missed it because of his wife leaving with a pitcher of margaritas. That's understandable, Buzz. A couple of times Eric Kramer would forget he was being paid by the Bears, and he would try to spin it positively. "I don't mean it in a bad way that they suck...." |
| 7:48
| Live Read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 7:50
| Did you know a hinny is a cross between a stallion and donkey? Variety is the spice of life. Hinny's are sterile, for good reason. |
| 7:51
| Web poll: Are you attending West Fest? |
| 7:52
| Is Pete going to West Fest? It features two hubs. Three was too many last year. There is live music, and a lava DJ stage. |
| 7:53
| Pete says it's your basic outdoor festival, with DJs playing music and people drinking in the streets. Steve wants to know why these people are famous for playing other people's work. |
| 7:54
| Pete is sure Steve must have had heard of Girl Talk, a prominent example of such DJs. Is this something where Pete would go dance his ass off with his lady friend? Yes, it is. |
| 7:55
| Another loose horse signal. Do you think they are getting free? |
| 7:56
| No, they are still fenced in. |
| 7:57
| Steve got thrown from a horse, but he got back on. But after it threw him the second time he didn't get back on. Buzz got thrown four times and he got back on. |
| 7:58
| Buzz was trembling and his whole nervous system was going crazy and he thought that he would give it a try. But he thought that he would give it a try. But he thought if he went on for a fifth that would just be stupid. |
| 7:59
| Tom was on a horse once. He didn't like it that much, it wasn't that fun. Horses don't like Steve. |
| 8:00
| Tom thinks that Steve should take a horse to work since it is a perfect time of the morning. |
| 8:01
| There is no scheming by the Bears defense. Kansas City put more emphasis on game planning early in the preseason than the Bears did. |
| 8:02
| Will Tom please tell Buzz that Steve really worked out with Tom yesterday? |
| 8:03
| Tom tells Buzz to come with! Buzz wants to know if they went tanning for half an hour, as well. No, but they did have lunch under an umbrella. Buzz chuckles. He still doesn't believe Steve. |
| 8:04
| Tom only gives Steve a 15-minute leeway for being late. Tom was sitting there waiting, he thought Steve was going to stiff him. Steve only missed Big Chet by about two minutes. Luckily Tom had calmed down at the end. |
| 8:05
| Buzz can't stop laughing at the thought of Tom and Steve working out. Tom says Steve is very coordinated and a natural weight lifter. Steve likes being with Tom there, since he's from the 85 Bears, it's like being with a king. |
| 8:06
| Tom says they're going to do it at least twice a week. Buzz will be impressed with Steve's physique at the end of football season. Steve and Tom discuss a very intense treadmill Steve used. |
| 8:07
| Steve likens the treadmill to the high seas. Up on the deck, Steve was impressed with the pool scene. Tom's no dummy, he's not going there just for the weight. He's goes for the hot girls. Maybe they'll bring Buzz along sometime. |
| 8:08
| Steve wants to know how he has never set foot in there before. Tom insists they only used one small section. It's an impressive place. Buzz always figured that Tom Thayer would be going to a bare-bones place, very Eye of the Tiger. |
| 8:09
| Growing up, Tom worked out in a two car garage. Steve feels that after you have to work out for your job, you want a more luxurious weight-lifting scene. This is the time to cash in on the fact that you're Tom Thayer. |
| 8:10
| Steve went to the bathroom for one minute, he comes back, and Tom is talking to a chick. Tom is the man! Tom says you need motivation. To motivate Steve, Tom used the women in bikinis at the pool, and it worked. |
| 8:11
| Steve even ate a salad for lunch, and Steve frowns upon salads, especially for lunch. |
| 8:16
| Eight o'clock Taco Bell! |
| 8:17
| Big meeting after the show to talk about these technical glitches. Steve recommends earplugs for those who will be attending. |
| 8:18
| Tom thinks eight AM is a good time for a taco. Steve had his first fish taco with Tom Thayer in Hawaii. Tom makes mean fish tacos, he perfected his fish and chicken tacos this past winter. |
| 8:19
| Buzz isn't really sure how you get anything done in those surroundings, with all the distractions. Buzz can mock it all he wants. When Tom makes the motivation the top floor bikini deck, Steve Dahl will work all day long to get there. |
| 8:20
| That Forte guy looked like he's the real deal, right? He has Adrian Peterson as a nice backup to him. Wait till Kevin Jones comes around, he wants to play now. Once that happens it'll be amazing how much better the running back position will be than it has been the last few years. |
| 8:21
| You can talk about quarterbacks and running backs, it's really going to be up to this offensive line.
|
| 8:22
| This disc surgery really was the best thing for Williams. Tom had this surgery in the off season and then played during the next season. It sounds worse than it is. Chris Williams will be fine, according to Tom. If he's the difference between winning the division or not, forget it. |
| 8:23
| Williams will be more confident, since he won't be cautious anymore. Anybody that plays offensive or defensive line, you're going to have some kind of back issue. |
| 8:24
| Tom had his back surgery about 12 years ago, and his back has been fine ever since. The offensive line did really well last night. They did better this game than they did concluding last season. They have some quality guys in the background who each day are a step closer to ensuring a job. There's some depth. |
| 8:25
| Also some guys who are playing better than they had in the past couple years, Tyler Reed for example. |
| 8:26
| Steve wants Caleb Haney. At first he wasn't even good but he's made magnificent strides in training camp. He did a nice job. The better you play in the preseason, the more coaching they will invest in you, which is what you want. |
| 8:27
| Caleb did everything that was asked of him, but the true key is for these guys to go back and watch the tape and coach Rex and Kyle to see what they do in a different setting. |
| 8:28
| Tom wants to say that there were a couple difficult throws where Rex made good throws, which is what he needed to do. Steve saw a lot of open guys that Rex didn't see last night. |
| 8:29
| Rex doesn't have the luxury to drop back and look around. Steve says he can do that and eat a chicken wing. Tom says it's a toss-up between Rex and Kyle for who was the best last night. We'll see when we get more realistic scenario next week. |
| 8:30
| Steve still thinks it's time for the Caleb Haney era. |
| 8:31
| Tom says it was a difficult game. Steve says the next sixteen games look real difficult. Tom says not to cut off our toes just yet! |
| 8:32
| Is it too early for Steve to cut the sleeves off of his t-shirts? Buzz wants to know if we feel better after talking to Tom. It is just the first pre-season game, but Tom seemed to be working too hard to stay upbeat. |
| 8:33
| Live Read: Townstone Financial
Time for David Hochberg and As the Mortgage Turns. David wants a lift to rise up through the center of the stage. This is disturbing for Buzz, to do this in front of David. It's ok, Steve has a cardboard bag to put over David's head so they can't see him. |
| 8:34
| David's wife would tell you the bag was an upgrade. In fact, he might even be a two-bagger, just in case something happens to one. |
| 8:35
| The truck driver is married to Betty, and they both have low credit scores. Betty hears on Steve's show it's a great time to buy a house. They only have 3,000 dollars. But David is honest and won't screw them. |
| 8:36
| David overuses the harp. It's supposed to represent time passing! Betty and Tony call David after faxing him their information. Tony's credit is bad and Betty's is terrible. David is trying to tell them the truth. |
| 8:37
| David tells him they can't buy a $100,000 house. What can they do to improve the scores? They should use their savings to pay off their credit card debt. |
| 8:38
| Buzz steals the show. David says it would be financial suicide to buy the house. They should use the money to pay off the debt, which will improve their credit scores, and then they can look at houses. |
| 8:39
| It may take them a year, but it will put them in a position to buy the house. |
| 8:40
| Tony and Betty thank David for looking out for their best interests. They didn't hang up on David this week! |
| 8:48
| How awesome and exciting it is when Steve and Buzz see the horses run around wild and the siren goes off!? |
| 8:49
| The siren heightens the excitement. Buzz, did you know that horses cannot breathe through their mouths? Stever did, because he's a horse. |
| 8:50
| Buzz thinks that explains the large nostrils. If you wanted to kill a horse you could just stick corks up its nose. Steve like the breakfast. |
| 8:51
| There are over a hundred people there with Steve and Buzz at Arlington. The first hundred got free breakfast. Steve doesn't want to become a sellout and have Pete hate him. |
| 8:52
| Buzz says Arlington couldn't be nicer. Steve thinks it's wonderful and he really knows his racetracks, on account of his vices and his past stable. |
| 8:53
| Steve's dad was once in the pony picture industry. It almost makes radio seem dignified, which isn't really true. But in Steve's family it is. |
| 8:54
| Presently Steve doesn't own horses, which is fine by him. But every time he talks to his dad he asks him if he does. Steve feels like his dad must know he doesn't, but he asks anyway. His Uncle Bob in Florida is in the horse racing industry, in fact he was up at Arlington recently. |
| 8:55
| That's the same uncle that invented the cake dome. He's made a lot of money off of that. |
| 8:56
| His uncle started out with Cakes by Wire. You could order a specific cake and get it sent, but nobody wanted that. But to convey the cakes from bakeries to home, he invented the cake dome, which made him a fortune. It's a lesson in perseverance. |
| 8:57
| If Steve were to throw in with someone, it'd be Uncle Bob. He loves Steve, too. What's not to love? The Arlington Million is tomorrow. It should be beautiful, like today. |
| 8:58
| The Jack crew is here, giving away things to promote the station that nobody would ever do anything with except throw out. There are Steve t-shirts, beer mugs and James Blunt tickets. Oh and refrigerator magnets! Steve is just giving Jill a hard time. |
| 8:59
| We're also giving away lunch at the Arlington Million Room tomorrow, you can register to win. Does everyone like their empty beer mugs? Can't wait to throw them away? |
| 9:00
| Steve wants Jill to come talk to him before she orders forty thousand empty beer mugs next time. Run these things by him. |
| 9:01
| Steve is enjoying bagel bacon sandwiches today, prepared by our own Stephanie. |
| 9:02
| Ed is bothering Stephanie and is possibly inviting her to Sully's for dinner later. Would she like a dirty martini waiting at the bar? |
| 9:03
| Steve would like to see pictures of hot girls up on the website after the broadcast. Oh, and maybe David Hochberg too. Mr. FInancial Universe! |
| 9:04
| News with Buzz |
| 9:05
| More than 100,000 fans, including President Bush, at Bird's Nest Olympic Stadium in Beijing for the opening ceremonies. Bush gave a pep talk to our athletes. |
| 9:06
| Steve is interrupting Buzz's news to share something. A man approached from behind to sign a shirt. Steve asked Brendan with help for signing it. However, Brendan put the shirt on his back and leaned over for him to sign. It resulted in Steve grabbing Brendan's sword. |
| 9:07
| Brendan assures us that Steve's touch was gentle. Buzz warns Steve against jump-starting Brendan's grinding mechanism. Steve didn't even hate touching Brendan's junk. |
| 9:08
| Steve even managed a great signature. He's a professional. |
| 9:09
| News with Buzz! Osama bin Laden's former driver has been sentenced to spend five and a half years behind bars. Even when his term is up, the Pentagon will continue to hold him. |
| 9:10
| Random House has decided to postpone publication of a novel on Islam titled The Jewel of Medinah. The publisher has decided the threat of violence by a small sect of the Islam community is too great. |
| 9:11
| Chicago cop now off her beat after demanding free coffee and pastries from several Starbucks. At one point she drew her gun,. Steve wants to live in a Chicago where people don't report that. Buzz thinks the gun may have ben the issue. |
| 9:12
| A flight attendant accuses Joel Osteen's wife of assaulting her |
| 9:13
| The mayor of Berwyn Heights, Maryland demands an investigation after a SWAT team shot his dog and tied up her mother-in-law. |
| 9:14
| A Detroit mayor spent the night in jail for violating the terms of his bond. The IL governor has enforced a photo plan on the interstates to enforce speeding. Steve says it's impossible to go 55, everyone will get a ticket and it won't work. WHere is this extra money going, to doing Rod's hair? |
| 9:15
| One person is in custody in Chicago after a stabbing in a sub shop. A 55-year-old woman killed her 77-year-old boyfriend after he drank some of her beer. |
| 9:16
| Tony Granetz, a horse trainer, formerly from the Steve Dahl stable of horses, is now mic-side. |
| 9:17
| Tony has a live auction coming up here at Arlington to benefit the currently disabled jockeys. Since Steve doesn't own a horse, Tony wants Steve to get a picture of a horse. |
| 9:18
| Every time Steve comes here, he wants to get back in it, it really is fun. Tony has a horse in tomorrow who has had three seconds so far, hopefully tomorrow is his day. |
| 9:25
| Live Read: Woodfield Nissan |
| 9:27
| Steve thinks that the horses know who wins and who loses. Buzz agrees. |
| 9:28
| Buzz wants Steve to know that it was twenty years ago today that the Cubs had their first night game. It actually got cancelled. Steve thinks the best part was when the 91-year-old guy who flipped the switch on the lights got electrocuted. |
| 9:29
| Steve knows he was doing a broadcast, but he doesn't know how it went or where it was. He does know he was hammered. Steve is eating. Now that he pumps iron with Tom Thayer, he has to keep up his caloric intake. |
| 9:30
| The only thing that Buzz knows for sure they have at the East Bank Club is a juice bar. Matt Dahl met R. Kelly there, Brendan wants Buzz to know. |
| 9:31
| Steve mocked it for a quarter of a century but he liked it. Being there with Tom Thayer doesn't hurt though. He talks to the girls the whole time. He's the highest profile 85 Bear that we have. |
| 9:32
| Tom is the official face of the 85 Bears. Steve doesn't think they could have picked a better one. He is on TV and radio, and he's footloose and fancy free. Steve likes walking behind him trying to keep up on his little legs while Tom talks to the girls. |
| 9:33
| Buzz's theory is when these guys get married they disappear. Steve appreciated yesterday that Tom was discreet about changing the pin in the weights before passing them to Steve. |
| 9:34
| Did Buzz know that the normal horses small intestine is 70 feet long? Buzz knew that. No, he didn't, just kidding. He's actually horrified. That's troublingly long. |
| 9:35
| Joe is back, he handicaps horses for the Daily Herald. Steve doesn't mean that he disables them, he just makes the odds. Joe wonders where that came from. Steve thinks maybe it comes from golf. Joe works ahead, right now he's working on Sunday. |
| 9:36
| The total purse money for tomorrow has gotta be around 2.5 million, according to Joe. The purse for the big race is a million, so the first place winner gets 60%. |
| 9:37
| Steve wants the secretariat race to be actual secretaries. Is that the road Steve Dahl wants to go down? No. |
| 9:38
| Joe wants Steve to go in on a pick three partial wheel bet with him on the races tomorrow. Buzz interrupts, he wants to know what's up with a guy who is kicked back. He's a hip hop jockey! |
| 9:39
| Steve had to be fingerprinted because of the horse racing, which he regrets. Now he's in the system. He just wants to be a burglar. |
| 9:40
| Steve wants to know if there's a simple version for how Joe does this complicated betting. Joe repeats the question, which doesn't help Steve. |
| 9:41
| Steve and Joe are going to try and bet the winner of each of the three big races. They are going to get multiple tickets of this same thing. Steve doesn't think this sounds worth it, he can make more than that in a couple hours at a car dealership. |
| 9:42
| For more money Steve can go sign some pictures at a car dealership for people who love him, meet some people who's lives he's changed, then go home in just about two hours. But you go ahead, Joe, and have fun with your little wheel thing! |
| 9:48
| That clip reminds Steve of one time when he and Phil Rosenthal were on a flight on the way to Vegas to do a show and they were watching the movie Seabiscuit and they both started crying. |
| 9:49
| They both pretended it was allergies or dry plane air to avoid the shame. |
| 9:50
| For 25 years Steve and Buzz have been making fun of the East Club Bank and now Steve's just there. Tom's locker is really far from the showers, so for Steve walking to the showers was a walk of shame. |
| 9:51
| Did you know that a horse has a wide range of vision? A horse can see all around his whole body except for small blind spots directly in front of his face. This is why it's important not to walk up in front of a horse, because you are in the blind spot and they will kick you. |
| 9:52
| Steve's dad was a rodeo clown. Steve said that earlier in the show but Buzz claims he doesn't remember. |
| 9:53
| Steve's family had a crazy horse that ran away through the streets of his town but ended up coming back to the stable. It was exciting, the police were out, he ran up and down the streets. Steve was amused but also ashamed. |
| 9:54
| Steve lived in a town where a lot of wealthy families had mansions, and they ended up subdividing the lots. Steve's horse was stabled at the Zane Gray estates. |
| 9:55
| Joe and Steve are working on their bet for tomorrow. Steve wants to go in for $100,000 but Joe says he's lowering his odds. Steve's going to give Joe a hundred bucks and he better win. |
| 9:56
| Joe got Steve into the partnership in the first place. Joe claims Steve loved holding the leash. |
| 9:57
| Steve and his sons forgot to tip the waitress at the Bears game last night, and he has the same one all year every year, and he's upset. He will take care of her next time, he completely spaced and just left. Buzz thinks she deserves the money just for remembering last year's order. She remembered Matt's drink order from last year. |
| 9:58
| Steve's sons are the biggest tippers of all time, when they're using Steve's money. But if it's up to them, they never tip at all. |
| 9:59
| Steve learned from Matt that Brendan auditioned to be the turtle in the Comcast commercials, the Slowski. It's perfect for Brendan! How did he not get that!? He'd be living the high life right now. |
| 10:00
| Brendan has to mute the commercial when it comes on. It haunts him. It could have been him on that luge! Maybe he could be the sloth in a different commercial. He' s never going to hear the end of this now! |
| 10:01
| Thanks for coming everybody! |
