The Steve Dahl Show – September 11, 2012

Pants are wonderful and useful. They can hold many objects and help keep you organized, while on the go. However, pants should not be used to do certain things, like smuggling monkeys, for example. They really don’t like the confined environment, and you may be forced to remove one, should you be in Delhi and smuggling more than one primate onto a plane with your buddies, all of whom are named Al.

Your pants can be used as a shield to keep you dry after a sweet guitar, placed right next to your genitals, gets you overly excited. Soiled and stained underpants of the one of the most famous men that ever lived don’t seem to be too useful to anyone, though. You may want to just find another way to feel close to The King.

Attention young, dumb idiots in Florida: do NOT use your pants, even if they are sweet camouflage cargo pants, to clean your gun or you may end up with something more in those pants than you bargained for. In fact, probably best to not point any firearm in the direction of your penis. Put your pants on carefully today, one leg at a time, and make sure you’re not using them to smuggle anything illegal, clean a gun or as a sexual stimulant. You may just get more than you bargained for from those pants.

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