Tuesday, April 29, 2008

First, let me say that that truck driver from Michigan who plowed into those people waiting for the bus and going to catch the El in Chinatown last Friday should be arrested just for the way he looks. Also, what the hell is the deal with those pants? How about buttoning them? He really needs to start buying his shirts at a big and tall store, too. I think I could play him in the movie, if I just grew that bad 70’s mustache and put on about 50 pounds. I’m pretty sure that I’m a better driver than he is, and you can check my urine any time you want. My whiz is as clean as a whistle. It’s like urine from a mountain spring, but don’t drink it.

I saw that Laura and Jenna Bush were out in Naperville on Monday encouraging kids to read. Why do kids need to be encouraged to read? Don’t they make them read in school? Who cares if they don’t want to read; they have to read anyway. That’s why school sucks. Mrs. Bush and Jenna have apparently written some sort of children’s book that will get the kids hooked on reading like a party girl on meth. I doubt that. Aren’t Dr. Seuss’s books good enough anyway? I mean One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, and Green Eggs and Ham are timeless. The Cat in the Hat is a masterpiece, and Horton Hears a Who is an underrated work of genius.

Tuesday marks the 25th anniversary of the Lee Elia rant, and we will have the man who was there to record it, Mr. Les Grobstein, on the air with us on Tuesday to relive the tirade and the events leading up to it. I know what happened afterwards. He gave it to Garry Meier and myself, and we banged it into the history books. As it turns out, Lee was right on the money back in the day. That was back when the Bleacher Bums really were bleacher bums and Wrigleyville wasn’t even called Wrigleyville. It was a bad neighborhood (or at least dicey), and the buildings were dumps. A lot has changed in twenty-five years, but the Lee Elia tape is still a classic. And print it!