Friday, February 1, 2008

Don’t worry, Buzz and I are on Strorm Watch. We’ll have school closings on Friday, if we think they are merited. The last time we had a storm around here it wasn’t bad enough to close the schools, yet several schools did close, and we refused to report them. It is part of our misguided take on No Child Left Behind. We (the Chicagoland area) are only expecting 6 inches, or as Amy Freeze on Channel 32 said on Wednesday night, “a half a foot.” That is how I’m going to market myself from now on. It’s almost a half a foot. It does sound like a lot more, even if it isn’t. It’s kind of an audio optical illusion.

If we get that much snow by Friday morning, you can count on The Steve Dahl Show to be your Storm Information Center. We will be on full alert. We will steal weather reports, traffic reports and school closings from WBBM AM 780. We will have fake traffic reports from Tyrone is his “choptater.” We will try and stay calm as the world as we know it comes to a virtual standstill. That is my fervent hope anyway. Not that I want our world to come to a complete standstill, but the more time you spend in the car listening to the radio, the better it is for Buzz and me. I don’t want to be selfish, but that’s just the way it is.

I know many of you still think you need real traffic reports, weather reports and school closings, but you don’t. All a real traffic report is going to do is bum you out with how long you’re going to be stuck. Traffic reports NEVER do anyone any good, and hearing them every 10 minutes won’t make it any better. Here’s the weather report: It’s going to snow. As far as school closings go, aren’t you a member of your school’s calling tree? Of course you are, so relax and enjoy a heaping helping of fake information. I’m sure some actual helpful information will accidentally get sprinkled in there as well. I am trying to coin the term "fake-o-tainment."