Monday, April 14, 2008

I don’t know if you got he chance to see Drew Peterson on Larry King Live on CNN on Friday night, but it was painful. Sadly, Larry King is such an idiot that he didn’t even really know anything about Drew. Consequently, Drew wasn’t able to riff the way he normally does in an interview. He did manage to utter a few gems, like “For all I know she could be dancing somewhere.” That’s right, friends; Drew thinks that Stacy might be out there somewhere stripping because “She loves male attention." If that’s true, I’m all for forming a search party, getting out there, and looking for her immediately. We can start at The Admiral Theater. They’re now open until 6:00 a.m.

I see that the car spindle sculpture in Berwyn is for sale on eBay. The starting bid is $50,000 with an additional $100,000 needed for shipping. I like the spindle, but maybe not quite that much. It would really make a splash in my backyard and I could also rent it out as a cell tower. I don’t think your neighbors can tell you what you can put in your backyard if it’s art. The First Amendment covers that. Down in Florida, Al Goldstein, the editor of Screw magazine had a sculpture of a hand flipping boaters the bird on the Intercoastal near Fort Lauderdale. It’s not there any more, but Al might have moved. I know he fought hard to keep it up  (so to speak).

I ended up watching the Masters Tournament on Sunday, and I found it to be no more or less exciting than baseball. In fact, I always find golf courses extremely relaxing. It’s just the act of playing golf that I find alternately irritating and pointless. I have only probably played golf maybe ten times in my life, and I’ve never really had any sort of lessons. I took a few once from a guy who would walk all the way to the back of a driving range with me just to make sure that I didn’t miss getting bitten by all of the mosquitos that lived back there. There were never any golfers at the front of the range, but we always went to the swamp in back. Kind of like Deliverance.