Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I have spent the better part of Tuesday afternoon listening to “Have You Seen Her” by the Chi-Lites, so that I can get the timing down for the long awaited and much promised Drew Peterson version of said song. I had forgotten how much I like the original version, but I’m sure that will be obliterated in our minds for all time by Drew’s version of the Chi-Lites classic. There is a sweet fuzz guitar in the original that is so sparse and so soulful it makes me long for the good old days of sweet, straight-up R&B. I miss the Afros, the leisure suits, and the co-coordinated dance steps. Bro, do I sound old and out of touch.

I saw in the Sun-Times on Tuesday morning that Drew is still very handy with the ladies. They are coming up to him in bars, leaving notes at his house, and performing drive-by make out sessions. It’s hard to imagine anyone falling for him at this point, but I might just be bitter because no one leaves me messages in my mailbox or drives by and blows me kisses. No women are doing that, anyway. I get a lot of weird stuff from plumbers and delivery guys. Maybe I’ll go hang out with Drew down in Bolingbrook and be his wingman. Drew attracts good-looking women, but they don’t seem too bright. Then, again, he’s no Einstein either.

I was just told by an inside source (seriously) that Drew will be giving an interview soon. I guess somebody met his price. I wonder what something like that costs. Do you have to pay by the minute, or per interview? What’s a reasonable fee to a Drew Peterson? Does he wear the Old Navy hoodie, the Parrothead shirt, or the suit? I’m sure he would be happy to answer all of these questions for me, but I’d have to pay him first, and thanks to the stock market fluctuations recently, I am not totally “liquid.” If they ever get enough evidence to actually charge Drew Peterson with anything, I bet he accidentally makes “liquid” in his pants.