Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to see Hillary Clinton drink her “shot” of Crown Royal but she really didn’t drink the whole thing. She just took a sip of it and that was after she put down her beer. It’s been a while since I have been drinking or stoned (with the exception of my accidental weekend cough syrup overdose), but I’m pretty sure it goes shot and then beer. She drinks as well as Obama bowls. Why do we have to see the candidates doing all of this common people stuff anyway? If I wanted to elect a regular person off the street, I’d vote for my neighbor. I want a leader, not a bowler or a woman who can drink like one of the boys.

It’s Monday afternoon and I’m watching Comcast SportsNet and they have competitive team fishing on right now. That’s a joke, right? There’s a league for fishing? I’m not just talking about a bass tournament; these guys have sponsors like Yamaha, Chevy, and Wal-Mart. They have cameras on their fishing caps. There’s even a pro fishing fantasy league. I guess you can make a league out of anything has people competing for it, but fishing is a new low. Wait, they just threw a fish back because it was too big. Why would anybody do that? Now that I’ve said that, maybe I should try and invent a competitive eaters fantasy league.

I suppose you have to take every threat seriously, but are we going to start shutting down every school that has something that resembles a threat scrawled out in the bathroom? If I were a kid, I would write things in the men’s room that would keep me from having to go to school. This is particularly true of the high, middle, and elementary schoolers. They have nothing to lose. College kids are paying money to go to school and will ultimately have to make up the course work, but if you haven’t had time to study for all of your finals, grab a Sharpie and head to the toilet to buy yourself some time. What happened to just drawing penises and calling girls sluts?