Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I don’t know if you got the chance to hear Ben “Call Me Beijing” Gay’s report from the Olympics in on Monday morning, but he gave us a comprehensive rundown of some of the more overlooked sports, like water polo, weightlifting, and badminton. He also mentioned that he was nearby when the in-laws of the US volleyball coach were stabbed and claims that he yelled “Rotate!” in an effort to get the assailant to move on to the next victim and eventually jump to his death. That seems a little far-fetched to me, but that’s his story and he’s sticking with it. I wonder if the assailant had a Ginsu knife. Or is that a Japanese thing? I don’t know Asian cutlery like I’d like to.

I hope that I never become part of the file footage for stories about fat people on the news. Every time they talk about obesity, smoking, or drinking too much, they show file footage of people who epitomize the very problem or affliction that they’re reporting on. The smokers are always the grossest, but fat people are a close second. That’s why I always wear my “Fuck You!” belt buckle. I’m not kidding; it really does say “Fuck You!” They cant’ use that footage, no mater how tempting my belly might be to them. It’s possible I’m on some drinking file footage (or B-Roll as they call it), but it’s probably very grainy and dated since I stopped drinking 13 years ago.

I wasted most of Monday afternoon trying to beat my iPhone in a game of Scrabble. I bought the Scrabble application from the iTunes store, and I am obsessed with beating the computer. I’m not sure if it’s technically my iPhone, because the program came from EA Sports, but I like thinking that my phone is not only smarter than I, but also out to get me. It knows how to maximize all of its moves. It’s really quite irritating and also quite remarkable. I just keep using elementary and middle school words and losing. Every once in awhile I get off a good one, like “zed,” but my phone always one-ups me by waiting until it gets a double word or letter score.