Monday, July 28, 2008

What kind of a wire-wearing person assaults Drew Peterson in the parking lot of his own barbershop? I guess all hell broke loose in Bolingbrook on Friday when the brilliant legal mind of Lenny Wawczak shoved Drew Peterson in the back after a heated argument about Drew giving Lenny’s 20-year-old kid the “evil eye”. I’m sure it’s none of my business, but I think that Drew gives everybody the evil eye and the kid is 20. He’s a former suburban police officer. That’s what they do. They also know the law, and they know that pushing someone is called battery. Touch someone in an uninvited way and get ready to be arrested. I speak from experience on this one. Even if you’re right you get arrested.

What happened at the Sand Bar party on the Chain-O-Lakes and what happened when Girls Gone Wild showed up? I had never heard of the Sand Bar until last Friday, but the thing sounds like a total blast. It’s the suburban version of Chicago’s Playpen party. I was in New Buffalo all weekend and every time I tried to tie up to someone else’s boat they hailed the Coast Guard. How am I ever going to get a rafting party started if I keep having to go through Coast Guard safety stops? I’m starting to feel like Cedric Benson without the athletic ability and the dreadlocks, but still with several white women on my boat. I am still gainfully employed too.

And speaking of the Bears: How about that Devin Hester? No wonder he came back to camp, they put $15,000,000 right into his pocket. Even if they actually dock him $15,000 per day for the two days of training camp that he missed, according to my calculations, he still comes out way ahead. He could make $43,000,000 over the next four years, but he’s guaranteed the $15,000,000. I like typing all of the zeros. It’s a chance to see where the money I sent the Bears for my season tickets goes. I hope Devin is getting some advice on how to take care of all of that newfound wealth. It seemed like he was somewhat running amok with the NFL minimum of $445,000. Even that’s a lot of zeros.