Monday, April 21, 2008

For some reason that little pope fella is growing on me. At first, the whole German thing put me off, but he seems like a cute old man. I like my popes grandfatherly. It seems like everybody likes him, except those S.N.A.P. people. They were abused, so I guess they have the right to still be angry. There were times during my teenage years that I would have paid all of my paper route money to get someone to abuse me, or at least show a perverted interest. If I were abused, I’d really try to move on, or at least incorporate it into my sexual repertoire. Would you mind grabbing that candle and putting on the funny hat and robe?

The baby in the stroller who fell into Lake Michigan on Friday reminded me of the time that Pat Dahl pushed a fully strapped-in Mike Dahl into the pool up in New Buffalo. Luckily, I was swimming laps in the pool at the time and witnessed the “splashdown.” Mike’s eyes got really big and then panic started to set in. I pulled him out and put him on the deck. Nobody was paying attention (except maybe Pat) and I never got the credit that I felt I deserved for the save. Perhaps that is why I overcompensated and became a PADI Rescue Diver. Those Chicago Fire Department divers are the coolest. They found that kid in zero visibility.

Ryan Dempster of the Cubs was the lucky guy who caught the first pitch from swimsuit model Marisa Miller on Friday. Then he went on to beat the Pirates on Sunday. I bet he beat more than that over the weekend. I don’t know what either Marisa or Ryan’s marital or dating status is, but I hope Ryan followed up on that. The White Sox, on the other hand, were in St. Petersburg with an inflatable banana and a bunch of third-rate wrestlers (my apologies to Dale “The Demon” Torborg). Sometimes it seems way better to be a Cub, and a Cubs fan for that matter. The hottest thing we have on the South Side in a bathing suit is Minnie Minoso.