Friday, May 30, 2008

Patrick ‘Deep Dish” Bertoletti will be joining us in-studio on Friday. He is being followed by a camera crew from The Food Network as they do some sort of documentary on him prior to his competing in the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island on the fourth of July. In Detroit, they call their hot dogs a Coney Island, but they have chili, mustard and onions on them. At Nathan’s on Coney Island they just call them hot dogs and they serve them with brown mustard. What a crazy mixed-up world we live in, huh? I will make sure and put lots of “product” in my hair for the Food Network since I’ll be competing with a Mohawk for attention.

Where the hell do those moronic kids at Northwestern get off saying that Mayor Daley is a crummy commencement speaker? The guy’s a hoot. Nobody gives a better speech than he does (especially if he’s on a roll). He also happens to run the third largest city in the country very effectively and has done so for several decades. I guess they wanted Barack Obama, or the Dali Lama. Do the NU kids realize that without Richard Daley there is no Barack Obama? I didn’t think so. Also, have you ever heard the Dali Lama speak? He’s a snore. He puts you right to sleep. That’s why they booted him out of Tibet. He kept putting everybody to sleep and they kept falling off of the mountains.

If they don’t get that girl who said that she had a three-way with R. Kelly and the alleged underage victim on the stand in Kelly’s trial soon, I think that I will burst. We have been waiting all week (well at least I have). If you haven’t had a chance to catch any of our “Gavel To Gavel” coverage of the People v. Robert Kelly, you need to get with it. Brendan is at the courthouse every morning at 5:30 and ready to report even though nothing really happens until after 10:00 a.m. I shouldn’t say that nothing happens; two “roach coaches’ deliver breakfast, and Brendan delivers a stellar account of the previous day’s proceedings. He’s been taking notes and making some courtroom sketches too. He is a cross between Woodward and Bernstein, Geraldo Rivera, and Lurch.