The Steve Dahl Show – August 28, 2012
In this heightened state of political madness, our very own Head of State, Steve Dahl, has his own suggestions for how we should proceed in this great country of ours. A few points that Steve thinks are key in his proposal for Dahl-Care to save us:
1. Use of “Mallet Finger” to help guitarists who just don’t like to use traditional picks.
2. Install a mobile pig-slaughtering unit in Humboldt Park, it may be less bloody.
3. If you are a woman, be warned that you may currently be wearing the incorrect bra size and that you may need to host a “Bra Party” to learn the truth.
4. Make sure your husband doesn’t announce your pregnancy on air to millions of people before you’ve told your mother.
5. Screenings for skin cancer and for ice cream left on skin, just to be safe.
6. No Mini Golden Doodles allowed on any tables, at any time.
7. The Army Corps of Engineers are like the B-team of engineers and should not be trusted for large jobs of any kind. Harbors, levees, etc.
8. Mark Zuckerburg is an ass for inventing Facebook. And should be asked to move away somewhere else and take his comments with him.
9. Full screening for dental hygentists that may bear a striking resemblance to past vice presidential candidates is required at all times.
10. If you’re a senator, your family can get access to insider trading information? Really? We’re all fucked, people!